Feel Known & Be Known: identity, relationships, growth, and the space between

About Feel Known & Be Known: identity, relationships, growth, and the space between

Discover yourself through the lens of the Enneagram. Join hosts Katrina and Laurel for honest, relatable conversations about personality, relationships, and personal growth. 🎙️ What You'll Explore: • Enneagram types and personality insights • What parenting reveals about you • Self-awareness and emotional intelligence • Communication styles and relationship dynamics • Personal development and mindful growth Perfect for anyone seeking deeper self-understanding, better relationships, upgraded patterns, and meaningful personal transformation. New episodes every other Thursday.

Publisher

Katrina Perera

Category

education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

20 Feb 2026

Latest episode

9 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

17 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   9 Oct 2026

   If I Know Better, Why Don’t I Do Better? The space between recognizing my patterns and having another response available when it actually matters.

   I can explain exactly why I’m feeling defensive. Sometimes while actively defending myself, in the moment! Does that count as growth? (asking for a friend, of course) Apparently, self-awareness doesn’t come with an automatic upgrade. What changes when I can name the pattern, but still follow it? When asking “Are you still coming?” carries both a practical question and a longing for reassurance? When I want to lead—and wonder whether I’m asking the invitation to prove I belong? In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, Katrina explores the uncomfortable space between insight and transformation: defensive reactions, rejection, parenting, faith, and the practice of making another response available. When her son’s “why” meets her personal history of not being allowed to ask. When the deep desire for reconciliation meets the wish that learning it didn’t involve someone we love. Can we honour the strategy that helped us survive- that helped to bring us where we are at- and still acknowledge its cost today? Can we feel urgency without immediately obeying it? Can we belong in Christ and still ache for an actual invitation? The question I keep returning to: When my familiar strategy arrives, do I have more freedom than I used to? That’s why I’m creating the Practice Room—a place to bring these questions into community, hear another perspective, and practice answering honestly. You don’t need a polished testimony about how you’ve changed. Bring something you understand but are still learning to live. If you’d like to explore the Practice Room with me, send me a message. What would you want room to practice?

2. 

   25 Sept 2026

   Who is Trump? What Gets the Upper Hand When Rejection Shows Up?

   I tried to book my dog a grooming appointment. A few dates didn’t work. A normal scheduling conversation between two adults with calendars, jobs, children, and a dog overdue for a haircut. Naturally, I began to wonder if the groomer even wanted me as a client. That’s the moment this episode begins: when the facts are still small, but the story inside me has gotten very large. A date conflicts with my husband’s birthday. Another reminds me I’ll be working while my family is home. An earlier cancellation comes back to mind. Suddenly I’m negotiating more than an appointment. In “Who Is Trump?” I’m asking what gets the upper hand when rejection shows up. My need to feel wanted? Someone else’s very real limits? The story I’ve built from what happened before? And how do I decide what to do without making someone else responsible for every feeling the situation brings up? This is a practice in noticing what I know, what I’m adding, and what I’m about to let make the decision for me. Featuring one dog who, as far as I know, has no opinion on any of it.

3. 

   12 Sept 2026

   The Practice Room: Where Resistance Meets Readiness How to return after change without performing the person you used to be

   Returning to a familiar place does not mean returning as the person who left it. After 22 months away, Katrina is putting her scrubs back on and returning to the emergency department—but motherhood, mental illness, recovery, loss, and a whole lot of becoming have changed the woman wearing them. In this episode, she explores the uneasy space where resistance meets readiness: when one season has ended, the next has already begun, and your nervous system is still standing in August refusing to put on a sweater. What if resistance does not mean you are unready? What if returning does not require going backward? And what if you could enter familiar Unknown’s without performing the capable, convenient, completely recovered version of yourself everyone remembers? Katrina explores: The difference between capability, capacity, and consent How to discern whether discomfort means “this is new” or “I’ve outgrown this” What Enneagram types may resist during seasons of change Why understanding boundaries is different from tolerating someone’s disappointment The former version of ourselves we fear we must perform to remain loved, useful, or safe Why information can name a pattern and how practice is what helps us live differently inside it This episode also introduces Feel Known: The Practice Room—a space Katrina is designing where personal development moves beyond books, podcasts, and colour-coded insights and into honest, embodied practice. Because apparently knowing what a boundary is does not magically make setting one feel like a relaxing spa treatment. You do not need to arrive completely healed, regulated, certain, or wearing properly labelled fall-storage bins. You are allowed to return changed. You are allowed to receive new information and make new decisions. You are allowed to practise the person you are becoming. Where are you returning—and what version of yourself are you afraid you will have to perform there? Comment "PRACTICE" to learn more about Feel Known: the Practice Room.

