Connie Perl Psychology
Deep dives into psychology & relationships — narrated by a psychologist-in-training.
- 16
- Episodes
- Weekly
- Cadence
- 2026
- First episode
About Connie Perl Psychology
A psychology-driven podcast decoding love, relationships, and human behaviour beneath the surface — through attachment theory, clinical insight, and real-world case analysis. My mission is to help you understand the deeper systems shaping your patterns so you can choose differently, relate more consciously, and build healthy, intentional love. connieperlpsychology.substack.com (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)
- Publisher
- Deep dives into psychology & relationships — narrated by a psychologist-in-training.
- Category
- health & fitness · society & culture
- Language
- en
- Explicit
- No
- First episode
- 16 May 2026
- Latest episode
- 15 Oct 2026
Latest episodes
16 episodes in the feed.
15 Oct 2026
War on Women — Andrew Tate Trial, the Loverboy Method & the Cornell Seven
There is a human rights crisis happening globally right now, and it is gender-based. This episode will explore cherry picked examples to demonstrate this thesis. Andrew and Tristan Tate are sitting in a Miami detention cell, fighting extradition on fifty-nine combined charges of rape, trafficking, and child exploitation across three countries — while a parallel case at Cornell University alleges seven fraternity brothers drugged and gang-raped a fellow female student inside their own frat house. Different scale, different platforms, same underlying crisis. In this episode, we trace the Tate brothers’ case chronologically — the arrests, the indictments, the evidence — before breaking down the psychology of the “Loverboy method,” the grooming and coercive-control playbook used to recruit women and girls into trafficking through romantic relationships. I tell you the warning signs you should be looking for to identify abusers and prevent harm. We then connect the Tate case, and their social media presence, directly to the ongoing Cornell Seven civil lawsuit, examining how institutions respond (or fail to) when allegations surface close to home, and close with the argument that sits underneath this entire episode: This isn’t a women’s issue. It’s a men’s issue, and it’s time we treated it like one. Note: all allegations discussed regarding ongoing legal proceedings are just that — allegations, at least, at the time this episode is published. No party discussed has been convicted… yet. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
12 Oct 2026
Book Club — Chapter Two, He’s Just Not That Into You
Ever spent an hour decoding a text with your friends, trying to figure out what he really meant? This series is for you. Welcome to the Connie Perl Psychology Book Club, where we’re reading He’s Just Not That Into You one chapter at a time. It started as one brutally honest line in the Sex and the City writers’ room, turned into an unforgettable episode of the show, and then became the dating book everyone was talking about. Twenty years later, we’re asking a simple question: is their advice still correct? Each episode, we read a real “Ask Greg” letter from the book, talk through what’s actually going on psychologically, and then bring it into 2026. Dating apps, read receipts, situationships, ghosting: a lot has changed since this book came out. Some of the advice is more relevant than ever. Some of it needs a serious update. We’ll sort it all out together. In this series, you’ll learn: * Why we make excuses for people who aren’t showing up, and how to stop * The psychology behind mixed signals, and what actually counts as real interest * How dating apps have changed the rules of who asks whom out * What the research says about modern dating for both women and men * How to spot the difference between genuine effort and low-effort attention * Which parts of this 2004 classic still hold up, and which don’t Whether you read the book years ago or you’re picking it up for the first time, tune in every Monday with me — and let’s talk about it. Love smarter ❤️🔥🧠📱📔 12 Rules for Love is the no-nonsense manual for healthy coupled love. Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research. Join CoupleChat — AI couples coaching for the two of you. 🛋️ Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
3 Oct 2026
EMERGENCY EPISODE: The psychology of Jane Doe & the Cornell Seven
TW: Rape, sexual assault, drug use. Case facts current as of Friday, October 2, 2026. Everyone online is debating the legal side of the Cornell Seven case. As a psychologist-in-training, that’s not what I’m here for. In this episode, I take the stand as your expert witness for educational purposes only — I’m not testifying in this case, and I’ve never assessed anyone involved. This is about the SCIENCE behind what Jane Doe, and so many women like her, may have experienced. This case is an opportunity to talk about what the psychological research shows when it investigates rape, consent, and trauma. In this episode, we get into why survivors freeze, how alcohol and ketamine shatter memory, and why so many survivors laugh it off, text their abusers the next day, and take weeks to call it what it was. We also look at what the research says about fraternity culture, group chats, peer pressure and a young adult’s still-developing brain. And, I