26 Sept 2026
THE VERSION OF ME YOU MADE UP
RESEARCH NOTES / SHOW-NOTES SOURCES
In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we’re talking about what happens when people don’t just misunderstand you—they confidently decide what your behavior means, assign motives you never had, and then treat that interpretation like fact.
For AuDHD adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, this can feel painfully familiar. A clarifying question becomes “attitude.” A pause becomes “ignoring.” Asking for help becomes proof you can’t handle adulthood. Intensity becomes aggression. Shutdown becomes manipulation. And suddenly, you’re not just trying to explain what happened—you’re trying to defend who you are.
Carmen shares a deeply personal story from her second year of teaching, when a toxic medication combination led to a mental health crisis and psychiatric hospitalization. What followed was not just recovery, but the painful experience of being reduced to a distorted story by the people around her. Years later, through therapy, coaching, self-understanding, and late neurodivergent discovery, she began to understand why being confidently misread can hurt so much more than an ordinary misunderstanding.
This episode explores the neuroscience behind ADHD executive functioning, autistic communication differences, masking, emotional regulation, the double empathy problem, late diagnosis, and the ways neurodivergent adults are often infantilized or treated as less capable simply because they need support.
Most importantly, this is an episode about reclaiming your own narrative.
You’ll learn how to separate observation from interpretation, communicate your needs more clearly, recognize when you’re over-explaining to someone committed to misunderstanding you, protect your autonomy while still accepting support, and stop letting other people’s assumptions become your identity.
Because being misunderstood doesn’t mean you are unknowable.
And needing clarification, support, processing time, or accommodation does not make you difficult, immature, or incapable.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“Please ask me what I mean before deciding who I am.”
The double-empathy and cross-neurotype communication research: Research by Crompton and colleagues found effective information transfer between autistic people and has also shown that neurotype matching can influence interpersonal rapport. This supports a more relational understanding of at least some autistic/non-autistic communication difficulties rather than automatically locating every breakdown within the autistic person.
First impressions and social perception: Research has also found that non-autistic observers can form less favorable first impressions of autistic adults from brief social information, illustrating how judgments about an autistic person may arise rapidly and before meaningful interaction has even developed.
ADHD and emotion regulation: A systematic review of adults with ADHD found meaningful associations among ADHD, emotion dysregulation and executive functioning, while noting that the underlying research remains heterogeneous. Emotion dysregulation is therefore well supported as an important associated feature for many adults with ADHD, although it is not itself one of the core DSM ADHD diagnostic criteria.
Autistic camouflaging/masking: Systematic reviews describe camouflaging as masking, compensation and assimilation strategies used to navigate social environments. Research repeatedly associates greater camouflaging with poorer mental health, exhaustion, identity difficulties and feeling overlooked or unsupported, while also acknowledging that masking may serve pragmatic or protective functions in some environments.
Late diagnosis and identity: Qualitative research with late-diagnosed autistic adults describes reinterpreting past experiences through a new lens, shifts from self-criticism toward greater self-understanding or compassion for some people, and an ongoing process of reconstructing identity after diagnosis. Research including people diagnosed with autism, ADHD or both similarly describes adult diagnosis as affecting relationships, mental well-being and self-understanding.
Autonomy and infantilization: Autistic adults have described wanting opportunities to make their own decisions, receive pragmatic executive-function support, unmask safely and exercise autonomy rather than having assistance become unnecessary control. Research examining cultural representation also documents persistent problems with the infantilization and underrepresentation of autistic adulthood.
Important research caveat: “AuDHD” is widely used to describe co-occurring autism and ADHD, but much of the scientific literature still studies autism and ADHD separately. Individual experiences vary enormously, and the mechanisms discussed in this episode should be understood as possible contributors to misunderstanding—not a claim that every communication conflict involving an AuDHD person has the same neurological cause.
Thank you for tuning in!
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