- 18
- Episodes
- 2024
- First episode
About Cuppa Care with Deborah Harlow
A soulful audio space for women at life’s thresholds—of caregiving, healing, leadership, and becoming. Hosted by Deborah Harlow, Heart Sherpa and voice doula, each episode invites you into honest, tender conversations about what it means to lead with care, rest into your truth, and reclaim the power of your voice. Whether you’re navigating change, holding space for others, or simply longing for a gentler rhythm—you belong here. Pour a cuppa, pull up a chair, and let’s gather together. deborahharlow.substack.com (https://deborahharlow.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)
- Publisher
- Brew a cuppa and let’s gather.
- Category
- business · health & fitness
- Language
- en
- Explicit
- No
- First episode
- 4 Jan 2024
- Latest episode
- 27 Jul 2026
Latest episodes
18 episodes in the feed.
27 Jul 2026
Honesty, Grief and a Damn Hot July
Hi dear-heart, It’s Sunday and I’m in my office. The gentle hum of my desk fan in the background as it whirls to cool me off. A honey salted, oat milk iced coffee in a mason jar, sitting just to the left of my laptop where I can easily grab a sip when I feel the need. I find myself deep in reflection pondering what to share in my message to you for August, part reflection on July and part preparation for what’s to come. I keep looking at the stained glass lamp on my desk, colors of fall with a black crow and a single ruby red eye of textured and opalescent fire. You see July was hard. I don’t mean a couple bumps in the road hard. I mean stumble and fall hard. I fear I don’t know how to get back up hard. Two loved ones passed away, I was in the hospital and a variety of self-care and caregiving challenges ensued. I keep looking at the stained glass lamp on my desk, colors of fall with a black crow and a single ruby red eye of textured and opalescent warmth. July was also generous in unexpected ways. As I needed time and space to rest, while learning how to navigate my new health challenges, I received time and space. My calendar opened and appointments shifted. Deadlines that were compacted, unfurled, others moved or adjusted and some went pop like a soap bubble against a solid surface. I kept holding on to this mantra, “did I give the person I’m engaging with an honest opportunity to know what I really need?” You see, I’m all too familiar with sharing the shadows version of need to keep the peace and not to be a burden to others, so this mantra held me in a tight embrace of honesty. Because honesty is always kind but not always nice and I don’t ever want to be nice. I felt this deep in my body, both physically and emotionally, when I was in the hospital needing to advocate for my care. A question would be asked. I’d answer. They would respond with a shortened version that wasn’t accurate and then move on to the next thing. I would say, “no that isn’t correct. Let’s go back.” And they’d look at me with a furled brow and we’d revise from there. And it wasn’t because of crappy care or rushed agendas. They truly were some of the best medical care providers I’ve had in a while. If I had to name what was happening, I’d say it was what I regularly see in communication, leadership and life… the autopilot of hearing and processing a percentage of what is being said in order to get what you need to proceed. The CliffNotes version of listening but not fully being an attentive listener. It goes like this: 1) listen for the core message, 2) assume the rest by sorting through your mental notes of “like things”, 3) fill in the gaps based on educated guesses and 4) keep on moving. But when it comes to my health and my life – NOPE! July also gave me the gift of grief. You might be saying to yourself, “umm Deb, the gift of grief? Grief isn’t a gift. It’s hard and heartbreaking and to be avoided.” I get it and hear me out on this … grief isn’t bad, albeit it does exact a specific cost. Your full and undivided honesty. Grief doesn’t want a show. It’s raw and real. It’s old and wise. It will show you truth like no other emotion. There are layers of wisdom in those wounds and there’s no other way to access that sage insight than to travel through the valley of grief and traverse the mountains of rage. My legacy work isn’t just about joy. It’s about joy as the alchemy of grief, rage, and remembrance. This is what makes The Joyful Leader radical, not performative. So in July, I journeyed. Not to a faraway land on vacation but inward. I mourned the loss of two loved ones. I mourned the lives they lived and didn’t get to live. I mourned the harm that was caused and didn’t receive restoration. I mourned the impact their passing will have in my life and the lives of those I care about. I mourned my health transitioning. I mourned the freedom I currently don’t feel in my body with limitations. I gave myself space for anger … rage … at all of the things that didn’t go according to plan and all the ways that life felt like it was kicking me, repeatedly, in