Cinema Duces Tecum

About Cinema Duces Tecum

Cinema Duces Tecum is a podcast that explores mid 1970s to mid 2000s action, comedy, adventure, and horror movies that are so incredibly bad they are good. The podcast is the brain child of four criminal defense attorneys that share a passion for movies that are so bad they are good. Each episode breaks down a new film and makes the case as to why the movie is so incredibly bad it should be enjoyed. During the course of each episode, the guys go beyond the four corners of the film and go where the critics won’t. Asking and answering the most pressing questions about the film.

Publisher

Cinema Duces Tecum

Category

arts

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

1 Jan 2025

Latest episode

6 Aug 2025

Latest episodes

11 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   6 Aug 2025

   Double Van Dammage

   The Cinema Duces Tecum podcast dissects Jean-Claude Van Damme's film *Double Impact*, exploring its plot, characters, and the philosophical questions it raises about justice and identity.

2. 

   18 Jun 2025

   FGF: Daddy, would you like some jail time?

   The Cinema Duces Tecum team analyzes Tom Green's controversial film *Freddy Got Fingered*, debating its artistic merit and offensive content through a mock trial format, ultimately questioning the film's deeper meaning.

3. 

   30 Apr 2025

   Howard El Pato Ep. 2: No more ducking around

   This week on the Cinema Duces Tecum Podcast, we return to Cleveland, where ducks are arrested, lasers malfunction catastrophically, and a small, angry waterfowl might be humanity’s last hope — or its greatest mistake. Steven “Sticky Rice” Betz, Peter “Homework Optional” Borruso, James “the House Cat” Bradford, and Eric “El Gallo” Arias plunge deeper into Howard the Duck’s chaotic second half, grappling with: The tragic transformation of Dr. Walter Jennings into the Dark Overlord, complete with laser eyes, psychic knives, and nuclear plant walk-ins requiring zero security clearance. Howard’s questionable heroism, as he squawks about constitutional rights, throws away perfectly good weapons, and lets Tim Robbins do all the heavy lifting — while still somehow getting the credit. The diner standoff at Joe Roma’s Cajun Sushi, where locals attempt to season, pluck, and sauté Howard live on the griddle, forcing him to unleash his deadliest martial art: Quack Fu. A deep dive into laser ethics, dirty shoe Malort shots, and whether seasoning a feathered duck makes culinary sense without plucking first — plus shocking revelations about Duckworld law, extradition treaties, and intergalactic Miranda rights. Trivia bombs including: Duck Hunt’s timeline controversy, why Howard the Duck was blamed for the creation of Pixar, and whether the real villain here was George Lucas’ mortgage payment. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, strap in — because next week, we’re trading duck bills for daddy issues with our most controversial pick yet: Freddy Got Fingered (2001).

4. 

   16 Apr 2025

   Howard El Pato Ep.1: Is a space duck a "person"? Do Soak and Pokes still exist? What the duck is going on?

   This week on the Cinema Duces Tecum Podcast, we bravely dive beak-first into Howard the Duck—a movie audacious enough to ask: What if Marvel’s cinematic pioneer was a horny, interdimensional duck who inexplicably lands in 1980s Cleveland? Join our elite team of cinematic defenders—Steven “Sticky Rice” Betz, Peter “I go on tangents” Borruso, James “the House Cat” Bradford, and Eric “El Gallo” Arias—as they wade through Howard’s disturbing yet strangely compelling adventures, including: Howard’s mastery of "Quack Fu," martial arts so impressive it nearly distracts from his troubling wallet contents (seriously, who carries an open condom?). His questionable career move into managing a seedy spa that makes Vegas look tame. A bedroom scene that bravely explores the boundaries of interspecies relationships, pushing cinematic discomfort to new, feathery heights. Special highlights include: Yakwala, the neon-green tribute to Kerbango, featuring Midori Sour, Malort, and bad decisions, as our hosts continue their tragic quest for Malort sponsorship. Trivia tidbits on which A-list actors wisely dodged voicing Howard, existential ponderings on duck anatomy, and Peter shockingly revealing he actually has webbed feet (yes, it's true). Spirited debates on whether Howard’s actions constitute crimes and if there's any universe where Howard escaping Cleveland could be considered a happy ending. Tune in for part two, where we'll finally answer the burning questions: Is Howard legally culpable? Will his interspecies romance blossom or crash horribly? And most importantly, who exactly thought making this movie was a good idea? Cinema Duces Tecum: Where justice meets terrible cinema, and everyone's childhood memories are fair game. Yakwala.

5. 

