How do you design football themed theme park rides for a football themed theme park? This is how! Welcome to Footballland.
Despite having little to no theme park acumen between them, Anthony Richardson, Mark Davis and Ryan Baxter each pitch a football themed theme park attraction or facility every week. Owing to their lack of any abilities in this field, Anthony, Mark and Ryan regularly enlist the help of special guests including comedians, footballers, musicians and journalists, none of whom have any experience building theme parks either, but at least we blame somebody else for a little while.
We also receive regular contributions from our ever expanding team of Patreons. So come join us at Footballland! "Our Goal Is Your Dreams...!" "Where Dreams Are Kicked About!" "Come In And Kick The Magic?" "The Beautiful Game (Park (needs some work))!" "Come Score Some Pleasure!"
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Exclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
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S02 E42 | Robbie Fowler's Growler, Calf and a Half & The Referee's A W*nker
Greetings, Captain Footballland here!
I have exciting things to report: our intrepid trio continue to fight for the greater footballing good – battling interminable desert sand storms, blistering temperature and general indifference – the park progress. Flying high above the footprint of Footballland I can imagine the splendour that awaits, which is good because it's just sand at the minute. BUT meanwhile our brave threesome not only continue the build, but bring us THREE new attractions too!!!
Robbie Fowler's Growler
While the boys struggled to imagine Robbie Fowler in any other era than the 1990s, they luckily didn't struggle to imagine him with a massive bush and a series of animals that growl...
Calf and a Half
Petting zoo, centaur ride, I think not!! How about a field full of sexy, sexy, sexy leg shaped sexual aids. Imagine 'Field of Dreams' meets 'A Christmas Story' and you're about half way there.
The Referee's A W*nker
The less said about this the better. Give it a listen. If you can.
Yours lovingly,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland (http://supporter.acast.com/footballland).
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28 Jun 2022
S02 E41 | Robbie Keane's Roly Poly Shooting Gallery, Headless Chicken FC and The Footballer Vacation Simulator
Good day fair Footballlanders,
Another glorious week of Footballland is upon us, and what a week of Footballland last week was, no? EXCITING NEWS ALERT!! We have broken ground! We think... (TBC) Either way Mark is out in Qatar, we think... (or Saudi Arabia (TBC)) and he's employed a local (TBC) building contractor/builder/man who is definitely doing stuff.
Robbie Keane's Roly Poly Shooting Gallery
Ryan brings us one of the most iconic and poorly executed celebrations in football BUT in the form of a triathlon and possibly lots and lots of animal cruelty, (TBC).
Headless Chickens FC
Mark opens up about his former addiction to games consoles, it's hard to know whether this is a pitch or some kind of alternative therapy, however you won't be surprised to discover that clones are involved. And somebody with a massive head.
The Footballer Vacation Simulator
Want to live the high life? Or just look really bored on an identikit holiday of your mate's? Well, why have to choose when you can hop aboard the The Footballer Vacation Simulator.
We can't wait for you all to visit Footballland. Next week - let's do it all again!!
Yours lovingly,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland (http://supporter.acast.com/footballland).
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21 Jun 2022
S02 E40 | Martin Tyler's It's Alive, The Quadruple Loople & The Mark Drapery
Greetings Footballland Earholders!
Well, we must apologise again, not sure to who, but to somebody for sure... Yes we've failed, yet again, to break ground on Footballland but we're not really worried because it's all sand and sand is dead easy to dig so, you know... In other news Anthony is having a lovely time in Hawaii as he makes his way "the other way" around the world back from Tuvalu, so as not to lose a day AND then there's the small matter of coming up with three excellent new rides too:
The Quadruple Loople
Mark pitches the impossible, which we thought had been done before on Footballland but this time it's really impossible, it's a ride that recreates all the hype and all the reality of an English club trying to complete the quadruple. (Community Shield excluded, T&Cs apply).
It's Alive
Anthony suggests an alternate use for Martin Tyler: mad scientist. What better way to celebrate the history of football than to take one of the most famous catchphrases of recent years and add a letter? Join Martin for some Frankenstein-ish goings on, oh and some snooker too.
The Mark Drapery
If you're going bring your antiques to Qatar to get polish by Juan Sebastian Veron then you might as well get your soft furnishing whipped up too, right? Well at least Ryan thinks so. (Bloody interns!!)
Don't forget to send us your ride ideas and lots of love!
With love from,
Anthony Richardson (Footballland CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland (http://supporter.acast.com/footballland).
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.
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