the shins. And you know what I received in return? Honesty. Like I said above, “honesty is always kind but not always nice.” The wisdom my grief and anger shared was honest and with that I was able to move forward … new plans, new ways of living, new boundaries, new needs, new asks, new clarity. Because here’s the thing so many of us try to avoid, dear-heart. Honesty, unapologetic truth and being impeccable with your word, sounds nice but there’s a cost. It might mean someone will be hurt or let down. It might mean things change or even go away. But you won’t have to guess or wonder or create a life based on what if’s or uncertainty. You’ll know and that is worth its weight in gold. Having the truth to make an informed decision on what is right for you – priceless. So July I see you. You were brutal and kind. Thank you. On the joyful side of July, two of our local libraries (that we frequent and love) were hosting their summer reading challenges. They offer a daily tracking card where you read for 30 minutes, record it and prizes can be won. The kids love it and it’s also open to adults. During my core weeks of care management I needed to rest and reduce screen time, so it was a beautiful transition into reading, more than I already do. I finished 5 books I’ve been wanting to read and I started my 6th last night. Additionally my daughter was invited to go on a trip to Disneyland with one of her friends. The last time she went, she was 4 years old. She had a fantastic time and her one request on this trip was to get a picture with Winnie the Pooh to match the picture she had from her childhood trip. As I move into August, I’m holding onto the wisdom I gleaned, the mantra that held me closely and the sage advice of Winnie the Pooh: Grief takes but it also gives. It’s one of the most honest emotional exchanges we can ever experience. Goals and plans are a hypothesis, not guarantees. Along our journey, we gather data to see what works, what doesn’t, what we want more of and what we want less of. We revise, reflect, release and create accordingly. Did I give the person I’m engaging with an honest opportunity to know what I really need? And in the wise words of Pooh bear, “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” With love,DeborahYour Heart Sherpa & The Joyful LeaderThe Joyful Leader™Where voice meets vision — and clarity becomes legacy. The Joyful Leader™ CommunityCare. Connect. Create. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
2 Jun 2026
The Pace That Almost Took Me From Myself
Dear-heart, Despite what much of modern self-help teaches, the answer is not simply: “Choose yourself, Becky!” Life for a woman with a myriad of responsibilities and relationships cannot be reduced to a quippy meme. The women I know do not live in isolation. They are mothers, partners, caregivers, leaders, and community builders. They ARE actively choosing themselves in each of those roles. It’s not a binary this or that conversation. It’s more intricate than that … just like life is more deeply interconnected than most stop to acknowledge. The women I know understand that their choices ripple outward. They deeply know that the question is not whether they should care about others. The women I know are not confused. They are carrying impossible complexity while being handed simplistic advice. The question is whether caring for others requires abandoning themselves. I no longer believe it does. I believe there is a third path. A path between self-sacrifice and self-centeredness. A path where a woman learns to trust herself while remaining deeply connected to what matters. A path where boundaries are not walls. Where leadership is not self-erasure. Where responsibility is not martyrdom. Where joy is not earned through exhaustion or transaction. Because when a woman remembers herself, she doesn't just change her own life. She changes every relationship, every community, and every generation she touches. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
14 Oct 2025
October Goals Workshop | Sacred Transitions and Seasonal Letting Go
October’s Goals Workshop invites you to pause, breathe, and honor what’s shifting in your life. As the trees release their leaves, we’re reminded that letting go is not failure — it’s wisdom. This month’s episode explores how seasonal change mirrors our internal transitions, and how release can become a sacred act of devotion. Inside this episode, we’ll explore: 🍂 Why the “in-between” space is where the transformation actually happens🌀 What devotion really looks like during transition and release🌱 How integrity becomes wholeness in motion✨ A daily ritual to practice letting go with intention 📄 Download the companion worksheet to journal your reflections📝 Read the full Substack article for a personal story and deeper prompts This episode includes a guided reflection and journaling prompts you can return to all month long. Your worksheet and mantra are linked below. Click to access the handout here (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=s98dq7rg&dl=0). Whether you're navigating a big shift or a quiet internal one, this space is here to guide you back to what matters most. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
