Give, Grow & Be Grateful

About Give, Grow & Be Grateful

The goal of the Give, Grow & Be Grateful book and podcast is to help you master your mind, reach your goals, achieve meaningful happiness and live a fulfilled life. You have near limitless potential to be, do or have anything you put your mind and heart fully into. My hope is that the strategies (& stories) I share will help you develop the path to living your most fulfilled life.

Publisher

Kevin Getch

Category

business · education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

30 Dec 2017

Latest episode

4 Mar 2021

Latest episodes

8 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   4 Mar 2021

   What You Focus on is What You Find

   In today’s episode, I’m going to discuss the importance of where we put our focus. I’m going to share some tactics that work for me to change my focus, and then we’re going to finish by, of course, giving you a micro action to help you improve your focus going forward and maybe distract some of the negative or self-doubting thoughts that sometimes pop in your head. I want to start with a little story I once heard, and pardon if the details are totally different than what it is out there somewhere, I’m not sure, but I remember hearing this story and thinking it was such a great analogy for the power of focus. There was this gentleman. He’d never been skydiving before, and he wanted to go skydiving. He was like mid-30s, heading up there, and was a little scared, of course, but he was trying to overcome his fear of heights and all this kind of stuff, and he wanted to do it through skydiving, so take this big leap. Now, the day of, he got there. He got to the whole thing. They walked him through the instructions, and they did everything they needed to do. He got in the plane. He’s going up there, and he’s going to go solo because he’s in like Mexico or something. I don’t know. This story has some loopholes, obviously, but generally you have to go tandem in United States, but forever reason, wherever he was at, he was able to jump out of the plane solo. They were giving him the lesson, and as they were going up, they were explaining to him, and they were showing him a map of where he was going to jump over. He’s looking at this map and saying, “Okay, so I’m going to jump up here,” and he has this target area that they want him to land over in this area. The instructor says, “Well, whatever you do, don’t go towards the lake over here because you’ll end up in the lake, and it’s dangerous, and you could drown. Just don’t go towards the lake.” That’s what he told him. He’s like, “All right.” He kept telling himself, “Don’t go towards the lake. Don’t go towards the lake. Don’t go towards the lake. Don’t go towards the lake.” He’s like, “All right.” He gets up there, and he gets to the side of the plane, and he is scared, and more than he’s probably ever been in his life, but he takes the leap, and he jumps out of the plane. He said he looks down, and he feels this sense of joy feeling that he took the leap. He’s like, “Oh.” He’s like, “This is amazing. I’m flying through the air,” and he reminds himself. He’s like, “Okay, now, don’t go towards the lake.” He looks and tries to find the lake. He looks, and he sees the lake. He’s like, “Okay. Don’t go towards the lake. Don’t go towards the lane.” He’s looking at the, continues to look at the lake, and he feels like moving closer towards the lake. He starts getting scared. He’s like, “Okay, I can’t go towards the lake. I can’t … ” All he keeps focusing on is what he doesn’t want to happen, but of course as he continues to focus on the lake, ultimately, where does he end up? He ends up in the lake. Now, he was fine, and he ended up skydiving again, all that kind of stuff. He didn’t drown. Everything was okay, and he enjoys skydiving to this day, so all is well, but he learned an important lesson from this. Focusing on what you don’t want to do or what you don’t want to happen is a sure way to make that happen. Focusing on what you don’t want to do or what you don’t want to happen is a sure way to make that happen. For anyone who has kids, when you tell them, “Don’t touch that,” all they hear in their mind is “touch that.” All they’re focusing on is “touch that,” so it’s important the language that we use when we’re thinking about where we put our focus. If we tell ourselves … If we’re focusing on achieving a goal, and I’m a, you know, Olympic doing the pole vault or something like that, then whatever I’m saying is, “Whatever I want to do, just don’t hurt yourself or don’t go too far,” or whatever it is, that’s not going to turn that off, but you really want to focus on seeing it in your mind, focusing on what you want to happen and doing that. Had he been focusing on the target when he first jumped out … That’s one of the things he learned later is okay, and part of that was the instructor telling him, “Don’t focus on this,” which that’s a little thing as an instructor if you’re working with someone to use the right language so that they can really focus on the things that they want to move towards, not the things they want to avoid because focusing on the things you want to avoid, you’re going to end up there. When we focus on something, it determines where we’re directing our thoughts, our attention, and our energy, so ultimately, it determines our path. You’ve probably heard this saying, when someone’s really focused, they have blinders on. They do that for horseracing and things like that so that the horses only have that focus of where they’re moving towards, not all the other things on the side because they’d start getting distracted, they’re not going to run as fast, but when they’re focused on moving forward, that’s where they’re going to go. One of the things that’s important to understand is how our vision and focus work together. For some people, they don’t necessarily have something compelling enough to focus on. They don’t have a vision that will motivate them to put the blinders on to move towards what the singular kind of focus and determination towards that goal. It’s important that you have this crystal-clear vision of how you want to experience life. I try to look at it more as living each day as opposed to an ultimate destination, but I have both those in my vision as far as part of my vision is everyday living is just how I live life, but for some people, the vision is “ultimately, I want to end up at this point,” their goal. Well, if that’s not very compelling for them, if they’re saying, “Well, some day, when I’m 60, I want to retire and live on social security income.” That’s not a super compelling vision, so something that actually lights the fire inside you that you’re passionate about that really is going to motivate you because it’s going to take a lot of time. You’re going to spend a lot of time and energy on it, and when you have that passion towards that, it’s actually enjoyable. You’re feeling good about doing, then you’re actually moving towards that. That’s part of the marriage of vision and focus is that if you don’t have a vision, and what you’re focusing on is just, you can focus on a number of things, just change your initial thought to focus on something that you’re grateful for or something more positive, whatever it may be, and that’s definitely good, but when you’re thinking about ultimately where you want to go, you want to have that direction so that you can constantly realign your focus towards where you want to go and the type of life that you want to live. I’m going to give you some different tactics that I use that work for me and things that I’ve learned, I guess, throughout my life that allow me to change my focus. Now, the first one is I was mentioning before is first having a clear vision that I can focus on. It’s one of the things that I always realign with, and every day as I go through, and I talked about, in the previous episode I talked about the priming that you do is having a vision of where you’re going to go in your life. Each morning, I’m focusing on that, realigning on how I’m living my life, where my goals are going, and seeing that happen and feeling the joy that I get every day from just living my life like that, and ultimately, achieving some of the things that I want to achieve in my life and how good that feels, so focusing on those things, not negative, like, “Well, what if that doesn’t happen? What if you make a mistake? What if someone … ” You get embarrassed, and you make this big … I’ve done that already. I learned that things like that may still happen at some point, but I’m not going to sit there and focus on it. I’m not going to let them stop me from going out there and doing what I can do to improve the world to make it a little bit better. One of the things that happens, and I’m going to give you this as a micro action today as well, but one of the things that happens in your mind is, I’ll say, one of the things I heard recently, it was at the Tony Robbins event that I liked was basically saying that think of it as the mind, not your mind, and saying that there’s these thoughts that are million-year-old thoughts that kind of float in and out of, if you think of waves, like radio waves and lifeline and all this kind of stuff, there’s all these thoughts that are floating around. They’re these thoughts of self-doubt and these negative thoughts that just float into the mind. It’s part of almost that reptilian brain feeling where it’s like the problem, “What if this happens?” or, “You sure?” kind of self-doubting feeling, like you don’t want to get hurt, all those little things that continually pop in the mind. One of the things that you can do is if you’re seeing that happen, there’s a couple of different either visualization techniques or anchors that you can do to deal with those type of things. Some of them are both visual and auditory, kinesthetic, and different things that you can do to trigger yourself to get back into a good state, to stop focusing on some of the negative things, and to realign your focus somewhere positive. It’s important to understand that to master the mind takes a lot of work and a fair amount of trying things that might be outside your comfort zone. It’s that old saying, the definition of crazy is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You have to get out of your comfort zone a little bit and to deal with some of these things. For some people, it may be very easy. For you, you might be saying, “I never have self-doubt thoughts,” but for me, I know they still pop in, worries still pop in, and self-doubt still pops in. I’m not saying to ignore those, but I’m saying there’s times when you know that it’s not a beneficial thing you really need to address. Really, when you’re … If it’s putting you in that anxiety-negative state, you’re not going to effectively deal with the problem anyways. One of the things I’m going to have you do as a micro action, next time you have one of those fearful or self-doubting thoughts that float into your mind, I want you to try this exercise here at least once. First, I want you to visualize the thought physically floating across in front of your mind. Then I want you to start making it look silly. You can add long floppy ears to it, give it a big smile or a big butt, whatever you want, whatever makes you laugh where you start changing your state, you start laughing at it a little bit. The more boisterous, the more funny and the more you actually laugh, the better. You’re going to start visualizing this thought looking sillier and sillier and adding things to it. Then think to yourself, you want a stupid thought that the mind is putting out here. I want you to physically reach up with your finger. You want to flick away the thought with your finger, and see as it goes further away, further away, and it gets smaller and smaller until it disappears, and you can’t see it anymore. You’re already feeling better. You’re not worrying about the thought anymore. Now, I want you to turn your focus towards something that you’re grateful for. Visualize an experience, that moment, go back to that moment, something that you’re truly grateful for. Feel the joy that it brings to you, and just smile, and really enjoy it, and then go about your day. It’s something that you shouldn’t take more than maybe 60 to 90 seconds to allow yourself to be, have anxiety or worry or self-doubt over these thoughts. You can pretty much process them fairly quickly with this method, and it allows some of the visualization, some of the triggers. Over time, you can just use some of them like, “Ugh.” I often just go, “What a silly thought,” and it disappears out of my mind, like it’s pretty quick, or, “What a stupid thought. That’s so dumb.” There’s different things that I do that are just small part of that, but if you do the whole thing, I feel pretty confident that it’ll help you get past that focus and start to focus on something that you actually want to move towards. You can focus on what you’re grateful for, and then obviously, if you have a vision that you have already created, which you should have at least a basic vision, if you listened to some of previous episodes, of where you want to go, then you want to turn and realign your focus on where you’re going. Today, I just want to make it really simple and quick, kind of drive home the purpose for you as far as what you focus on is what you find and make sure that you’re focusing on the things that you want to find in your life. Thank you again for being on this journey with me, and make sure you have a wonderful day.