talk about why I believe education is the prevention tool we’ve been missing on campuses — and why I built VLVT (https://vlvtapp.ai/) to deliver it. DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not psychological assessment, diagnosis, or professional advice. Any discussion of individuals or cases is based solely on publicly available information and should not be interpreted as a clinical assessment of any person involved. All information is alleged. More resources if this episode hits close to home: United States (national) * RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673, or chat at rainn.org (24/7, connects you to your local center) * 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 * Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 * National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or thehotline.org * Love Is Respect (young adults & dating): 1-866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522 * Know Your IX (students’ Title IX rights): knowyourix.org * End Rape On Campus: endrapeoncampus.org Canada (national) * 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline: call or text 988 * Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868. It offers 24/7 mental health support across Canada for kids, teens and young adults. * Hope for Wellness Helpline: 1-855-242-3310, or hopeforwellness.ca. It is available 24/7 to all Indigenous people across Canada. * Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Crisis Line: 1-866-887-0015 (24/7) * ShelterSafe.ca: an online map to help women and their children seeking safety from violence and abuse find the nearest shelter. * 211: community and social services referrals in most provinces. Canada (by province/territory) * Québec: Sexual violence helpline, 1-888-933-9007 (24/7, bilingual) * Ontario: * Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511, or text #7233 (24/7, multilingual) * Talk4Healing for Indigenous women: 1-855-554-4325 (24/7) * Good2Talk for post-secondary students: 1-866-925-5454, or text GOOD2TALKON to 686868 * Manitoba: Klinic Sexual Assault Crisis Line, 1-888-292-7565 * Alberta: One Line for Sexual Violence, 1-866-403-8000 (call or text, 9am–9pm) * British Columbia: VictimLinkBC, 1-800-563-0808 (24/7) * New Brunswick: Sexual Violence New Brunswick 24/7 support line, 506-454-0437 * Newfoundland & Labrador: 24-hour sexual assault crisis line, 1-800-726-2743 * Nova Scotia: 211, or Avalon Sexual Assault Centre (Halifax) at 902-425-0122 for help within five days of an assault * Nunavut: Kamatsiaqtut Helpline, 1-800-265-3333 (toll-free, 24/7) * Saskatchewan, PEI, Yukon, NWT: call 211, or find your nearest centre through the Ending Violence Association of Canada at endingviolencecanada.org If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Join VLVT This is not just happening at Cornell. If you want to learn relationship skills, join VLVT right now. If you believe your University should be safer and provide more effective relationship resources, send your uni reps our way ~ partnerships@vlvtapp.com References ABC News. (2026, October 1). Attorney General Letitia James appointed special prosecutor in alleged Cornell “gang rape” case. https://abcnews.com/US/attorney-general-letitia-james-appointed-special-prosecutor-cornell/story?id=136937149 (https://abcnews.com/US/attorney-general-letitia-james-appointed-special-prosecutor-cornell/story?id=136937149) Armstrong, E. A., Hamilton, L., & Sweeney, B. (2006). Sexual assault on campus: A multilevel, integrative approach to party rape. Social Problems, 53(4), 483–499. https://doi.org/10.1525/sp.2006.53.4.483 (https://doi.org/10.1525/sp.2006.53.4.483) Cantor, D., Fisher, B., Chibnall, S., Harps, S., Townsend, R., Thomas, G., Lee, H., Kranz, V., Herbison, R., & Madden, K. (2019). Report on the AAU campus climate survey on sexual assault and misconduct. Association of American Universities. Chein, J., Albert, D., O’Brien, L., Uckert, K., & Steinberg, L. (2011). Peers increase adolescent risk taking by enhancing activity in the brain’s reward circuitry. Developmental Science, 14(2), F1–F10. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x (https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x) CNN. (2026, October 2). Cornell case latest: New York governor vows to unravel failures in Cornell sexual assault investigation. https://www.cnn.com/2026/10/02/us/live-news/cornell-rape-allegations-press-conference (https://www.cnn.com/2026/10/02/us/live-news/cornell-rape-allegations-press-conference) Darley, J. M., & Latané, B. (1968). Bystander intervention in emergencies: Diffusion of responsibility. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 8(4), 377–383. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0025589 (https://doi.org/10.1037/h0025589) Edwards, K. M., Kearns, M. C., Gidycz, C. A., & Calhoun, K. S. (2012). Predictors of victim–perpetrator relationship stability following a sexual assault: A brief report. Violence and Victims, 27(1), 25–32. https://doi.org/10.1891/0886-6708.27.1.25 (https://doi.org/10.1891/0886-6708.27.1.25) Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal trauma: The logic of forgetting childhood abuse. Harvard University Press. Gardner, M., & Steinberg, L. (2005). Peer influence on risk taking, risk preference, and risky decision making in adolescence and adulthood: An experimental study. Developmental Psychology, 41(4), 625–635. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.41.4.625 (https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.41.4.625) Honey, G. D., Honey, R. A. E., O’Loughlin, C., Sharar, S. R., Kumaran, D., Suckling, J., Menon, D. K., Sleator, C., Bullmore, E. T., & Fletcher, P. C. (2005). Ketamine disrupts frontal and hippocampal contribution to encoding and retrieval of episodic memory: An fMRI study. Cerebral Cortex, 15(6), 749–759. https://doi.org/10.1093/cercor/bhh176 (https://doi.org/10.1093/cercor/bhh176) Honey, R. A. E., Honey, G. D., O’Loughlin, C., Sharar, S. R., Kumaran, D., Bullmore, E. T., Menon, D. K., Donovan, T., Lupson, V. C., Bisbrown-Chippendale, R., & Fletcher, P. C. (2005). Impairment of specific episodic memory processes by sub-psychotic doses of ketamine: The effects of levels of processing at encoding and of the subsequent retrieval task. Psychopharmacology, 181(3), 445–457. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00213-005-0001-z (https://doi.org/10.1007/s00213-005-0001-z) Horvath, M., & Woodhams, J. (Eds.). (2013). Handbook on the study of multiple perpetrator rape: A multidisciplinary response to an international problem. Routledge. Latané, B., & Darley, J. M. (1970). The unresponsive bystander: Why doesn’t he help? Appleton-Century-Crofts. Littleton, H., Grills, A., Layh, M., & Rudolph, K. (2017). Unacknowledged rape and re-victimization risk: Examination of potential mediators. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 41(4), 437–450. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684317720187 (https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684317720187) Mengo, C., & Black, B. M. (2016). Violence victimization on a college campus: Impact on GPA and school dropout. Journal of College Student Retention: Research, Theory & Practice, 18(2), 234–248. https://doi.org/10.1177/1521025115584750 (https://doi.org/10.1177/1521025115584750) Möller, A., Söndergaard, H. P., & Helström, L. (2017). Tonic immobility during sexual assault – a common reaction predicting post-traumatic stress disorder and severe depression. Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica, 96(8), 932–938. https://doi.org/10.1111/aogs.13174 (https://doi.org/10.1111/aogs.13174) Mousley, A., Bethlehem, R. A. I., Yeh, F.-C., & Astle, D. E. (2025). Topological turning points across the human lifespan. Nature Communications. Murnen, S. K., & Kohlman, M. H. (2007). Athletic participation, fraternity membership, and sexual aggression among college men: A meta-analytic review. Sex Roles, 57(1–2), 145–157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-007-9225-1 (https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-007-9225-1) NPR. (2026, September 28). Prosecutors are reopening a Cornell fraternity rape case. Here’s what we know. https://www.nhpr.org/2026-09-28/prosecutors-are-reopening-a-cornell-fraternity-rape-case-heres-what-we-know (https://www.nhpr.org/2026-09-28/prosecutors-are-reopening-a-cornell-fraternity-rape-case-heres-what-we-know) Osborne, M., & Cohen, P. (2026, October 1). Jane Doe’s account of what happened at Cornell frat, from text messages and investigators’ transcripts. CBS News. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jane-doe-cornell-university-rape-allegations-text-messages-transcripts/ (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jane-doe-cornell-university-rape-allegations-text-messages-transcripts/) Rosenthal, M. N., & Freyd, J. J. (2022). From DARVO to distress: College women’s contact with their perpetrators after sexual assault. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. Sanday, P. R. (2007). Fraternity gang rape: Sex, brotherhood, and privilege on campus (2nd ed.). New York University Press. (Original work published 1990) Schwartz, M. D., & DeKeseredy, W. S. (1997). Sexual assault on the college campus: The role of male peer support. Sage. Seabrook, R. C. (2017). Alpha Alpha Alpha male: Relations among fraternity membership, traditional masculine gender roles, and sexual violence [Doctoral dissertation, University of Michigan]. Deep Blue. https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/handle/2027.42/138689 (https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/handle/2027.42/138689) Senn, C. Y., Eliasziw, M., Barata, P. C., Thurston, W. E., Newby-Clark, I. R., Radtke, H. L., & Hobden, K. L. (2015). Efficacy of a sexual assault resistance program for university women. New England Journal of Medicine, 372(24), 2326–2335. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa1411131 (https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa1411131) Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2013). Dangerous safe havens: Institutional betrayal exacerbates sexual trauma. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 26(1), 119–124. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.21778 (https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.21778) Risk and protective factors for men’s sexual violence against women at higher education institutions: A systematic and meta-analytic review of the longitudinal evidence. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9210109/ (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9210109/) The New York Times. (2026, October 1). [Title to confirm]. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/01/nyregion/cornell-rape-accusation-reporting.html (https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/01/nyregion/cornell-rape-accusation-reporting.html) White, A. M. (2003). What happened? Alcohol, memory blackouts, and the brain. Alcohol Research & Health, 27(2), 186–196. Wilson, L. C., & Miller, K. E. (2016). Meta-analysis of the prevalence of unacknowledged rape. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 17(2), 149–159. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838015576391 (https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838015576391) Woodhams, J., Taylor, P. J., & Cooke, C. (2020). Multiple perpetrator rape: Is perpetrator violence the result of victim resistance, deindividuation, or leader–follower dynamics? Psychology of Violence, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000255 (https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000255) Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Oct 2026
Hayden Panettiere — A masterclass in dangerous relationships.
Hayden Panettiere died on August 16, 2026, at the young age of 36 years old — and if you grew up watching Heroes or Nashville, this one probably hit you harder than you expected, as it did me. In this episode, I go through what we actually know about her death, and then spend most of the show on what she spent years being remarkably honest about: her relationships and postpartum depression. In her memoir “This Is Me: A Reckoning,” she talks about relinquishing custody of her daughter, and the documented abuse she survived in her relationship with Brian Hickerson. This isn’t a highlight reel of someone’s worst years. It’s an attempt to actually understand what was going on for this young actress — using psychology research on betrayal trauma, postpartum misattribution, trauma bonding, and the real statistics behind intimate partner violence — because I think Hayden’s life has a lot to teach us about how much the people closest to us shape who we become. I think she knew that… which was why she was out there, having these types of conversations. I hope this episode honours her in that. Cause of death is still under investigation as of recording. I’ve noted anywhere in the episode where something is confirmed versus still speculative. In this episode, we discuss: * What’s currently known about Hayden’s death, and what’s still under investigation * Her career and cultural footprint, from Heroes to Nashville * The disclosures in her memoir, “This Is Me: A Reckoning” — industry conditioning and the psychology of betrayal trauma * Postpartum depression, and why it’s so often misattributed by partners and employers * Relinquishing custody of her daughter, and the psychology behind that kind of decision * Her relationship with Brian Hickerson, documented intimate partner violence, and why survivors stay or return * The broader statistics on intimate partner violence in the U.S. IMPORTANT: If anything in this episode hits close to home: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. RAINN, 1-800-656-4673. Postpartum Support International, psihelpline.org. Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Ready to go deeper? Join VLVT — the world’s first relationship skills training platform. Optimize your relationships, understand yourself on a deeper level, and change your life for the better. Loving smarter has never been so easy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
28 Sept 2026
Book Club — Chapter One, He’s Just Not That Into You
Ever spent an hour decoding a text with your friends, trying to figure out what he really meant? This series is for you. Welcome to the Connie Perl Psychology Book Club, where we’re reading He’s Just Not That Into You one chapter at a time. It started as one brutally honest line in the Sex and the City writers’ room, turned into an unforgettable episode of the show, and then became the dating book everyone was talking about. Twenty years later, we’re asking a simple question: is their advice still correct? Each episode, we read a real “Ask Greg” letter from the book, talk through what’s actually going on psychologically, and then bring it into 2026. Dating apps, read receipts, situationships, ghosting: a lot has changed since this book came out. Some of the advice is more relevant than ever. Some of it needs a serious update. We’ll sort it all out together. In this series, you’ll learn: * Why we make excuses for people who aren’t showing up, and how to stop * The psychology behind mixed signals, and what actually counts as real interest * How dating apps have changed the rules of who asks whom out * What the research says about modern dating for both women and men * How to spot the difference between genuine effort and low-effort attention * Which parts of this 2004 classic still hold up, and which don’t Whether you read the book years ago or you’re picking it up for the first time, tune in every Monday with me — and let’s talk about it. Love smarter ❤️🔥🧠📱 Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research. Join CoupleChat — AI couples coaching for the two of you. 🛋️ Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
23 Sept 2026
Book Club — Chapter Four, The Eden Project