4. 

   27 Aug 2026

   When the Help Isn’t Helping: People Pleasing, Selfish vs. Self-Love, and the Need to Be Needed

   What if the problem isn’t that no one is helping? What if there is plenty of help—and it still isn’t helping? In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, Katrina explores the developmental journey from people pleasing and needing to be needed toward a more discerning kind of love—one that can care deeply without carrying everything. Beginning with the one-year-old proudly offering a toy and the four-year-old insisting, “I’ve got it,” we trace how the healthy childhood discovery I can help can slowly become I should help, and eventually, I must help if I want to remain loved. We explore why self-love can actually feel selfish when your nervous system has learned to associate usefulness with belonging; why competence can conceal exhaustion; how empathy can slip into projection, rescue or control; and why receiving help may feel more vulnerable than giving it. We also return to the Lindsay Clancy case—not to diagnose from a distance or offer simple conclusions, but to ask a harder question about care: Is the presence of help proof that the need is actually being met? Because someone can have support, childcare, appointments, medication, family and professionals involved—and still need us to remain curious about whether the intervention is working. Along the way, we ask: Who is this help actually for? And what changes when we learn to recognize our own needs, ask instead of assume, measure help by its impact rather than its intention, and distinguish compassion from responsibility? Maybe maturity isn’t becoming less helpful. Maybe it’s becoming free enough to help without disappearing. I can help because I love you. I do not have to help so that you will love me.

5. 

   13 Aug 2026

   Milestones: Put Me in a Box When Judgment Grows Up Into Discernment

   I’m starting the Enneagram series of Milestones with Type 1. Not because Ones are the judgmental ones. The other eight of us aren’t getting off that easily. 🙃 I’m starting with the One because I’m fascinated by what happens to a beautiful developmental gift: Integrity. There is a right way and a wrong way. I can tell the difference. I want to do what is right. But somewhere along the way… I want to do what is right can become I should know what is right. And then: I should get it right. And eventually: If I get it wrong, what does that say about me? So this episode asks: When does integrity become perfectionism? When does conviction become rigidity? When does judgment become condemnation? And what has to develop before judgment can become discernment? But there’s another layer to this episode that feels important: If I’m going to make judgments about how other people judge, then my judgments need to be available for interrogation too. So, Ones especially, I want to know: Where do you feel accurately known in this conversation? Where do you feel misunderstood? Where am I describing the interior experience of a One—and where am I simply putting Ones into another beautifully labeled box? Because maybe the goal was never to stop putting things in boxes. Maybe it’s to become humble enough to keep asking questions after we do. An accurate label can still be an incomplete description.

6. 

   30 Jul 2026

   Adult Developmental Milestones: the ones that matter most are the ones we stop measuring

   We celebrate a baby's first smile, first steps, and first words. We fill baby books with developmental milestones. But what if we never stopped developing? What if adulthood has milestones too—not the kind your pediatrician measures, but the kind your relationships reveal? In this episode, Katrina explores how the lessons we teach our children often become mirrors for our own unfinished growth. Why is it easier to tell a four-year-old to share than to share our own time? Why do children practice walking while adults call it failure? What if a child's first lie isn't simply rebellion, but evidence of a developing inner world? And what if our job—both as parents and as fellow humans—is to create relationships where truth feels safe enough to emerge? Together, we'll explore curiosity, honesty, repair, boundaries, emotional regulation, faith, and forgiveness through the surprising lens of childhood developmental milestones. Because maybe we haven't stopped growing. Maybe we've just stopped calling them developmental milestones. Why adulthood may have developmental milestones too What your children reveal about your own emotional and spiritual formation The surprising connection between learning to walk and learning to fail Why children lie—and what it teaches us about adult honesty How relationships become the truest measure of our growth A gentler, more hopeful way to think about becoming Whether you're parenting toddlers, leading a team, navigating relationships, or simply trying to become a little more whole, this conversation is an invitation to trade comparison for curiosity—and to see yourself with a little more compassion. Because we're all still becoming.