2. 

   17 Aug 2018

   One Thing That Will Immediately Improve Your Life

   What’s the one thing that, if you can change it immediately, and that if you did it it would make all other things in your life better? Today I’m going to share with you what that is. It’s something that, if you take it to heart, it will undoubtedly improve your life today. If you commit to living in a beautiful state going forward, it will help you have more beautiful relationships, a thriving business, and an all around happier life. You ready to get started? Perfect. I just want to recap. We’ve talked a little bit going through the VBAR method and I’m bouncing around a little bit here, but the V in VBAR is vision, and there’s also underneath vision is values and purpose. Then underneath the B is, B is for belief. Then below that you have programming and state. Then under the A is action, so I use acronym TEA is thoughts, emotions, and actions. The R stands for results, which is an acronym there is ARC, which is assessing results and changing. Okay? In this particular area I want to talk about the one thing that can improve your life immediately. That, literally, you can change with the snap of your fingers, on the drop of a dime, whatever your kind of statement is there, like, you can change it immediately if you work on it. The first when we talk about, you’re going to be like, “Oh, how can you change that immediately?” It’s something that takes practice. Now, if you jump right in and just kind of go all out, like, you can do it pretty immediately. One of the most important things in your life is your state, and what I mean by that is your overall mental and physical state that you’re in. Think about how important state is. Your state determines how you’re going to respond to others. If you’re in a bad state and you’re agitated and you’re not feeling well, are you more likely to kind of snap at someone or do something like that? Yeah, of course you are. Now, if you’re in a great state where you’re kind of top of the world, you’re smiling, you’re happy, how are you going to respond to somebody in that state, right? We don’t, most people, the majority of the world doesn’t really look at their state as something that they need to actually manage to improve their life. Your state can, you know, like top athletes know that their state is a critical component to their performance. If you’re going to go into a basketball game or an Olympic athlete, your mental state is a critical component to the performance. That’s something that we’ve known for years. Well, for us, every day, whether you’re an Olympic athlete or not, you can go out and actually just live in a beautiful state. You can live in this beautiful state and enjoy life if it’s just something you practice on. Really, our life is all about, are we enjoying what we’re doing? Not just enjoying it, but what is the state that we’re living in? Are we in an enjoying, beautiful kind of state that we’re in where we’re appreciating everything? Or, are we in this negative, kind of agitated state where everything bothers us? How much of your life are you actually spending in those states? I’ve always known the importance of state, and that’s why it was in kind of this method that I built. I had never been to a Tony Robbins event. It was actually on my wife and I’s bucket list to go to an event, and we wanted to go together. We went recently in March, we went to the Unleash the Power Within event in San Jose. I can tell you first of all, it was one of the best investments of my life. I can say that with 100% confidence, just knowing one of the best investments that we can make is in ourself, and I’ve known that for a long time. I’ve actually read Tony Robbins’ books and listened to tapes for a long time, along with a lot of other great people that are really focused on reaching a level of achievement and a level of happiness within yourself and how to do that. A lot of it’s psychological and physiological on how we achieve these things, so I’ve just been studying a lot of the different people who do that. One of the things I can say I know with 100% confidence is because I have seen direct benefits from just this one area. I’d say the biggest takeaway I got from the event, now, there is a ton of great information and great experiences. You know, we walked on hot coals and hugged strangers and all that kind of stuff. It was, I’m sure, uncomfortable for some. It was probably a little bit more out of my wife’s comfort zone than it was out of my comfort zone. One of the biggest takeaways that I brought back from that is the importance of our state. Now, I, as I mentioned, already in my mind thought I knew the importance of it, but I was grossly underestimating really how important your state is every day. What I wasn’t doing was, I had my little methods for kind of improving my state, but I wasn’t taking it as more on as like, really, this is one of the most important things. It was just one of the things that, “Okay, yeah, I want to be in a good state and I can do that by changing my focus,” and I knew some different little things, but some of the things that, I think he taught at the event, and you got to experience at the event, were really kind of pushed home the importance of state. One of the things that Tony asked us, he said, “Hey, if you want to do this,” he said, “you know, this is something that if you decide to do it could change your lives forever,” was to choose to live every day in a beautiful state. Now, I really like this idea. I watched the Netflix, I think it was I’m Not Your Guru that Tony did. I think he mentioned that in there, and I said, “You know what? I really like that,” because I already had kind of that mentality, but not necessarily those words. I said, “You know what? I already decided that, so I’m here, so yeah, let’s do that.” That was making the choice very easy. One of the things he asked us to do was to write a letter and to send it to two people explaining our decision to live in a beautiful state. You know, kind of a way of holding yourselves accountable. For me, instead of writing a letter, I am just sharing that with you. My mother always told me, “Act as if the whole world is watching,” so I am just putting it out there so the whole world can watch or listen if they want to. I guess, here is my statement to the world and to all of you, that I’m making the decision to live in a beautiful state because I know how important it is for the impact that I want to have in this life. I know if I’m not living in a beautiful state, my impact is not only going to be less, but it could be negative in some ways. I’ve talked about some of that in my past podcasts how certain things trigger me and maybe I get into a bad state when I’m driving or different things like that. For me, I want to live in this, as much as I can, if something happens, you know, I want to take the quick time to address it. I think I want to be clear in saying that, what I’m doing is I’m not kind of ignoring problems. That’s not what this means. It means, yeah, problems happen, but I’m not going to let those problems, external things going on impact my internal state as far as how I’m choosing to feel. I can sit there and focus on all the negative things, but if it’s something I can’t change, why sit there and focus on it, right? Why not just be positive, enjoy the day I’m doing, and just be like, “You know what? Yeah, things happen like that, unfortunately.” In the past, they have happened, and then at the end of the day a couple months later I realize, “Wow, that actually really had a positive impact once I learned this from that challenge,” or whatever it was, or, “this new person came into our life or our company because of that experience, which was challenging at first,” right? It’s something that I think a lot of people look at and they go, they think positive thinking, like that term has kind of gotten a bad wrap. Which, I think it’s mainly because people think positive thinking and they’re thinking, “Oh, that means you’re not looking at the problem,” and that’s not true. I prefer the term beneficial thinking. If we’re going to live our lives and enjoy it to the utmost that we can, we need to really have strategies to think thoughts that are beneficial for us. Part of that is addressing, like I mentioned in one of the past episodes, the kind of crappy reptilian brain that we’ve been dealt, we need to know about that and we need to be able to deal with the mind and understand when some of these thoughts come into your head, how to just either get them out or to deal with them and process them in a way that doesn’t negatively impact our state in an ongoing manner. For me, I’m doing this not only for myself but for my wife, for my kids, for my business, for the community and ultimately