Authenticity Unleashed

About Authenticity Unleashed

Real Conversations on Resilience, Growth & Living in Alignment Most advice is outsourced wisdom from people who haven't lived what they're teaching. Grit & Grace is a weekly podcast built on a different premise: the answers you're searching for aren't out there — they're in your own self-trust, waiting to be rebuilt. Hosted by master coach and leadership facilitator Pam Rader alongside embodiment coach Erin Payne, with regular appearances from Brian Thiessen — a rare mix of psychological insight and straight-talking cowboy wisdom — this show delivers raw, unscripted conversations about resilience, personal growth, nervous system regulation, and what it actually takes to live in alignment. Each episode challenges the culture of borrowed answers and outsourced authority, replacing it with better questions, somatic awareness, and earned — not inherited — direction. If you're tired of advice that doesn't hold up under your own life, this is the show that hands the authority back to you. Topics we explore: self-trust, personal transformation, nervous system regulation, somatic healing, mindset shift, emotional resilience, authentic leadership, boundaries, self-worth, decision-making, embodiment, psychological insight, living in alignment, coaching, personal growth. New episodes weekly. Real conversations. No outsourced wisdom. 🎙️ Follow Pam: pamrader.com (http://pamrader.com) | IG @pamrader | YouTube @coachpamrader 🌿 Follow Erin: erinpayne.ca (http://erinpayne.ca) | IG @erin_payne ✨ Join the waitlist for the Grit & Grace Retreat: pamrader.com/gritandgrace (http://pamrader.com/gritandgrace) 🎓 Become the Catalyst — our 6-month coaching certification — launches Fall 2026

Publisher

Pam Rader and Erin Payne

Category

education · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

6 Mar 2024

Latest episode

1 Nov 2026

Latest episodes

106 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   1 Nov 2026

   You've Done the Work. So Why Are You Still a Jerk? | Spiritual Superiority

   You've done the work. So why are you still a jerk to the people you love? Spiritual superiority and spiritual ego, unpacked. You've done the work. Therapy, yoga, breathwork, the circles, the books. Then the holidays hit, your sister calls, and you hear yourself think: "They just haven't done as much work as me." That's spiritual superiority, and it turns out it's measurable. In this episode of Grit & Grace, coaches and yoga studio owners Pam Rader and Erin Payne get honest about the shadow side of personal growth: how the ego doesn't disappear when we grow, it just changes outfits. We cover: • The research: Roos Vonk and Anouk Visser's 2021 spiritual superiority scale, and why scores ran highest among people in energy training like yoga and Reiki (and lower among mindfulness practitioners) • Spiritual bypassing (John Welwood), spiritual materialism, and asmita, the yogic obstacle of ego identification • The 5 tells of spiritual superiority: diagnosing people, uninvited teaching, performed patience, weaponized therapy language, and the inner eye roll • Why contempt is the #1 relationship killer (Gottman) and how superiority turns into it • Discernment vs contempt in the body: the lifted chin, the set jaw, "regulation theater" • Intellectual humility (Mark Leary, Duke) and why letting your brother be right isn't losing • Pam's story of letting go, and the grandson who arrived the week we recorded Tools to take into the holidays: 1. Find your tell 2. Get curious instead of teaching: one real question, no steering 3. Let someone else be right 4. Picture them as a child 5. The "Just Like Me" practice 6. Ask: is this distance wisdom, or a quiet way of punishing someone? "Growth isn't measured by how far you've come away from the people you love. It's measured by how much of them you can hold without losing yourself." CHAPTERS 00:00 Is your personal growth making you less lovable? 02:00 "They just haven't done the work": the ego changes outfits 03:14 Asmita and Terry Real's one-up / one-down 06:45 What superiority feels like in the body 08:14 Therapy-speak and diagnosing people 08:55 Spiritual superiority is measurable: the research 09:44 Spiritual bypassing 13:01 Superiority as protection: grief and fear 15:01 Regulation theater and performed patience 17:01 The 5 tells of spiritual superiority 18:57 Contempt: Gottman's biggest relationship killer 21:41 Spiritual materialism: Pam's certification story 25:37 The second arrow 28:12 Be and let be: self-trust 29:48 "Go spend a week with your family" 30:41 Spiritual bypassing defined 31:54 Discernment vs contempt in the body 35:21 Tool: find your tell 36:19 "I just want the best for them": letting go and a new grandson 40:04 Tool: get curious instead of teaching 41:52 Tool: let others be right 43:52 Intellectual humility 46:05 Tool: picture them as a child / Just Like Me 47:55 Holiday question: wisdom or punishment? 49:12 Share this one the right way GO DEEPER WITH PAM & ERIN • Wednesday Wisdom Circle: free, Wednesdays 6:30am PT on Zoom • Become the Catalyst coaching certification: spring intake opening soon • Inner Evolution Circle inside The Shift Collective • Grit & Grace retreat in Portugal, June 2027 • 1:1 coaching with Pam or Erin All details: https://pamrader.com (https://pamrader.com) If this landed, rate the show and share it, because you saw yourself in it, not because you know who needs it. 😉 #spiritualsuperiority #spiritualbypassing #spiritualego #personalgrowth #shadowwork

2. 