22 Sept 2025
Cuppa Care Episode | September 2025: Meeting Shame, Healing the Unseen
What part of you is ready to come home? In this episode of Cuppa Care, Deborah explores shadow and integration, specifically, what it means to meet shame and heal the unseen. Deborah shares: * Her personal story of caregiving + shadow * The distinction between guilt and shame * How shame functions as a systemic tool of harm * Reflection invitations for integrating hidden parts into wholeness Reflection prompts for you: * What part of me have I hidden out of shame? * What survival strategy once kept me safe, but now keeps me stuck? * How might that part hold a gift, if I bring it into the light? So dear-heart, pour a cuppa, settle in, and let this be your reminder: integrity means wholeness. And wholeness means welcoming back every piece of you. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
18 Sept 2025
Meeting the Inner Mirror
Dear-heart, This month, we are sitting with the mirror. Not the kind that shows you your hair out of place or your reflection in passing, but the mirror that lives inside you. The mirror that shows you the shadow you’d rather not see. The mirror that whispers: It’s time to look. Shadow work is often misunderstood. People think it means chasing down everything dark in us, or fixing the “bad” parts. But shadow isn’t bad. Shadow is simply what has gone unseen. It’s the unloved, unintegrated, unacknowledged part of us waiting for belonging. When you look in the inner mirror, you might see the child who learned to over-give to stay safe.You might see the perfectionist who believed love had to be earned.You might see the leader who is still following someone else’s script, afraid to claim her own. This month, I’ve been thinking about how integration isn’t about erasing these shadows. It’s about bringing them home. Like gathering lost pieces of yourself around the hearth and saying: You belong too. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
10 Sept 2025
September Goals Workshop | Inner Alignment, Outer Action & Sacred Structure
September Goals Workshop: Inner Alignment, Outer Action & Sacred Structure As summer gives way to autumn, we are invited into clarity, rhythm, and rebalancing. This month’s workshop explores how to align your inner compass before taking outer action, and how to design structures that support freedom rather than restrict it. Together we’ll talk about: * Why inner alignment must precede outer action * How sacred structure creates containers of freedom * Practicing embodied integrity in daily life and leadership This episode includes a guided reflection and journaling prompts you can return to all month long. Your worksheet and mantra are linked below. Click to access the handout here (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=s98dq7rg&dl=0). Integrity is not a performance, it’s a practice. Let this be the month you set the table for what truly matters. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
24 Aug 2025
Cuppa Care Episode | August 2025: Truth, Transparency, and the Tender Art of Listening
What does it really mean to tell the truth to yourself and to others? In this episode of Cuppa Care, Deborah explores how radical honesty begins quietly, in the mirror, and how that self-truth becomes the foundation for transparency and deeper connection with others. We’ll talk about: · Why truth-telling can feel like safety, not shame. · How old scripts shape the ways we say “yes” or stay silent. · The difference between exposure and transparency. · Why listening itself can be one of the deepest forms of love. ✨ Reflection prompts for you: · Where are you biting your tongue with yourself? · Where do you long for more transparency with others? · How do you want to be listened to? Truth-telling isn’t about being harsh. It’s about choosing clarity over contortion, presence over performance, connection over silence. So pour a cuppa, settle in, and let this conversation invite you closer to your own truth. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
3 Aug 2025
August Goals Workshop | Reclaiming Creative Spark
August Goals Workshop - Reclaiming Creative Spark Have you ever felt the tug to create, but also the fear that it won’t be "good enough"? Or maybe you feel the nudge to try something new, a bolder vision, a braver voice, but perfectionism and pressure stop you in your tracks? In this episode, we explore reconnecting with our Creative Spark, not as a task, but as a sacred pulse of aliveness. We’re moving beyond productivity into playful expansion. We’re choosing courage over control. This episode includes a guided reflection and journaling prompts you can return to all month long. Your worksheet and mantra are linked below. Click to access the handout here (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=s98dq7rg&dl=0). Let your creativity be messy. Let it be magical. Let it move through you this month in ways that feel curious and kind. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