for the world, because I know that my state that I’m in is going to affect how I impact the world, and I want to make sure that I give the most of myself that I can. I think that that’s one way that I can enhance what I’m doing there. I want to talk a little bit about how it’s impacted me personally, so that you can think about, “Okay, well, those are areas that either I want to improve in my life or different things.” Some of the things that immediately I noticed improved because of my state was my relationships. It seems pretty simple, but I noticed for, like, my wife and I, we both have our own businesses with a family, two beautiful kids, we have a house and then we have a couple rentals, and life is busy. You have sports and activities and PTO meetings and I’m on a board, and just life can get a little hectic. What we were both doing to some extent, is we were letting some of our busyness kind of impact our state, and then in our lowered states, that was in some areas, like some times it was impacting how we interacted with each other. It makes sense, right? If you’re in a state where you’re just like, “Oh my god,” you come home from the day, you’ve worked really hard and you come home and you just lay down on the couch and you don’t want to do anything. Then, you’re not going to interact with your spouse the same way, your husband or your wife if you don’t have the energy to put into that, one of the most important things in your life, it should be at least, in my opinion, then you’re not going to get as much out of it. A lot of your state is kind of your energy level that you’re at. I think we don’t enrich ourselves kind of on a daily basis as far as keeping our energy levels up. For me, I noticed right away as I was improving my state, my relationship with my wife improved greatly. She noticed the same thing. Like, we talk about it a lot, and we are both kind of doing different things that we focus on our state each day. To me, my wife’s happiness and joy is one of the things that impacts my life the most. If she’s not in a good state, it’s hard for me to … I’ve gotten better at it, but it’s hard for me to not be in a good state. As she’s been in a better state, it brings me so much joy to see her happy. Her smile, her eyes, just everything about her, when she’s full of joy and happiness, it’s like the world is a beautiful place for me because that’s a huge goal of mine is just to make sure that she’s happy. Now, I know that that’s her decision, that’s her goals to make her happy, but I still feel a strong desire there to make sure she’s happy, and same for her to me. Right? We both feel that. This has been a huge area for us, just improving our state to improve our relationships, not only with each other, but with our children, how we react to them, whether we kind of snap at them or whether we actually take the time. One of the things that I noticed right away was, I think a lot of people either tend to really focus on past, like, there’s a lot of people I know that their mind’s always in the past. They have all these memories of the past and they think about the past. That’s the majority of their mind. Then, there’s a lot of people who kind of think about the future more often and they don’t really think about a lot of things there. I used to be more that I have my mind was mostly all in the future. Well, part of the problem with either living in the past or in the future is, hey, you can’t control the past, you can’t change the past, and the future is really the way you impact the future is in the present. If you’re not living in the present you’re often going to miss things, opportunities that come up in the present if your mind is so far in the future and you’re focusing on all these things that you’re not actually conscious in the present. That’s something I noticed right away is that I was much more present with the people that I was interacting with, whether it be my family, my coworkers, my clients, just people in the community, strangers in a coffee shop. I felt as I was in this more beautiful state, I was much more connected, I guess, to people. That was something that allowed me to be in the moment, and really also understand and experience their feelings, their emotions, their state a little more effectively. Because I’m in the moment, I’m listening, I’m active, I’m really engaged with them and my mind’s not three years out in the future and processing all these different possibilities, which is something that is both a skill of mine but also can bring a lot of stress when you’re thinking about all the potential things that could happen, both positive and negative and trying to go through all of that. That’s how my mind works, unfortunately. From a business standpoint, it’s been a huge impact. I mean, for any of you that are business owners, you know that it can probably be one of your greatest sources of pride and just happiness, but it can also be a big stress. Problems are going to happen. That’s just part of a business. You’re going to have things that don’t work one day. You’re going to have someone that takes in the position of someone else and you’re going to have to fill that role. You’re going to have some problems where it’s like you have so much business that you have to hire someone. Right? Those are the better problems to have. There’s generally two problems, either you have too much business or not enough, and generally you want the too much. You know, there’s people that, if you have a lot of employees, you’re going to have some times when there’s strong emotions around certain things. Then you’re going to be thinking, “What if this happened?” There’s a lot of potential stresses around that. When you’re in a heightened state, in a peak state, then you can actually process those so much more effectively. Instead of spending so much time with anxiety over these different things, you can actually process them with a much more clear mind, make decisions more quickly, and not carry that weight as much when you’re living in a beautiful state. For me, it’s really improved my outlook tremendously, not allowing a lot of these other things to impact me on an ongoing basis. What I would want for you and for everyone else is to really understand the power of the state that they’re living in and how it impacts their performance, how it impacts their relationships, how it impacts their body. Let’s talk a little bit about some of the tactics to improve your state. Now, I think for anybody, it doesn’t really matter how comfortable you are with out of the box thinking or anything like that, some of this still might feel weird to you. You have to kind of open up your mind and really allow yourself to do things that may feel weird to you, or whatever it may be. Not too weird, obviously, but just, like, there’s a few things that really impact your state. One of the big things is physiology. If you’re sick, if you have a fever and a flu, that can impact your state. I didn’t realize how much before, I guess it’s always one of those things that men are really bad when they get sick. Yeah, like, I actually got a little bit of, I’m not sure what it was, a fever or something at the time, but I actually felt better while I was sick than I used to feel on an ongoing basis. I thought that was the weirdest thing ever for me, but a lot of it was because of the state I was in. Before when I got sick it allowed me to just put myself in this lower mental state and I wasn’t allowing myself to do that. I was in a beautiful state. I was going to have high energy as much as I could. I was going to work through it, all that kind of stuff. I was able to deal with that sickness or that illness better. Generally, when you’re already living in a beautiful state more often, you’re actually going to have a lot less sickness in general. You can probably notice when someone’s in a bad state. Right? If you see somebody, I want you to in your mind imagine somebody who, they’re in a coffee shop, and maybe you can tell that they’re depressed or something is really weighing on them. Do they have a smile on their face? Probably not, right? Is their head up and are they bright eyed, or is their head kind of leaning down a little bit? It’s leaning down, right? Are their shoulders, do they have a good posture about them or is their shoulders kind of slumped, are they leaned forward a little bit? Immediately, you start to notice that when you see somebody in this state, you can tell. That’s one of the many reasons why your interactions with other people, when you’re not in a good state, people can tell the state you’re in to some extent, and that comes through in what you’re saying, so it’s part of the communication. Then, there’s a lot more to that aspect as well. The same thing, now imagine somebody who is sitting there