Circle In: A Family Leadership Podcast provides inspiration, up-to-date research, timeless wisdom, and humor leaving parents and caregivers hopeful and encouraged.
037:
Beyond Rewards and Threats: How to Parent for the Long Game
Ever find yourself doing the classic parental count? "I’m going to count to 3! 1……2…………..3!!!!!!” 😬
It’s the universal sign that we’ve hit our limit. But while threats, countdowns, and quick-fix rewards might stop a tantrum today, what are they teaching our kids about tomorrow?
This week, Marjie is joined by parent educators Patti and Fernanda to talk about the "long game" of parenting. We’re looking past the immediate compliance and asking the big question: How do our daily reactions shape the adults our kids will become? We’ll dive into why fear-based discipline backfires, how empty rewards can accidentally ding self-esteem, and how to shift toward a style that builds long-term capability and connection. (Bonus: We’ll also share a quick peek into how Adlerian principles can help us focus on mutual respect instead of control!)
What We’re Diving Into:
The Long Game: Aligning your daily, in-the-trenches parenting choices with your biggest hopes for their future.
Counting Down: Why counting to 3 actually teaches kids they don't have to listen until you hit "2.5"—and how to pivot.
Praise vs. Encouragement: The difference between creating a "reward addict" and genuinely noticing your child's effort.
Real Consequences: Trading punishments that cause resentment for natural and logical consequences that teach responsibility.
This Week’s Home Play: The Pause
Before you react to the next power struggle, take a breath and play detective.
When your child pushes a boundary this week, pause for just three seconds and ask yourself:
Am I parenting for the next 5 minutes, or the next 5 years? * Does my reaction teach them a life skill (like problem-solving), or just teach them how to avoid getting caught?
No shame, no guilt—just notice where you are playing the "short game" so you can start shifting toward the long game! 🕵️♀️
💬Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. We’d love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org (mailto:questions@familyleadershipcenter.org).
🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Host
Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center (https://familyleadershipcenter.org)
Guests
Patti Cancellier, Adlerian Parent/Family Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. You can reach Patti at: patti.cancellier@pepparent.org (mailto:patti.cancellier@pepparent.org)
Fernanda Peláez, an Adlerian counselor with a master's degree in Family Sciences and a certified Positive Discipline parent and classroom educator. You can reach Fernanda at: fernanda.pelaez@ipitayo.com (mailto:fernanda.pelaez@ipitayo.com)
Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and FLC team member Wendy Tracy.
Resources
🤓 Click here to see the visual created during this episode. (https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0726/5540/5194/files/Out_of_the_Nest_Activity.pdf?v=1782925121)
🎧 Check out Episode 29 to hear about building a family culture where everyone feels seen, respected, and ready to navigate family life together.
🧰 Order your Family Meeting Toolkit to jumpstart your family meeting practice: one of the cornerstones to building a strong family unit.
Stay Connected
📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter
⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
13 May 2026
036: The Power of Belonging: Why Your Child’s ‘Bad’ Behavior is a Cry for Connection
In this episode, we’re diving into Connection—the first of the 4 Crucial Cs. We’re moving past the "fixing behavior" mindset and getting to the heart of the matter: Belonging isn't a luxury; it’s a biological survival need. When a child doesn't feel that solid sense of "I belong here," they don't just sit still—they scramble to get back into your spotlight. We call these Mistaken Goals. Whether they are acting like a clown or playing the helpless victim, they aren't trying to be bad; they are trying to be seen.
Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Let us know a fun way you created to connect this week! We’d love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/familyleadershipctr?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==) or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org (mailto:questions@familyleadershipcenter.org).
🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts.
⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org (mailto:questions@familyleadershipcenter.org)
Hosts
Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center (https://familyleadershipcenter.org)
Paige Trevor, Parent Coach (https://www.paigetrevor.com)
Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy
Resources
🤓 Check out Paige’s Resource Page (https://www.paigetrevor.com/parenting-toolkit) for the Ultimate Chore List
🎧Reboot Special Time with Episode 05: The Present of Your Presence: 1-on-1 Time with Your Child Boosts Confidence and Trust (https://www.familyleadershipcenter.org/blogs/podcast/the-present-of-your-presence-1-on-1-time-with-your-child-boosts-confidence-and-trust-podcast-episode-5)
🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit (https://www.familyleadershipcenter.org/pages/circle-in) if you don’t already have one!
Join our community and share what happens when you look for strengths and share them with the children in your life!
Stay Connected
📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter (https://www.familyleadershipcenter.org/#:~:text=View%20all-,Circle%20In%20with%20Us!,-Let%27s%20stay%20connected)
⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter (https://www.paigetrevor.com/#newsletter-sign-up)
29 Apr 2026
035: Encouragement: the heart of it all
In this episode of the Circle In, Family Leadership Center podcast, hosts Marjie Longshore and Paige Trevor delve into the profound concept of encouragement within family dynamics. They explore the essence of encouragement, emphasizing its roots in courage and the importance of fostering a supportive environment for both parents and children. The conversation highlights the detrimental effects of discouragement, such as judgment and criticism, and contrasts these with the empowering nature of encouragement. The hosts share personal anecdotes and practical strategies for recognizing contributions, effective communication, and the pitfalls of overparenting. They also discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, advocating for a more descriptive and supportive approach to nurturing growth and progress. Ultimately, the episode underscores the significance of encouragement as a continuous practice that fosters resilience and confidence in both parents and children.
Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. We’d love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/familyleadershipctr?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==) or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org (mailto:questions@familyleadershipcenter.org).
🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts.
⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org (mailto:questions@familyleadershipcenter.org)
Hosts
Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center (https://familyleadershipcenter.org)
Paige Trevor, Parent Coach (https://www.paigetrevor.com)
Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy
Resources
🤓 Check out Paige’s Ode to Encouragement Blog (https://www.paigetrevor.com/blog/an-ode-to-encouragement) for some more inspiration
🎧 Marjie and Louisa share wonderful ways to encourage through strengths: 018: Finding Strengths: The Essence of Encouragement (https://www.familyleadershipcenter.org/blogs/podcast/finding-strengths-the-essence-of-encouragement-podcast-episode-18?_pos=7&_sid=b0de512eb&_ss=r)
🧰 Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit (https://www.familyleadershipcenter.org/pages/circle-in) if you don’t already have one!
📄 Encouragement vs Discouragement Handout :Encouragement vs Discouragement handout.pdf (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Jcjjw6ARhoS9U65vwNnGtsjCs4HOi0t9/view?usp=share_link)
📖 Books mentioned: Punished by Rewards (https://www.alfiekohn.org/punished-rewards/), by Alfie Kohn and Mindset (https://themindsetonline.com/thebook/buythebook/index.html), by Carol Dweck’s
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
YouTube views
8,691
Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
11 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
2 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 32 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
25
Social presence
0
YouTube
68
Engagement
32
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