Becoming, By Design is a reflective podcast series exploring the quiet, powerful moments of growth - the transitions, the unlearning, and the art of choosing who we become.
Through personal storytelling and Fleabag-style honesty, I share what it’s like to step into your 30s, redefine success, embrace solitude, and sit with both the questions and the answers.
No over-editing. No perfection. Just honest reflections and the hope that my journey might resonate with yours.
Because becoming isn’t something that happens to us. It’s something we do - by design.
Episode 14: Dating Feels Different Now (And I Don’t Know If I Like It)
In this episode, I’m trying something new—having more raw unscripted talks.
I'm talking about dating in my 30s—how it feels so different from when we were in school, when things were simpler, more organic, and honestly… easier.
Now? It’s a mix of online dating, overthinking, and trying to figure out if someone is actually worth your energy.
This episode is a bit experimental, a bit unfiltered, and very real.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why is dating so hard now?”—this one’s for you.
#BecomingbyDesign #Dating #womenintheir30s #OnlineDating
24 Dec 2025
Episode 13: This year, I courted a guy. I mean… I didn’t mean to, but I did. And here’s what happened
This year, I met someone unexpectedly.
What started as a quiet, organic encounter slowly turned into something deeper—at least for me. There were moments of warmth, presence, hope, and also long stretches of silence, waiting, and self-reflection.
In this episode, I share the full story of Bluey: the connection, the confusion, the unintentional courting, the spiraling, and the clarity that finally came. It’s about learning the difference between affection and capacity, between hope and direction, and between loving someone and choosing yourself.
This isn’t a story about blame.
It’s a story about honesty, boundaries, attachment, and letting go with kindness.
If you’ve ever waited on someone, filled in the silence with hope, or needed clarity more than answers—this one’s for you.
#EmbarassingIKnow lol #BecomingbyDesign #Avoidant #Anxious #Relationships
16 Nov 2025
Episode 12: Waiting, Wanting, Wounded: A Spiral into Anticipation and Attachment
Have you ever spiraled while waiting on someone?
Felt like your heart was holding its breath—hoping for a message, a sign, anything?
In this episode, I get real about what anticipation does to someone like me—anxious, avoidant, overthinking, and still… deeply hopeful.
From waiting in silence to learning how to let go, I reflect on situationships, emotional spirals, and the power of choosing myself again.
Including a release ritual I wrote when I needed to feel free again.
Whether you’re in something undefined, waiting on someone, or trying to return to yourself—this one’s for you.
🔊 You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
#BecomingbyDesign #FearfulAvoidant #AnxiousAvoidant #Avoidant #Relationships #Ritual #ReleaseRitual
28 Oct 2025
Episode 11: The Smallest Cage in the World Is a Fat Body
“The smallest cage in the world is a fat body.” -from a Tiktok video of Toogi and it got me thinking.
In this episode, I talk about what it’s like to live in a body that works but still feels heavy.
As someone with bipolar disorder, I’m constantly managing the balance between staying alive and feeling comfortable in my skin.
It’s not about vanity...it’s about survival, self-awareness, and reclaiming the right to exist without shame.
If you’ve ever felt trapped inside your own body, maybe this one’s for you.
3 Sept 2025
Episode 10: When Staying Alive Is the Bravest Thing You Do
TW: Death
This one’s for the ones still here.
For the ones who lost someone they deeply loved.
For those who stayed quiet about the pain,and those who stayed anyway- one day at a time.
In this deeply personal episode, I reflect on the recent loss of my dog- my protector, my reason to get out of bed on my worst days.
Grief has a way of showing us how deeply we loved.
It also shows us how hard it is to stay alive when you're carrying so much pain.
This episode talks about death, grief, guilt, and the complicated beauty of choosing to keep living.
If you’re still here- thank you.
That alone is worth honoring.
🕯 Grief is love, still living.
And you are not alone.
#BecomingbyDesign #Grief #Alive #Depression #Reflections #Pets
20 Jul 2025
Episode 9: Friendship Hits Different in Your 30s
Friendship in your 30s isn’t what it used to be.
