Unwind Your Mind | Weekly Wisdom With Dan Isaacman

About Unwind Your Mind | Weekly Wisdom With Dan Isaacman

As a result of listening to the pod, people feel less anxious and question conventional wisdom. They enjoy gaining insight and inspiration through life lessons while accelerating their learning trajectory. Do you know anyone who likes exciting philosophy? www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

danisaacman.com

Category

education · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

12 Sept 2021

Latest episode

21 Nov 2021

Latest episodes

9 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   21 Nov 2021

   Breaking Through To The Next Level

   I was out walking in my favourite spot along a beautiful path. I strolled amongst the mangroves., the home of local birds, and a sanctuary for native Australian wildlife. I took a moment to sit in a section where the path is elevated above the mangroves, looking out at an expanse of trees, seeing if I could spot a sleeping owl. I was deep in concentration when suddenly approached by a stranger who felt compelled to tell me that “Jesus loves you”. At first, I didn’t know what to say. The young man appeared harmless and genuine. He had a kind and excited tone in his voice. So I responded by saying, “Thank you, I appreciate that”, while trying to keep an open mind as the conversation continued. I was intrigued by the story of what he had to say next. We got talking about life and religion, and he helped me learn a valuable lesson. The Power That Compels This man was excited and compelled to share his experience. So excited, that his energy was beaming as he told me his story. He told me that when he was younger that he was a “typical boy” growing up. He rebelled against his parents and was considered the black sheep of the family. He was involved with what he called “the wrong crowd” and would regularly take recreational drugs. He said that he was “living the lifestyle of a man who would die young.” His life trajectory was not leading in a direction that he was proud of. That was until he started experiencing a strange phenomenon called sleep paralysis. He recalled a vivid dream where he was being tortured in the underworld by demons as he slept. It felt so real to him. He then awoke in a state of paralysis and was unable to move while the thoughts of the demented beings tormented him. That experience was the final straw, and he decided to make a radical change. He told me that he looked in the mirror and reflected on his experience and life when he decided to seek Jesus. From that day forward, he turned a new leaf. He had had an awakening because he had a moment so decisive that it changed his life and identity forever. His life had previously consisted of following the path of least resistance without any discipline or rules. As a result, he had no care about his body or the repercussions of his actions until he made a drastic choice to change. Fast forward to 3 years later, and he was happily married with a young family that had long continued walking as we chatted. He had chosen his path, and he willingly went through the pain and suffering of confronting his demons. As a result, he seemed so alive and bursting with energy. He was excited like a child at the prospect of spreading his ideas and experience, hoping that he could help others reach the same level of joy. Drastic Life Changes After our conversation, I was impressed by the conviction and bravado of the man. He had shared some personal stories with me and said: “it is like if you found the cure or cancer, wouldn’t you want to share it?” He had a fantastic breakthrough that encouraged him to change his lifestyle and devote himself to his higher cause. Our conversation didn’t change my belief, but he did help me to realise the nature of what it means to have a breakthrough. The question that stuck in my mind was, “why are people’s stories of extraordinary change so similar?” I started thinking about the nature of a “breakthrough” in a broader sense. Many of the stories about drastic decisions that change our life seem to share similar pre-requisites and sound identical. * I slowly or suddenly hit rock bottom. I live in a way that I can barely tolerate. * It got so hard to change that I almost gave up trying to make it better. * Then when I was about to break, I desperately sought help from within and without. Life pushes us beyond our comfort zone, and when we think that the pain is intolerable, we have the opportunity to encounter a revelatory experience. The commonalities of the experience make me believe that it is not until you are pushed to your limit that you can have a breakthrough. It appears that we need these breaking points to get to the next level of life. Revelations Follow Hardship. Of course, a massive change could go wrong, and a person could turn radical or unstable, but for the most part, if the challenge is worthwhile, we rise from the ashes of difficulty and emerge stronger than before by facing our demons. This type of experience interests me because we tend to do everything we can to avoid getting to that place of hardship. Breaking through the walls and barriers of the comfort zone that we have constructed involves pain and struggle. We don’t like uncomfortable situations, so we often run away from them rather than facing them head-on. We seek comfort and happiness, but the real growth is waiting for us on the other side of our pain and struggle. Embracing the Bad With the Good We put up inner boundaries and walls to avoid the monsters on the other side. Life feels safer under our armour, but we struggle to move nimbly under the weight of the heavy brass. We shelter ourselves from hard truths and uncomfortable activities and find it hard to conceptualise our future challenges. But I have come to realise that by trapping ourselves in our defences, we block out the light on the other side. It sounds easy to challenge ourselves and move past the pain when sitting comfortably on the couch, but when we are face-to-face with our demons, the easy option is to run and hide rather than confront and conquer. My Breakthrough Experiment The lesson of breaking through my inner walls solidified when I was assessing my emotional state one day. It struck me the other day when I woke up feeling particularly miserable. I consider myself a happy person, so I thought I could easily overcome this with gratitude and positive thoughts. That day, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get over the feelings. Luckily, I could catch my mind in a sad state because it is usually hard to know how you feel until after the fact. At this point, I was reflecting on my conversation about breakthroughs and the random man in the mangroves. I decided to take some time to embrace the pain instead of ignoring the pressure, knowing there may be some wisdom on the other side. I acknowledged how I felt, and instead of turning away, I attempted to go deeper into my emotions to confront my self. I wanted to face my demons in a safe environment on my terms. My thought process was, “If I can get through to the other side of my sadness, instead of fighting it, I may have a chance to learn something valuable.” Instead of putting up a psychological wall to protect me, I opened a window to see what was on the other side and allowed the sunshine and breeze to come in. Embracing the anxious feelings, I sat and wrote down on a piece of paper all the reasons I felt how I did and temporarily increased the intensity of the experience by putting aside some time to engross myself in the struggle. I turned up the temperature of my emotion in an attempt to dive deeper into my mind. Going deeper into the pain helped me in inexplicable ways, and later that evening, I ceremoniously tore up the paper and threw it in a bin far away. It felt natural to embrace the sadness, and I was okay with the fact that I felt that way. It was far from a religious experience, but it was a small taste of the power of pushing through the pain instead of avoiding it. A few days later, when the feelings had blown over, I came to appreciate the fact that life lessons are a constant challenge. If the lessons we had to learn were always easy, we would never have the same problem twice in a row. Life loves to test our resolve and ability to handle stress in the face of adversity, often pushing us to our extreme limit and then some. Our struggles are tailor-made to challenge us appropriately and pull us towards growth. If we can consistently face our challenges head-on, we can reach heights we never dreamed were possible. Breaking Through To The Next Level Progress is about building the courage to confront your fears and challenges even when they seem impossible. When thinking about growth, I picture myself climbing a fictional ladder of life. There is a giant ladder that leads to a opening in the ceiling. You get to know the other people in the room well, but the people and environment change with each level you climb. Climbing this mysterious ladder leads you to the next phase of your growth. Gravity does everything it can to pull you back towards the lower levels. The ladder becomes more slippery with each level, and the portal to get through gets smaller and smaller. Sometimes the opening is hard to find, or it may even be covered by other materials like glass that you will need to shatter to break through. Each floor has more distractions and temptations, and it is much easier to stay where you are or move backwards than to progress upwards. At a particular stage, the hatch to crawl through to the next floor feels impossible to breach, but with determination and hard work, it is attainable to squeeze through to the upper levels, where it is less crowded and more intense growth is acheived. Each level feels more challenging, and each step will test your will and determination. It will take everything you have to progress, and it will be painful, but each gradual increase leads to a more fulfilling existence. When we don’t have the energy to uncomfortably contort through to the next level, we often slip back down the ladder to join our accomplices down below. Leveling Up When the portal is impossibly tiny, but you manage to squeeze through anyway, is when you may have the privilege of having a breakthrough experience. It is through perseverance in the face of this pressure and pain that we transcend our current limitations. By observing the stranger from earlier, I realised that people who have authentic revelatory experiences have a similar origin story. If you are experiencing some of the most challenging times of your life, I hope this is some comfort to know that imminent growth and prosperity are on the other side. Growing can be painful, and life will constantly test and retest your level of determination. A perfect life would be boring and would not make for a fascinating story. We all experience life differently, but we will only ever get a few chances to have truly breakthrough experiences. So if you want to level up, embrace the uncomfortable and watch closely for the lessons that life is trying to teach you to advance to a higher level. If you keep facing the same kind of issues, it is likely you have not yet learned the skills to pushed through the next portal and it’s time to try a different strategy. If you let fear control you, you might miss your chance for rapid growth. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