11 Jul 2025
Cuppa Care Episode | July 2025: The Cost of Caregiving: What We Carry in Silence
In this episode of Cuppa Care, Deborah shares a love letter to the silent space caregivers occupy, where devotion meets depletion and stories go unspoken. Grab your favorite mug and settle in for a gentle reflection on the emotional toll of caregiving and what it means to be witnessed. So... pour a cuppa, get cozy and tuck on in. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
1 Jul 2025
July Goals Workshop | Courageous Visibility: Showing Up Aligned, Brave & True
July Goals WorkshopCourageous Visibility: Showing Up Aligned, Brave & True This month’s workshop is a love note to your presence. In this episode, we explore: What it means to be courageously visible without performance Where you might be hiding your voice, truth, or power How to align with visibility that nourishes instead of depletes This episode includes a guided reflection and journaling prompts you can return to all month long. Your worksheet and mantra are linked below. Click to access the handout here (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=s98dq7rg&dl=0). Let your truth lead. Let your presence be enough. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
26 Jun 2025
Cuppa Care Episode | June 2025: Boundaries and Belonging – The Sacred No is a Doorway
In this episode, Deborah shares a tender and truth-filled reflection on how boundaries aren't about pushing others away. They’re about drawing yourself back to center. You’ll hear: * A bit of storytelling * Some real talk on people-pleasing * A truth you might need to sip slowly * A spark of sass and a heap of heart So... pour a cuppa, get cozy and tuck on in. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
18 Jun 2025
Cuppa Care Episode June 2025: Saying No with Love — A Ritual for Belonging
June Cuppa Care Episode: Saying No with Love — A Ritual for Belonging In this episode of Cuppa Care, we explore the Sacred No — how to say no with love, truth, and clarity. If you’ve ever felt the tug between people-pleasing and inner peace, this short ritual offers a path back to self-belonging. So… pour a cuppa, get cozy and tuck on in. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
6 Jun 2025
Cuppa Care Episode May 2025: You Can Begin Again
Cuppa Care Episode: May 2025You Can Begin Again — A Ritual of Return for the Flower Moon Hello dear-heart, and welcome back to Cuppa Care — a soft place to land, a sacred space to reflect, and a gentle voice to remind you: you are not behind. This episode is titled “You Can Begin Again” — and it’s a ritual of return. May was a month of fire and bloom. And also… a month of flicker. Of fullness that maybe didn’t make it to form. Of best-laid plans that didn’t quite unfold as envisioned. Today, I’m inviting you to sit with me in that honest space. Not to dwell — but to reflect. To remember. To ritualize what still wants to bloom. I had promised two new episodes for May. I had mapped the New Moon intention setting, the Full Moon integration ritual, and companion meditations for Inner Flame subscribers. And the truth is — those pieces didn’t land on time. But the energy behind them? It’s still here. It’s still true. And it’s still yours to receive. So… pour a cuppa, get cozy and tuck on in. And join me in this soft ritual of return. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
5 Jun 2025
June — Cultivating Rhythms That Nourish
🌿 June — Cultivating Rhythms That Nourish Mindful Momentum from Inner Authority Hi dear-heart, If you’re new here, I host a monthly goal-setting workshop rooted in soul-aligned strategy and gentle accountability. These episodes, now shared through Cuppa Care, offer mindset teachings, reflection prompts, and a handout you can download to support your planning practice each month. This month, we’re exploring Cultivating Rhythms That Nourish — with a focus on sovereign momentum. It’s not about pushing through or doing more. It’s about honoring your own inner authority and choosing rhythms that support, sustain, and nourish your becoming. 🎧 Click to listen to the June workshop audio above.📝 Download the aligned worksheet (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=joyq0fuy&dl=0). 🌱 Part 1: Defining Sovereign Momentum What does it mean to be sovereign in your goal-setting? It’s not about ruling over others — it’s about reclaiming your inner compass.Sovereign momentum is the kind that emerges from your truth, your values, your rhythm. Not the world’s pace. Not perfectionism. Not productivity culture. “Sovereignty is the rhythm of self-trust.” 🌼 Part 2: Nourishing Rhythms vs. Rigid Routines This June, we invite in gentle recalibration. Instead of rigid planning, ask: What gives me energy? What drains me? What pace feels right for right now? Using our Rhythm Tracker (included in the worksheet), you can begin to notice what truly aligns — and adjust as needed without judgment. 