It’s slower, deeper, sometimes lonelier, but more intentional than ever.
In this episode, I talk about people-pleasing, letting go of long-time friends, betrayal, green flags, and the kind of friendship I choose now.
Spoiler: it’s no longer about being liked, it’s about being safe.#InYour30s #Friendships
11 Jul 2025
Episode 8: When Rest Feels Like Resistance
They say rest is a reward, but what if it’s actually a form of survival?
In this episode, I talk about redefining rest through my own story: from guilt and burnout to a bipolar 2 diagnosis that helped me understand I was never lazy - I was unwell.
This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt the pressure to keep going, even when their body says stop.
Trigger Warning: Mental illness
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign #Turning30 #Womenintheir30s #Growth #Rest #Resistance #Bipolar #MentalHealth
P.S. Tried adding background noise here haha
9 Jul 2025
Episode 7: The Space Between Where I Am and Where I Want to Be
There’s a space between who you were and who you’re becoming--where things feel uncertain, quiet, maybe even lonely.
In this episode, I talk about how I’ve learned to sit with that space without rushing through it. It’s not always easy, but it’s honest. And sometimes, just being is enough.
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign #Turning30 #Womenintheir30s #Growth #InBetween #FeelingLost #JustBeing
11 Jun 2025
Episode 6: Learning to Love Myself Again and Again ✨
For a long time, I didn’t really think about self-love. I mistook validation for care, people-pleasing for peace. In this episode, I talk about learning to love myself - not once, but over and over again. Through heartbreak, through softness, through the voices of those who saw me when I couldn’t.
Some days, self-love means surviving. Some days, it’s saying: “I am enough.”
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign #Turning30 #Womenintheir30s #Growth #SelfLove
4 Jun 2025
Episode 5: The Fear of Wasting Time
Ever feel like you’re falling behind in life?
In this episode, I talk about the restlessness of comparison, the quiet ache of not “getting there” fast enough, and how slowing down changed everything.
Spoiler: you’re not too late. Van Gogh, Viola Davis, and Vera Wang weren’t either.
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign #Turning30 #Womenintheir30s #Growth #Fear #WastingTime
24 May 2025
Episode 4: Letting Go of Who You Thought You’d Be
I thought I’d be married by now.
Maybe with kids.
Financially secure.
A different version of myself.
But life unfolded differently.
In this episode, I reflect on outgrowing old expectations, embracing who I am today, and finding peace in the space between who I was and who I’m becoming.
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign #Turning30 #Womenintheir30s #Growth #LettingGo
17 May 2025
Episode 3: Why Do We Chase Happiness?
For years, I believed happiness would come once I had more- money, beauty, success. But even after reaching milestones, the emptiness lingered.
In this episode, I reflect on what happiness means to me now, how joy shows up in quiet moments, and why maybe we don’t need to chase it at all.
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/becomingbydesign) #Turning30 (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/turning30) #SelfDiscovery (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/selfdiscovery) #Happiness #Chase #Joy
11 May 2025
Episode 2: The Art of Being Alone- What Solitude Has Shown Me
Being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely. In this episode, I reflect on how solitude has shaped me—how it’s taught me to hear myself better, sit with hard feelings, and become my own home. It’s not always soft, but it’s always honest.
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/becomingbydesign) #Turning30 (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/turning30) #SelfDiscovery (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/selfdiscovery) #Podcast #BeingAlone (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/podcastvlog)
3 May 2025
Episode 1: Turning 30 – The Beginning of a New Chapter
They say 30 is just a number, but it feels like a shift. A quiet, unsettling, strangely freeing shift. In this episode, I sit with that feeling—unpacking expectations, unlearning timelines, and figuring out what it really means to become.
Light on. Seat taken. Let’s start ;)
Donations: https://ko-fi.com/byfrancesdesign
#BecomingByDesign (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/becomingbydesign) #Turning30 (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/turning30) #SelfDiscovery (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/selfdiscovery) #Podcast (https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/podcastvlog)
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