Before I knew is a limited podcast series, offering reflective, first-person insights on becoming a mother, very young–and the understanding that came later. Spoken from the perspective of adulthood, this series it’s not a chronological retelling, but an exploration of identity, judgment, survival, and meaning as the unfold overtime. This space is for those who grew up fast, carried responsibility, early, or have parts of their story that lived quietly inside them. Reflection, not rush.
There comes a point where silence no longer feels like protection.
In the final episode of Season 1, I speak on the weight of being misunderstood, labeled, and judged for the effects of things no child should ever have to carry.
This episode is not only about survival…
it’s about what happens when pain goes unnoticed, questions go unasked, and accountability never fully meets the harm that was done.
It’s about looking beyond behavior…
beyond assumptions…
and finally asking the question that should have been asked all along:
“What happened to her?”
This finale is raw.
Reflective.
Honest.
Before I Knew — Episode 11 💜
5 May 2026
Episode 10 Before I Knew… It Was a Pattern
At some point… it stops feeling random.
In this episode, I reflect on what it means to finally recognize the pattern—how things that once felt separate, confusing, or isolated begin to connect in a way that changes how you see everything.
This isn’t about looking back with judgment.
It’s about understanding what you couldn’t see at the time—and what that understanding reveals now.
1 May 2026
Episode 9 Before I Knew…Kindness could be something else
There’s a difference between kindness… and what looks like it.
In this episode, I speak on something I didn’t fully understand at the time—how being given things, attention, or “help” can sometimes come with something behind it.
This isn’t just about what was offered…
it’s about what was intended.
I reflect on how those patterns can start early, how they carry into adulthood, and how easy it is to accept something when it feels like you need it.
And more importantly—what it means to recognize it for what it really is.
25 Apr 2026
Episode 8 Before I Knew… What I was looking for
Episode 8
In this episode, I reflect on what it feels like to seek connection, attention, and a sense of being wanted— without fully understanding what I actually needed at the time.
Sometimes what feels like closeness… isn’t.
And sometimes what you accept… is shaped by what you’ve gone without.
13 Apr 2026
Episode 7 Before I Knew… It didn’t leave me.
Not everything leaves when it’s over.
In this episode, I reflect on what it feels like when past experiences continue to live in your body—showing up in your reactions, your habits, and the way you move through the world.
This isn’t about what happened.
It’s about what stayed.
3 Apr 2026
Episode 6 Before I Knew… That I deserved to be loved and protected
Some things weren’t loud…
just quietly missing.
In this episode, I reflect on what it felt like to grow up without a sense of protection—and how that absence can shape the way you see yourself, what you accept, and what you believe you deserve.
This isn’t about blame.
It’s about understanding what stayed with me.
25 Mar 2026
Episode 5 Before I Knew… That Strength Could Be Misunderstood
This episode reflects on the quiet expectations that shape how we move through the world. Sometimes what’s placed on us becomes so familiar, we don’t question it. This is a moment of sitting with that… and seeing it from a different place.
18 Mar 2026
Episode 2 Before I Knew… Motherhood Would Make Me More Visible.
In this episode, I reflect on becoming a mother at a very young age and how that shift made me more visible — not necessarily understood, but seen. Motherhood changed how people looked at me, spoke to me, and measured me, even while I was still growing myself. This is about navigating visibility before I fully understood who I was becoming.
18 Mar 2026
Episode 4 Before I Knew… Other people’s stories could become louder than mine.
In this episode, I reflect on how easily other people’s perceptions and assumptions can begin to shape the story of who you are. When others speak loudly about your life, it can become difficult to hear your own voice. This episode explores what it feels like to be defined by narratives that weren’t yours to begin with, and the quiet realization that your story still belongs to you.
18 Mar 2026
Episode 3 Before I Knew… Silence Was A Survival Skill.
In this episode, I reflect on the role silence played in my life long before I understood why I needed it. Silence can look like strength, obedience, or resilience from the outside, but sometimes it’s a survival skill learned early. This is about the quiet spaces where feelings, questions, and truths lived before I had the language or safety to speak them out loud.
24 Feb 2026
Episode 1 Before I Knew… I Was Surviving
In the first episode of BeforeI knew, I reflect on growing up fast and surviving before I had words for what was happening. This is the beginning — not of answers, but of awareness.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/before-i-knew/id1880143532
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