If you want to grow, learn about relationships, and put valuable lessons into practice in your own life… you’re in the right place. 💌In The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other, Jungian analyst James Hollis explains that people use romantic relationships to seek a “magical other” who will fix their inner emptiness. Instead of a how-to fix a partner guide, the book is a call to stop using love as a rescue mission and to grow up yourself.Core Ideas * The Lost Garden: Humans feel a deep wound from birth and early life. We long to go back to a safe, whole place—our personal “Eden”. * The Magical Other: We look for a soulmate to heal this old pain. We hope the right partner will make us feel complete and save us from our past. * The Trap of Projection: We do not see our partner clearly. We glue our own hidden hopes and inner images onto them. When they fail to act like our dream image, we feel angry and let down. * Personal Responsibility: A real relationship only starts when you stop expecting your partner to be your saviour. You must own your own life, pain, and growth. Love smarter ❤️🔥🧠📱 Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research. Join CoupleChat — AI couples coaching for the two of you. 🛋️ Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
15 Sept 2026
True Crime: The psychology of the Lindsay Clancy trial
Lindsay Clancy is on trial for the deaths of her three children — Cora, Dawson, and Callan — and the jury isn’t just being asked to look at the facts. They’re being asked to decide something much narrower: was she conscious enough, in that moment, to know what she was doing was criminal? That’s what a trial is built to determine. Psychology asks a different question — and today we’re looking at both. I go through what the psychiatrists and psychologists have actually testified to, the dueling diagnoses at the center of this case, and what postpartum depression and bipolar disorder actually look like from the inside, using the DSM-5 and the research behind it. I also get into the danger of mismanaged psychiatric medication, the risk-assessment failures I think this case exposes, and the timeline showing just how many times Lindsay Clancy tried to get help before this happened. This is about understanding what psychology actually sees when it looks at a case like this with real thoroughness — and perhaps why so many people are afraid to ask for help in the first place. Trial status is current as of recording — this case is moving fast, so some details may have changed by the time you’re listening. If anything in this episode hits close to home: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988), National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA). In this episode, we discuss: * What’s known about the case, the charges, and where the trial currently stands * The legal question at the center of the trial vs. how psychology approaches the same facts * What the psychiatrists and psychologists have testified to, and where the experts disagree * Postpartum depression: DSM-5 criteria and what it actually feels like * Bipolar disorder, misdiagnosis, and why mixing the two matters so much clinically * Hallucinations vs. delusions, and the command hallucination she’s described * Why mismanaging psychiatric medication is so dangerous — and what responsible care should look like * The risk-assessment failures this case exposes * The timeline of every time she sought help, and how the system kept failing her. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
12 Sept 2026
Book Club — Chapter Three, The Eden Project
Welcome to the Connie Perl Psychology Book Club. We’ll meet right here on Monday evenings to discuss compelling ideas about psychology, love & relationships — written by great writers, analysts, & researchers. If you want to grow, learn about relationships, and put valuable lessons into practice in your own life… you’re in the right place. 💌In The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other, Jungian analyst James Hollis explains that people use romantic relationships to seek a “magical other” who will fix their inner emptiness. Instead of a how-to fix a partner guide, the book is a call to stop using love as a rescue mission and to grow up yourself. Core Ideas * The Lost Garden: Humans feel a deep wound from birth and early life. We long to go back to a safe, whole place—our personal “Eden”. * The Magical Other: We look for a soulmate to heal this old pain. We hope the right partner will make us feel complete and save us from our past. * The Trap of Projection: We do not see our partner clearly. We glue our own hidden hopes and inner images onto them. When they fail to act like our dream image, we feel angry and let down. * Personal Responsibility: A real relationship only starts when you stop expecting your partner to be your saviour. You must own your own life, pain, and growth. Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research — and learn the relationship science you need to optimize your love life. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
6 Sept 2026
Book Club — Chapter Two, The Eden Project