7. 

   16 Jul 2026

   What a Big Fraud am I to What a Good God on High

   The older (and naturally, wiser;)) I get, the less convinced I am that children are the ones who need the lessons. "Share your toys." Then I discover how tightly I hold my stories. "Use your words." Then I realize how long I've lived without language for my own pain. "You don't have to earn my love." Then I notice how often I still try to earn the Love that has already called me beloved. What if parenting isn't primarily about raising children... What if it's about uncovering the child still being raised within us? Maybe that's why the deepest wisdom often feels like déjà vu. Not because we've never heard it before. But because we're finally ready to live it. This episode is an invitation to laugh gently at the ego that wants to be the teacher... ...and to become grateful for the Love that patiently keeps teaching us. 🎙️ New episode: What a Big Fraud Am I

8. 

   4 Jul 2026

   What or Who is Worthy of Your Wholeheartedness? flipping over the price tag of the Enneagram's Sexual Instinct

   What has quietly become worthy of your wholeheartedness? Not everything that captures your attention deserves your devotion. Some relationships do. Some churches do. Some careers do. And every one of them is quietly shaping the person you are becoming. In this episode of Feel Known Be Known, Katrina explores the Enneagram's most misunderstood instinct—the Sexual (One-to-One) Instinct—not primarily through the lens of sexuality, but through attraction, wholeheartedness, and transformation. Beginning with her own unexpected obsession with the Enneagram, Katrina traces the journey from attraction, to absorption, to transformation, asking one question that quietly shapes every human life: What is worthy of my wholeheartedness? Together we'll explore: • Why not everything that activates you transforms you • How to discern whether what you're giving yourself to is making you more loving—or simply more activated Because every attraction has a direction. Every devotion has a price tag. Every wholehearted surrender is quietly making someone of us. The question isn't whether you'll be transformed. The question is whether what you've decided is worthy of your wholeheartedness is worthy of the person you're becoming.

9. 

   18 Jun 2026

   The Cost of Being a Good Person: Flipping over the hidden price tags of integrity, connection, achievement, wisdom, strength, and peace

   Most of us assume our greatest strengths are purely gifts. Integrity. Care. Achievement. Authenticity. Wisdom. Loyalty. Possibility. Strength. Peace. These qualities help us belong. They help us contribute. They help us matter. They have helped us then, surely they must help us now. But what if every strength comes with a hidden price tag? In this episode, we explore the social instinct through the lens of the Enneagram and the nervous system. Together, we'll examine how each personality type searches for belonging, significance, and stewardship—and what happens when a healthy strategy slowly becomes an identity. Type One flips over integrity and discovers perfectionism—and eventually, the feeling of never being enough. Type Two flips over connection and discovers people-pleasing—until they become invisible to themselves. Type Three flips over significance and discovers performance—until proving replaces simply being. Type Four flips over authenticity and discovers comparison—until uniqueness becomes loneliness. Type Five flips over understanding and discovers withdrawal—until observation replaces participation. Type Six flips over safety and discovers vigilance—until preparation becomes worry. Type Seven flips over freedom and discovers avoidance—until possibility becomes escapism. Type Eight flips over strength and discovers control—until protection becomes burden. Type Nine flips over peace and discovers self-forgetting—until harmony costs them their own voice. The goal isn't to stop improving, helping, achieving, creating, understanding, protecting, inspiring, strengthening, or harmonizing. The goal is to become conscious of the hidden transaction. Because once we see the price tag, we finally have a choice. And that is where transformation begins. Join me as we explore the gifts, the costs, and the deeper invitation beneath them all: discovering that belonging was never something we had to earn in the first place.