2. 

   7 Nov 2021

   Should I Give Advice

   Our Life Choices Giving advice comes with a sense of authority. It feels good when someone comes to confide in us with their trust. We feel empowered as we discuss the decisions and choices of others while we allow ourselves that little gratification of feeling wise. I'm sure you have been on both sides, whether you were asking or giving advice. Communicating our decisions and elaborating on our thoughts with others is a healthy practice. However, the question is, "does confiding in others for our life choices give us better results in the long run?" The Trusted Advisor Change is part of life, but often it is uncomfortable because it can affect our sense of identity (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/change). When making a tough decision, it is common to seek help from a trusted advisor. The problem with being the advisor and giving advice is that people will make a change or do something, only if they want to. The change needs to be their decision. You cannot make anyone do anything. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/why-nobody-can-help-us) In a world where free will and justice exists, individuals ultimately make their own choices and decisions. The role of an unbiased advisor is to listen and lend an ear rather than project their personal opinion. Asking probing questions and allowing the advisee to air their thoughts is more valuable than telling people what they should do. A great listener is a sounding board to amplify their voice and empower the individual to elaborate and express their concerns. Ramifications of Avoiding Responsibility Who is to blame when the consequence of our actions creates further problems? It's easier to point fingers rather than take responsibility. Advice seekers shift the onus of their choices on others because they believe "that is what you told me to do, and it didn't work, so you were wrong!" Most of the Consultant Industry operates in a manner where blame can be easily shifted to a third party. As an example, If you, the advisor, told me, the advisee, that it was a good idea to start this or pursue that, then it is the advisor's fault that I failed because it didn't turn out in my favour, right? There lies the fallacy. A person who asks a thousand people's opinions before they act, usually blame others when they fail. Of course, there are exceptions to advising people in certain circumstances when they have absolutely no idea what to do. However, if we can be honest with ourselves and venture deep inside our conscious thoughts, we all know the answer to our problems without external solutions. Blame Insurance Many people use advice as a sense of insurance to abscond from responsibility. "It wasn't my fault. They suggested it" is a common phrase for blame brokers who take out insurance policies on their decisions. If you detect this behavioral personality, beware of becoming the advisee’s blame insurance or scapegoat. It becomes easy in hindsight to blame the advisor, for failed advice, when the reality of the situation is that you made a choice. The blame game is difficult to avoid and is a slippery slope once you start sliding. The question is then, what do you do when someone comes to you for advice? How do you shift the responsibility back to the person who will ultimately need to decide for themselves? My answer might seem crude (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/your-pain-is-unreal), and honestly, it is. The Devils Advocate One of the best things you could do for someone who seeks advice is to challenge their concept or ideology. Saying, "No, I don't think it will work." is hard to do, but it is the medicine that they need. Tell them their idea is terrible, it will never work, and there is no point. The idea may seem counterintuitive because saying no doesn’t seem very supportive at first, but when you expand your time horizon long into the future, the magic begins to emerge. The benefits of saying No. * It is unlikely that person will come to you for advice again if they are only looking for positive reinforcement or a scapegoat. * You get to practice the art of saying no gracefully, which is a needed skill to give yourself more time in life. * You provide the advisee with the most valuable feedback in the form of a challenge. By challenging the advisee, they will have to argue their case for why they think it is a good idea. They will need to think hard about their choice and justify their reasoning. This subtle trick of playing the devil's advocate is the best gift. You are essentially offering that person the first roadblock in the cause to achieve a goal. Be The First Roadblock When you apply some resistance, you are doing the other person a favour. You allow them to conceptualise the road ahead and address the reality by questioning their purpose and reason. If they display resilience and defiance, it is a good sign that they are serious. If they cannot get past this minor hurdle before starting, it may be best not to go ahead. When the going gets tough down the line, which it always does, they will have wasted their time if they did not prepare for some pushbacks. I like to preface the statements I make as an advisor by saying, "If you will allow me to play the devil's advocate…(and then proceed with the counter-argument)". If the person then gives up on the idea, after a small hurdle, they did not want it bad enough. Life will always test how badly you want something by throwing challenges your way. Playing the devil's advocate is not always easy (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/the-hard-truth-audio), but if the person trusts you, you are doing them a disservice by telling them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. Giving advice can be a trap, so instead of becoming blame insurance, take a stand and challenge the advisee’s ideals. The next time you are asked for advice, focus on listening (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/big-talk-audio) and allow the other person to communicate and express their thoughts thoroughly. If they ask for an opinion, do your best to counter them and tell them what they might not want to hear. It is difficult to do, but in the long term, they will thank you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

3. 

