Mike Matthews - My thoughts after 62 years on this planet on family, public education, cooking, and life.

About Mike Matthews - My thoughts after 62 years on this planet on family, public education, cooking, and life.

I've a father, husband, wanna-be-athlete, cook, and retired public school teacher, high school principal, and superintendent. I have a few thoughts about all of this. I put out posts every two weeks, and I look forward to sharing with a wider audience. drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Mike Matthews - DrMDMatthews.com

Category

education · kids & family

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

21 Apr 2024

Latest episode

24 Oct 2024

Latest episodes

9 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   24 Oct 2024

   Threats to Any School Impact All of Us

   Hello to all of my podcast subscribers. I am a few podcasts behind - still working on a routine that lets me get this done in a timely manner. I’ve also taken a few steps to make the recording a little more professional, so that it sounds like a real podcast. In these podcasts, I look back at a blog post and simply reflect on it. I try to hit some main points and give some thinking behind the post. It’s not difficult to see that the podcast is not scripted. Thanks for listening, and your feedback is always welcome. Thanks, Mike Matthews www.drmdmattthews.commike@drmdmatthews.com Original Blog Post can be found here (https://drmdmatthews.com/threats-to-any-school-impact-all-of-us/) Music (Trapped) by NaturesEye via Pixabay This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

2. 

   9 Sept 2024

   The Luck of the Potluck

   This latest podcast is based on my blog post published on September 7, 2024. You can find the original post by clicking here (https://drmdmatthews.com/the-luck-of-the-potluck/). Thanks for listening! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

3. 

   5 Aug 2024

   One Year Into Retirement

   Hi Listeners. Thanks to some feedback from my listening friend Kylie, I am no longer going to read my most recent blog post and interject comments. Instead, I’m going to use the last blog post as a base, but just talk about what I wrote, why I wrote of it, and thoughts I’ve had since writing it. As always, I’ll be curious to hear what does and does not resonate. Thanks for listening. You can find the blog post below, and you can find all of my posts (and the comments) at www.drmdmatthews.com (http://www.drmdmatthews.com). Thanks for all of the emails and comments on Part I of my Year One Retirement Progress Report (https://drmdmatthews.com/one-year-into-retirement-a-progress-report/). My Dad wrote that he liked it, but it was way too long and could have used several more drafts. He’s not wrong. So I’ll shorten my introduction by five paragraphs (Winning!!) and get right to examining the last three criteria: Sharpening the Saw, Relationships, and Purpose. Sharpening the Saw In Steven Covey’s introduction to his 7th Habit of Highly Effective People, he famously asked, “Have you ever been too busy driving to stop for gas?” He also quotes Abe Lincoln’s, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Like Abe’s axe, our lives will become dull and ineffective if we do not make the effort to improve ourselves by seeking new knowledge and new ways of thinking, and by taking time to deliberately reflect on what we are doing well, and what needs to be improved. Covey pushes people to sharpen their saw constantly in order to be the best they can be. He targeted mostly working people, but I know he would say it’s critical for retirees too. My friend John died this year at age 95. When I visited him last, he was on a reading tear, learning all he could about ancient east African civilizations. Why is it that those whose axes are the sharpest are the same ones who spend the most time at the sharpening stone? President Obama publishes the extensive list of the books he has read and music he is listening to at the end of each year. It is stunning how much he can get done. Theodore Roosevelt read a book every day while he was president. Though I can’t hold a candle to the people above, here is what I am doing to sharpen the saw in my retirement. * I continue to be an avid reader, though I have added the lens of reading as a means of learning how to write better. I keep a journal of writing lines or passages that hit home for me, and hope that it can inspire me to add beauty and depth to my writing. Seeing and reflecting on those passages is in itself a beautiful moment, like watching a blue heron fly silently by while you are sitting next to a river having a cup of coffee and finalizing your blog post. * I look for, and sometimes pay for, good coaching. I have appreciated and written often about my masters swim coach, and my golf game is less atrocious due to professional coaching. Sometimes, coaching comes from cookbooks, or from videos on cooking or pickleball, and there are certainly plenty of coaches from whom we can learn more about living well. There is so much expertise in the world, and to not use it is truly a missed opportunity. * Finally, and this is easier in retirement, I try to take as many opportunities to pause and reflect as I can. Consuming a large quantity of books, podcasts, or lectures doesn’t mean much unless we take the time to ponder how they might impact and improve our lives. My calendar has many more open spots in it than before, which means I’m not rushing like I used to from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting. Looking back at my career, I wish I would have been better at leaving open spaces in my calendar, so I could have paused more to reflect and plan. Too often, I was too busy driving to stop for gas. But now, I have the luxury of time, and I am working to be better at pausing, reflecting, and sharpening the saw. I appreciate the research on reflection in the Harvard Business Review, which stated, “The practice (of reflection) itself is all about learning, looking back on the day (without bias or regret) to contemplate your behavior and its consequences. It requires sitting with yourself, taking an honest moment to think about what transpired, what worked, what didn’t, what can be done, and what can’t. Reflection requires courage. It’s thoughtful and deliberate. Being at the ‘top of your game’ only comes when you extract from the past how to engage the future.” As for the progress report . . . After one year, Teacher Mike would tell me that I am growing, and I am spending time sharpening my saw, but that blade could be a lot sharper. I need to be more disciplined and make the time for both learning new information and finding time to reflect, and make more deliberate efforts to be more like Abe the axe-sharpener. Relationships One of the things that I miss the most in retirement is the social interactions that I enjoyed at work every day. I miss the short little conversations, the checking in on each other, the inside jokes, hearing about roses and thorns, and the hundreds of light and deep conversations I had over the course of a week. Most of those work relationships will fade away. This means that everyone who retires has to maintain their existing away-from-work relationships, and, in the best of all possible worlds, develop new ones. There is data from the Blue Zones research that confirms that healthy relationships improves and prolongs human lives. Speaking of my marriage relationship, perhaps my biggest win after one year of retirement is that Jill doesn’t hate me. Victory! Jill works at home a few days a week, therefore we see each other more than we ever have. And after a year, not only does she not hate me, but we both agree that we are thriving with our new time together. I am also free to travel more to see my family. I’ve taken several trips to Arkansas and Sacramento, and I will be going to southern Washington in August for my nephew’s wedding. Many of these trips would have been impossible to take while working, and they all serve to make my family relationships deeper. And I will continue to enjoy life with friends. One of my favorite things to do is organize big and little experiences and adventures with my friends. It could be a bike trip, a fantasy football league, pickleball Saturdays, a bbq, or any number of things. My friend Grant (a regular blog reader!) is one of the best at this, and he shared, “When you help a group of people to have a good time, or to do something fun together, and they leave with a smile, I think that makes us live longer.” I think you’re exactly right, Grant. On the virtual side, these blog posts have been a wonderful way to keep in touch with friends. I hear from my high school classmates, former students, parents, and colleagues from my jobs all over California, and even a few new people that I’ve met through my writing. With an average of around 300 readers, I am still able to respond to everyone who comments or emails. Thanks to all of you who make that work so well. As for the progress report . . . After one year, Teacher Mike would tell me that I am doing OK here, but I cannot rest. Relationships take initiative, care, and a lot of work. They are too important to take for granted. Purpose Why do you wake up in the morning? If you like your answer for that question, then you have a sense of purpose. Blue Zones research points to healthy relationships adding seven or more years to your life. I was fortunate to have a career that gave me so many ways to answer that question for almost forty years. And now, I need a different answer. One of the most difficult parts of retiring after 39 years in the same field is that I left at a time when I was at the height of my knowledge of not only what works in public education, but also how to best support leaders and educators in the important work that they do. I don’t know how much longer I can do it, but I am enjoying using that knowledge and experience to support districts and leaders as an educational consultant. Some of that work I get paid for, but most of it I do just to support former colleagues. I am enjoying my work as a consultant and mentor, supporting leaders, helping teams be their best, and supporting districts with challenging tasks, and it is one of the things that answers the question of why I get up in the morning. I will be a proud educator for all of my days, and I will continue to use that passion and knowledge, even after my consulting days are done. Still, I need to look beyond my former career-related endeavors for my sense of purpose. So what else is there? What makes this transition easier for me is that I have never derived my entire identity and sense of worth from my career. I have always had other interests. I think a lot of it goes back to the other criteria is this progress report. Sharpening the saw can be a purpose-creating activity in itself. Healthy, loving, and enjoyable relationships can give more than enough purpose to make a life worth living. Finding ways to give back and make the world a better place for others adds to a sense of purpose. And finally, the pursuit of spiritual growth cannot be ignored. We all have to find our way. Teacher Mike, in his assessment of my pathway to purpose, would agree that I am one of the lucky ones. He would also agree that consulting will not last forever, and I will have to rely on purpose-giving activities that have nothing to do with my career. The search for purpose is not a static one. One of my sayings is, “Today is a good day.” I have said it for the last twenty years, because you never know what challenges today, tomorrow, or next week will bring. Appreciating and embracing each day lets me wake up each morning with so much to look forward to. And when those next challenges come, and they will, I’ll do my best to accept the challenge and continue to appreciate all of the love and beauty in the world. So that’s my progress report. Thanks for reading this far. I hope this post has you thinking about (1) Health and Fitness, (2) Hobbies, (3) Sharpening the Saw, (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose. For those of you who are retired, I wish you luck in enjoying this new phase of life and making the most of it. For those of you who aren’t there yet, I hope this post gives you ways to look at leading your best life now and in the future. Thanks for reading! If you’re not on the mailing list (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9), you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message.  I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested, please click here (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9). And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form a day or two after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating) Post #113 on www.drmdmatthews.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