10. 

    9 Jun 2026

    Self-Preservation: Conservation in Transformation through the safety, security, and sustainability

    In this episode of Feel Known, Be Known, we explore the Self-Preservation Instinct through the lens of safety, security, and sustainability—the three foundational forces that shape how we survive, conserve energy, manage resources, and create stability in our lives. Why do some people constantly prepare for worst-case scenarios? Why do others struggle to rest until every responsibility is handled? And how does our nervous system influence the way we seek comfort, predictability, and control? Drawing from the Enneagram, attachment patterns, neuroscience, and lived experience, we'll uncover how the self-preservation instinct shows up in each of the nine Enneagram types. You'll learn how this instinct can be a powerful gift that helps us build healthy rhythms, steward our resources, and care for ourselves and others. You'll also discover how it can become overactive, leading to anxiety, scarcity thinking, hyper-independence, burnout, or resistance to change. Most importantly, we'll explore the tension between conservation and transformation—how growth requires enough safety to risk change, and how true sustainability involves more than simply maintaining the status quo. Whether you're new to the Enneagram or a seasoned student of personality and personal growth, this conversation will help you better understand your survival strategies, your relationship with security, and the path toward greater freedom, resilience, and trust. Topics covered: • The Self-Preservation Instinct and the Enneagram • Safety, Security, and Sustainability • Nervous System Responses and Survival Strategies • Resource Management and Energy Conservation • How Self-Preservation Shows Up in All Nine Types • Scarcity, Control, and Over-Preparation • Personal Growth, Transformation, and Trust • Faith, Resilience, and Human Flourishing #Enneagram #SelfPreservation #PersonalGrowth #NervousSystem #AttachmentTheory #PersonalityTypes #SpiritualGrowth #MentalHealth #SelfAwareness #Transformation #FeelKnownBeKnown

11. 

    23 May 2026

    Common Sense Isn't So Common: through the Enneagram instinct lens

    Why is it that one person packs all the snacks, sunscreen, electrolyte packets, backup outfits, and a roadside emergency kit for a 14-minute drive… while another person forgets- rather doesn't consider bringing- the diaper bag entirely and says, “It’ll probably be fine”? And why do both people genuinely believe they are the reasonable one? In this episode, we’re talking about why common sense isn’t actually common — through the lens of the Enneagram instincts. Because most conflict is not logic versus logic. It’s instinct versus instinct. One person’s internal system is asking: “Am I safe?” Another is asking: “Do I belong?” And another is asking: “What/where is the meaning of all this?” Welcome to the intriguing and deeply revealing world of the self-preservation, social, and sexual (one-to-one) instincts — the unconscious operating systems quietly- and not so quietly- shaping your marriage, parenting, friendships, finances, vacations, career choices, and FB comments. This episode is part neuroscience, part relationship therapy, part spiritual formation, and part: “oh no… this explains every argument my spouse and I have ever had on a road trip.” We cover: Why some people prepare for every possible disaster Why some people need meaning and intensity like oxygen Why others instinctively track group dynamics everywhere they go Why emotionally healthy conflict requires understanding different instinctive realities And why your neglected instinct or your 'blindspot' is probably where you experience the most dysregulation Also discussed: feral motherhood lunches, naked diaper babies, vacation planning warfare, the psychology of “good vibes,” and why stability may currently be filing a restraining order against your personality. Painfully accurate. Slightly exposing. Deeply practical. Because once you realize people are not seeing the same reality you are… you stop asking: “How could they possibly think that?” And you start asking: “What instinct are they protecting?” Trust me, this will absolutely change your relationships. Send this to the one who doesn't share your sense of common sense;)

12. 