in a coffee shop and they have just realized this idea that they want to achieve and they’re so excited about moving towards this idea in their mind, and they just have so much happiness and so much energy. Now, is their head leaned down or is it up? Are their eyes beaming? Are they smiling? They’re smiling, their eyes are beaming, their shoulders are up, they have all this energy. They’re breathing is probably not shallow, they’re probably breathing fully and they have all this energy because they’re excited, because they’re in this peak kind of state is what they’re feeling. Physiology, how you actually have your body, your breathing, all those kind of aspects affect your state significantly. If you have a frown on your face or if you have a smile on your face that’s going to impact how you feel. I want you to just try something. I want you to start smiling, think about something that makes you happy, either something silly or whatever it is. You start smiling, you immediately feel the difference. You feel the difference in probably my tone of voice as I start smiling. As you start smiling thinking about something silly or funny or whatever it is, you notice all of a sudden, you start smiling, or you continue to smile. That smile is no longer just something that you’re kind of just making. It’s like, “Okay, I actually feel this way.” Physiology is a big part of what affects your state. Now, we could drive down this a lot more from how we breathe on an ongoing basis and not getting enough oxygen and how we take care of our body and exercise and all of those things. Those are all important parts of your physical and mental state. Then there’s also focus. In the next episode, something I’ve been saying since I was about 20 years old is, what you focus on is what you find. It kind of goes along the similar lines of what we think, I forget who said the quote, but it’s like, what we think, therefore we become, or what we think kind of determines our world. It’s a similar kind of idea is, your focus. Where are you putting your focus? If you are, I’ll give an example of like, motorcycle racers. One of the things they teach people who ride competitively really fast around those tracks on motorcycles, is if they are hitting these corners at, gosh, 150, 160-plus miles an hour going around some of these corners, and they see someone just crashed in front of them, if they actually even kind of keep an eye on that person and watch what they did for a second, it’s highly likely that they’re going to crash too. Its similar, like, back in the days when I used to snowboard and you’re flying down and you see a cliff or something that you’re like, “Oh gosh, I don’t want to go off that cliff.” Well, if you keep looking at that cliff and focusing on it, you’re going to go off that cliff. You have to turn and focus on where you want to go, not where you don’t want to go. For the motorcycle rider, they train themselves to not see that where they might end up looking, crashing like this other person. They tend to focus on the track where they want to go. That’s something that is a big part of your state as well, is, are you focusing on what you don’t want to do or what’s not working, as opposed to focusing on the vision of where you want to go, what you are achieving, and what you are grateful for and all those kind of things. That’s a big part of what impacts state as well. Then there’s of course the words we use. Which, that’s a big thing I’ve always been very passionate about is, I hear people using words that are either self-demeaning or restricting to what they can achieve. All those kind of things reinforce certain patterns that can either be positive or negative. We want to make sure that we are looking at our physiology, we’re looking at where we focus, and then ultimately the words that we’re using to help improve our state. Now, I want to give you, I had never done this exercise before Tony Robbins’ event. I was normally just kind of doing more of like a thing where each morning, and I shared this with you if you listened to some of the previous episodes, my routine as far as reading some of the things I’m grateful for, I go through my goals every morning, and some different things that I kind of really focus on. I’m choosing to focus on where I’m going, choosing to focus on what I’m grateful for, so a lot of this stuff was already in line with what I was doing, so I was kind of priming myself and you kind of ultimately for something like this, which I think is a great exercise. Now, again, this is one of the areas where you need to open yourself up a little bit, but I’m going to put some links in the description below that you’ll be able to visit, and you can hear basically how Tony Robbins walks people through a priming exercise. What I’ve been doing, because it aligns so well with what I was already doing, is I just basically take this audio, and each morning rather than reading what I’m grateful for and doing that, I actually just listen to this each morning, and it walks through about a 12 to 15 minute kind of audio. It’s kind of a combination of a guided meditation and more of a guided focus, and little bit of a breathing exercise to kind of get your grounded, and he calls it priming, so primed for the day, and to really think about the things that you’re grateful for and just kind of focus on also the things that you want to see happen, and really walking through seeing them happen. Really, when you do that and you believe that and you can conceive it in your mind and you can kind of believe it, then you know ultimately you can achieve that. It’s a great kind of experience each morning to realign, refocus on what you’re grateful for, and where you’re going, these goals that you’re moving towards. It just is a phenomenal way to start the day. I would say if you don’t think you have 15 minutes to do this, then you need to do it more than anything, because this will ultimately allow you to have more time and will allow you to kind of be more present with the people you’re in and really ultimately achieve a lot of your goals and just live a more happy and abundant life. The micro-action today is to look for the link that I shared in the description below, click it, and what I want you to do is either just, you can download the audio from one of the links, the Tony Robbins site you can download the audio and basically put a shortcut on your phone or have the link in a reminder or however you want to do it so that you can listen to it. I want you to try this for at least five days. Try it for five days, and I think what you’ll notice is that it really changes your state, your outlook, and kind of just enjoy life better. That doesn’t mean when things pop up that, our triggers or negative things that you’re not going to change your state. It’s about living more often in this peak beautiful state, as opposed to letting yourself get down into that kind of state that’s more painful and miserable, and ultimately something that you want to be out of. It’s about looking at that and saying, “You know what? I’m not going to let myself be in this state more than 90 seconds,” is I think one of the things Tony Robbins said. I found that I can usually pull myself out pretty quickly of the state, but I think it takes practice. If something happens and the mind is heading down this kind of path, there’s different tips and tricks and things that you can do to kind of get your mind focused off of that and start focusing on different things, things you are grateful for. That’s probably one of the easiest things for me, is to really just start focusing on the things I’m grateful for and focus on more of love and just that outcome as opposed to these other things, and what I can give as opposed to something that’s either I feel like is being taken from me, or whatever it may be. I tend to try to focus on those things and it pretty quickly just lets that other feeling go away. Again, I want to thank you for your time and taking this journey with me. Yeah, if you have any questions feel free to either comment on the blog below or shoot me an email. Have a great day. Thanks again for listening to the Give, Grow, and Be Grateful podcast. If you received value from today’s episode, please share it and comment. Also, make sure to subscribe so that you’re updated when new episodes come out. Remember, every day you have a choice how you live. It’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. Work on growing each day and getting out of your comfort zone. Then as you grow more, you’ll be able to give more and have an abundant life. Develop the habits of happiness by starting every single day with a focus on the things that you’re grateful for. I’m glad that you’re on this path with me and make sure to choose to have a wonderful day.

