"It wasn't that she was shaming me. It was that she was hurting. She was in pain."
In this video:
- THE SHAME RAINCOAT: why he can't hear anything you bring to him
- "SHE HAD TO RESCUE ME": how your pain turns into comforting him
- "I FAILED HERE" vs. "I'M A FAILURE": the difference that makes repair possible
- HUMILITY: the only path through shame for him
If you've brought him your pain and ended up comforting him instead, this one's for you.
Part of The Couple Cure. Companion episode on Storm Ready Men, for him.
Timestamps:
0:00 He said he would change
0:19 Failures in the world vs. commitments to you
0:45 House, car, loans: not measuring up
1:33 Why he can't hear your pain
1:50 I lied to Lori a thousand times
2:00 She wasn't shaming me. She was hurting.
2:32 I made her console me
2:43 Her pain went unheard
3:01 ⭐ The lie she could have survived
3:27 You came for repair. Now you manage him.
3:59 Like pride, everything points back at him
4:20 When shame turns defensive
4:50 She had to rescue me
5:29 Another abandonment
6:07 "Stop shaming your husband"
6:44 "I failed here" vs. "I'm a failure"
6:58 It was easy to lie
7:28 A relationship with his own shame
7:44 What repair should sound like
7:58 A black hole of self-pity
8:41 Pride and shame: two sides of one coin
9:21 Humility is the antidote
9:41 What Lori needed to hear from me
10:25 Find people who say "wow, that sucks"
---
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbbwg6i57W02
-- Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #BetrayalTrauma #MarriageAdvice #Shame
"Southern Gothic" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
ISRC: USUAN2300004
8 Oct 2026
The Performance Is All His. The Work Is All Yours.
Do family gatherings leave you feeling completely exhausted while your husband gets all the praise?
When visiting his family—especially around the holidays—an unspoken dynamic often takes over: you carry all the invisible emotional labor, logistical planning, and hosting stress, while he steps into the room as the composed "golden boy." Then, behind closed doors, you become the landing place for his anxiety, withdrawal, or frustration.
In this video, we break down why this painful dynamic happens, how unprocessed family baggage gets dumped onto you, and how to protect your peace.
In this video:
- THE GOLDEN BOY: why he shines around his family while you handle everything
- THREE MONTHS OF DREAD: what was really going on inside me before every visit
- THE SHARED TOOL: expecting his family to act the same, so it can't surprise you twice
- YOUR OWN PEOPLE: friends, an extra day, and time to yourself
If you've ever done all the holiday work and watched him get the credit, this one's for you.
Part of The Couple Cure. Companion episode on Storm Ready Men, for him.
Timestamps:
0:00 Doing twice the work
0:19 Walking into a different family culture
0:39 His mood shifts before every visit
1:05 The golden boy
1:29 He lets you manage everything
1:51 What Lori handles every year
2:25 Before, during, and after the holidays
2:55 ⭐ The performance is all his
3:22 You are where his family pain lands
4:06 Three months of dread
5:07 What it cost us
5:18 What changed: going in with a plan
5:41 A shared tool between you
6:52 Refusing to let it surprise you twice
7:18 A day of downtime between families
7:46 What you're carrying
8:11 The weight of his betrayal
8:41 You need your own people
9:31 Boundaries: a few hours, one restaurant
9:52 If it's not going well: a day for you
10:09 Next time: the storm of failure
---
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbbwg6i57W02
-- Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #HolidayStress #MarriageAdvice #inlaws
"Southern Gothic" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
ISRC: USUAN2300004
24 Sept 2026
The Best Way to Help Her See the Good Person Was to Own the Bad Person
The best way for me to help her see the good person in me was to own the bad person in me.
That's the hardest thing I learned in recovery, and it's the whole point of this episode. If you've ever felt like you're walking on eggshells, managing his moods, or watching him be the nicest guy to every stranger while something completely different happens at home, this one's about what's actually going on and why your read on it is accurate, not unreasonable.
This episode also covers a real safety concern. If you don't feel safe, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
Part of The Couple Cure. Companion episode on Storm Ready Men, for him.
thecouplecure.com
Timestamps:
0:00 "The best way to help her see the good person was to own the bad person"
0:05 You've done nothing wrong
0:23 It may not be overt, it may be very subtle
1:15 Keeping up the image of the good family
1:24 The nicest guy to every stranger he meets
1:51 What I saw in my own childhood
3:10 The shoes by the front door
3:41 She wasn't managing his image, she was living inside it
3:49 Life after D-Day, and why it gets worse
4:22 "If you do this, I may relapse"
4:53 When he just walks out of the room
5:21 Why he needed her to see him a certain way
6:04 Getting between her and the door
6:14 Anger, intimidation, withdrawing, and the threat of relapse
7:28 This has a name: gaslighting
8:01 Your confusion is an accurate read
8:55 Owning the bad guy
9:20 The full circle: own the bad to be seen as good
9:34 If this is a safety issue (800-799-7233)
10:14 Why he won't take ownership of it himself
11:36 The pressure of bracing for one more outburst
11:50 Where to find your own circle of support
12:17 If you need to feel safe right now
12:32 Next: the storm of holidays and family gatherings
---
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbbwg6i57W02
-- Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #MarriageHelp #MensMentalHealth #domesticabuseawareness #addictionrecovery
"Southern Gothic" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
ISRC: USUAN2300004
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
YouTube views
43,045
Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025
Apple Podcasts (US)
4.8 / 5
14 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
1 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 81 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
93
Social presence
91
YouTube
76
Engagement
51
Contact Coffee with The Couple Cure
Guest appearances
Books guests
Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.
Questions about Coffee with The Couple Cure
Who hosts Coffee with The Couple Cure?
Jay and Lori host the show. Published by Jay & Lori Pyatt.
How often do new episodes come out?
The show publishes bi-weekly, based on its RSS feed.
Does Coffee with The Couple Cure take guests?
Yes. Guests have been identified in episode analyses.
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