   24 Oct 2021

   Influence Yourself

   I have discovered that the journey of righteous growth begins by changing our habits. Recently, I have made an effort towards three uncomfortable challenges: * Waking Up Early * Working, When I Don't Feel like It * Not Complaining So many of us wish to change the world, but first, we need to straighten our own affairs to live as an example. How can we expect to make a positive change in the world if we cannot first influence ourselves? I chose the three habits above because they are demanding yet within my control. It's a shift towards the hard things that will make life easier instead of the easy things that will make my life hard. Like Carl Jung Said - "As any change must begin somewhere, it is the single individual who will experience it and carry it through. The change must indeed begin with an individual; it might be any one of us. Nobody can afford to look round and to wait for somebody else to do what he is loath to do himself." Progress and growth can be slow and painful, but it is the only way forward. Despite the claims from the people trying to sell you something (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/they-lied-to-you-about-success), nothing in life will lead to innovation and creativity unless there is an element of challenge. I hope that you will start to strengthen your resolve by practising some intentional difficulties. 1. Waking Up With The Birds Anyone who says it is easy to wake up early is lying. For the past eight months, I have woken up at 4:08 AM, 4 out of 7 days, and every single time, it sucks. However, knowing that you are creating more time in your day is a mental advantage. My routine is made possible by putting an annoying alarm at a distance so that I have to get up and out of bed to switch it off. Then comes the real challenge of avoiding getting back into bed. When I first wake up, my thoughts are almost always negative as the natural morning cortisol (stress hormones) pumps through my veins. I have to consciously interrupt my thoughts of "It's too cold" or "Just jump back into bed" by laughing at myself in the mirror as I think ", you crazy b*****d!" There are some tricks I use to counteract these thoughts. The first thing I do every morning is to brush my teeth. The Tooth-brushing trigger starts a chain of events, so all I have to do is convince myself to quickly brush my teeth. I sometimes have to dupe myself by actively thinking, "after I brush, I can go back to sleep". This simple act gets the ball rolling and allows me to drag my body towards the bathroom, even if every ounce of my mind tells me to go back to sleep. As my thoughts race, I make a conscious effort to stare into my eyes in the mirror (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/the-mirror), breaking the loop of thinking. I become more present in the moment. Then I smile at myself and think, "what are you doing!?" allowing me to crack a smile at the insane man who stares back in my direction. If my mind is in a negative loop, I will attempt to break the cycle with some grateful thoughts. I think, "what is something small I could be grateful for?" Using a memory trigger, I try and expand that feeling of gratitude to realise how lucky I am to be alive. If nothing comes to mind, I use my default line; "my time is limited, and my ancestors went through so much struggle for me to be here now". I have learned that there is no better time to enjoy every moment (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/living-in-the-moment) of life than in the morning when the world is quiet. 2. Getting Sh!t Done Do you have to wait until you are in the zone to get something done? Doing meaningful work or practice can seem like a chore. So how do we fight procrastination? Recently I have been using the 20 | 10 working method. The basic premise is to set 20 minutes of pure focus on the task at hand. Close all tabs on your computer, put your phone out of reach and focus for 20 minutes only on one task. When the 20 minutes is up, take a 10-minute break to do whatever you want before repeating. If you are on a roll and the 20 minutes is up, go for another 20. As a result, I can approach any task without being overwhelmed. In addition, the technique forces me to break tasks down into smaller chunks, making work more approachable. I often end up getting more done, especially once I develop momentum. Note: 20|10 is an altered method of the Pomodoro technique. 3. Complaining is a Long Battle There is a time and place to vent your frustration, but complaining does not benefit you whatsoever. But, of course, this can be easier said than done. I sometimes find myself complaining about things other people didn't do because I have certain expectations. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/what-do-you-expect) The antidote for me is that I don't ask someone else to do something I wouldn't do or don't want to do. Angry that the housemate didn't wash their dishes? If you don't want to confront them, just do it yourself! Instead of thinking, "AH, I have to do the dishes now", re-frame your perspective to "Ahh, I get to do the dishes now". Every moment you waste where you could be doing something is robbing you of your precious time. The time spent thinking and complaining about something is valuable time you are losing. We are all guilty of spending more time agonising over something than actually doing it. Life is simple; It's Just Not Easy. The practice of hard work gives you an unexplained edge throughout life. Sometimes life will call on us to do things we don't want to do. Part of growing and gaining wisdom comes from gravitating towards things you know you need to do but don't feel like it. I suggest you build the resolve to get important things done. We only have this one fleeting life as far as we can prove. When others say they are tired, you can smile, knowing in the back of your mind that you had had a more productive day before the other person even got out of bed. This mental advantage is why it is worth putting in the hard yards. With a bit of practice, challenges become a reward instead of a means to an end. Set yourself three hard but helpful habits, and tell me if you feel more empowered to tackle the complex challenges in life. You know what you need to do, but if you feel stuck, you can try my three of: * Waking Up Slightly Earlier * Doing Something Meaningful, Even When it's Easier to do Nothing. * Not Complaining, Even When You Have Every Right To I would love to hear any of your experiences in the comments below. I hope you enjoyed and if you want to get weekend wisdom directly to your inbox, please consider subscribing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

4. 