   2 Apr 2025

   Snakes on a Boat: Regurgitations, Horny Documentarians, Jon Voight’s Hiss-terical Accent

   This week on the Cinema Duces Tecum Podcast, we bravely dive into the murky depths of Anaconda—a film audacious enough to ask: What if a documentary crew with zero survivalinstincts took on the deadliest predator in the Amazon… and lost to Jon Voight’s accent? And more importantly, how many rewrites can a script survive before it becomes a nature documentary directed by Tommy Wiseau? Our elite team of cinematic public defenders—Stephen “Sticky Rice” Betz, Peter “I go on tangents” Borruso, James “the House Cat” Bradford, and Eric “El Gallo” Arias—brave the swampy nonsense to dissect Anaconda’s most egregious crimes against nature, logic, and acting, including: Ice Cube losing multiple fights to Jon Voight despite previously defeating Debo. Owen Wilson believing the Amazon jungle’s primary effect is heightened horniness. Danny Trejo choosing to battle an Anaconda with his own head rather than his gun. Jon Voight’s mesmerizing Paraguayan accent and his character’s inexplicable jumping abilities. And, naturally, cinema’s most legendary moment: Jon Voight's iconic regurgitated wink. Throughout this episode, we passionately debate whether Anaconda is a forgotten gem or simply a lucky disaster, explore the dubious logic behind snake explosions and questionable survival strategies, and dream up the definitive Anaconda sequel (because the world obviously needs more reptilian thrills). We give special shout-outs to our loyal listeners (Matt from Rochester, we've got you!), navigate the uncomfortable territory of jungle seduction, and finally answer the eternal cinematic question: Is Anaconda secretly brilliant, or just a fever-induced hallucination? 🎬 Next up: By special request, we're diving into Howard the Duck—a movie that asks, “What if Marvel’s first cinematic hero was a horny, interdimensional duck with a jazz band?” Start emotionally preparing now, because we’re about to wade beak-first into the most feathered film ever made. Yakwala.

6. 

   19 Mar 2025

   The Room, The Roof, or Denny's Corner?

   This week on Cinema Duces Tecum, your hosts Stephen "Sticky Rice" Betz, Eric "El Gallo" Arias, James "The Cinema Savant" Bradford, and Peter "I Go on Tangents" Borruso plunge into Tommy Wiseau's infamous film, The Room, bravely questioning whether this cinematic enigma is profound tragedy or hilariously misguided melodrama. Join us as we wade through: Johnny’s inexplicably saintly demeanor despite navigating betrayal more obvious than Mark’s impeccable hair styling. Denny’s baffling subplot, featuring questionable apples, unclear intentions, and drug dealers who magically teleport onto rooftops. The groundbreaking and inexplicable use of the "Cheep-Cheep-Cheep-Cheep" taunt—possibly cinema's most puzzling insult since the invention of talking films. Together, we'll explore deep philosophical debates: Did Johnny deserve that elusive promotion, or was the bank justifiably cautious of his inexplicable accent and equally mysterious origins? We’ll grapple with tough cinematic queries: Could Denny's voyeurism subplot have altered the trajectory of film history? Is the roof actually "The Room" Wiseau had in mind all along? And was Mark a decent friend if you overlook that tiny detail about sleeping with Johnny's fiancé? Prepare yourself for a spirited blend of satire, cinematic critique, and existential wonder as we untangle whether The Room is a visionary work of misunderstood genius or just a stunning monument to dramatic ineptitude. 🎬 Next Episode: We transition from Wiseau’s world of inexplicable melodrama to martial arts mayhem in Jaguar Lives. Buckle up for an episode packed with punches, kicks, and even more questionable storytelling.

7. 

   26 Feb 2025

   Drop Zone: Where Skydiving Is Optional, but Going Full Busey Is Mandatory

   This week on the Cinema Duces Tecum Podcast, we take a 30,000-foot nosedive into Drop Zone—a film that bravely dares to ask: What if criminals were also expert skydivers? and How much of this script was written by Gary Busey mid-freefall? Joining us is Salty Joe Gocke, our so-called expert witness (which just means he watched this movie twice and now thinks he has credentials). Together, we analyze some truly bold filmmaking choices, such as: Wesley Snipes suddenly becoming an elite skydiver after approximately five minutes of training montages. Gary Busey proving that gravity is merely a suggestion if you radiate enough unhinged energy. A small child being aggressively interrogated by our hero (because clearly, traumatizing kids is the ultimate crime-solving technique). The stunning incompetence of the FBI, U.S. Marshals, and every law enforcement agency in America, as they all collectively fail to investigate a heist that literally involved people jumping out of a commercial airplane. And, of course, the most important moment in cinema history: WAY TO GO, SWOOP! Along the way, we debate whether Drop Zone is an underappreciated work of genius or just a glorious accident, break down the physics of its questionable stunts, and even pitch the ultimate Drop Zone prequel (because, yes, the world obviously needs that). Plus, we give special shout-outs to our dedicated listeners (yes, we’re looking at you, Sweat Pro 28), explore the absurd underworld of skydiver bars, and finally settle the age-old question: Is this movie secretly brilliant, or is it just a head injury in cinematic form? 🎬 Next Up: By special request from Pico de Gallo, we’re diving into The Room—so start practicing your "Oh hi, Mark" now, because things are about to get even weirder.