4. 

   15 Jul 2024

   One Year Into Retirement: A Progress Report

   This podcast, like all of them, is an embellished version of my latest post on www.drmdmatthews.com (http://www.drmdmatthews.com). I hope you enjoy! I’m not a big fan of report cards. They are so . . . final. A progress report is much more helpful – it’s a check in on how it’s going, and guidance on how to be more successful. As a teacher, one of my favorite projects was the five to ten page research paper, where the first draft was due two or three weeks before the final draft was due. I would spend hours commenting on those drafts. There was no grade. There were only recommendations for what needed to be changed, improved, deleted, or added. Then there was the conversation about my recommendations. It was not long, five to ten minutes, but when it worked, the student left with a clear vision of what needed to be improved. In some cases, where the quality was lacking, I recommended a second or even third draft that I could review. The whole project was a process. If students did what I asked, it was hard not to earn an A or a B on the final grade. I’m taking a similar attitude as I reflect on finishing my first official year of retirement. I’m not giving myself grades, but I am going to take the time to reflect on how it’s going, what I’m doing well, and what I need to work on. Sounds kind of funny, doesn’t it? Working on retirement? But I don’t think that living your best life in retirement is one bit easy. And, spoiler alert, there are many things I could be doing a lot better. I’ve written this before, but many of my posts are intended to give me the kick in the a** I need to make the most of however many more days I have left on our crazy and beautiful planet. This one certainly fits that mold. One thing I did right was taking a practice run. Back in August of 2021, I stopped working for about eight months. My main reasons were that I had been in the same job, the same GREAT job, for eleven years, and it felt like time for a change. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that COVID was soul-crushing for most educational leaders. Dealing with all of the regulations, the fears of parents and employees, and the anger of too many people, all mixed in with incredible uncertainty, left many of us exhausted, less healthy than ever (my blood pressure was high for the first time in my life), and beaten down. So I took eight months and did nothing. No commute, no consulting, no nothing. I played golf twice a week, went to museums with retired friends, cooked more, and wrote more. What I learned was that I liked it just fine. And by “just fine,” I mean that it was wonderful. Our financial advisor told me that we could afford to have me retire, but she also said, rather directly, “BUT IT WOULDN’T HURT YOU AT ALL TO WORK ONE MORE YEAR.” That led to me taking the superintendent job in Placentia – Yorba Linda, and having one of the most enjoyable work experiences of my life. I was inspired by the kindness and high quality efforts of almost everyone I met. I officially retired at the end of that year, with my first day of retirement being July 1, 2023. So in terms of my preparation for retirement, that practice run was super helpful. If you can manage it, I highly advise it. And now, one year in, I have zero regrets about retiring. My only focus on this progress report is not on whether I should have retired, but how I am doing in making the most of it. Although I do not have a retirement progress report form (yet!), I will be organizing this by analyzing via a few categories. I may change them over time, but for now, I’m going to look at how I’m doing in the areas of (1) Health and Fitness, (2) Enjoying my Hobbies, (3) Sharpening the Saw (Steven Covey’s term for always working to improve yourself), (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose. Section 1: Health and Fitness: I’ve written a lot about health and fitness in my blog posts. It’s important to me, and it’s important if I’m going to enjoy a long retirement. Here are some quotes I’ve been writing about and apply to this part of the progress report: * From Michael Easter’s, The Comfort Crisis: * “Most people today rarely step outside their comfort zones. We are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature-controlled, overfed, underchallenged, safety-netted lives. And it’s limiting the degree to which we experience our ‘one wild and precious life,’ as poet Mary Oliver put it.” * “A radical new body of evidence shows that people are at their best—physically harder, mentally tougher, and spiritually sounder—after experiencing the same discomforts our early ancestors were exposed to every day. Scientists are finding that certain discomforts protect us from physical and psychological problems like obesity, heart disease, cancers, diabetes, depression, and anxiety, and even more fundamental issues like feeling a lack of meaning and purpose. * “Are you not important enough to do it for you?” * From Chris Crowley and Henry Lodge’s Younger Next Year: * “Exercise hard six days a week,” * “Aerobic exercise does more to stop actual death, but strength training can make your life worthwhile.” * And the general message from the Noom diet, the Mediterranean Diet, and a gazillion other reasonable diets: * Lots of fruits and vegetables, plenty of lean proteins, some healthy carbs, and as little sugar and processed foods as possible I would not call myself a good sleeper yet, but I’m better than I was while I was working. I still get up super early at least twice a week to swim in my masters workout that starts at 5:55 AM. And between pickleball, my Peloton, and swimming, I exercise hard four to six days a week. That’s pretty good, but the reality is that it’s not different from what I was doing when I worked 60 hours a week. Almost every retired person I talk with says something like, “My days are so full. I can’t believe I did so much when I was working.”  I have so much more time now, yet it’s still challenging to get things done. I thought I would significantly up my health and fitness game in retirement, but so far, that’s not the case. I am debating whether I can be healthier without a more rigid schedule, or without some kind of commitment to make my life a little less comfortable. In terms of diet, I wrote about being on the Noom diet two years ago. It was highly effective. Turns out eating fewer calories and eating healthier foods is good for you. Who knew!!!! I stopped recording all of my food intake, just because it’s kind of a crazy, obsessive lifestyle that I did not want to continue. The result? I’ve gained back some of that Noom weight loss, and I don’t love it. Again, I am questioning whether I should reduce my looking at retirement as a comfortable lifestyle, and whether I should be mixing in more discomfort so that I can fully enjoy retirement life for the long term. Finally, in terms of health and fitness, my left knee is not cooperating. I have a full replacement scheduled for early December, and I’m looking forward to it. Kind of. If I wanted to delay the replacement, I would stop playing golf and pickleball. My friend and awesome-across-the-street-neighbor Jack saw me limping back after playing two hours of pickleball, and said, “Don’t you have a doctorate degree?” Yes, Jack, I do. And yes, a more intelligent person would avoid this bone on bone knee pain by not playing golf or pickleball. But I love both of them, and that’s not the lifestyle I want to lead. I am hoping that getting that surgery will give me twenty years of fully enjoying not just golf and pickleball, but also plain old walking. My knee pain is a discomfort I would like to live without. I have a plan! So in terms of overall health and fitness, I have some work to do. My teacher feedback after this one year first draft effort might be, “You know what you have to do. Just do it.” Easily said, Teacher Mike. Also – that’s not very helpful.  