Welcome to the Connie Perl Psychology Book Club. We’ll meet right here on Monday evenings to discuss compelling ideas about psychology, love & relationships — written by great writers, analysts, & researchers. If you want to grow, learn about relationships, and put valuable lessons into practice in your own life… you’re in the right place. 💌In The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other, Jungian analyst James Hollis explains that people use romantic relationships to seek a “magical other” who will fix their inner emptiness. Instead of a how-to fix a partner guide, the book is a call to stop using love as a rescue mission and to grow up yourself.Core Ideas * The Lost Garden: Humans feel a deep wound from birth and early life. We long to go back to a safe, whole place—our personal “Eden”. * The Magical Other: We look for a soulmate to heal this old pain. We hope the right partner will make us feel complete and save us from our past. * The Trap of Projection: We do not see our partner clearly. We glue our own hidden hopes and inner images onto them. When they fail to act like our dream image, we feel angry and let down. * Personal Responsibility: A real relationship only starts when you stop expecting your partner to be your saviour. You must own your own life, pain, and growth. Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research — and learn the relationship science you need to optimize your love life. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Sept 2026
Hidden digital lives — the psychology of micro-cheating through encrypted messaging, Only Fans & DMs.
You already know the story. A name you didn’t recognize. Six months of DMs. A Signal app with no messages in it. A phone turned face-down one too many times. Micro-cheating is one of the most talked-about — and least understood — relationship phenomena of our time. And in this episode, I’m going all the way in: what it actually is, why we do it, whether technology created it or just made it easier, and what it says about us as a species that we have always, in every era, been capable of maintaining a hidden inner life inside a committed relationship. Our technology changed, but have our drives and desires? After Betrayal Guide 🛋️ If you’re navigating betrayal, cheating, infidelity, or secrecy, I’ve created a guide filled with suggestions, exercises & actionable advice backed by psychological research. Click through to discover how you can take your power back right now. In this episode, I cover: * What micro-cheating actually is — and why the line is never about the act, always about the concealment * The one question that cuts through all the ambiguity and tells you immediately whether something crosses a line * Signal, Telegram, disappearing messages, and the industrialization of relational secrecy — what these tools actually make possible, and what that costs * The OnlyFans question: when does paid digital interaction become a breach of trust, and what does the research actually say? * The neuroscience of why hidden things feel so compelling — what dopamine, wanting, and the forbidden have to do with each other * The Kinsey data from the 1950s that reframes everything: was secrecy really worse before smartphones, or have we always been this way? * What sociological research on people who maintained parallel lives for decades tells us about compartmentalization and the “authentic self” * Michael Slepian’s Columbia University research on the psychology of secret-keeping — and why the person hiding something pays a price the research makes very clear * Whether we are always going to descend into secrecy as a species — and what it actually takes to rise above it * Three clinically grounded things you can do: whether you’re the one hiding something, the one who found something, or the one trying to make sure neither ever happens Referenced in this episode: * Schilling, M. Definition of micro-cheating and its popularization in clinical and media contexts * McDaniel, B.T., Drouin, M., & Cravens, J.D. (2017). Social Media Infidelity-Related Behaviors (SMIRB) Measure. Computers in Human Behavior. * Kinsey Institute Research (2025) on perceptions of digital behaviors and infidelity * Slepian, M.L., Chun, S., & Mason, M.F. (2017). The Experience of Secrecy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. * Slepian, M.L. (2024). The New Psychology of Secrecy. Current Directions in Psychological Science. * Berridge, K.C. & Robinson, T.E. (1998). What is the role of dopamine in reward: hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience? Brain Research Reviews. * Norbury, A. et al. (2015). Dopamine Regulates Approach-Avoidance in Human Sensation-Seeking. International Journal of Neuropsychopharmacology. * Garcia, M.C. (2018). L’infidélité conjugale: individualisation de la vie privée et genre. Enfances, Familles, Générations. * The Kinsey Reports (1948, 1953) on extramarital sex across American marriages * Signal app: end-to-end encryption, disappearing messages, and their use in relationship concealment Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Ready to go deeper? Join VLVT — the world’s first relationship skills training platform. Optimize your relationships, understand yourself on a deeper level, and change your life for the better. Loving smarter has never been so easy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
24 Aug 2026
Book Club — Chapter One, The Eden Project