   17 Oct 2021

   Infinity in The Finite

   When you look at this picture, what are your thoughts? Take a moment to appreciate the vivid scene with its colours and intricate details. Can you guess the age? Looking deeply into this painting is an exploration of wonder that can be hard to describe. There is so much detail to take in. I can imagine a significant amount of time goes into producing such a stunning piece. The question I have, however, is how much time has been spent viewing this masterpiece? Here is a thought experiment: 🧪 🧫 If I look at this painting in a museum for 30 seconds, and so do another 120 people on that day. Then an hour has been spent engrossed in the image. Can you imagine the number of people over the ages who have admired this landscape for over 300 years? Extrapolate that minute a day over centuries, and you get a startling result. Lifetimes worth of contemplation has perceived this "Wheat Fields. " ca. 1670, by Jacob van Ruisdael Dutch. Notice The Art of Living These ancient memoirs are an echo of the fact that an artisan exists in all of us. You, too, can appreciate art with a sense of consciousness that can take in infinite allure in a finite moment. You, too, can train yourself to observe the magic contained within a single frame of existence. Taking a step back to see with "new eyes (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/living-in-the-moment)" and question with curiosity might just reveal a world/moment that is so intricately divine that the simplest observation can change your state. The key is to take notice and look beyond a narrow scope. The artist within can look at a scene and capture a finite moment and make it infinite. The artist is one who can see the beauty and complexity in a single fleeting second. The works encapsulated throughout history follow this pattern. We have this power because we are both the creator of our interpretation and the observer of the moment. If Marcel Duchamp can see art in this urinal, then maybe you too can notice the magic of living and observing. Interpreting Your Perception There is much to be said about the wealth contained in this present moment. Our human perception consists of an eternity of now (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/read-this-now). Like a motion picture, the still images in succession give the impression of movement, each film frame containing rich material. This very moment is the complex result of many contributing factors from the past and future. We perceive time and reality in this eternal now, with the added benefit of imagination (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/how-to-create-and-accomplish-more). We can imagine the future and remember (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/how-to-live-a-memorable-life) the past, but our reality, as a participant, exists in the moment. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/read-this-now) The deep level of awareness captured by an artist is why a piece of art is so unique. The artist can manipulate their perspective and immortalise it for a focused audience. Art takes a moment that is fleeting and finite and makes it infinite and expansive. The artist may take 100 hours to produce a painting of a single moment, and as the consumer, we get to see a slice of life through an alternative lens. Picasso's Napkin Anecdote There is an old tale that goes something like this: Picasso was sitting in a French cafe, enjoying his morning coffee. He pulled out a marker and started doodling on a napkin because the world was his canvas, and he saw art everywhere. Onlookers stared in awe to see what the great artist would produce. He later handed some cash to the waitress as he briskly made his way towards the exit. On his way out, he mindlessly threw his sketch in the bin. A voice from behind quickly called out, "Can I buy that napkin from you?" A mischievous smile emerged from Picasso as he slowly turned around. He scrummaged the napkin from the garbage and extended his arm to the patron as he said, "That will be 40,000 francs." You can imagine the look on the potential buyers face as they contorted in confusion and said, "but that only took you 30 seconds to draw?" To which Picasso responded, "No, This took me a lifetime". Ironically, one such Picasso doodle sold for 20,00 pounds in 2009 [1] Infinity In The Finite Picasso had worked his entire life to produce art that people loved. From his strokes and impressions, he would encapsulate a part of himself into his art. One can look at his 1903 painting called "La Vie" during the "Blue Period" of his life and instantly get a sense of the emotions contained within. His work was an extension of himself, as he existed in his environment, as a cultural member of society. His art was a reflection of his life and emotional state, from his perspective. His style contributed significantly to modern art and thought. Moreover, Picasso influenced subsequent artists to build on the foundations that he created. His artwork has gone on to outlive him and will likely exist for time immemorial. Art has a magical ability to capture both emotion and time while transcending beyond the artist. Music, literature, and a variety of other forms of expression give humans a superpower. The power to peer back through time into the lives, emotions, and experiences of people long forgotten. Some of the most noteworthy people throughout history are those who have captured the ideas of their time. Think Shakespear, Micheal Angelo, or Leonardo Da Vinci. The Defining Works Eventually, groundbreaking ideas become ingrained into our culture. The knowledge is the result of progressive societal norms, popularised by artists who can communicate in contemplative forms. The art reflects life, and life informs art. The cycle of life and art has a lot to do with the fact that we are generally wiser and better educated than the people who preceded us. It’s not that we are more studious, but we have been privy to the evolution of art and culture, which has been moulded into the structure of our society. It is almost as if a shared consciousness exists that builds upon itself as we progress as a civilisation. These ideas often become part of us on such a deep level that the wisdom you possess needs no explanation. These ideas become common knowledge and the grounds for which new ideas are constructed and elaborated. The Infinite Game We can develop the ability to look at the world and recognise its charm. It requires elegance to notice the attractive nature of the world around us. Each moment is finite, yet it can be moulded into the infinite with an artist’s eye. An artist can take a single moment and encapsulate it in a way that creates infinite possibilities for interpretation and experience. The perspective can then be distilled and captured, and may even be used as the basis to build cultural and societal norms. The infinite game continues forever, with no end, with the primary purpose being a continuation and hopefully progress. Many artists themselves have transcended their brief existence by leaving unique creations that outlived them. The art that survives is the awesome work that can make its way into the subconscious of future generations. Lifetimes have been spent contemplating the art of past societies. And lifetimes will be spent building on their foundation. The artist eye can take a fleeting moment and make it permanent.Just like we do with our memories by capturing emotion and expression. If we are more conscious and intentional about the process of increasing our awareness, we too can create beautiful memories and moments. What art is hiding from you in plain sight? - Next week we will dive deeper into the concept of the value of art from a different angle. If you want to be sure to get Part 2, please consider subscribing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

5. 