8. 

   5 Feb 2025

   Battlefield Earth: More Kerbango, please

   In this episode of Cinema Duces Tecum, the gang pops open a Kerbango and plunges into the chaotic world of Battlefield Earth. Is it an underrated sci-fi masterpiece or a catastrophic flop?With a mix of sharp critique and comedic analysis, the crew dissects everything from John Travolta's over-the-top performance to the baffling physics of Harrier jets left untouched for 1,000 years. They debate whether the film is a misunderstood gem or a cinematic catastrophe, with passionate defenses, brutal takedowns, and even a haiku to sum it all up. Along the way, the crew delves into: ✔️ Earl Pascoe, the most memorable bartender in film history, whose legacy outlives his screen time. ✔️ The mystery of Harrier jets fueled by centuries-old, never-ending energy. ✔️ The astonishing efficacy of a simple nose clip in alien atmospherics. ✔️ The downfall of an empire by one man, one simulator, and graphics reminiscent of a Windows 98 screensaver. ✔️ And, of course, Kerbango: the extraterrestrial beverage of choice for champions (and dubious budgetary decisions). Grab your Kerbango, settle in for a barrage of laughs, and perhaps a new appreciation (or disdain) for this infamous film. Next up, "Drop Zone"—will it soar or crash? Tune in to find out!

9. 

   29 Jan 2025

   Home Alone 4: Where the hell was CPS?

   In this episode, the hosts take a deep dive into Home Alone 4, a straight-to-TV sequel that many fans of the franchise prefer to forget. With a mix of humor, sarcasm, and genuine bewilderment, they dissect the film’s nonsensical plot, questionable acting, and bizarre production choices—including why it was filmed in South Africa. The episode kicks off with the usual banter and introductions, including the debut of a new nickname for host Eric, sparking a hilarious conversation about language mishaps. From there, the team breaks down the film’s storyline, from the baffling family dynamics of the McCallisters to Marv Merchant’s inexplicable return as a villain. Key topics include: The absurdity of Home Alone 4's plot and its failure to stay true to the franchise. The bizarre set of traps and gadgets Kevin McCallister uses this time around. A debate on whether a top-tier actor like Denzel Washington or Patrick Swayze could have salvaged the film. The film’s connection to historical events and its inadvertent contributions to cinema’s evolution. A comical legal analysis of Marv’s extensive criminal record and what his real-life legal consequences would look like. The revelation of the movie’s true MVP—cab driver Anton Smuts—and the philosophical depth of his line: "It's all change." As always, the hosts cap off the discussion with their signature courtroom-style closing arguments, passionately arguing whether Home Alone 4 is so bad it’s good—or just irredeemably awful. They also tease the next film on their hit list: Drop Zone (1994), starring Wesley Snipes and Gary Busey. If you love bad movies and even better discussions, this is an episode you don’t want to miss. Tune in for a hilarious and insightful critique of one of the most puzzling sequels ever made!

10. 

    8 Jan 2025

    The Patriot - Not that one

    The epic tale of a humble everyman—just your average dad, ex-CIA operative, Ph.D., M.D., world-renowned virologist, holistic medicine guru, and part-time rancher—who single-handedly dismantles a white supremacist militia and halts a global pandemic that, naturally, kicks off in the sprawling metropolis of Ennis, Montana

11. 

    1 Jan 2025

    Gymkata: How the Cold War ended with Gymnastics, Karate, and a Terrible Plot

    The first episode of Cinema Duces Tecum, the barristers break down the 1985 classic Gymkata. This action film blends the discipline, the timing, and the power of gymnastics with the explosive power of karate. When you combine this “martial art” with a plot that is full of shenanigans and nonsensical twists and turns, you have a movie so bad it is good, Gymkata!

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

5 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

8 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 24 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

28

Social presence

0

YouTube

0

Engagement

51

Contact Cinema Duces Tecum

Guest appearances

Does not typically book guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.