Welcome to the Connie Perl Psychology Book Club. We’ll meet right here on Monday evenings to discuss compelling ideas about psychology, love & relationships — written by great writers, analysts, & researchers. If you want to grow, learn about relationships, and put valuable lessons into practice in your own life… you’re in the right place. 💌I’m so excited to introduce you to the first chapter of our very first book. In The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other, Jungian analyst James Hollis explains that people use romantic relationships to seek a “magical other” who will fix their inner emptiness. Instead of a how-to fix a partner guide, the book is a call to stop using love as a rescue mission and to grow up yourself.Core Ideas * The Lost Garden: Humans feel a deep wound from birth and early life. We long to go back to a safe, whole place—our personal “Eden”. * The Magical Other: We look for a soulmate to heal this old pain. We hope the right partner will make us feel complete and save us from our past. * The Trap of Projection: We do not see our partner clearly. We glue our own hidden hopes and inner images onto them. When they fail to act like our dream image, we feel angry and let down. * Personal Responsibility: A real relationship only starts when you stop expecting your partner to be your saviour. You must own your own life, pain, and growth. Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Ready to go deeper? Join VLVT — the world’s first relationship skills training platform. Optimize your relationships, understand yourself on a deeper level, and change your life for the better. Loving smarter has never been so easy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Aug 2026
Are chronic cheaters un-evolved?
In this episode, I take on one of the most loaded questions in relationship psychology: what chronic infidelity actually tells us about a person. Not morally. Psychologically. Rather than framing cheating as simply right or wrong, I zoom out — drawing on evolutionary psychology, Freudian theory, and developmental research — to ask what repeated betrayal reveals about a person’s capacity for self-regulation. Because desire, I’d argue, is not the interesting part. Everyone feels desire. What matters is what someone does with it. I explore why the ability to tolerate an impulse without acting on it is not weakness, but one of the most sophisticated psychological skills a human being can develop — and what it means when that skill is chronically absent. I also look at the cultural tension we’re living in right now: a world that simultaneously celebrates self-mastery and romanticizes impulsivity, and the damage that contradiction does to our relationships. Whether you’ve been cheated on, are trying to understand a pattern in yourself, or are simply curious about the psychology underneath one of the most common relationship ruptures there is — this episode will change the way you think about infidelity. In this episode, I cover: * Why civilization itself is built on the demand for self-regulation — and what that has to do with cheating * The Freudian negotiation between instinct and restraint, and what it means to be psychologically developed * Why the Coolidge effect doesn’t justify chronic infidelity — and where that logic breaks down * The developmental lens: what chronic betrayal actually looks like through the framework of emotional maturity * Dysregulation as the true driver of repeated infidelity — and why desire alone is never the real answer * What CBT, Emotion-Focused Therapy, and psychodynamic psychology each reveal about how to interrupt the pattern * What those who have been betrayed need to hear — and the one clarifying question that cuts through everything Referenced in this episode: * Sigmund Freud on the negotiation between instinct and social constraint * Darwinian evolutionary psychology and the social costs of unchecked impulsivity * The Coolidge effect and its psychological limits * Research on frustration tolerance, delayed gratification, and self-regulation development * CBT cognitive distortions common in chronic infidelity * Emotion-Focused Therapy and the emotional states underneath affairs * Psychodynamic frameworks on repetition and relational pattern After Betrayal Guide 🛋️ If you’re navigating betrayal, cheating, infidelity, or secrecy, I’ve created a guide filled with suggestions, exercises & actionable advice backed by psychological research. Click through to discover how you can take your power back right now. Love smarter. ❤️🔥🧠📱 Join VLVT — relationship skills training, powered by AI & psychological research — and learn how to turn your toxic relationships into healthy ones. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Jul 2026
Great Love Stories: JFK Jr. & Carolyn Bessette Kennedy