I would hope that progress report conversation would congratulate me on sleeping better. I’ve been a crappy sleeper for a long time, and every bit of research says that’s detrimental. We would then move into what I could do to push myself and be less comfortable, at least some of the time. Maybe it’s creating a more rigid schedule. Maybe it’s a different mindset. And maybe I’m making too much of the whole thing. As I write that, I can hear my sister Martha saying sweetly, yet sternly, “Mike, just calm the hell down and relax. You’re doing just fine.” Thanks, Martha. Section 2: Enjoying My Hobbies I’ve always loved pursuing hobbies outside of work. In fact, it’s one of the questions I would ask colleagues when they started thinking about retirement. I would ask, “Outside of work, what do you love doing?” Sometimes, I would get a blank stare. Other times, the answer kept going and going. I heard so many answers: grandchildren, gardening, music, sports, reading, cooking, artistic endeavors, and many, many more. For those colleagues who gave me the blank stare, I worried about their retirement. For people who define themselves mostly by their positions in their work, I worried about how they could be happy and healthy in their retirement. I will look at these same questions on a deeper level when I get into the Purpose section, but what is it that makes you interesting to yourself? What are the things you enjoy doing that make you want to get up in the morning and seize the day? My hobbies are familiar to those who read my posts: writing, cooking, golf, pickleball, music, organizing/tidying up, travel, and swimming. The hobby I’ve added is gardening. I am enjoying taking care of about ten potted plants in our yard that add color and flavor (my basil plants are THRIVING!) to our lives. I make a big deal of the fact that I am a member of Armstrong’s Garden Center, though I admit there was not a stringent vetting process. I simply gave them my name and email address – kind of similar to my application to become a minister in the Universal Life Church. I’ve been telling Jill that my membership should earn me a little more respect around the house. So far, she’s not impressed by the membership, but she does appreciate the efforts to add color and flavor. After one year of retirement, I continue to enjoy all of these hobbies, old and new. Going to Japan in what would have been the middle of the school year, going to spring training Dodger baseball in Arizona, and taking four trips to visit family in Little Rock were all a step up in my travel game. And my Dad says that my writing continues to improve, and believe me, he would tell me if it weren’t. I don’t know that I’m improving, but I’m enjoying the heck out of all of my hobbies. The only hobby/passion I’m not pursuing as much as I would like is my music. My guitar sits in the corner of our living room, calling out to me.  I need to answer the call more. In our progress report conference, I would hope that teacher Mike would ask what the point of these hobbies is. Is it to get better in all of them? Is it to dominate in golf and pickleball and win awards as a writer and chef? Or is it just to spend time enjoyably with friends, and to experience flow doing the things I love? Even writing this down gives me the slap in the face I need to think correctly. I can hear my sister’s voice again here. And maybe the conversation would close with teacher Mike asking me what in the world is stopping you from picking up that guitar a few times a week? Paraphrasing Diondre Cole from Saturday Night Live, we are out of time! A full blog post, and only two of the five progress report criteria have been covered! You know what that means. This is now Part One of a Two-Part series. I will hit (3) Sharpening the Saw, (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose in my next post. For those of you enjoying this topic, what great news! For those of you bored beyond belief, first of all, thanks for getting this far, and I secondly, apologize in advance for the next post! Looking forward to your comments, and thanks for reading. If you’re not on the mailing list (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9), you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message.  I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested,  (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9)please click here (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9). And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form a day or two after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating) Post #112 on www.drmdmatthews.com NOTES Great quotes on being ready to retire from Fritz Gilbert’s Keys to a Successful Retirement: Staying Happy, Active, and Productive in your Retired Years. (Buy it on Amazon here) (https://amzn.to/3y6BTJY) * “If you are what you do, who are you when you don’t?” * Richard J. Leider and Alan M. Webber (from Life Reimagined: Discovering Your New Life Possibilities) * If you look up the definition of “retire,” you’ll find “to withdraw from action or danger.” I prefer to think of it as “re-tire,” an act in which we put new tires on our vehicles for the changing road conditions ahead. When Jill was reading the post, and she was about halfway done, she was worried that she had already been reading for a long time, and she was only on criteria one of five. She said she was beginning to despair that it would never end. And while she was relieved when she finally learned this was part one of two, she said it might have been helpful to know that earlier. What’s the fun in that, Jill? The way I did it, you were at the edge of despair, just like the hero in a good rom-com, then all of the sudden, a glimmer of hope changed everything! I like the teacher/progress report idea, and I have experience with it, so that analogy makes some sense to me. But I also like the idea of having a life caddie walking around with us and helping us make our decisions – both big and small. Thinking about what to eat? Ask your caddie. Need a push to add discomfort to your workout? Your caddie is there for you. Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer had a life caddie – and it helped him tremendously – at least for a while. Short clip here. (https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3202556306451130) And if you have not had the pleasure of watching “What Up With That” on Saturday Night Live, and if you’re sense of humor is as warped as mine is, I highly recommend it. Longtime SNL star Kenan Thompson plays talk show host Diondre Cole. In each and every episode, Diondre brings in three stars, but somehow, time slips away before he can get to the in depth interviews he hopes for. You can see some of the e (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tInUTLxGIRk)arly episodes here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tInUTLxGIRk), and if you want, there’s more. You may think it gets less funny as the same joke gets played out in every episode, or . . . like me, you may think it gets more and more hilarious. Here’s the link to my review of (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/the-comfort-crisis-embrace-discomfort-to-reclaim-your-wild-happy-healthy-self/)The Comfort Crisis. (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/the-comfort-crisis-embrace-discomfort-to-reclaim-your-wild-happy-healthy-self/) And here’s the link to my review of (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/younger-next-year/)Younger Next Year. (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/younger-next-year/) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