💖 Part 3: Energy Mapping + Reflection Prompts How do you want to feel as you move through June? The worksheet invites you to map your goals, set intentions from inner authority, and reflect with questions like: Where am I being invited to reclaim my rhythm? What goal feels most like a soul agreement this month? How will I honor my sovereignty in the way I move forward? Download the worksheet (https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3bvns5azvo3k6r27q0srl/ALHvd5luDMjlZaDA9z_Bo8I?rlkey=rzsw460h321rvczi0lgq0odck&st=joyq0fuy&dl=0). It includes space to journal, track rhythms, and anchor in your monthly mantra: “I honor the rhythm that nourishes me. I move in alignment with my sovereign truth.” ☕ A Final Cup of Reflection You don’t need to follow anyone else’s schedule of success.You don’t need to match someone else’s pace.This is your path. Your rhythm. Your voice. Take what serves you from this month’s teaching, and let it guide your next small, sacred step. If you’d like to share what’s shifting for you this month, reply to this post or DM me. I love hearing what you’re cultivating. With care,DeborahYour Heart Sherpa & The Joyful Leader Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
18 Apr 2025
April - Emergence & Gentle Momentum
Hi dear-heart. If you’re new here, I host a monthly goal setting workshop that focuses on mindset paired with tips and tools to support your mindful momentum. In the April goal setting workshop, we focused on Emergence & Gentle Momentum. Pull up a comfy chair and brew yourself a cuppa. Lean in and receive. Click here (https://lje071.files.keap.app/lje071/f96369b0-4211-4b90-a2af-1577b0b40fa4) to download your Aligned Flow worksheet for April. 🌿 Part 1: Self-Attunement – Value Word for the Month Start your planning by choosing one guiding value for the month.This becomes your compass. “What value wants to guide your choices this month?”(Examples: Gentleness, Trust, Clarity, Patience, Compassion, Simplicity) “What would this week look like if I led with my value word?” I invite you to journal or whisper your word aloud. 🌱 Part 2: Focus Anchors – The Flow Trio Choose aligned effort over busywork. Instead of a long to-do list, define 3 clear areas of focus. You can structure them however you'd like: * Self / Work / Relationships * Nourishment / Visibility / Systems * Boundaries / Rest / Creative Output Under each, list 2–3 doable action items.Example: * Focus #1: Body Nourishment * ☐ Prep gentle meals * ☐ Move with love 3x/week * Focus #2: Clear Communication * ☐ Return key emails * ☐ Draft client script * Focus #3: Rest Rituals * ☐ One screen-free night/week * ☐ Tea + journal pause each morning 🌙 Part 3: Energy Mapping “Where is my energy asking for more space, more joy, or more support?”“How do I want to feel while working toward my goals this month?” I invite you to notice the energy required for each goal (Focus, Creative, Social, Reflective, etc.) Ask: “What energy do I need to bring to this task or goal?”(Peaceful, Bold, Reflective, Creative, Social, Focused, etc.) Then: “When do I naturally feel that energy?”→ Use that intel to intuitively calendar your actions. 💖 Closing Reflection “You don’t need to bloom all at once.You don’t need to prove yourself through pressure. This is a month to listen deeply, move gently, and let what’s true guide you. Let your goals grow at the pace of your spirit. 📝 Dear-Heart Reflection: “You are not behind. You are right on time for your own becoming.Trust the pulse of your pace.” What would shift if I trusted my natural rhythm more this month? As you're exploring these journal questions, I invite you to reach out, if you feel comfortable, and share what your plans for April are. You don’t need to create alone. Looking for additional guidance, in a supportive community? Join us for an Aligned Flow Workshop. The Aligned Flow Workshop sessions for 2025 (Pacific time zone noted): * Monthly - Friday's: 8:30am - 11:30am * Monthly - 1st Saturday: 9:00am - 12:00pm (noon) * Monthly - 3rd Saturday: 9:00am - 12:00pm (noon) I intentionally keep the group size intimate (no more than 12 people) so everyone can feel supported and have ample time for individualized coaching. Click here (https://keap.app/checkout/lje071/flow-workshop) to learn more. Do you know about Gather Goodies? Gather subscription members receive monthly goal setting (new moon) and reflection (full moon) journaling questions, mini themed challenges, meditations and more! Subscriber options are monthly ($47) or annually ($550) and by invitation, no obligation, you can cancel at any time, should you feel the need to. If you are new to working with me and want to gently explore collaborating together, this is a great place to start and very accessible budget-wise. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
19 Mar 2025
Sam is your friend.