   10 Oct 2021

   Growing Into Your Best Self

   Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better Is There Really a Social Dilemma? Social Media presents us with an unlimited buffet of content. A pacifier for adults. It makes you feel comfortable but ends up giving us an overbite if you suck it for too long. The endless scroll, as curated by all the things we like. Personalised news obviously has its benefits because I would prefer to consume media that interests me. The scary truth, however, is that there is a massive incentive to make you feel insignificant. Feeling "unworthy" is good for business because it makes you feel like something is missing and stimulates the need to consume. Your best interests are rarely a priority in a world where you can spend more, have more and be more. Why is everyone so damn extraordinary? Every time I jump online, I'm overwhelmed by infinite highlight reels. Everyone else is funnier, more talented and generally more impressive. I searched "NASA Astronaut who is 12 years old", and sure enough, the internet showed me that was possible Not many people would voluntarily choose to share their low-lights, so we get a skewed view of reality. For all the amazing things the internet has produced, the amount of envy and feeling of insignificance it generates is startling. The Concerning Comparison Our globalised society is unlimited by physical distance. Instead of comparing yourself to your clan (family, friends, and community), you now compare yourself to billions of people. The comparison can stall your growth and leave you feeling incredibly anxious. We end up comparing our seemingly mediocre existence, dreaming about how our lives would be different if we had wealth and fame. Motivation disappears instantly in this state, and so perpetuates the infatuation with the lives of others. Paradoxically we spend less time with the people holding us personally accountable and invest more time in the lifestyles of the rich and the famous. Begging the question, "why is it so hard (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/hard-truth), when they make it look easy?" The Answer is Not That Simple. As with most things, we anticipate only the good parts of our dreams. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/the-problem-with-your-goals) It's like Jim Carrey says, "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." It's easy to look past all the pain, hard work and sacrifice it takes to get to the top. Survivors of fame very rarely talk about their struggle, and when they do, people rarely listen. It's like climbing to the top of Mt. Everest. It sounds like anyone can do it, and you might decide it's a good idea. You make the decision from the comfort of your couch. Then you start to climb, and your perspective changes to realise the gravity of the situation that you might not have anticipated while sitting on your couch in your pyjamas. Taking The First Step You will not go instantly from 0-100 because that would be no fun at all. The cheat code makes any game short-lived because the joy comes from playing the game, not finishing it. Instead, we change the world with momentum compounding little by little (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/the-compound-effect). The best place to start is where you are. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/how-to-beat-perfectionism) Look around you for something that bothers you and fix it. This can be in your immediate environment or possibly in the broader environment. For me, my recent win was replanting all my indoor succulents. My plants were so overgrown that their roots had taken over and had started to penetrate the walls. It was bothering me for ages, and now that it is done, I can move on. Next, I have a series of small tasks to perform to get my life in order. Completing each of these tasks clears some space in my mind for my more extensive and loftier goals. Once I have momentum, I can start to affect the external world, but first, I need to improve my internal state of mind by alleviating some mental strain. (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/allocating-your-energy-capital) Solve immediate problems step-by-step and notice how the momentum starts to build. Each act builds on another, and the series of small wins prepares you for the more significant challenges to come. Where Do I Start? If you plan to change the world, you will need to start from where you are Let me tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. Contrary to what some people want you to think, you are probably exactly where you need to be. Yes, life is tough, but If you believe you are where you need to be, it's easier to look at your life objectively. Maybe you don't have a compelling (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/be-careful-what-you-wish-for) enough reason, or perhaps you have some toxic negative beliefs about yourself or the world. If you keep running into the same recurring issues, you haven't yet learned the lesson that life is trying to teach you. Deep down, you know what is holding you back. Start with something small that is within your control (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/the-control-illusion), like tidy up your space or go for a walk in nature. Think about why you have put off the activity and how you might start to overcome your personal barriers. Action First Motivation Second When it's time to take action, there is a straightforward principle. The do-something principle What have you been avoiding? Usually, we know what we need to do, but we are distracted easily. We all have those "I'll do this later" tasks. We put them off as long as we can until the problem becomes so big we can't ignore it. How can we expect to free up some mental capacity (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/allocating-your-energy-capital) this way if our minds have so many things to do. I'm not saying tick off everything on your to-do list, but I am saying, start tackling some of the important stuff that is holding you back. When you feel overwhelmed, try one of these two valid choices instead of consuming TV or media. * Do Nothing - Reflect on what you can do, want to do, or could do. * Do Something - No matter how small it seems, start the ball rolling. The more you do, the closer you will get to realising your true potential and passions, giving you the motivation to change your world and create inspiration for others. Focus On What Matters Right Now Why do we care so much about comparing our progress to others? Instead, shift your focus to what you can do right now. Develop the habit of solving problems by starting from where you are. Your small wins will eventually start to compound, and before you know it, you will be putting a dent in reality. Remember the guy who traded the red paper clip ? All the small steps accumulated, and he eventually ended up with a house. If you start taking small steps and taking action regularly, you will eventually begin contributing to society. You may never get the recognition you want or deserve. That is why the process of achievement, not the end goal, is the key to fulfilment (https://www.danisaacman.com/p/they-lied-to-you-about-success). Even if it is small and relatively insignificant, you never know what is possible until you do something. "Start where you are with what you have, knowing that what you have is plenty enough." - Booker T. Washington. Sources & References This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

6. 

   3 Oct 2021

   Living In The Moment

   I was walking with my wife recently and speaking prose like a mad philosopher. She turned to me once I had exhausted my last word and said, "do you ever just walk, like, enjoy the trees and not think?". Boom! The realisation shocked me. Every day, I embark on a long stroll, but my mind is elsewhere. The revelation was a long time in the making and shook my paradigm. I was so focused on within, that I barely noticed the true beauty that surrounded me. I wasn't paying attention. How had I become so jaded and trapped in my mind? Missing Life's Simplest Joys Have you ever been on a holiday where the planning and anticipating far outweighed the experience? Our senses take the back seat, and we begin to drift into our imaginations. We become so distracted by the next task or our thoughts of the past or future that we let the magic of life escape us. The paradox is we need to be present to ascribe emotion to an experience, this is how we form lasting memories. But if we are not attentive, we lose our ability to recollect the moment, stripping us of potentially sacred memories. There have been times where I over-planned a holiday, then felt exhausted and stressed from rushing between activities, when the entire point was to relax and enjoy. Imagine this: You're on a train in a foreign land with people you love, and all you can think about is," I'm going to be late for hang-gliding". Then you finally get airborne, which is a miracle in itself, but your mind is now concerned with your dinner reservations. Hindsight will ultimately reveal the rarity of an event, but what if we could notice what is happening as it occurs? Whether the moment is spectacular or simple, embrace the good and the bad by concentrating on the activity. Then we can create a sense of awe and wonder in seemingly dull moments. What if we could fully embrace a moment with joy and focus on revealing the beauty of life’s simplest passage? We could create beautiful memories (https://umnd.substack.com/p/how-to-live-a-memorable-life) by being more present and attentive. Paying Attention When was the last time you felt intrigued? You had an experience where your senses were totally attentive. You were "in the moment". Your Zen Beginner Mind allowed you to feel a childlike curiosity. Remember your first time doing something you enjoyed, like driving? The freedom of screaming your lungs out as you sing to your favourite tune alone in the car. Or a new dish you tried, made you contort with delight. You had the concerned look on your face as you tasted the suspiciously delicious food. How long did it take before that felt normal, and perhaps you were not as fond? Unfortunately for most of us, the intriguing feeling is fleeting because our mind is quick to wonder. The result is you are not truly present to enjoy the bliss of living. Over time, our senses become dull as we concede to live more in our minds and less in reality. What is Mindfulness? Between 400-500 B.C., the Buddha, also known as Siddhārtha Gautama, created the foundation for Buddhism in India. Awareness of the present moment is one of the core pillars of the Buddhist religion. Mindful practice is believed to help attain a greater state of consciousness and brings its followers to enlightenment. On the other hand, thinking yourself out of the present moment has been shown to produce toxic effects. Small things like listening to your head/mind rather than the person speaking draw you away from the present moment. When we try to focus on multiple things simultaneously, we strain our brains as we switch our attention back and forth. Thinking about what is not happening has a knock-on effect that weirdly triggers the fight-or-flight stress response. This reaction is part of our human nature "Yet, over longer time intervals, they exact a cost (allostatic load) that can accelerate disease processes…and, in some cases, atrophy of brain structures". [1] The way I see it is that if you are not living in the moment, you are literally killing yourself. Training your Mindful Muscle. Meditation is a form of mindfulness. It's the act of bringing our attention back, over and over again, to one point of focus, which could be the breath or the body. The practice allows us to control where we focus our energy. I advocate for the practice, but sitting in silence seems too formal for many people and is not necessarily the best form of mindfulness. My favourite form of daily mindfulness is eating and drinking, but you can choose any ritual. Try this and see how it changes your state of mind: Take your next cup of tea or coffee for example. Give yourself the time and space to bring your full attention to the moment. Engage your five senses. Bring your awareness into the moment and become fully present in your body as you drink. What are you feeling in your body? Check-in and embrace the experience. The purpose is to drink the tea for the sake of drinking tea, without any other task in mind, no reading or pulling out your phone. If it helps, you can imagine this is the first time you have ever truly appreciated a cup of tea. You can use these informal moments, like eating, listening to music, walking etc., and train your attention to embrace and live more fully in the moment. Bring curiosity to your experience like it is your first time, noticing the passing phenomenon rather than judging it. Mindfulness will elevate the level of joy you experience day-to-day. Adding attention to your daily rituals is one way to strengthen your minds ability to focus and be present in the moment. "An intended result of mindfulness practice is that a mental orientation of mindfulness will develop toward daily events providing enhanced mental/emotional flexibility and clarity to deepening one's enjoyment of life and making one more skillful in facing life's challenges." [2] Mindfulness is not feel good self-help advice. It is living fully, transitioning from a human doing to a human being. “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” -Albert Einstein Experience Life If you want to live more fully, it is worth adopting mindfulness as a practice. So far, it seems to be working well for me, and I now actively enjoy my distraction-free walks. Start with some basic rituals and feel how that changes your experience. Quieting the mind is essential, but embrace the noise and also let your negative thoughts be exposed without judgement or expectation. If you want to be calmer and joyful and remember more of your life, it is worth embracing the moment. Mindful living is an appreciation for the process, and there is no finish line. "By being mindful, we simply enjoy being alive, appreciate everything around us, and become more thoughtful about what we're doing." - Meggie Tran Sources * Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind - Shunryu Suzuki, * [1] McEwen, B. Allostasis - Allostatic Load: (https://doi.org/10.1016/S0893-133X(99)00129-3 ) * [2] A pilot study on mindfulness. BiomedCentral (https://doi.org/10.1186/1472-6882-7-2) * Mindful Maggie (https://mindfulmeggie.com/mindful-lifestyle/) - Mindful Lifestyle This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