    30 Apr 2026

    The Flooded Bridge: When Your Support System Fails and Your Hair Smells Like Seaweed

    Why does growth make your life feel like it’s falling apart… right when you’re trying to heal? In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, Katrina gets honest about the part no one warns you about: self-awareness can feel like losing your support system, your footing… even yourself. When the people, patterns, and coping strategies that once held you together start to feel like they’re working against you—what then? We’re talking: Why Enneagram + therapy work feels so hard The idea of “tormentors as mentors” (yes, really) What to do when your emotional “bridge” collapses When to stop muscling through and actually get support How to hold pain and growth at the same time This is for you if you’ve ever thought: “Why do I feel worse after doing the work?” You’re not broken. You’re in it. And the only way out… is through. 🎧 Tune in if you’re navigating personal growth, healing, identity, relationships, and faith in the middle of the mess. #therapy #enneagram #selfgrowth #healingjourney #christianpodcast #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #innerwork #relationships #spiritualgrowth

13. 

    16 Apr 2026

    Updated Version

    I was living my dream life… and yet, I wanted to end it all. On paper, everything made sense—marriage, stability, support, a life many people are working toward. But internally, something was breaking, and I didn’t have the language for it. In this episode, I share the story behind the version of me no one could see—the unraveling that led to a psychiatric hospital unit, and the moment I had to stop asking “why is my life like this?” and start asking “what is actually going on inside of me?” This is a real conversation about identity, mental health, emotional health, relationships, and the Enneagram—not as theory, but as lived experience. Katrina talks about: What it feels like when your life looks “fine” but you’re not The disconnect between external stability and internal struggle Burnout, postpartum mental health, and losing your sense of self Why privilege doesn’t cancel pain How self-awareness changes everything Becoming the “updated version” of yourself If you’ve ever felt like you should be okay… but you’re not—this is for you. This podcast is about feeling known and learning how to actually be known. If this resonates, subscribe and follow along. New episodes on identity, relationships, emotional health, and the Enneagram—shared honestly, in real time every other Thursday.

14. 

    2 Apr 2026

    The Hidden Struggles of Enneagram Type 2: Boundaries, Validation, & Burnout

    What does it really mean to be “the helper”… and what does it cost you? In this episode of Feel Known and Be Known: An Enneagram Conversation, we sit down with Janis—a mom of two, community leader, and self-identified Enneagram Type 2—to explore the hidden tension behind always showing up for others. From people-pleasing and overcommitting to the deep need for validation and fear of being misunderstood, this conversation goes beyond surface-level Enneagram insights and into real, lived experience. Janis shares how her Type 2 tendencies show up in motherhood, work, and relationships—and how she’s learning to navigate boundaries, self-worth, and the discomfort of saying no. If you’ve ever: – Struggled to set boundaries without guilt – Felt responsible for everyone else’s needs – Wondered why being “helpful” can feel so exhausting – Or questioned whether people truly see and value you …this episode will hit close to home. Whether you’re an Enneagram Type 2 or love someone who is, you’ll walk away with deeper understanding, language for your patterns, and a sense that you’re not alone. 🎧 Hit follow and share this episode with someone who gives so much of themselves—it might be exactly what they need to hear. #EnneagramType2 #PeoplePleasing #Boundaries #SelfWorth #Burnout #Motherhood #PersonalGrowth

15. 

    19 Mar 2026

    Why Your Parenting Feels so Hard (it's not what you think)- Enneagram Types 1-9 Explained

    “I’ve given you everything… am I just chopped liver?!” 😅 If you’ve ever felt unseen, overextended, or just plain confused in your parenting—this episode is going to hit home. Because what if the problem isn’t your kids… or your capacity… …but the lens you’re parenting through? In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, we break down how each Enneagram type shows up in parenting—from the perfectionist who craves order, to the helper who gives everything, to the challenger learning the difference between protection and control. You’ll hear real-life, honest (and sometimes hilarious) moments like: The mom who refused to fix her calendar because it would look “messy” The inner dialogue of “I’ve poured out my life for you…” The tension between raising successful kids vs. letting them choose their own path Why some parents need structure… and others need escape And the truth every child is actually longing for (hint: it’s not perfection) Whether you’re a Type 1, 2, 3… or still figuring it out—this episode will help you: ✨ Understand your parenting triggers✨ Build compassion for yourself and your kids✨ Stop taking things so personally✨ And start showing up in a way that actually connects Because your child doesn’t need a perfect parent— they need a present one. If you saw yourself in this episode, share it with another mom who needs to hear: “It’s not just you.” Then hit follow + leave a review—it helps more families feel known instead of alone. And come find us on Instagram—tell us your Enneagram type and the moment that made you say, “okay wow… that’s me.” 👀

16. 