Hi dear-heart. If you’re new here, I host a monthly goal setting workshop that focuses on mindset paired with tips and tools to support your mindful momentum. In the March goal setting workshop, we focused on Micro Habits & Habit Stacking in Challenging Times. Pull up a comfy chair and brew yourself a cuppa. Lean in and receive. March Journal Questions * How would your life change if you made consistent progress towards your goal, even in small steps? * How do your current daily habits align with your goal? And if they don't, what do you notice is the issue or resistance? * What kind of support or accountability do you need to stay consistent with your micro habits? What can you do to ensure this? As you're exploring these journal questions, I invite you to reach out, if you feel comfortable, and share what your plans for March are. What are your micro habits and what are you going to habit stack with? If you need help playing with these concepts, please reach out. You don’t need to create alone. Looking for additional guidance, in a supportive community? Join us for an Aligned Flow Workshop. The Aligned Flow Workshop sessions for 2025 (Pacific time zone noted): * Monthly - Friday's: 8:30am - 11:30am * Monthly - 1st Saturday: 9:00am - 12:00pm (noon) * Monthly - 3rd Saturday: 9:00am - 12:00pm (noon) I intentionally keep the group size intimate (no more than 12 people) so everyone can feel supported and have ample time for individualized coaching. Click here (https://keap.app/checkout/lje071/flow-workshop) to learn more. Do you know about Gather Goodies? Gather subscription members receive monthly goal setting (new moon) and reflection (full moon) journaling questions, mini themed challenges, meditations and more! Subscriber options are monthly ($47) or annually ($550) and by invitation, no obligation, you can cancel at any time, should you feel the need to. If you are new to working with me and want to gently explore collaborating together, this is a great place to start and very accessible budget-wise. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
29 Feb 2024
I was 12. There was no plan.
When I was 12 years old my father had a massive stroke. It left him paralyzed and needing full time care. He was 57 years old. There was no plan in place for how to handle this level of need in our family. My life was forever changed. Gather with Deborah Harlow is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Did you know that only 5% of families have taken the time to make sure they have a well-thought-out plan for aging loved ones before an emergency situation forces their lives into chaos?I get it. It can be uncomfortable talking with your parents and aging loved ones about the challenges they’re having with aging, and how they wish their lives will unfold in the coming years. Especially when things may be going relatively well just now!That’s why most people don’t talk about it until there’s an emergency. It could be a fall that affects mobility, or a diagnosis of cancer, or even Alzheimer’s … or in my case, a massive and long-term caregiving need that no one saw coming or had a plan for. My journey as a youth caregiver directly impacted my life growing up. It also became the catalyst for a core part of my legacy work as an advocate for youth caregivers and individuals on the caregiving journey. Why is having a caregiving plan so important? Let me share my story with you …. I had just turned 12 years old and my family had relocated from small farmland in northern California to the San Francisco bay area. We didn’t know anyone in the Bay Area, nor did we have family nearby. Every aspect of the transition was jarring and at a time in my life when my fragile sense of self was already feeling overwhelmed, unsure and alone. A couple months after the move, with a few lingering boxes still waiting to be unpacked, on a mid-week morning, my father had a massive stroke. He was 57-years old. There was no caregiving plan. My mom, who had previously been a homemaker, suddenly became the family breadwinner in a new geographic location, under great duress, without a plan or community to plug into. Her children were also only 12 and 10 years old. I dropped out of public school to stay home and care for my father, manage the household needs, teach myself home schooling and help raise my younger brother. What the doctors said would be six months of intensive care turned into 12 years. 12 years. The end result is that I was thrown into a new identity with adult level responsibilities, without a plan, guidance or resources. I looked to my mom and saw the overwhelm she was experiencing and I learned to not ask for help because by the time my mom came home from work her cup was empty. I looked to my dad and saw the frustration he was experiencing and I learned to diffuse stress by being a good girl that knew what to say to put others at ease when they were in a state of duress. I looked to my brother and saw the fear he was experiencing and I learned to become his protector by shielding him from as much of the chaos at home as possible. I looked to myself and saw that I didn’t recognize who I was becoming and feared the role would consume me whole if I didn’t find a different way of being. [Note: my response at this