7. 

   26 Sept 2021

   The Control Illusion

   What Is The Point? “I am sad, this is normal, I am human.” These are my thoughts when I catch myself slumping into a bad mood. The struggle is a natural part of life. Material loss, loss of identity, or even the loss of a loved one may instigate these adverse feelings. Or possibly you find yourself feeling down for no particular reason at all. Life spirals out of your control, and a sense of hopelessness kicks in. I might mope around, thinking, "why me, why does it always happen to me?". Emotions of sadness, anxiety and possibly depression start to bubble up from the deep dark crevices of our minds. Everything seems uncertain. It is then that one might ask, "what is the point?" A Human Dilemma Humans have a need for certainty and control. Some more than others. For me, I hate being the passenger. Even when my wife and I went on a tandem bicycle, I could not sit on the back seat, without steering the bike. I tried mind over matter, but when I wasn't in control, I could not focus and let's just say it didn't end well. Our need for a sense of control is almost laughable if you think about it. For one, absolute certainty is ultimately an illusion. The number of variables contained within any choice or situation can guarantee only a probable outcome and nothing is certain. So much is unknown, and even the things we know are unknown because they are not well organised and centralised. On top of our personal instability, our universe is so fragile that any disaster could wipe us out before knowing what hit us. Tomorrow is not promised, and there are six million reasons why we may not wake up tomorrow. Your Perception is Your Reality I know this is all sounding dark, but where there is darkness, there is light. The paradox is that even though there are an infinite amount of outcomes, you get to choose your area of focus. We could spend all our time worrying about a volcanic eruption, or we could go out and appreciate the mountain ranges that resulted from the catastrophes. Have you ever looked at someone and thought, I wonder what life would look like from their perspective? The way they think will physically change them and alter the decisions they make. People wear many of their life choices and this gives us a glimpse of the power of perception. They may see the world very differently and that’s one of the reasons that they dress, act, and talk differently to you. Taking Control - Action or Reaction The feeling of meaninglessness is exasperated when we feel uncertain, or we lack control. When you identify that you are feeling this way, change your narrative by taking one of these two options: * Action - Focus on an area of control that you can affect the outcome and then take action. * Reaction - Create a sense of control by changing your perspective. If we cannot change the input by taking action, we can change our perception to alter our reaction. Your perception is the meaning that you prescribe to an event. This can restore your sanity if you are able to change the story you tell yourself. The Circle of Control The Journal of Family Psychology published a study that measured perceived control and its effect on the mental health of new parents. They suggested that "individuals' sense of control was a significant predictor of mental health outcomes for mothers and fathers during the first year of parenthood." The "results demonstrated that a sense of control served a protective function for mental health outcomes." This suggests that a clear perception of control, even if it is imaginary, will benefit your mental health. A commonly recognised conceptual model based on this thinking, titled "the circle of control," recognises the importance of a sense of control. Popularised by Stephen Covey, this concept explores three spheres: * Circle of Concern – the wide range of worries we might have about a topic. * Circle of Influence – narrowing the first circle into those worries we can do something about directly or indirectly. * Circle of Control – an even smaller circle represents the things we can directly do something about. Human beings can choose where they focus their energy and attention. If we focus on the concerns outside our influence and control, we risk increasing our stress and falling into the space of accusing, blaming, and victimisation. How To Regain Control We spend so much time dedicating focus to things we cannot influence. What if we could shift our thinking to manufacture a sense of control? We can all improve our sense of control, and here are some practical tips to achieve it: * Fewer rules are better. I will never forget what one of my primary school teachers told me during our first lessons. She said, "many teachers have lots of rules", and she was right. Most of us expected her to go into a lengthy conversation about what we should do. On the contrary, she said, "well, I have one rule, and that is Respect" she wrote the word "Respect" on the whiteboard that is now permanently etched into my mind. The rule was practical and clearly encompassed many elements. Having fewer rules is effective because it will simplify your expectations (https://umnd.substack.com/p/what-do-you-expect). * Focus on Inputs rather than outputs. In a work environment, it's easy to identify jobs where inputs=outputs. The trade is usually, hours worked = wage. However, in some jobs like a sales role, the output is not necessarily correlated to the input. You can work extremely hard and still get poor results because the final outcome is not within your control. If we spend too much time thinking about our expectations (output), we feel a lack of control. However, our actions (inputs) are something that we can control, like creating great content or choosing to focus on elements within our control. * Define your ideal outcomes to develop your absolute personal certainty. It is powerful to establish a vision for our outcomes and results. But we have to let go of controlling exactly how that looks because life has a roundabout way of giving us what we desire (https://umnd.substack.com/p/be-careful-what-you-wish-for). Knowing your outcome with certainty will help to steer you in the right direction. Use your vision as a guide for your decisions, helping you stay flexible and focus your energy. Control Your Self. If you don't take control, you will end up a slave to the agenda of others. Whenever you feel lost, and life seems against you, utilise your sense of control as a tool. You can change your action, or you can change your reaction. That might mean making a difficult choice, and if you can't change it, you can change your perception. In reality, our world is full of uncertainty, so it's up to you to decide what you will focus on and where you will dedicate your energy. Train your mind to create a sense of certainty to target your ideal outcomes. Then proactively focus on the inputs that will guide you with confidence. Will you spend more time within your circle of control, or will you let other people’s reactions control you? Next time you feel a sense of meaninglessness, and your life purpose seems to be waining, remember, in the words of Audre Lorde, "If you can't change reality, change your perceptions of it. Sources Scientific Study Of Parents (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2834184/) - Journal of Family Psychology Circle Of Influence (https://discoveryinaction.com.au/circle-of-concern-v-circle-of-control/) - Discovery In Action This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