3. 

   12 Mar 2018

   Overcoming Your Crappy Reptilian Brain

   You’re downtown late at night, you’ve just said goodbye to someone after a great first date. When you’re walking to your car, you somehow find yourself walking down a dark alley alone. You hear footsteps behind you, your heart starts racing. The footsteps are getting closer. That fight or flight feeling that you’re having is part of our innate programming in the reptilian part of the human brain. It’s one of the reasons that we’ve survived as a species so long, so why is it so detrimental to us? First let me address what is the reptilian brain? I’ve always been fascinated with human psychology and just how our brain works as a whole and there’s three main layers of the brain. The reptilian part of the brain being the oldest, which is responsible for basic survival instincts. Our limbic system, or the limbic part of the brain, is responsible for emotions and then the neo-cortex which is more thinking. The brain stem is one of the oldest and smallest regions of the human brain and it evolved long ago. One of the reasons people refer to it as reptilian brain is it actually is very similar to the current, present day brains of reptiles. So this part of our brain controls vital body functions such as heart rate, breathing, balance, as well as our fight or flight responses. The limbic brain actually first evolved in mammals and it records a lot of our memories and behaviors that were either positive or negative, so it’s responsible in large part for our emotions. Whereas the neo-cortex is responsible for much more of the critical thinking and the development of human language, imagination and abstract thought and our consciousness as we call it. So one of the things … I’ve been in marketing for many years, so we’ve referred to the reptilian brain quite often. It’s one of the reasons you see a lot of ads and content that targets fear, or sex, or scarcity, things like that, because we have our base survival instincts that we often refer to these as the four F’s. So the four F’s are fight, flight, food, and fornication. Fight, flight, food and fornication. Those are the base survival instincts that we have. If you go way back in time where we’re foraging for food and hunting for animals and things like that and we hear someone, footsteps, behind us, that additional adrenaline, that heart pumping, was there to help us survive those, to make us aware that there’s fear and we should be fearful and maybe give us a little more energy if we need to run and, “Do I need to run or do I need to fight?” Those are the base survival instincts there but then I also need to eat food to survive and then of course to keep the species alive you need to fornicate. So those are a lot of the reasons and when you talk about … hear marketers talking about, they’re really thing to get into some of our base thinking that a lot of the times, we don’t necessarily like to talk about but those are some of the base thought processes that go on for us. It is what it is. So obviously it’s been useful, it’s kept us alive for a long time. As a species it helped us continue and it’s responsible for keeping us alive in multiple ways, one is via the base survival instincts. Making sure we procreated and eat food and the other is … one of the reasons is why we stay alive when we go to sleep. We don’t have to keep thinking to keep our heart rate going or breathing. The reptilian brain is the natural process of heart rate and breathing and things like that is all controlled under that reptilian brain, so it’s just your overall survival. So, but why is it detrimental? So a lot of the times … So if you think about it, it’s actually a large part of the reason that we as humans tend to look for the negative and it tends to impact us and we remember it much more vividly than the positive. And if you … It’s one of those things that you think common knowledge, but if you’re not sure, look online, you can get all the information on it. Naturally as people, we pay more attention to what may cause us pain or take more from us. Or cause … or fear, things like that. So it’s why you see the news all the time. In the news, they’ve tried to do the positive news in some ways, they’ve tried to do different things, but then their ratings drop. So it’s unfortunate, but they’re doing what is actually getting them attention and what gets them attention is unfortunately all of the death … You know, when they say, “If it bleeds, it leads.” The death, the destruction, the fear is unfortunately what you see on the news all the time. I remember I was at 24 Hour Fitness, walking on the treadmill and I’m seeing multiple TVs with all these different headlines and it’s all, you know, “Death, Fear, Destruction.” You know, “Could this be the end of the world?” It’s just … It’s insane. So that feeds into it, when we’re seeing all that information, that feeds into the negative outlook that can happen with that standpoint. So if you combine that though, if you combine the reptilian brain with our pre-frontal cortex, which our … Our pre-frontal cortex is responsible in large part for forecasting the future. So if you take that and this fear part of the reptilian brain, you have all these possible “what if” scenarios running through your head of, “Oh my gosh, what if this goes wrong?” Or, “What if this goes wrong?” And you can just sit there and get so much anxiety and so much unhappiness because you spend all this time focusing on all these negative potential outcomes that may never happen, that probably will never happen. We can easily … There’s never a shortage of things that can go wrong, we can always come up with things that potentially can go wrong. But that’s part of why the reptilian brain, you have to consciously combat that. So you might have some friends that are Negative Nellies, and that can just be part of the human condition as a whole because we often look at those things, and we look and you hear statements all the time like, “Oh that’s just my life, that’s the way it is, it just seems to happen to me.” And it’s unfortunate but they’re just reinforcing, often, some of the negative things. So you have to actually combat some of our innate programming. You have to kind of understand that that’s there and then combat that in ways that will actually kinda balance it. You know and hopefully balance … turn the tables to more of the positive side. One of my next episodes I’ll be doing soon is called, “What you focus on is what you find.” And unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that when you focus on … It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy, a lot of the times. If you think something bad is going to happen and you continue to focus on that, then you end up in that direction and I’ll go more into that in that episode, but it’s important to understand for this area, one of the reasons why it’s so important to not allow your brain to only focus on all the things that could go wrong. It’s okay to address and look at … You know, “Yeah, this potentially could go wrong. That’s a possibility. But let me also look at all the things that could go right.” So that’s one of the ways that you can combat the detrimental aspects ’cause your brain goes through all these “what if” scenarios. “What if this happens? What if this happens, what if we get in a car accident? What if that person decides they’re gonna steal all our money? What if they go out of business? What if this happens? What…” And you can “what if” yourself right out of any possibility of taking any risk whatsoever and that’s what happens for most people when they’re thinking about taking something that’s a little outside our comfort zone or a risk. They get into all those “what if” scenarios. Well ask yourself, “What if it works? What if I do get the promotion? What if she does say yes? What if I win the race?” Whatever it may be. I know for a lot of men, and I’m sure a lot of women, if you’re trying to talk to someone maybe you’re attracted to, of the opposite sex, there’s that fear of rejection. “What if she says no? What if she laughs at me?” You know, “What if I have all this embarrassment? What if …” You know, whatever it may be. But what if he says yes? What if she says yes? So it’s one of the ways you can kind of counteract the negative “what ifs” is by asking “what if this positive happens?” Because when you want to move toward something, what you focus on is what you find, you don’t want to focus on the negative, you want to focus on the outcome that you want to happen, the positive outcome. So it’s also important … One of the things I find interesting is … and I see it all the time, a few negative things happen. You have some negatives happen and then all of a sudden, oh gosh, it’s the end of the world, it’s the chicken … what’s the … The sky is falling. Running around, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling, oh my gosh, all these negative things happen.” But when you stop, and actually objectively look at everything, you can actually go through and count all these positives and the positives far outweigh the negatives. But because you’re focusing everything on these negatives, then that’s going to consume your whole thought process and hence, self-fulfilling prophecy, you head in that negative direction. So one thing I recommend is take extra care to count your wins. Count the positive things, count the successes. Spend time … When something negative happens, we naturally grab onto that and store that into us. Grab the positives and take those with you as well and they can be the simplest of things. I’ve been really focusing lately on trying to smile a lot more. I naturally am somebody who’s just happy and they smile a lot. A lot of times, I find myself focused on something like that, but when I see somebody else … I was speaking this weekend at the Impactful People Event in Vancouver and it was at a assisted living, kind of, so a lot of old folks home and it’s just amazing, ’cause when you give this big smile and there’s a lady out walking her dogs and you get that smile back, you see the joy that happens in that little interaction, take those little moments and say, “You know what, that was a beautiful moment.” And just talking to this lady that was there. So those happened all day long, but we tend to forget about all those things and we focus on the negative thing. Like, I got caught in traffic and didn’t make it aback to do my second session and speak on that. I can sit there and dwell on that, I spent a fair amount of time dwelling on that saying, “You know, what if I would have done this? What if I would have done this?” Fact of the matter is, I got caught behind an accident and it was unfortunate but it happened. So take extra care to count the positives. Count your wins, focus on those and please don’t watch the news. I’m not saying don’t be informed, I think a lot of people think that automatically when they say, you know, “Well, I need to be informed, I need to know what’s going on in the world.” That’s fine, most of your general news stations, though, your public kinda news stations, you’re gonna see nothing but death, destruction, despair in the world and you might see a couple nice news stories sprinkled in there for the good of it. Which I’m really … I think there are some great stations here locally that do a great job of addressing and looking at like what small businesses are doing in the community and some of those things, but then you go back right to the other station and they’re like, “Okay, five people were murdered.” And if they don’t have anyone locally, they will go to the other side of the country, or the other side of the world to find that news to grab your attention. You’ll notice the same thing when any snow starts to fall. They’ll, “Oh my gosh, snow watch. 