5. 

   3 Jul 2024

   The Allure of Liberty and Fireworks

   Growing up, July 4th was always a big holiday in our house. We did not call it Independence Day. Just July 4th. The main focus for my siblings and me was getting to the amazing fireworks stands that magically popped up in June. The red, white, and blue banners lured us in, but it was the wondrous and colorful array of explosive devices that drove us out of our minds. We were on our best behavior, just waiting for the day when our parents would take us. What made it even better, and yet a little worse, was Dad offering to give us more money to spend at the fireworks stand. Big money! Like $20! Sounds great, right? All we had to do was write an essay on what Independence Day meant to us, and then we had to read the essay to Mom and Dad. We had all saved a little bit of money from our allowance, but $20 was too good to turn down. So we all wrote the essays. I wish I still had those essays. They must have been absolutely horrible. Combine a child’s writing ability, completely insufficient research, and a mind way more focused on holding explosives than on the ideals of democracy, and there’s no way any of us turned in a deep or thoughtful essay. But Dad showed pity on his unfocused children, and we each earned the $20. When the day of the fireworks stand visit finally came, we all piled into our Ford Country Squire station wagon with its yellow paint and fake wood panels. We would pull up to the dusty parking lot next to the roadside stand and start running before the car even came to a full stop. There were no pesky seat belts back then, or at least nobody wore them, so it was an easy exit from the slowing car. We would wait in line, then get to the counter to make our choices. Firecrackers, bottle rockets – we bought those by the gross – more on that later – snakes, sparklers, Roman candles, fountains, whistling chasers, and then some not-as-spectacular-as-we-would-hope aerial fireworks to end the evening. Leaving the stand with boxes and bags of fireworks felt better than Christmas. Let’s be honest, Christmas gifts are great, but you can’t blow them up! We waited until July 4th to light most of the fireworks, but the bottle rocket wars with our cousins began the very next day. Armed with hundreds of bottle rockets, two teams of boys took refuge behind walls or piles of rocks on either side of the vacant lot next to our house, and we would proceed to fire rockets at each other for hours. You learned to light a bottle rocket, then toss it at just the right moment so it would fly screaming towards your enemies. Bottle rockets were exploding all around us, and it was glorious. We were of course wearing protective goggles, ear plugs, and fireproof clothing . . . Who am I kidding? We had no protection at all other than our shorts and t-shirts. I can’t tell you how many times a bottle rocket would hit my chest and explode, blowing a hole in my shirt and leaving a mark – some might call it a burn, but it was really just a badge of courage. What were my parents doing while this chaos ensued? Dad was working, and Mom was inside with my Aunt Alix drinking Chablis, probably wincing repeatedly, like Chief Inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther movies, at all of the cracks and bangs of the bottle rockets, and wondering what they had done wrong to raise a bunch of idiots like us. Could something have gone terribly wrong? Sure! I could point to this and many other stunts from my childhood that make me marvel at the fact that I’m still here. But memories of those days do make me smile. We thought we were the luckiest and most bad-ass kids in the world. Buying fireworks and battling with them. That’s the true meaning of July 4th. OK. No it’s not. But that’s the 62-year-old me talking. The 12-year-old me would be rolling my eyes at hearing the 62-year-old me saying no. But no, 12-year-old me, it’s not. Here are my current thoughts on what Independence Day for the United States of America means, using the Declaration and the Bill of Rights as the foundation. It is not at all exhaustive, but these are some of the concepts I will be celebrating. I’m not sure it is worth $20, but here you go. * We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. What a radical statement that was back in 1776. It is the cornerstone of what makes the USA unique and so special. It was an aspirational goal then. I don’t think those who signed the Declaration of Independence even fathomed the true meaning of this statement, or how aspirational it would remain over two centuries later. But we have come so far. I am grateful for the American heroes who have devoted their lives toward making the progress we’ve made, and to those who continue to pursue this work. This statement will be true when statistics can no longer predict the educational, economic, or other successes of American citizens based on their race or gender. This July 4, I’ll be celebrating our aspirations, our progress, and our continued commitment to making that wonderful statement a reality. * We hold these truths to be self-evident, …  that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. After the American Revolutionary War, or the “American War for Independence” as they call it in the UK, Marquis de Lafayette, the French military hero who did so much to help us win that war, said, “Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country.” For all of our flaws, we are still that country. * And I’ll be celebrating the First Amendment, which put into law some of the ideals stated in the Declaration of Independence. I don’t know of a single statement that has guaranteed individual liberties more than this one. It allows us to worship as we please. It protects us from a government endorsing or establishing any religion. (Earlier this week, Louisiana voted to test that freedom, with a law requiring the Ten Commandments to be posted in every classroom – and now Oklahoma’s State Superintendent is trying to outdo The Pelican State, ordering schools to begin incorporating the the Ten Commandments and the Bible into lessons in grades 5 through 12.) The First Amendment also allows us the freedom of speech. It guarantees our right to peaceably assemble. These freedoms make us the envy of the world. And none of them is easy. You’d think after 230 years we would have it figured out, but we humans are very complex, and we keep confronting our fundamental principles with new challenges. But the struggle is worth our time and frustration. * Mostly, I will be celebrating our nation and all that it stands for. We will proudly display our flag in our front yard. I will take a moment to be grateful for all that the benefits this country has afforded myself and others. I will take a moment to remember those who have defended our nation through the years. When Warren Buffet was asked the reason for his success, he said one of the most important elements was the fact that he was born in the United States of America. We are an imperfect nation filled with imperfect people. But we are a nation that has continued to improve its ability to deliver on its promises of liberty and equality, and that alone is a cause worthy of glorious fireworks. Happy July 4th, and Happy Independence Day, everyone. Let’s be grateful, let’s continue our quest to make our aspirations a reality, and for those of you buying fireworks, let’s be safe out there. If you’re not on the mailing list (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9), you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message.  I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested,  (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9)please click here (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9). And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form the day after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating) Post #111 on www.drmdmatthews.com NOTES Warren Buffett goes much further than his success stemming from being born in the United States. He says that he won the “ovarian lottery,” and being born in the United States, male, and white all made his path to success easier. If he had been born to wealthy parents, that would have further increased his odds of success. It still takes hard work to succeed, and history is increasingly filled with amazing success stories from those who did not win the ovarian lottery. To read a few of his thoughts, click here (https://www.cnbc.com/2018/10/16/warren-buffett-says-being-a-white-man-helped-him-succeed.html). It is worth your time. When I taught, religion was a frequent topic in our lectures and discussions. Religion has played a crucial role in human history, and not to teach it leaves gaps of understanding. How can you understand the Civil Rights movement without knowing that Dr. Martin Luther King was a protestant minister and how crucial the Black churches were in spreading the word? How can you understand the Holocaust without understanding the beliefs of Judaism? European history is full of wars fought over religious beliefs. It is crucial to understand all of the world’s major religions if one is truly going to understand the world we live in. But there is a difference between teaching about a religion and proselytizing a certain religion to students. As a public school employee, I never wanted to cross that line. I wanted all students to feel respected, and I wanted to develop as much understanding as possible. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