    5 Mar 2026

    Is it Control or is it Letting Go? Real Parenting Talks

    In this episode of Feel Known and Be Known: An Enneagram Conversation, hosts Laurel and Katrina explore one of the most relatable parenting questions: Are we protecting our kids… or trying to control them? Through the lens of the Enneagram, this conversation dives into the emotional triggers, parenting patterns, and inner motivations that shape how we respond to our children. Katrina shares the reality of parenting in the trenches — raising a 4-year-old starting school and a sleep-resistant 10-month-old. From the daily 5 PM parenting chaos to the exhaustion of trying to get a baby to sleep, she reflects on the moments that trigger frustration, overwhelm, and the deep desire to control outcomes as a Type 8 personality. Laurel offers the perspective of a mother with adult children, reflecting on the long arc of parenting — the gradual and sometimes painful process of letting go. As an Enneagram Type 9, she shares how connection, belonging, and attachment shaped her experience raising her kids and how those dynamics evolve as children grow into independent adults. Together, they unpack the subtle line between healthy protection and unconscious control, exploring real-life dilemmas like: • When should parents step in — and when should they step back? • How does your Enneagram type influence your parenting style? • What role do triggers, stress, and emotional regulation play in family dynamics? • How do we handle mom guilt, comparison, and parenting pressure? The conversation also moves into the powerful practice of somatic awareness — learning to notice what is happening in your body when parenting stress rises. From tight shoulders to a clenched gut, Laurel and Katrina explore how body awareness, emotional intelligence, and self-reflection can transform the way we respond to our kids. Along the way, they discuss cultural differences in parenting, the shift from raising independent children versus multigenerational family life, and why modern parents often feel isolated without the “village” support system previous generations relied on. If you’ve ever wondered: • Am I being too controlling as a parent? • How do I protect my kids without limiting their growth? • How does my personality influence the way I parent? — this episode will help you feel seen, understood, and less alone. Whether you’re parenting toddlers, teenagers, or adult children, this conversation offers insight into Enneagram parenting, emotional growth, self-awareness, and healthier family relationships. 🎧 Join us for a thoughtful discussion on control, protection, parenting triggers, and the lifelong process of letting go. And if this episode resonates with you, share your story — because every parent is learning as they go.

17. 

    20 Feb 2026

    Nine Types, One Journey: an Enneagram Introduction

    Ready to transform your relationships and breakthrough the patterns holding you back? 🚀 Join hosts Laurel (Enneagram Integration Coach & Type 9 Peacemaker) and Katrina (Type 8 Challenger) as they decode the game-changing framework that's revolutionizing self-awareness and personal growth. In this episode, you'll discover: ✨ The 9 personality archetypes that explain why you do what you do ✨ Proven strategies to improve communication in relationships ✨ Real-life transformations from people using the Enneagram daily Whether you're a perfectionist, giver, achiever, romantic, observer, loyal skeptic, enthusiast, challenger, or peacemaker — this episode will give you the actionable insights you need to level up your life. 💡 Stop white-knuckling your way through life. 👉 SUBSCRIBE NOW and join the Feel Known and Be Known community. Join us on the journey to authentic living. 🔗 Want to discover your type? Visit Laurel's website for one-on-one Enneagram integration coaching and discover how this powerful tool can unlock your full potential @kivuvuroot.com #Enneagram #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #Transformation #Podcast #MindsetShift #EmotionalIntelligence #Relationships #PersonalityTypes #SelfDiscovery

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Spotify

5.0 / 5

2 ratings