time was that of a 12-year old with minimal tools and guidance. I was navigating trauma through the lens of a tween in survival mode. I have dedicated my life to the healing of that trauma and being a guide for others navigating their journey of intergenerational trauma healing.] My introduction into caregiving was as a youth alongside my father, who was also very young, only in the middle of his life. We thought there was more time … if we even thought about a plan at all, TBH (to be honest). The concept of planning for caregiving had never been discussed in my family. And if my parents HAD thought about it, they never communicated it to us kids, so when crisis arrived we each had to scramble to find solutions, clumsily embrace new identities, and survive in silos. Circling back to my question above … why is having a caregiving plan so important? Not every caregiving journey is the stereotypical aging loved one being cared for by a spouse or older adult children. During the Covid pandemic the entire world got a crash course in caregiving and raised awareness for the need to have a caregiving plan. In a letter (https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2795650) published by JAMA Pediatrics, a study from January 2020 to May 2022, estimated 10.5 million children, in the United States alone, lost primary or secondary caregivers (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-covid-public-health-messaging-is-blocking-our-path-to-a-new-normal/) to COVID-associated deaths. My work in family caregiving communities, family mediation and juvenile justice environments, including foster care, shelters, schools, churches, etc., cracked me wide open, during this time, as I saw family after family face overwhelming caregiving challenges without a single plan in place, all the while navigating grief, anger, and uncertainty. I heard over and over again, “I am young. I didn’t think I would need to have a plan until I was of retirement age. I thought there was time.” As a 12 year old tween, I too thought there was time. Ample time before I would ever have to make a caregiving decision. Ample time before I would have to make choices like go to school or stay home and care for my dad. Time is linear and moves forward synchronously: minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Life is a spiral and winds around, up and down. It circles and loops, ebbs and flows, spikes and plateaus. If you are waiting for when a plan is needed, the need will be too great. I’m here to say the time is now. Regardless of YOUR personal situation, the idea of planning in advance is critical when it comes to creating a situation that is more manageable.I’m not saying that you can ever “solve” a caregiving situation. I’m suggesting that you’ll have a better chance at staying healthy and whole if you invest time NOW in making a good plan, before there is an emergency situation that throws your family into chaos. As advocates in the caregiving community, my friend and colleague Debbie Howard and I have repeatedly been asked about caregiver planning. After completing our 6th annual Easy Self-Care Challenge in January, we decided to sit down and create support solutions on the topic of planning.I’m excited to announce that we now have a five-week caregiver planning course. In this virtual experience, we’ll guide you through getting started with YOUR personalized and proactive plan for caregiving, including: * Documents you’ll need to assemble * Creating short- and long-term action plans to meet your specific needs * Finalizing an emergency plan that works, starting today! You’ll complete our course with a clear roadmap and your own checklist for your personal situation and needs, as well as an emergency plan that will be effective starting now. I invite you to take this opportunity to make progress on your plan within a supportive environment! The 5 modules are taught live each Friday in March (March 1, 8, 15, 22 and 29), from 12:00 - 1:00 pm PT / 2:00 - 3:00 pm CT / 3:00 - 4:00 pm ET. There will be time for Q&A and group shares in a safe and confidential environment (the Q&A group shares are not recorded). If you are unable to make a weekly session, the training module materials will be recorded and you’ll have lifetime access. I would have given almost anything to have a family caregiving plan BEFORE my father got sick. But we didn’t and the past can’t be change. The positive gift of my 30+ year caregiving journey is that I’ve taken every experience and nurtured it as a medicine to share with others who are on their caregiving journey (and candidly I believe we are all caregivers … the only difference is the stage we are at). I invite you to join us in the virtual experience, “Planning for Caregiving: Are YOU Ready?”. I invite you to lean into collaborative guidance, engaged community, and ample resources, to step forward with a plan that will support you on your caregiving journey. Click here (https://bit.ly/wwc-planning) to learn more about the virtual experience “Planning for Caregiving: Are YOU Ready?” and register today. We look forward to welcoming you to the calls that start Friday March 1st. Gather with Deborah Harlow is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
4 Jan 2024
Step 1: self-care.