24 hour snow watch and we saw a flake of snow in Portland fall, they may shut down schools.” So they’re trying to grab your attention and they know our base instincts towards fear, towards scarcity, towards potential pain. All these things that grab our attention and it’s innate for us that we pay attention to it. So you want to counteract that negative programming, try not to watch the news and then develop beliefs and patterns that help you counteract those innate programming. What I mean by that is sometimes you can get into a negative spin cycle, is what I call it. You get into a negative spin cycle where your mind starts thinking of all these negative things and then you start creating these negative potential … I’ll give you … Say you might have known or seen someone who’s worried about their significant other cheating on them and they get into this negative thing and they think every single potential thing is them potentially doing something to cheat on them. Or that they’re going out on them or whatever it is. And what happens is that in that thing they tend to start pushing away the other person because they have all of this fear and then the fear turns into a different kind of behavior where they’re actually pushing that person away. It’s an interesting thing but … So instead … and that’s just one example, there can be hundreds of examples, you could be like, “Oh, this person is going behind my back and talking to this other person.” Who knows? Some of it may be true but ask yourself some simple questions. Questions keep control, they guide you and then stories create impact. So as you’re telling yourself these stories in your mind, you have to ask yourself a question, say, “Do I know everything about this situation?” I had this recently where I had a team member, on our team, seemed really like something was wrong and my mind started going down kind of a negative path. And I asked myself, “Do I know everything about this situation? Maybe they’re having a hard time at home. Maybe they’re stressed, maybe there’s something at work that’s stressing them.” You know, “Maybe …” And so, rather than focusing on, “Oh, how can this affect me and hurt me?” I started thinking about them and saying, “You know, there’s potentially …” And so, I kinda tried to do what I could to maybe help to see if they were okay. Turns out, they did have a lot on their mind and it seems like just our little conversation and some help here and there kinda helped them get past that. So it’s important to ask yourself those little questions and those can come up in a lot of different situations but I do find a good question is, “Do I know everything about this situation?” ‘Cause chances are, there’s things that maybe you don’t know, so rather than jumping to this conclusion or jumping to all these negative possible scenarios, say, “Do I know everything about this situation?” Ask yourself some questions and often it’s … the majority of the time, it’s actually nothing, that’s the thing. Majority of the time, it’s nothing, and when it is, how much control do you have over it anyways? So don’t spend so much time stressing over it. One thing that can help, that if you do stress over things a lot, is to just take it to the extreme. Say, “Well what if that did happen, how would I move forward from that point?” And once you accept the possibility of that negative potential happening and say, “You know what, well I would still survive, I would be alive, and I’d be able to do xyz and I can move forward by doing this.” And now you already know, I can handle the most negative possible effect there, so that’s one way of dealing with it. But I’d also recommend, this is probably one of the most directly impactful things, is if you have people in your lives that are very negative, I recommend you creating space between yourself and those people. I was at a point in my life, my gosh, kinda little after high school, sometimes during high school, but little after high school as well where just some of the people that I was around, they were great people but the direction that their lives were going and some of the things that they were doing were not the direction that I wanted to go. And I know that as people we tend to become like the people that we hang around with on a consistent basis. So if you want to improve and become better, surround yourself with people that you want to be like. People that inspire you, people that, if you’re trying to be more impactful and have a positive impact on other people, surround yourself with people that are doing those things. And that’ll help elevate you because you’re surrounding yourself by these people. Rather than pulling you down, you’re going to lift you up. So those are just a few things on that. I can kinda go on this subject all day but I wanted you to … Today’s micro action, I just wanted you to write down one thing that comes to mind for you that is around kinda your base survival programming. So this could be something that’s around the four F’s, like some kinda focus there. Now, I know you probably just went and set yourself a goal around fornication, because that’s your reptilian brain at work, but seriously though, if you worry often, or you have anxiety over certain things, maybe you … So for me, one of the things that I’ve been working on and I feel pretty good about, because … My fight or flight mode, I used to react really poorly in traffic. When I felt like my family especially … When it was just me, it wasn’t as bad, but when I had family in the car or something like that and I got cut off, my reaction was like, you know, the typical as what you’d see as kinda like road rage. I would go into fight mode because I’m like, this person is endangering my family, ’cause they just cut right in front of my car, we could have got in an accident. And so I went into this fight mode and the stupidest part of that is I often would do things that would put my family in danger because I’m driving up next to them and I’m kinda yelling at them. Just stupid things but it was really hard for me to control that until I started realizing … consciously saying, asking myself in that situation, rather than saying … I realized that, yeah, they were endangering my family, that’s true, but my reaction was probably endangering my family and other people more. So it was making it worse, so how can I de-escalate that situation and just slow down and really back off of that person so I’m not focused on them? So it’s hard, especially for someone with a strong personality to do that, ’cause they feel like they’re almost giving in to that person, when that person is in the wrong, but for me, it’s less about my ego and more about making sure my family’s taken care of and that … I might even wave to that other person, or do a quick little honk or whatever it is but for me, that was a big thing. So depending on what you have that you determine is something that you wanna work on around that area, maybe it’s that you watch the news all the time and you have this anxiety about feeling like the world’s getting worse, and honestly, there’s been studies done and there’s so many things that are actually better in the world right now, whether it be crime rates, whether it be economic factors, there’s less extremely poor people in the world right now than has ever been. But when you look at the news, there’s death, destruction, poverty and all this kinda stuff and it’s in your mind all the time but one of the problems that you see there, is it’s we used to not have … The information that we got on the news was from a 100 mile radius maybe. Or even way back when, it was people directly in your community, that was all the news you got but now, it kind of expanded as we got newspapers and things like that, but now we have the whole entire world’s information and all of it, the majority of the negative being amplified, not only by the media sources but by our own minds and so we get all of that information so it can be overwhelming. So I call it the access to information effect, so we have a much larger access to information and therefore we often see the world in a more negative aspect than it truly is because we’re not also being all of that positive amplified to the same point, based on our own psychology and also based on the way the media sources pull out that information. So write down something you wanna improve around that area. Again, could be something as simple as controlling your temper in a situation, it could be as simple as not worrying so much and kinda controlling your anxiety around potential future outcomes and all those kind things, but yeah, write that down and just commit to working on that a little bit. So that’s all I have for today, but I really wanna thank you for listening and being on this path with me and making a great day.

