“HEARTFIRST” is, Forgiveness to myself, and what I had to go through. Never once did I become cold, every time I fell, I still got back up. Many will say I am heartless or selfish, when it’s the exact opposite. You wasted my time, and walking away was the best thing I ever did. Choosing not to be the second best is another choice I am glad I made. Once you get to the point of learning how to forgive yourself. You will never go back to past, but you will also understand why everything happened the way it did.
The metaphor for a type writer is physically writing out how bad this year has been. Many would say with time the siring pain would go away, but it’s quite the opposite. If I learned anything this year, was to show the other side of me that can be quite mean. I know how to create fear and make it known that a line was crossed. Sometimes giving the cold shoulder is the only thing you can do to protect yourself, but also to show that you mean business. When you mean business that’s when they come crawling back. I’ve learned to be so chill, that the one trying to get emotion out of me only embarrasses themselves. They only create drama to get a rise out of you, but when that doesn’t work, they keep changing their story. To the ones who broke my confidentiality, don’t come running back asking for forgiveness or think I forgot. You can keep showing up, because the guilt is eating you alive, and you hate the fact that I healed, but have nothing to do with you. You can keep begging for forgiveness, but you crossed line while violating HIPPA. You’re scared because the ball is in my court, well good maybe now you will understand that your actions have consequences. I never tell my next move. I always move in silence, for this very reason. Now you know how I felt, but this will never change my view on you. You exposed yourself and now you have nothing to hide behind. The mask fell and you feel exposed, well good. I have no pity for you. You lost your job and reputation, when you deserved prison. The type writer of anger, that eventually turned into strength . Two individuals who didn’t know how to keep their mouth shut, got what they deserved . I have no mercy, sympathy or pity for you. You should be scared of me, since you were the one who put yourself in this position. The typer writer of therapy and eventually becoming someone who care less about seeing you ever again.
27 Dec 2024
So Productive
You know you’re good, when you can do it with a broken heart. So much happened in one year, and I still made it. A lot of it was miserable, but I still handle it. Making Dean’s list twice, having a job promotion, and many more amazing things happen. Something that miserable, a beautiful
moment bloomed. Everything happened the way it did, for me to heal. While many things I went through, was teach others a lesson they needed. It also showed me the strengths I didn’t know I had. No one knew the majority of the battles I dealt with, but I still survived. Many will continue to hold a grudge and play the victim, but that has nothing to do with me. I would rather grow and evolve, not be stuck in the past, blaming others for my mistakes or holding a grudge. All that is doing is keeping their life at standstill. So productive was remaining focus on the end goal, and the end goal was to accomplish the goals I had planned years ago.
27 Dec 2024
Compass
Many will show back up years later, pretending like nothing ever happened. No apology or excuse could replace how you felt throughout all these years. It doesn’t matter if it’s six years or more it still doesn’t change what happened. It’s putting the salt in the wound, but not letting it heal. I may eventually forgive, but not for you. Once the compass turned the door out to my past. You will no longer be welcomed to my future. Water may be under the bridge, you can forgive but you don’t forget. The ones who keep showing up only do because of the guilt and misery. That’s not something I have to live with. Ghosting someone, going behind their back to speak to their friends, instead of being straightforward with you. This is not my problem, I moved on with my life. A cheater will always be that way, doesn’t matter how many years go by. You will have to live with that mistake, but showing up six years still doesn’t change anything, but at this point you rather move forward to heal, then to be stuck on something you didn’t deserve or cause.
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