6. 

   17 Jun 2024

   The Most Important Day of the Year - Podcast Version

   June 15, 2024 You can count on it coming in early June. My Dad will reach out to all of his kids and say, “The most important day of the year is coming this Sunday. You do remember that Father’s Day is this Sunday, right?” Yes, Dad. We remember. I heard those words this week from my 85-year-old Dad in our weekly Tuesday conversation. I love those talks. We’ve been having them for a long time now. They don’t last too long, maybe 15-20 minutes. We talk about our workouts that week, new ailments, family members (only good things – I have to say that because they read these posts), books we are reading, and things that make us smile and laugh. And believe it or not, I learn something new about my Dad in a majority of those conversations. I wish I could have them all transcribed, and that I would store them in Evernote, but I just try to take them all in and enjoy them for what they are. Like me, my Dad is a storyteller. I enjoy all of the stories, though I have often doubted their veracity. Abe Lincoln, one of my father’s heroes, often explained situations through anecdotes and parables. While the northern masses loved it, those closest to him would roll their eyes whenever he would start a new story with “It reminds me of the farmer, who . . . “ Over the years, I have learned that Dad’s stories have more than a grain of truth in them. The movie that hits closest to home is one my favorites, Big Fish. The father, Ed Bloom, is one of the all time great storytellers, and his son asks him to “Joe Friday” it – to just to state the facts. Ed Bloom responds, “Most men, they’ll tell you a story straight through. It won’t be complicated, but it won’t be interesting either.” I think that is Dad’s philosophy as well. Why just state the facts when you can tell a fascinating story? It’s a lesson from my father that I’ve tried to teach both of my sons. High points, low points, risks, victories, failures, embarrassing moments – after a while, they just become another story. And life is far better when we have interesting stories. All of us kids have stories about Dad as a feared disciplinarian. If our mom wanted us to put an immediate halt to whatever shenanigans we were up to, all she had to say was, “Do you want me to tell this to your father!?!” Our answer would be an immediate, “No, Ma’am,” and it was over. There was yelling, there were punishments, and there were threats. I don’t think he could have really turned me into a grease spot (one of his frequent threats when I had done/not done something), but I did not want to find out. We laugh about those stories now, and my siblings and I all believe that those moments shaped us into the people we are now. Dad kept us busy every weekend. For the majority of the year, weekends meant lawn mowing. Dad bought the heaviest and most reliable Sears Craftsman mowers. He would never waste money on any kind of self-propelled mower, because that would have made the job a little easier. During the winter, the lawn went dormant, but our chores did not. We had a vacant lot next to us. Nothing but dirt and rocks. Dad must have truly hated the rocks that would pop up whenever it rained on that dirt lot. We would be out there on a winter weekend, digging holes in that lot, then the next weekend, we would rake the rocks up on the lot, and throw them in those holes that we had dug. Then it would rain, and more rocks would rise to the surface. Endless, useless work. Maybe it was good for us? And now, it’s just a story. Whenever I do something that takes a lot of work for not much result, all I’m doing is “raking rocks.” For the record, I have never asked my children to mow the lawn or rake rocks. So far, they have turned out pretty darn good. I would describe Dad as crazy, but mostly crazy in a very good way. As a family, we did unheard of things. I’ve written about our three-week bicycling excursion to Ireland. We trained as a together, then, with only maps as our guide, packed up our bikes, put them together in the Limerick, Ireland airport, and took off riding. It was an epic trip, a fountain of many stories, and only a true madman would plan it. We would have very splashy and noisy swimming battles in any pools that would have us. We would swim up to Dad, and he would toss us away, high in the air, sending us screaming as we landed in contorted positions. That’s a great way to clear a crowded pool by the way. I’m pretty sure other parents were telling their kids to stay clear of the insanity in the pool. I don’t know how rare this is, but he demanded that all of his kids go to college out of state. He thought we would learn more about life by expanding our horizons. It was just one more crazy expectation growing up in our house. And there’s a little bit of Atticus Finch in my Dad. And I’m talking less about the lawyer side of Atticus than the “treat all people with respect” side of him. I remember eating lunch at a super fancy club, and saying thank you to a waiter who brought me some water. The next thing I felt was a hard slap on my face from my grandmother, who told me never to thank a person of color. She did not say it with those words. I remember looking at my Dad, who assured me we would talk later. I don’t remember exactly what he said when we went home, but he confirmed that the members of our family treated all people with fairness and respect. And he didn’t say this, but I felt the Atticus Finch line, “There’s a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep ‘em all away from you. That’s never possible.” He was raised in a racist environment and somehow he emerged as a progressive Southerner. He took on clients of all races who could not afford to pay him, and it was just part of what he did. But I know it was appreciated, and we all loved that he was given one of our many much-loved short-haired dachshunds as one form of payment. I think that’s the side of my father that shaped me and eventually contributed to my decision to want to make a difference via public education. As we have progressed through life, it’s Dad’s listening and caring that have meant the most to me. He knows as much about my life and my career as anybody. He will tell me when I’ve written a great post, and when I’ve written a bunch of words that don’t really matter. He has cheered me on when life has gone well, and been there for me in my most challenging times. These once-a-week conversations add up, because he is fully invested in them. I feel pretty darn lucky, at age 62, to have a father who still adds so much to my life. On my last birthday, he told me that he was embarrassed to have a son who was so old. Pretty funny, actually. Sometimes, being a great dad, friend, or partner is just listening. And believe it or not, for storytellers to be at the top of their game, they must be outstanding listeners. So whether or not Father’s Day is the most important day of the year, I do wish a Happy Father’s Day to my listening, progressive, crazy, idleness-hating, holder of high expectations, and story-telling father. This post just scratches the surface of who you are. But I love all of it. I look forward to our conversation on Father’s Day, and then we’ll get back to the highlight of my week – our Tuesday morning conversations. I love you, Dad. “A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories.They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.” Ed Bloom, Big Fish For all of my blog posts, go to www.drmdmatthews.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