8. 

   19 Sept 2021

   The Compound Effect

   What if we could shift our life from linear to exponential? It sounds like a lot of work, but it may be more straightforward than it first appears. The surprising difference is a matter of Time-Horizon. The answer is not intuitive, and we often ignore its potential because of its uninteresting and lacklustre appeal. How powerful is the force of compounding? If you manage to get on the right side of the compounding equation and build momentum, nothing can stop you. Understanding both the power of compound interest and the difficulty of getting it is the heart and soul of understanding a lot of things. - Charlie Munger If a steam engine train is standing still, a small wooden block will stop it from moving at all, and a significant amount of force would be required to start the locomotive in motion. Once the train picks up a critical speed, not even a brick wall could stop it in its tracks. If you are not the one pushing the train to get it moving, you might end up being the one who gets run over. It is In Your Best Interest Most people take the idea of compound interest and associate it with money. Warren Buffet is one of the kings of compounding money and is well known for his wild success as an investor. The exciting fact is that Buffet has not generated the most outstanding percentage returns consistently. His extraordinary net worth owes to the fact that he has been consistently investing since he was an adolescent. He gave his money time to work for him. As you can see from the graph below, the real magic occurred after Buffet turned 50 years old, having committed to investing consistently for 40 years. Not All About Money The compounding effect also applies to our life skills and pursuits. Warren Buffet said "The most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect. You need a temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd or against the crowd." In the end, our habits will far outweigh any other success metric in the long run. Truly wealthy people know that behaviour is more important than what you know. Small, but regular good habits will eventually add up if given enough time. Small Things Accumulate Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it … he who doesn't… pays it. - Albert Einstein Let's say you spend $20 a day on food and put it on a credit card that you regularly pay 10% interest. After five years, you have paid $10,608 just on interest alone. A similar pattern emerges when we closely analyse some of our life choices. Our decisions add up over time. A person does not become overweight from an all-you-can-eat session at the buffet after gorging on desserts. Instead, they get there incrementally over time. The small choices that you make on a regular basis to have that extra scoop of ice cream. Such are the consistent habits and actions that will determine your outcomes in the long term. It’s worth noting that things and activities you choose not to do will be just as important over time. How To Start The Snowball Effect Many of us spend our entire life rolling a snowball up a hill. We push harder as we ascend higher. Once we finally achieve our goal of getting to the peak with a critical mass, we end up in trouble. Unfortunately for us, we end up on the downward slope of the hill as our exhausted frame is flattened to a pancake. Most of us go wrong when we think we can create a new habit and decide to go all-out. If you have ever failed at a new years resolution (which is all of us), you know that it's easy to lose steam. We often get tired from overdoing because, in the beginning, it seems easy to stay committed. It is much better to develop habits that you know you can follow through over a long period. Just a slight change in direction will lead you to an entirely new destination. Stick to the favourable course and double down in terms of long term commitment. Like the tortoise and the hare, you don't have to be the fastest or the best, but you do have to be persistent and steady. Go With The Flow I remember going rafting on a trip to Israel, where we had several teams competing to finish first. In the beginning, everyone on our boat was pulling their weight. We all rowed furiously but didn't seem to be making much headway. One by one, we stopped paddling out of sheer exhaustion. Being the most stubborn person on the raft, I decided to go harder and eventually; I too was worn out. Then a strange thing happened. As soon as I stopped and relaxed, we started to pass the other rafts. We started to have fun and saved our energy for steering the raft away from walls and rocks. In the end, the water carried us to the finish line. We didn't have to fight the current, and when we interrupted the natural flow, it slowed us down. I realised that I didn't have to fight my way to success. I only had to be sure I was staying on track, observing the way, and focused on the current direction. It's easy to forget that the slow path can be more rewarding in the long term. Especially when progress seems so slow, but things that come fast usually go the same way. Staying on track and building momentum is the simplest way to accumulate masses of skills and wealth one day at a time. Story Time: The Chessboard Once upon a time, there was an artist who made chessboards for high-end clients. It just happened to be that one of his clients was a king who loved chess. The artist had excellent craftsmanship skills. His chessboards were very special and unique. No one else put as much detail in them, and almost every chessboard had different pieces, which made the artist’s work collectibles. When he previously dealt with the king, he noticed that the king wasn't that good at math but was a very proud man that thought of himself as the wisest man on earth. Knowing the kings' weakness, the artist devised a plan to trick the king into handing over an enormous fortune with the help of a chessboard and rice as his means of payment. So the next time when the king wanted a new chessboard, the artist said to the king, "Your Highness, I don't want money or jewels for this chessboard. All I want is a little rice." The king, who thought of himself as a clever man responded, "Hmm, I've got rice. How much rice?" The artist replied, "All I want is for you to put a single grain of rice on the first square, two grains on the second, four on the third, eight on the fourth, and so on and so on and so on, for the full 64 squares." "A chessboard full of rice, I can do that," said the king, not thinking how much rice that actually was. So he ordered his grainary to pay the man for the chessboard. The king soon discovered that his promise based on "the chessboard and rice" turned out to be more than a little difficult to follow through. It was impossible. The first few squares on the board cost the king one grain, then two, then four… By the end of the first row, he was up to 128 grains, which meant nothing to him. In the second row, things got out of hand as the last square would get 32,768 grains. By the 21st square, he owed over a million grains, and by the 41st, it was over a trillion grains of rice, which was more than he, his subjects or any king anywhere has. The artist eased the king's worries by suggesting, "Dear king, don't worry about the rice if you don't have enough of it. You can pay me the value of the missing rice in gold or land." Right then, the king realised he'd been tricked. This was hard for him to accept. He was, after all, a king, and he knew a thing or two about negotiating. After a moment of being quiet and thinking it over, he said to the man, "I will pay you in gold and land as you said for the total amount as my subjects need rice to eat. But before you receive your payment, just to be sure you are getting what you asked for, I'd like you to count each and every grain of rice that I have to pay you." "Oh, that won't be necessary, my king, I trust you," said the artist. "Oh, on the contrary, my dear guest, it is very necessary," replied the king. "I wouldn't want to cheat you. There has to be no doubt that your king pays his debt." The artist started to think it over. It takes one second to count a grain of rice. To count the number of grains he'd been promised, it would have taken him his whole life and still, he would only be at the start of his count. The king insisted on the count, and he wouldn't pay until the count was done. The artist quickly realised the count was impossible and told the king to consider the chessboard as a gift instead. Slow and Steady Think about one of your goals. What kind of skills do you need to achieve it? I'm sure you would pay a lot of money to get that skill, but this is usually something that money cant buy. You have to pay with your time and persistence. Do you think you can get 1% better at the skill every week? If you do not skip a week and stay consistent in less than three years, you will be more than 200% better or twice as proficient. If you continue with discipline, without skipping a single week for five years, you will be more than 10x as good. Note: This only applies if you never fail to miss a week. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. - Leo Tolstoy Sources The Compound Effect (https://darrenhardy.com/programs) - Darren Hardy Rice Story (https://purposefocuscommitment.com/wisdom-story-king-con-artist-chessboard-rice/) - Purpose Focus Commitment Psychology Of Money (https://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-money/) - Collaborative Fund This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)