Hi dear-heart, How are you? Gather with Deborah Harlow is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I've been thinking of you during this winter season. Here we are ... 2023 came to a close and 2024 has begun. 2023 was certainly a challenging year filled with more questions than answers. “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”~ Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God Zora's quote mentions years, however, this process can apply to any period of time, because life after all is a spiral of cycles. So what does this mean ... "years that ask questions?" 2023 was a year filled with calls to action: personally, professionally, and societally. Much of society was in a rush to "get back to normal" from the uncertainty of the pandemic period during 2020 - 2022. However, many of us were also in a state of questioning. What does "get back to normal" even mean and more importantly do I even want things to get back to what they were before? These questions are an essential part of our self-care. If you've participated in any of my Flow Workshops or community events, you've heard me say my goal for you, in your legacy life journey, is AWARENESS and the path to AWARENESS is nurtured by CURIOSITY and nourished by JOY. So what does this all mean for your productivity? Many of you come to me with a deep yearning for mindful momentum on the thing(s) that matter to you that you haven't YET found time to focus on ... your legacy life goal(s). And if everyone has the same 24 hours in a day how are you supposed to find the time if you haven't yet? It can feel overwhelming and defeating to see the patterns repeat year over year ... make the goal, miss the goal, grieve the goal. There is another way though and step 1 is self-care. While many in the world kickoff the new year with goals and resolutions, deep in planning mode, I start with self-care. January is winter and the winter season invites us to contain our energy inward, surrender to the stillness, be gentle, recharge, explore our life choices, trust our inner guidance, do less and be more. As you know, I rely on nature as my guide. Nature gives us profound insight and guidance and her wisdom is always "on time." What does nature have to say to us now? She says it's winter why are your rushing? Reserve your energy resources for self-care and the care of your community so that as you're ready you can step out into spring fully recharged and aligned to move forward in a sustainable and joyful way. "The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members." ~ Coretta Scott King Where can you prepare for the energy needed to focus on your self-care in a way that sets up 2024 to be a richly tended soil ready to support what you want to bloom? Together with me, my friend and caregiving partner Debbie Howard and our Women Who Care community!!! All you need to do is say yes and get ready to receive! What is Women Who Care (WWC)? WWC is a collaborative support community that my friend and colleague Debbie Howard and I created over 6-years ago. We've been providing support, strategies, tools, tips, care and community to individuals, families and businesses of all ages, sizes and backgrounds from around the world. It continues to be a joy and one of the most rewarding experiences for us - one we are deeply devoted to. So here we are ... January 2024 ... and we’re SO excited to announce our SIXTH annual 31-day Women Who Care “Easy Self-care Challenge.” Even if you’ve joined our challenges before, this is a great chance to deepen your self-care practice no matter where you are on the self-care continuum. We have all the usual great features (and a few new ones!) in store for you! It’s easy, fun, and effective. Our annual Easy Self-care Challenge is the foundation of all that we do. That’s because the first step in caring for others is CARING FOR YOURSELF. But that can be tough with the fast pace of life, even if you’re not caregiving in the strict sense of the word. Staying on top of your own self-care needs is important so when the time comes for caregiving, you’ll be in the strongest position possible. Join us for our 2024 Easy Self-care Challenge. We kicked off January 1st and our first weekly Zoom chat is this Friday, January 5th. We're looking forward to seeing you there! Click here (https://mailchi.mp/thecaregivingjourney/women-who-care-self-care-challenge-2024) to register and receive the workbook and Zoom registration schedule and details. Feel free to share this invite link with your family, friends, colleagues. And while the name is Women Who Care all are welcome - women, men, non-binary folks. We believe everyone is a caregiver - we might be at different stages of the journey (Planning, Surviving & Thriving, Relaunching) but we’re all on this caregiving journey together. Please let me know if you have any questions. My cup over runneth with joy,Deborah Gather with Deborah Harlow is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Gather with Deborah Harlow at deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe (https://deborahharlow.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)
Contact Cuppa Care with Deborah Harlow
- Guest appearances
- Does not typically book guests
Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.
Host of Cuppa Care with Deborah Harlow?
Claim your podcast to manage its listing and keep your show details accurate.
Pod Engine is an independent podcast discovery and analytics service and is not affiliated with or endorsed by this podcast. Artwork and show content belong to their owners. Full legal notice.
Explore this show
Podcast research with Pod Engine