7. 

   3 Jun 2024

   Songs of Kindness Ringing in My Ears

   Do you ever feel like the world is bombarding you with a message, and that wherever you turn, you keep hearing that same thought? Kind of like Kevin Costner’s character Ray Kinsella in Field of Dreams hearing, “If you build it, they will come.” Or like when people saw images or heard musical notes inspired by aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. In those examples, only a few people saw or heard the messages, so everyone else thought they were crazy. In my case, while people may think I’m crazy for the usual reasons, these messages have come from mainstream media, and not from supernatural or extra-terrestrial messengers. The first source of the messaging came after PGA golfer Grayson Murray died by suicide. Up until last week, he was a story of hope. Murray was an outstanding golfer who won early in his career, then struggled. Three years ago, he announced he was an alcoholic and withdrew from golf to focus on his health. He returned to golf, sober and more prepared, made his way back to the PGA tour, and actually won a tournament in January of this year. It was one of the feel-good stories of the year. However, he struggled in recent competitions, and actually withdrew from last week’s contest after playing less well than he wanted. The next day, he was found dead. It was shocking, unexpected, and incredibly sad. His parents made a statement that hit home with me. They said, “Life wasn’t always easy for Grayson, and although he took his own life, we know he rests peacefully now.” Then they asked for people to honor Murray “by being kind to one another.” When I read that, it took me back to my times of grief. One of my takeaways from that whole process was how powerful acts of kindness were in helping me to heal. And not just kindness towards my family and me, but any acts of kindness. Grayson’s parents’ words brought back a flood of memories of how I felt at that time. For some of you, it may sound trite. But let me tell you, it was a real feeling. After almost a quarter of a century, I am still grateful and beyond appreciative of people going out of their way to be kind to someone else. The next message came with another death, this one brought about by cancer. Basketball legend Bill Walton succumbed to colon cancer earlier this week at the age of 71. Way too young. LA Times sports reporter Bill Plaschke wrote about Walton’s legacy, and his two top characteristics about Walton had nothing to do with basketball – he was wonderfully wacky and incredibly kind. That set off the Close Encounters song again. Plaschke witnessed Walton’s weekly kindness to Coach John Wooden as he aged. Walton was quick to bestow platitudes upon everyone he met. I think that because of (1) being perhaps the best college basketball player ever, and (2) being one of most kind and positive souls ever, Walton was allowed to keep a long career in sports broadcasting. He said some crazy stuff during basketball games, and some of it was even about basketball. He would discuss the winter solstice, Sir Isaac Newton, Beethoven, Chewbacca, the late Pac 12 Conference – always referred to as “The Conference of Champions” – and make oblique references to the Grateful Dead and marijuana. He loved life, he loved heaping praise on others, and he used both public and private life to spread joy and laughter wherever he could. And to those who knew him best, his big-hearted kindness was his greatest legacy. Piled on top of Grayson Murray’s death, Bill Walton’s life and death reminded me that joy, laughter, and kindness are desperately needed in this world. I wonder if we are living in the meanest time in human history. There were certainly more brutal times, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a time when nasty people have had such a loud voice. Twitter has to be one of the most malicious places ever. If an athlete, a performer, or even a regular person fails, flops, or just makes a mistake, the voices of criticism and spite can seem deafening. Too many news shows fill the airwaves with those same shaming messages. Politicians at all levels can be name-calling bullies. And yet, somehow, too many people love these sources of spiteful, hateful, and mean language, and relish in the carnage they create. Worse, these strategies are obviously successful at winning over voters and viewers. I can’t stand it. As a public official, I was criticized many times in my career. My reactions, each and every time, were to accurately respond with the truth, and never resort to negativity or name-calling. I won’t say that it didn’t hurt. I was certainly impacted and bolstered by the attitude of one of my mentors, Dr. Neil Schmidt. Neil was a gentle soul who would never lash back at critics. I remember someone telling him that the criticism never seemed to impact him at all. He responded kindly, “That’s not true. I feel those voices and the nasty words they use, but I do a good job of hiding the scars.” I don’t think we can stop the meanness. But I do believe the acts of kindness matter. And one of the best things we can do to foster acts of kindness to is to slow down. There was a 1973 Stanford study of seminary students, in which there were two groups. One group was told they were late for their next event, and one group was not. They all encountered a situation where someone was in need of assistance. Those in the unhurried group were six times more likely to stop and offer assistance. As often as possible, and it’s easier with my new work schedule, I’m trying not to feel like I’m in a hurry. I have to consciously tell myself I have time, even when I think that I don’t. I am often not convinced by my own words. But I’m working on it. Going back to Grayson Murray’s parents’ request: I loved the reaction of Harry Higgs, a fun-loving easy going golfer, who is fighting to get back on the PGA Tour. His response: “I would challenge everybody here, and I’m going to do this myself as well: Each day, say something nice to someone you love, and also make a point to say something nice to someone you don’t even know.” I like it, Harry. Thanks for focusing on what is important, especially when your encouragement comes in the middle of your personal struggle to keep a job that you so clearly love. The Dalai Lama has not yet responded to Harry Higgs’ words. The Dalai Lama may or may not be a golfer. I’m pretty sure he is, because Bill Murray’s Carl Spackler character in Caddyshack professed that he once caddied for the Dalai Lama and that even with his flowing robes, he was a big hitter. That aside, I know the Dalai Lama is an expert on kindness. As he states in The Book of Joy, “As soon as I wake up, I remember Buddha’s teaching: the importance of kindness and compassion, wishing something good for others, or at least to reduce their suffering.” Thank you to Bill Walton, to Grayson Murray and his parents, to Harry Higgs, and to the Dalai Lama. Your songs have been ringing in my head all week. Let’s do our best to laugh, love, slow down, and be kind. The joy we inspire, and the suffering we reduce, may very well be our own. ——- If you’re not on the mailing list (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9), you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message.  I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested,  (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9)please click here (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9). And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form the day after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating) Post #109 on www.drmdmatthews.com NOTES As I write this, the PAC-12 Conference is nearing its end. There are a few baseball and softball games left, and then . . . no more. Bill Walton’s “Conference of Champions” will be no more. I read once that Bill Walton would use the “Conference of Champions” phrase so much that some people thought he was being paid each time he said it. I love how my son Ryan put it: “We knew there could never be a PAC-12 without Bill Walton. We just didn’t know we couldn’t have Bill Walton without the PAC-12.” Here is Bill Plaschke’s column on Bill Walton (https://www.evernote.com/shard/s10/sh/4cbf6e01-fa0f-4de9-97ac-091912b93bfa/9YhQiwzWqIsDNih6sb-cywlqq1EfI_UFLPlU-OUFc8Hi-sc6F0vQxAiiIg). If you live in LA, and I know the LA Times is not what it used to be, but it’s still our paper, there are still many outstanding journalists, and I encourage you to subscribe (https://www.latimes.com/subscriptions/sale.html?utm_source=paid_search&utm_medium=GS&utm_campaign=Branded%20Search&utm_term=la%20times%20subscription&utm_content=google_brand&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6uWyBhD1ARIsAIMcADpvCo4btaB86OCZW6PiXok-6gZYBK25Uierqpc0UcsQCxLrAtWkoaoaAsEGEALw_wcB). — It may seem like a little thing, but those talking about suicide now use the phrase “died by suicide,” instead of “committed suicide.” The word commit is often used in reference to a sin. So for the families grieving the loss of a loved one, adding that judgment to something so terrible made it even more difficult. I now use that term. Though I don’t think it eases the pain, it certainly doesn’t make it worse. For those of you who have been personally impacted by the loss of someone who died by suicide, and I know there are several readers for whom that is true, I am so sorry. — Here’s the link if you want to read more about the Stanford Study (https://sparq.stanford.edu/solutions/take-time-be-good-samaritan#:~:text=Darley%20and%20Batson%20found%20that,ignore%20a%20person%20in%20distress.) on Good Samaritans. — Caddyshack may be the most quoted movie of all time. So many different lines continue to be repeated on the golf course. And for me, I can’t hear it too much. Here’s Bill Murray’s not-one-bit-in-the-script-totally-improvised scene of Carl Spackler’s story of looping (caddying) for the Dalai Lama (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X48G7Y0VWW4). (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X48G7Y0VWW4) And if you can’t get enough of Caddyshack, you’ll enjoy a book that my friend Laura shared with me, which describes the totally out of control and leads you to wonder how the heck did they ever get the movie made. Caddyshack: The Making of a Hollywood Cinderella Story (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/caddyshack-the-making-of-a-hollywood-cinderella-story/) — And for those of you keeping score, KINDNESS on that location of the Scrabble Board would have been a 54 point word. I took that photo. Other photo credits: Bill Walton by Alan Berezovsky from the LA Times; Dalai Lama from His Holiness’s Facebook page; Close Encounters from Indiana University; and Ray Kinsella from FenwayPark100. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