4. 

   4 Mar 2018

   The Amazing Power of Our Beliefs

   All right. Today, we’re gonna be talking about the power of belief. For me, I think belief is really the most important element of your life. It’s everything. It’s the lens through which we see ourselves. It’s how we see others. It’s how we see the world. And hence, it shapes our reality. The power of belief has been shown throughout history through people achieving uncommon results, and it’s even been shown to impact one’s health. Yet, I think for most of us, we spend so little time looking at our beliefs and really analyzing what beliefs are limiting us, and what beliefs are actually beneficial to us. So today, I’m gonna dive in a little bit more. I’m probably gonna be spending at least a few episodes on just discussing belief and why it’s so important. So, I wanna start by sharing some of my favorite quotes on belief. So, Henry Ford … right? Henry Ford has got a lot of great quotes, but one of my favorite ones from Henry Ford is, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” So, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” I’ve been following that quote, or been thinking of that quote, for such a long time. It really resonates with me because I see it all the time. There’s people that automatically classify themselves as, “Nope. That’s not something I can do. I’m not good at that,” or whatever it is. There’s not even a thought about it. It’s just a strongly held belief that they have, that that’s not something for them. They’re not good at it. They were once told that they weren’t good at it. Whatever it may be, they’re fearful of whatever it may be, that they don’t like to be in the public eye. Whatever it is. But, as soon as they think they can or think they can’t, they automatically limit themselves. You really narrow your results. You know, you don’t tend to venture outside your belief set of what you believe is possible for you, or that is really inline with how you see your life going. That’s fine, but it’s important to know that those are your bumpers. Right? You’ve probably heard me, if you’ve listened to some of the previous episodes, me talking about how our thoughts, our emotions, our actions are like the water of a river. Well, the core beliefs, the underlying core beliefs, are the bedrock or the foundation of that river, and that’s what actually directs your life. That’s what directs your emotions, your thoughts, your actions. People often think that they can’t control their emotions, but it’s just not true. When something happens and you have a stimulus, the emotion that you generate is based on what you’re telling yourself about that instance. Right? It doesn’t just happen that something happens and then you get emotional from it. It’s that your perception of that, and your belief around that, tells you how you should feel. I should feel this way about that, because of my past experiences tell me I should feel this way about that. So how you control your emotions, how you control your actions, is by framing what it is in beliefs that are actually beneficial for you. One other quote I wanna talk about, which Napoleon Hill … if you haven’t read the book Think and Grow Rich, I’d highly recommend that. I’ve read it a few times over the last 20 years. It’s good to kinda go back to it. I don’t remember exactly when it was written, but I know it was written a long time ago, and it’s still a classic today. But Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Whatever you can come up with in your mind, and you can believe it, you can achieve it. Let’s talk about belief a little bit. Because belief is such a large topic, I wanna narrow it in a little bit more. So for today, what I’m really focusing on is an individual’s core beliefs. Right? These are beliefs that we hold about ourselves, about others, about the world in general. Right? Core beliefs about ourselves most often start with an “I” statement, like I’m a funny person, I am a smart person, I am big boned, I have a hard time opening up to others, I am beautiful, or I am ugly. All of these are core beliefs. When we say them, and a lot of time what’ll happens is you’ll pay a little more attention to this, you’ll start to notice yourself sometimes saying things that’ll just come out. Because core beliefs are so far under the surface, they often aren’t something that you readily notice as you’re going through. So you’ll say something, and unless you’re kinda conscious about it, you won’t even realize it. I often would say, “I’m big boned,” or, “I have a different metabolism. It’s harder for me to lose weight.” Right? And so, it doesn’t matter. Those are actually true, right? Like, it doesn’t necessarily matter the truth or non-truth of that statement. It’s more of, is that benefiting you? Are you saying that, and are you using it as an excuse? So, I often found myself for a while in that, where it just came out. It was like, “Oh, yeah. I have a hard metabolism. It’s hard for me to lose weight.” That was an excuse, and it’d just come out, ’cause that was a core belief I had about myself. Well, okay, yeah. I do have a little different metabolism, maybe I’m big boned, whatever it is. That doesn’t matter. That shouldn’t stop me from being in good shape. Right? That shouldn’t stop me from being where I want to be, regardless of, “Oh, it’s a little more challenging for me.” So, there’s the same thing that happens though. Our core beliefs are often formed from things that we’ve learned since we were children. Right? So, we pick up core beliefs from our parents, from our friends, from our teachers. I remember I had a teacher that once told me that he never thought I’d amount to anything. Luckily, I didn’t take that in and actually develop that as a core belief. ‘Cause a teacher’s in a position of power, and they can have a lot of effect the children that they work with. And so, it’s important, just like a parent, it’s critical that you instill good core beliefs in the children that you have influence on. Right? I’ll talk about that a little bit more from a parent’s standpoint, since I’m a parent of two amazing children, and kinda some of the stuff I try to do there. But, I mainly want you to think about in this initial episode, how powerful beliefs are. The belief, you know, it’s the reason we get up in the morning. It’s the reason we go to work. It’s the reason we love the person we love. I mean, belief is everything in our lives. Without belief, we don’t really have much of anything. Once you get the gravity of the importance of beliefs, then we can kind of come back around and start looking at and analyzing what beliefs … you know, if you’re wanting to get from point A to point B, or if you’re wanting to live your life in a certain way, what type of beliefs do you need to develop? What type of beliefs do you have currently that are limiting you from doing that? What type of beliefs do you need to develop to get you to that point, to your goal? It’s not that hard, really, when you think about it. It’s just a matter of kind of reverse engineering. Okay, like if I want to be a conductor, you know, I have to look at that and go, “Okay,” conceive of the idea, see where I’m at. Can I believe it? So, I have to do all my research and really understand it, and then set out to achieve it. And then, I have to look at what kind of beliefs … interview other conductors. I have to look at who’s successful. All those kind of things, right? So, Let’s talk a little bit about supporting beliefs, ’cause a core belief is like a table top. The more stable, the more strong a core belief is, the more supporting beliefs that has. And so, supporting beliefs are like the legs of that table. A supporting belief often comes in the form of … the core belief might be, “I’m smart.” Well, a supporting belief is, “I always get good grades. You know people have told me I’m smart, and I was in the top 5% of my class, so therefore I’m smart.” Right? There’s all these supporting beliefs that put that around. Now, the opposite is true, as well. A person can say, “I’m dumb,” and that could be because they’ve heard that throughout their life. Their parents tell them, “Don’t be stupid. Why do you always make these dumb mistakes?” The teacher told them, “You’re horrible at this,” whatever it is. Right? That they don’t get good grades. So, that’s how it is. Now again, you can look at that and go are they have that core belief I am dumb because they’re getting bad grades? Or, are they getting bad grades because they have the core belief that I am dumb? All right? So, it’s a little bit of the chicken and egg kind of thing. Obviously, both have an involvement there, but I can guarantee you the person who is getting good grades has a belief in the value of getting good grades, and they have other beliefs that are supporting them towards getting those good grades. They’re seeking recognition and importance through those things. Now, there’s times when someone who’s striving to get good grades and that’s, for them, is they have such a high belief and that the importance of that, but then they have other beliefs that are negative in that area. I’m not putting importance on getting good grades or anything like that, per se. I’m saying that that’s what people do sometimes. What are some other core beliefs? I think a lot of people have limiting core beliefs around what they can do. Like, public speaking is one that I think a lot of people immediately shy away from. Right? Because I think one of our biggest fears is public embarrassment. So when you put yourself in that position, immediately people start sweating and start thinking and fidgeting and going, “You know what? That’s not something I wanna do. I’m not a good public speaker. I’m not a public speaker,” or