   23 Oct 2026

   Can a Cheater Really Change? A Therapist Who Was One Answers | Tyler Patrick, LMFT

   When the ground drops out from under you (a discovered affair, a hidden addiction, a partner who wasn't who you thought), what actually rebuilds trust? And who do you become on the other side? Pam and Erin sit down with Tyler Patrick, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist with 20 years in the trenches of betrayal trauma and addiction recovery, and co-host of the Therapy Brothers podcast (500+ episodes). Tyler doesn't teach this from a textbook. Seven years into his marriage, while working as a therapist teaching couples how to save theirs, his own secret came to light. What he saw in his wife's eyes that day changed the direction of his life. Pam shares her own betrayal recovery, including the moment she realized she had known all along and had overridden her inner knowing to keep the peace. The real cost wasn't only the relationship. It was self-trust. In this episode: • The cycle of shame: core beliefs, the "masks" we over-perform, and why the devoted partner and the secret can be the same wound • Why behaviours are only the fruit, and the roots you actually have to address • The betrayed partner's fear cycle: hypervigilance, 2 a.m. cortisol wake-ups, and the identity loss no one warns you about • Where betrayal lives in the body, and why the mind gets it before the body catches up • Why empathy and validation have nothing to do with agreeing with someone • What each partner should (and shouldn't) do in the first 30 days after discovery • The Trust Equation: shame resiliency + rigorous honesty + empathy + consistent effort over time • How to tell a true gut feeling from an old fear response by finding where head and heart overlap • Relapse, the mosquito-bite metaphor, and why recovery is a lifestyle of growth, not a stop sign • Do we owe anyone forgiveness? ("the F word") and the Buddhist teaching of the second arrow Resources mentioned: • Mending a Shattered Heart, edited by Stefanie Carnes • The Anatomy of Peace, The Arbinger Institute Connect with Tyler: Therapy Brothers podcast: https://therapybrothers.org (https://therapybrothers.org) Love Strong (therapy & coaching): https://lovestrong.com (https://lovestrong.com) Rising Son men's retreat: https://risingson.org (https://risingson.org) Connect with Grit & Grace: Pam Rader: https://pamrader.com (https://pamrader.com) YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@coachpamrader (https://www.youtube.com/@coachpamrader) If this landed for you, share it with one person who needs to hear that repair is possible. Follow Grit & Grace wherever you listen and leave a rating. It helps these conversations reach the people who need them.

3. 

   11 Oct 2026

   You're Not Miserable, You're Just Too Into Yourself: Rumination, Co-Regulation & the LIFT Method

   When you're in a funk, what's the first thing you want to do? Go home, shut the door, and figure out what's wrong with you. It feels like self-care. Most of the time, it's the thing keeping you stuck. In this episode of Grit and Grace, Pam Rader and Erin Payne make a bold case: a lot of our unhappiness comes from being a little too into ourselves. There's a difference between rest and hiding, and most of us can't tell which one we're doing. Pam shares the business decision that had her starring in "the movie of me, myself and I," and Erin gets honest about the enlightenment loop: trying so hard to fix yourself that you end up in the gutter for days. Together they dig into what yoga philosophy, Buddhist teaching and modern research all say about self-focus, and why the way out isn't deeper in. It's out and up. IN THIS EPISODE - Rest vs. hiding, and how to tell the difference - Co-regulation: why your nervous system is not a sealed unit - The hand-holding brain scan study, and why we borrow each other's calm - Why loneliness makes people look more dangerous, so we cancel plans right when we need them - The Chicago commuter study: everyone predicts solitude will feel better, and everyone is wrong - Why rumination feels like problem solving but makes you worse at solving the problem - The "two awakenings" and why the most spiritual thing you can do is be a human with other humans - The pebble, the coal and the cup: three images that will change how you see your problem - Erin's pushback: what if you're a recovering people pleaser who hasn't focused on herself since 2009? THE LIFT METHOD L: Label the loop. Am I solving this, or circling it? I: Inhabit the body. One long exhale. What is my body doing right now? F: Find the fire. Move toward people before you feel like it. T: Turn it outward. Who can I show up for today? YOUR HOMEWORK 1. Say yes to one thing you want to cancel. Notice your forecast before and how you feel after. 2. One reach-out a day. A text, a call, two minutes. 3. When you catch the loop, ask: who can I show up for today? "We treat connection like dessert, but the body treats it like food." RESEARCH MENTIONED Coan, Schaefer & Davidson (2006), hand-holding and threat response Holt-Lunstad, Smith & Layton (2010), social relationships and survival Cacioppo & Hawkley (2009), loneliness and social threat Epley & Schroeder (2014), "Mistakenly Seeking Solitude" Nolen-Hoeksema et al. (2008), "Rethinking Rumination" Dunn, Aknin & Norton (2008), spending on others and happiness WORK WITH US Become the Catalyst, one-on-one coaching, retreats and events: https://pamrader.com (https://pamrader.com) Instagram: https://instagram.com/pamrader (https://instagram.com/pamrader) YouTube: https://youtube.com/@coachpamrader (https://youtube.com/@coachpamrader) If this one landed, send it to a friend. That can be your reach-out for today. A rating or review helps more people find the show.

Who has been a guest on Authenticity Unleashed

Names identified in recent episode analyses. Showing up to five guests.

• Asha Altun
• Zach Smith
• Akary Busto

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

YouTube views

5,981

Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025

Spotify

5.0 / 5

24 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 68 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

89

Social presence

0

YouTube

68

Engagement

51

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Guest appearances

Books guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.

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