31 May 2022
Inclusion Starts Within
Inclusion starts within with self-love, self-acceptance and self-respect. When we can radically embrace all parts of who we are. We leave no room for anyone to tear us down.
Let me take you back to the year 2000. I was at a sleepover. And we were singing Britney Spears and dancing to Christina Aguilera. We woke up, had pancakes for breakfast. And it was just so much fun. I remember thinking this is a fifth graders dream sleep over. The next morning, my mom came to pick me up. And I remember my friend, probably 10 or 11 years old, walking right up to her and saying, me and my parents don't like black people or Mexicans
and my mom paused and said, you know, Shaundra is Mexican, right. Needless to say, I wasn't really allowed to hang out with this friend much after this.
But deeper than that, were the questions that I was left with. They don't like Mexicans. What's wrong with Mexicans? What is wrong with me? This isn't the first time that I'd heard something like this though. Growing up, I lived in a small, rural Indiana town where for most of my schooling, my brother and I were the only non white students because of this I heard jokes and comments about me being Mexican, more oftenly referred to as just brown. And be it jokes or comments or remarks from a 10 year old who didn't fully understand what she was saying. Words hurt.
And those words made me feel like I did not belong. That I was not fully included and wanting to be included, is a natural human desire.
We are tribal creatures by nature. And in our past, being a part of a group meant that we were safe and that others were watching out for us and that we were not alone. But if we were outcast from the group or no longer part of the pack, we were on our own no one had our back. And it was scary. And I held that fear inside my 10 year old body. And what I thought I needed was the acceptance and the safety of others. What I thought I was missing was the approval of those who made me feel like I was not enough. So to achieve this, I started to shrink myself, contort myself. And shape shift myself and to a box a box that I thought others wanted to see. And while I did this, I asked myself questions like why can't I just belong? Why can't they see me as worthy? I think when most people hear the word inclusion what comes to mind is changing the perspective or opinions of others on those that they see as different whether it be their differences their race ethnicity, size, shape, color, gender, sexuality, whatever that difference may be. They want others to see them as good enough like they belong to and I used to feel this way as well. Why can't you just let me be a part of your group. But now Now I believe that inclusion starts within was self love, self acceptance and self respect. When we can radically embrace all parts of who we are. We leave no room for anyone to tear us down. No longer I believe when we own our worth and share our story, we create more space for others to remember and reclaim their power. No longer do we have to spend our time and energy trying to change the minds of those who don't yet see our worth and instead can spend that time and energy on loving and accepting all parts of who we are. We can remember that we are always 100% lovable, we are fully whole and we are always enough. We can recognize that our worth is never dependent on anyone else's acceptance or any external situations. It took me some time to come to this belief. But I remember hearing this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. And she said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And this intrigued me and this got me curious and I wanted to know where and who was giving my consent away to and how do I make the stop? I wanted to take back the power of how I felt I wanted to learn how to stop giving permission to others to determine how I felt. So years after the sleepover incident, I was talking to my therapist and I was drawing her this picture. It was me inside a box and I w