8. 

   19 May 2024

   Assorted Thoughts from my Trip to Arkansas

   Last week, I enjoyed a five-day visit to my hometown of Little Rock, Arkansas. The temperature was nice, though it rained every day. These days, I am able to go home three or four times a year. I love seeing my mom, my dad and step-mom, my brother and my sister-in-law, my sister and my nephew, and other friends and family. I feel fortunate to have so much love and friendship in my life, and to have the luxury of time that allows me to take these trips. This blog post is devoted to a few thoughts I had while on the trip. They are not meant to be linked or related in any way – just a few thoughts from the trip. * My flight to Little Rock went through Las Vegas. When you walk through the Las Vegas airport, it feels like you entered the Twilight Zone and landed in the 1970s. It is old, worn-down, and wonderful. They’re going to ruin it by making it beautiful and modern one day, but until then, I’ll keep expecting to see Sammy Davis, Jr. stroll by, shades on and a cigarette hanging in his fingers. I love seeing people’s excitement as they arrive, and their exhaustion as they get ready to go back home. I always have $40 cash with me for my Vegas layovers, and I am looking to hit it big on the airport slot machines. I don’t go for the $10,000 jackpots. Who wants a measly $10,000? I want the $1 million WHEEL OF FORTUNE jackpot! It’s like the lottery. Nobody plays the lottery when the prize money is only $80 million. But they rush in as the prize nears $1 billion. Clearly, none of us have any economic sense at all. My money usually lasts about 15 minutes. And I don’t want to press the button on the slot machine. Those weren’t there in the 70s. I want to pull that slot machine arm. And yes, I know that all that arm does is press the button. This time, I was up $100 for a while, then I wasn’t. It’s always $40 well spent. * I had three outstanding visits with my mother. By the way, my mom always loved the Reno, Laughlin, and Vegas slot machines. She could sit at one of those with a cigarette (before she quit 30 years ago) and a glass of wine for hours. She would get giddy when she won $5, and it was always fun to watch. Back to my trip last week – Mom remembered me in one of the visits, and she knew I was a person who loved her in the other two. My favorite moment was when the two of us were sitting on the living room couch, holding hands and watching a beautiful video that had drone shots of stunning buildings and landmarks in Europe – The Coliseum, the Parthenon, the Louvre, the Amalfi Coast and much more, backed up by soothing classical piano music. Several of the pieces were ones that she used to play. The beauty and music were mesmerizing, and the sensory experience seemed to make her extremely happy. Since I wrote a previous piece about my mom’s dementia (and thank you to the thousands who have read it), she has continued to decline. That being said, I think she is at peace most of the time. I don’t know what is next, but I know I enjoyed these moments. And I think she did too. * * Top things I ate while I was there: * Burnt ends at Count Porkula BBQ. This is a relatively new place that I think is one of the most poorly named restaurants in the world. The food was pretty darn good. I still rank Whole Hog Cafe in Little Rock and McClard’s BBQ in Hot Springs higher, but it was a great meal. * Chocolate Fudge Brownie Pie from Blue Cake Company in Little Rock. I was making a birthday dinner for Candyce, my wonderful step-mom, and she wanted something chocolaty and gooey. The take-and-bake chocolate fudge brownie pie was perfect. I highly recommend it! I have committed to eating every single pie variety on their menu, and I will keep readers updated. I’ll bet you can’t wait. * My pickleball game held up just fine. I played with three friends from high school and did not totally embarrass myself. We managed to play for a full 80 minutes before a torrential downpour stopped us. Until next time, my old friends/new rivals! * My dad and I enjoyed some great visits together. We went and worked out together at the Hot Springs YMCA. They have an awesome 25-meter indoor pool where we swam side by side for about  40 minutes. My Dad is the one who got me into swimming. He was a rock star swimmer until he hurt his shoulder in college. When I was a kid, he drove me to workouts in the mornings, and he was always interested in my swimming career. Now, for both of us, it’s just about occasionally trying to swim fast, but mostly trying to do the work it takes to be younger next year. * Dad shared that he told his guys’ breakfast group that at the age of 85, he was pretty sure he had “lived past his shelf-life.” That made me pause, smile a little, and pause a little more. That’s certainly true in some sense. The average lifespan for males in the US is just over 76, and the average lifespan for men in Arkansas is a 45th-best 73. So, maybe he’s past the average shelf-life in years, but I think the more important indicator is quality of life. By that measure, I think his shelf-life has miles to go. He’s sharp as a tack, still funny, though not as funny as he thinks he is (that’s not new, and I think I share that quality), he and his wife are wonderful together and truly enjoy each other, and he remains a wonderful father to all of his children. We talked about his shelf-life comment, and I told him that I am choosing to ignore the shelf-life date (there’s a lot of discussion about that these days – expiration dates are usually just a suggestion at best), and just enjoy every conversation we have and every moment we have together. I believe there are many more of those moments and conversations left for both of us. * I won a little money betting on the Kentucky Derby! On a whim, several of us placed a little money on the Arkansas horse running in the Kentucky Derby, and wouldn’t you know it, Mystik Dan won the whole thing! Go Arkansas – and that more than made up for my losses in Vegas. I’m not a big gambler, but it’s amazing how a $20 bet on a golf game or a horse race makes the whole event a little more intense. But gambling is way better when you pay your money first, then hope to get it back. I never want to gamble like golfer Lee Trevino did. As Trevino famously once said, “Real pressure is playing for $5, when you only have $2 in your pocket.” No thank you, Lee. * The trip home went through Denver and it was delayed for two hours due to hard winds gusting across the Denver plains. If you’ve never been to the Denver airport, you probably imagine flying in amongst beautiful and majestic snow-capped mountains. But the only mountains you actually see are the white peaks of the crazy airport roof. Everything else is flat, flat, flat. The mountains start rising about 30 miles to the west. Anyway, the winds were still blowing HARD as we landed. I felt like one of the people from the Progressive “Becoming your parents” commercials, because I just had to stop and thank the pilots for bringing us in safely. I never take those landings for granted, but I was especially grateful for this one. Also – if you want to fly into an airport with truly majestic mountains, fly into the box canyon surrounding the Jackson Hole, Wyoming airport. That is majestic . . . and also a little scary. But mostly majestic. And a little scary. It was another wonderful trip. I’ll be seeing my family next at my nephew’s wedding in southern Washington, and then I hope to head back to the Rock in September. I can’t wait. Dorothy was right: There’s no place like home. If you’re not on the mailing list (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9), you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message. The next Mid-Month message will go to mailing list friends next week. I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested,  (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9)please click here (http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9) Post #108 on www.drmdmatthews.com NOTES The picture above is on one of the visits with my brother Pat and my sister Martha. Here’s the post I wrote six months ago on my mom’s fight with Dementia. (https://drmdmatthews.com/my-mom-vs-dementia-sadly-dementia-is-winning/) An example of my Dad’s wit and humor. After I wrote the post on golf, which I knew he wouldn’t like, he emailed me with this line: “Well…as you know, I’m a non-golfer, but still, at your urging, I did read every word of what you had to say about the joys of membership in the First United Golfers’ Church of Awakening and Goodness …repetitious and boring as it was…I did read it.” —- Dang it, that’s funny. I made a “Younger Next Year” reference. It’s a great book that my Dad and I keep coming back to. See my review here. (https://drmdmatthews.com/books/younger-next-year/) If you haven’t seen the Progressive Becoming Your Parents commercials. You’re missing out. Here’s the grocery store one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_Gvpbo7D14). Not only did I thank my pilots, but like the guy in the commercial, I’m always giving shoutouts to my two local grocery produce guys – Lee and Frank. And I’m not going to stop, even though Progressive thinks it makes me look old. If you don’t know about burnt ends, here’s a quick tutorial. Take the fatty part of a brisket that’s already been smoked for 12-14 hours, cut the pieces into cubes, season them, then smoke them two or three hours more until a very dark “bark” develops. Burnt is just how they look – they are actually cooked perfectly. They are fatty, no good for you at all, and absolutely outstanding. Some people call them “meat candy.” Links to the restaurants I mentioned: * Count Porkula (https://www.countporkula.com/) * Whole Hog Cafe (https://www.wholehogcafe.com/) * McClard’s BBQ (https://www.mcclards.com/) * Blue Cake Company (https://www.thebluecakecompany.com/) Finally, as my friend Dawnalyn has pointed out, I lived in Arkansas for 18 years, and I’ve lived in Malibu for the last 31 years, and I still call Arkansas home. Can you have two homes? They both certainly qualify, and I love them both, but my only plans are to stay in our Malibu home. Dawnalyn is a true wordsmith, and I have often advised her not to pay attention to my words. Instead, try to figure out the sentiments behind them. She just shakes head. Home is a complicated concept, and I’m just fine with that. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

9. 

   21 Apr 2024

   Celebrating Golf. Actually – Celebrating the Universal Quest to Be Better in Life

   Podcast version of my April 20, 2024 post on www.drmdmatthews.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com (https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)