John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette Kennedy are often remembered as one of the most iconic couples in modern history — but what was actually happening beneath the surface of their relationship? In this episode, I take a clinical psychology lens to their story, analyzing their dynamic through attachment theory, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), psychodynamic theory, and systems psychology. We explore how identity, public pressure, emotional regulation, and relational patterns may have shaped their connection — and where desire and long-term compatibility diverged. This episode breaks down: The pursuer–distancer dynamic in relationships How attachment styles influence conflict and intimacy The psychological impact of fame, identity, and public scrutiny ADHD, emotional regulation, and relational functioning The difference between chemistry and sustainable love If you’ve ever been in a relationship that looked perfect on the outside but felt misaligned on the inside — this episode will help you understand why. This is not just a story about them. It’s a framework for understanding your own patterns in love. References Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press. Gustavson, D. E., et al. (2022). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and chronic pain: A review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13, 9547351. Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection. Brunner-Routledge. Klein, E. (2003). The Kennedy curse. St. Martin’s Press. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood. Guilford Press. Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity. Harper. Disclaimer: Podcast episodes are educational and are not a replacement for therapy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
17 Jun 2026
The psychology of Clavicular
In this episode of Connie Perl Psychology, we take a deep psychological dive into Clavicular—the viral TikTok looksmaxxer—and unpack what his content reveals about modern masculinity, attraction, and the evolving meaning of love in the digital age. Through the lenses of attachment theory, CBT, psychodynamic theory, EFT, and narrative psychology, this episode explores looksmaxxing culture, emotional detachment, performance-based identity, and the growing tendency to treat relationships as transactions driven by status, visibility, and ROI. Is looksmaxxing actually a search for love—or a defense against it? And what does this mean for Gen Z, Gen Alpha, and the future of intimacy? Disclaimer: Podcast episodes are educational and are not a replacement for therapy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Jun 2026
AI Love is here... but is it real?
What happens when someone falls in love with an AI? In this episode, we explore the psychological, neurological, and relational implications of AI companionship through the lens of a real case (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVcxfLFqe8I) from Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin?. This isn’t just a conversation about technology — it’s a deeper inquiry into what makes love real, how attachment forms, and what happens when connection becomes frictionless, perfectly responsive, and disembodied. Drawing from clinical psychology, attachment theory, and neuroscience, we unpack the difference between feeling loved and being in a mutual, embodied relationship — and what this shift could mean for our capacity to love another human being over time. Disclaimer: Podcast episodes are educational and are not a replacement for therapy. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
16 May 2026
See a couples therapist — before it's too late.
In this first episode of Connie Perl Psychology, we unpack one of the most common—and most misunderstood—questions about relationships: Does couples therapy actually work? Drawing from clinical psychology, attachment research, and real-world patterns seen in couples, this episode explores why so many people believe therapy “fails”—and the deeper truth behind it. The issue isn’t that couples therapy is ineffective. It’s that we wait far too long to seek it. Through a powerful metaphor of physical health and infection, this episode breaks down how resentment builds, how conflict cycles become entrenched, and why relationships often reach a point of no return before intervention ever begins. If you’ve ever wondered when to seek help, whether your relationship is “bad enough,” or how to prevent long-term damage, this episode will completely reframe how you think about love, repair, and responsibility. Disclaimer: Podcast episodes are educational and are not a replacement for therapy. References Baucom, B. R., Sevier, M., Eldridge, K. A., Doss, B. D., & Christensen, A. (2014). Prediction of treatment response at 5-year follow-up in a randomized clinical trial of behaviorally based couple therapies. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(6), 1031–1041. Doss, B. D., Benson, L. A., Georgia, E. J., & Christensen, A. (2013). Translation of integrative behavioral couple therapy to a web-based intervention. Family Process, 52(1), 139–153. Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (as summarized in Gottman Institute research materials). Stable relationships maintain higher positive-to-negative interaction ratios during conflict, commonly cited as about 5:1, and many relationship problems are perpetual rather than fully solvable. Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2022). Couple therapy in the 2020s: Current status and emerging developments. Family Process, 61(3), 887–906. Snyder, D. K., Castellani, A. M., & Whisman, M. A. (2006). Current status and future directions in couple therapy. Referenced in Doss et al. (2013) regarding meta-analytic evidence that in-person couple therapy reduces relationship distress. Get full access to Connie Perl Psychology at connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://connieperlpsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
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