9. 

   12 Sept 2021

   Big Talk

   Deep and Meaningful After isolation, I notice that the quality of my conversations suffers. I find myself deeply lost in my mind and disconnected from reality. It’s challenging to have a lively chat with my family or friends. Partly because I'm a bit out of practice. Partially because there is an endless loop of dull chatter that separates us further rather than strengthen our connection. When and how will we go deeper into more profound and powerful conversations? Talk Less Listen More The Best Communicators are Listeners It is incredible how much conversation and wordplay we miss because we are focused on talking rather than listening. Reading between the lines is arguably the greatest skill that a person can develop in conversation. While we occupy our minds worrying, "What will I say next" we entirely miss the gems sprinkled into the conversation. We easily forgo our inquisitive nature in the pursuit of our next word. There is, however, a subtlety to the English Language that allows us to hide our deeper thoughts in plain sight as passing phrases or seemingly misplaced words. When we listen intently to pick up these subtleties in other languages, we can use those seemingly disposable words to enhance a conversation and skip the small talk. The Conversation Game Imagine if we treated conversation like a game of clues similar to Cluedo, 21 Questions or Guess Who. Here is the rundown Changing Conversation From Authoritative to Inquisitive Gain Knowledge and insight Everyone has a story to share and some knowledge to impart. Asking open-ended questions will give people the chance to speak their minds. Instead of saying how was your day, you could ask what did you get up to today. Then you can mine their speech for intricate gems to take the conversation deeper. Conversation is also therapeutic in nature. Letting others express thought can sometimes be the greatest gift you can give. You can also share the problem you are working on and ask for an opinion. The more authentic you are, the more people will be drawn to you. Being vulnerable and opening up to others will make you a more genuine person. Express Your Value Another element of conversation that we could improve is our ability to convey our value. When it is your turn to express yourself, it is vital to paint a proud picture. It is your responsibility to sell yourself. Take a moment to think, "how much of what I say and think of myself was defined by others?" If you want your conversation to improve, you need to enhance your story. I hope you realise that you have control over your story. When we think of selling ourselves, we often think of the idea of an elevator pitch, but this has a fundamental flaw. The trick to defining your value is talking to your results rather than your process. People are concerned with the WIIFM (What's In It For Me?), so we need to speak through the lens of, can I convey my value to show outcomes. We don't care what you do. We are more concerned with the result of what you do. Try these as an example; * Pitch - I write a blog on the internet about philosophy, productivity and general nonsense. Each week I post content to challenge societal ideals. You should read it. * Result- As a result of people reading my blog, they question conventional wisdom. They enjoy gaining insight and inspiration through life lessons while accelerating their learning trajectory. Do you know anyone who likes to read exciting philosophy? Same But Different The last key to richer interactions is to realise how we are all similar but different. Our similarities stem from the fact we are all human (I think), and we all possess the human fallacies of emotion and ignorance. The laws of human nature apply to all of us to an extent. So, for example, some of us have more empathy, while others are more emotionally intelligent and so on. We each have a different balance of character traits, which helps to make the world an exciting place. Imagine how boring it would be if everyone were exactly the same? Accepting Our Flaws Seek out alternative views with a keenness of understanding. Of course, people are entitled to their contrarian opinion. If they have a radical difference, you can speak their point back to them to make sure you understand. People change their minds all the time, but it is not your job to try and force them, but you can attempt to reference where they are coming from. You are entitled to criticise an opinion, but that does not mean you should blame the person. That is a blanket bomb of a personal attack that will never end well. As one of the most eminent practising psychologists of all time, Carl Jung highlights, we can only exist peacefully with others by accepting them and ourselves as we are. (flaws and all) "Condemnation does not liberate. It oppresses. I am the oppressor of the person I condemn, not his friend and fellow sufferer. I do not in the least mean to say that we must never pass judgement when we desire to help and improve.But if the doctor wishes to help a human being, he must be able to accept him as he is, and he can do this in reality only when he has already seen and accepted himself as he is." Learn, Laugh and Listen So there you have it, the manifesto to eliminate small talk forever. The game of life is too short to waste it on one-word answers and awkward silence. The challenge is to practice being present (https://umnd.substack.com/p/read-this-now) and potent when listening and speaking your value. Each one of us has a story (https://umnd.substack.com/p/how-to-live-a-memorable-life). So it's crucial to collect fascinating tales from others and to craft your own. Find the gems hidden in plain sight, and use peoples precious words to delve deeper into a conversation. Realise that we all share the same laws of human nature, but each one of our traits is uniquely balanced based on who we become. Life is more enjoyable when you become interested and inquisitive. Let's bring on the big talk. Source #MakeBigTalk (https://www.makebigtalk.com/) - Existing game if you are interested (not sponsored) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.danisaacman.com (https://www.danisaacman.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1)