This podcast is my story of getting out of an emotionally and financially abusive marriage as an American woman married to a Japanese man living in Japan. When we are subject to abuse, we often feel ashamed, like we are somehow allowing it to happen, or we deserve it. When we bear abuse in silence, we give our abusers the power. I want to tell my stories to let other abused women know they are not alone. I also want to help people with loved ones in abusive relationships understand why it's so hard to "just leave."
I think this episode was the hardest one for me to produce, yet. I cried while thinking about it. I cried while writing it. I cried while recording it, and I cried when I listened to it. But it's an important chapter, or several chapters of my story. The betrayals I mention in this episode really highlight where and why the damage was irreparable. I'm not proud of my actions, and I'm certain I will be judged harshly for what I felt I had to do, but this is my truth.
Trigger warnings for financial and emotional abuse, divorce, mentions of suicide, and abortion
If you feel my podcast can help someone you know and care about, please follow, share, leave comments and rate this podcast as raising visibility helps others find it.
To follow the progress on my cafe and lodge project, please also follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/brendalyse
If you would like to share your story of getting out from under on this platform, please use this link so that I can get in touch with you. I am the only person who will see any of the responses you share on the form. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd8wNg2F63pOWd0LUlwdoAaxGOsoVaTL3n8xI9SY3hSVlDPKw/viewform?usp=publish-editor
26 Jul 2026
Episode 6 bonus content - Bankruptcy in Japan
I've spoken a lot about my ex-husband declaring bankruptcy in previous episodes, and I realized that a lot of listeners probably have a lot of questions about that, especially those listeners who are not in Japan, so I thought I would put out an episode focused solely on bankruptcy in Japan, and how it affected my life.
This episode is based solely on my experience and what my ex-husband told me. Any time I speak about what a lawyer told me, I am only relating my own personal experience. None of it is meant to be taken as legal advice.
For more specific and accurate information please speak with a professional lawyer or financial advisor.
You can find "An introduction to court procedures for insolvency in Japan" at this link (https://www.nishimura.com/en/knowledge/publications/20110408-39201) provided by the Nishimrura and Asahi law firm, who claim to be Japan's largest legal firm. Please note, I have never consulted with this law firm, and I have no affiliation with them in any manner.
https://www.nishimura.com/en/knowledge/publications/20110408-39201
Please feel free to reach out to me with any comments or feedback at gettingoutbrenda@gmail.com
12 Jul 2026
Episode 6 - My New Normal
In this episode, I talk about how my husband was able to maintain control over me by keeping me in a constant state of fear. I talk about the various people constantly threatening to get the police involved, which would mean further traumatization of my children and myself, and how those threats paralyzed me.
This was a difficult episode to record as it condenses 10+ years of traumatic events into 30 minutes, so I can imagine it will also be a difficult episode to listen to. I admit, it's not my best editing work, but I'm giving myself grace because of the difficulty of the content, so I hope you'll do the same.
There is also a brief introduction of the projects I am working on today to build a future for myself and my kids.
**Trigger warning for discussion of financial abuse, psychological abuse and intimidation, and mentions of suicide.
Please feel free to leave comments here or send them to me at gettingoutbrenda@gmail.com. I'm always happy to hear from listeners and help if I can.
30 Nov 2025
Episode 5 - The Beginning of the End
In this episode, I share the turning point that reshaped my marriage and my sense of safety. What began as yet another financial deception escalated into a late-night confrontation in Tokyo—an event that revealed the depth of my husband’s lies and the extent of the trouble he had pulled our family into.
From that moment, fear became a constant presence in my life. Instead of feeling supported by my partner, I found myself focused on avoiding the next crisis, questioning every decision, and doing whatever I could to keep my family afloat. This experience didn’t just fracture my trust—it changed who I was and how I moved through the world, and it became a key reason I stayed far longer than I should have.
If you’ve ever wondered why someone remains in an abusive relationship, this episode offers a firsthand look at how fear, confusion, and misplaced responsibility can trap even the strongest person in place.
If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear it. You can leave a comment, rate the podcast, or reach out directly at gettingoutbrenda@gmail.com. Your support helps others feel less alone — and it helps this podcast reach those who need it most.
Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of psychological and financial abuse.
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#stayingforthekids
13 Sept 2025
Episode 4 - The First Betrayal
In this episode, I tell the story of the very first time I felt truly betrayed by my husband and the circumstances of our life at the time that prevented me from leaving.
Please feel free to leave me comments here or send me an email at gettingoutbrenda@gmail.com.
12 Jul 2025
Love Knows No Boundaries - Part Two
In Part Two of this episode I discuss the first time my boundaries were really tested with my ex-husband, before he was my husband, and how that may have set the course for our entire relationship and marriage.
Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and some adult language.
Please feel free to leave your comments and questions here or e-mail me at gettingoutbrenda@gmail.com
23 Jun 2025
Love Knows No Boundaries - Part One
Brenda shares the beginning of her story, detailing how she met her future spouse and started prioritizing their needs, overlooking her own desires in this episode.
30 Mar 2025
Episode 2 - How I Got Here
Thank you for joining me again as I tell my story of how I got out of an abusive relationship with a man, who I believe is a narcissist, in a country that is not my own. In this episode, I tell a little bit about my upbringing, and how I became a people pleaser believing that was the only way to be loved. I truly believed, and to some degree I probably still believe, that no one could simply love me for me. If I wasn't doing my best to make those that I love happy, then I would never be worthy of their love.
*Trigger warning - There is mention of suicide in this episode.
17 Nov 2024
Episode 1 - Why I started this podcast
Hello and welcome to Getting Out From Under! I'm so happy to have you here!
This episode explains why I started this podcast and what I hope to achieve by publishing a podcast.
I am an American woman, who has been living in Japan nearly 30 years. I had a successful career and satisfying social life when I met the man I would marry nearly 20 years ago. I quit my job and moved across the country to be with him. We then had 4 beautiful children together. However, our relationship was not the flowers and rainbows it appeared to be on social media. I was subject to emotional and financial abuse that I didn't think I would ever be able to free myself from...but I did.
I realized that for many, if not all, women (and men) in abusive relationships, shame plays a significant role in keeping us trapped in our situations. There is no shame in being abused. When we talk about our stories, we take back our power from our abusers. I hope my stories help other people in abusive situations gain the courage to share their stories and take back their power, and I hope that those with loved ones in abusive relationships gain some insight into how to provide help and support.
*Disclaimer - I have no mental health training. I am not a mental health expert or professional. I am only sharing my own, personal story of abuse and what I learned from it.
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Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
6 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
9 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 4 / 100
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Quality
8
Social presence
0
YouTube
0
Engagement
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