whatever it is. And so, they reinforce, right? It’s like these canals that you continue to chop away at and put more concrete on those canals so they’re unmovable in your thought patterns. So, you create these canals, these almost patterns of thought around certain things, and then you reinforce them with the language that you use with the beliefs that you have in those moments. But, it doesn’t take anything but a simple change in belief, or a question, to change your direction to find out and say, “You know what? Have I ever really tried to really go after public speaking and actually do it? No.” Right? So, why would you say, “I’m not a public speaker”? So then, you can start analyzing those things and getting through that. Ask yourself why is belief so powerful. Belief is something that can build a country, or tear it down. Right? Belief will stop you in your tracks, or it can start the fire that lights the way for you. Right? Belief is that foundation of everything, and hence, it guides our entire life. There’s so many stories about the power of belief. I think her name was Kelly … Kelly something. Kelly McGonigal, I think it was, did a talk on … it was like How To Make Stress Your Friend, or it was something about, that stress wasn’t negative basically. Anyway, she was a psychologist, I think, at Stanford. I listened to her talk and I found it really interesting, because in her talk, she was talking about how she felt like through working with people for a good part of her life, she had steered them wrong; because she had always been telling them over and over, that stress is a killer, stress will kill you, it can make you sick, and stress is bad for you. She was doing all these things, and now she feels like she needs some kind of repentance to some extent. Because through a study that was done, they determined … they asked this large group of people. It was a fairly large sample size. They asked this large group of people their different beliefs on stress, whether they thought stress was bad for them, whether they didn’t really feel it was bad for them or negative, those kind of things. And then, they studied … over a long period of time, they looked at the medical records, they looked at the health history, death records, all those kind of things. And so, the interesting finding was that one, people with higher stress that believed that stress was bad for you, did have a higher rate of illness. They had a higher rate of death than the people who didn’t have a lot of stress, that believed stress was bad for them. The huge surprise in the study was the group of people that believed that stress wasn’t bad for them, they didn’t feel that stress was negative on them, and that they still had a high level of stress. They actually lived longer. They were healthier. This kind of blew people’s minds away, because it wasn’t the stress. I wasn’t the stress that was bad for them. It was the belief that stress was bad for them that was actually affecting them. That is how powerful belief is. It can literally change our physiological response to things based on what we believe. Right? Like, you can be more calm in a situation based on your beliefs. If I’m going up to speak in front of a large group of people and I’m feeling a little bit of that stress rising, I can feel like that’s giving me the energy and it’s making me ready to go out there on stage. I just know that that’s gonna happen, ’cause I’ve done it a number of times. There’s also tons and tons of stories that just blow my mind around, like, multiple personality disorders. There’s been multiple cases of people who have multiple personality disorders, and in one personality, that personality may have diabetes. The other personality, they don’t have diabetes. When they’re in that personality, like when they’re in that specific disorder, they’re in that specific personality, they’re tested and they come up as diabetic. When they’re not, they come up as not diabetic. Or, that they’re allergic. Like, there’s tons of ones where they’re allergic to one thing in the personality disorder, and then the other one, they’re not allergic. That’s their belief. Now, I’m not saying that you just go out there and believe that I can fly, and you’re gonna fly. You know, don’t jump that far end of the spectrum. Just understand that the power of belief, it affects us; not only our trajectory in life and our happiness and everything about us, but it also affects physiologically, as well. There’s been … I don’t remember his name, but it was a famous case of … he was Greek. He was diagnosed with cancer, told he had, I think, six or nine months to live. He was talking about going through chemo treatment therapy. He decided, “Well, since I only have nine months to live, I’m not gonna do that. I’m gonna go back to my hometown in Greece.” He went back to his hometown in Greece. I wanna say he was in his 60s at that age. And so, he wanted to live his last few months in Greece. And so, he went there and connected with some of his old friends and family. They heard what was happening. They came over and started playing games with him. He started doing gardening and other things, and just really enjoying his life, and just focusing on some of the finer things in life. I wanna say he lived to be over 100 at that time. This is all to kind of impact upon you the power of belief, right? In a future episode, I’m gonna go more into limiting beliefs. I’m gonna talk about how to really dive in and analyzed and understand your limiting beliefs. Because no matter where you’re at in life, I can guarantee you, you have beliefs that are impacting you negatively in your life. That’s fine, and who knows if we’ll ever get to the point where we have no beliefs that are having a negative impact on our life. That seems unlikely. But what you can do, is you can continue working on improving the beliefs that are beneficial for you. You can find those limiting beliefs, and you can say, “You know what?” You identify this belief, and you go, “Gosh.” It is extremely hard. I think, as a person, you feel very vulnerable as you start to find some of these things. It is challenging because you go, “You know what? That’s not the kind of person I identify with in my mind of who I am, but here I am saying these things that show that under the surface, I’m still maybe not as confident as I’d like to be, or as I think I am.” You know? Or, “Under the surface, I still may have this fear that everything’s gonna be pulled out from under me at the last second. Right? So, there’s all these kind of beliefs that we have, and I want you to analyzed those and go, “You know what? I have this belief. Why do I have this belief?” And you start looking back and going, “You know what? Different experiences throughout my life kinda led me to this point.” My wife and I just got back from Thailand, so I have to apologize. My goal was to record a podcast every single week. We were in Thailand. I actually brought my computer and microphone and everything, and I was planning on recording a couple episodes while I was there, but my computer just stopped working for some reason. And so, I didn’t record any episodes while I was there. And so, I’m gonna catch up a little bit, and get back on track here. Unfortunately, life happens. Speaking of life experiences and those forming strong beliefs, we had a pretty scary experience while we were there. First of all, Thailand is amazing. We went to Bangkok initially, and we didn’t plan on spending a lot of time there, because for us, it was a big city and we didn’t think we really needed to spend a lot of time there. We wanted to see other parts, and so we only spent one full day there. Had a lot of fun. It was beautiful. Then, we went up Chiang Mai. It’s farther north in Thailand. It was beautiful. Amazing people there. Did a cooking class, did zip lining, and just had a great time. Both my wife and I love Chiang Mai. And then, we went from there to Phuket, and we were in Phuket for five days. Phuket was amazing. A little bit more of a city feel, but it was also on the beach, on the coast, so you’d have the nice breeze. The place we stayed at was amazing, Le Meridien in Phuket, which they took phenomenal care of us. Had tons of fun there. And then, we went to our last and our favorite place, was Koh Samui. Koh Samui is an island, and I would kinda compare it to a Hawaiian island, but in Thailand. So, you have this amazing tropical island feel, but you have 1/40th the cost, maybe 1/20th the cost. The Thai baht is much different than … their currency is much different than, say, the U.S. dollar. Depending on where you’re at, your money will go a lot farther than in most places. What a lot of people do on the island though, and in much of Thailand, is they drive scooters around. It’s a great way to get around the island. It’s very inexpensive, and you’ll see a family of four on a scooter. You know, it’s interesting. One of the things that really opened up my eyes while I was there is, many of us, our day-to-day lives we often look at and go, “I don’t have this. I don’t have this.” You have these people in Thailand just loving life. They have this amazing love for life, and just positive, friendly nature. Here they are, four of them, riding on a scooter, a dad and husband. Dad and husband? Maybe. But, a husband and wife and two kids on a scooter, riding down the street, like taking them to school or something like that. It just kind of blew my mind, because here we are driving in a car and going, “You know what?” Again, it all forms from our belief and what we feel we need to make us happy. Right? “I believe I should have this Lexus car, and then I’ll be happy with that,” and that never makes you happy, because things don’t make us happy. Right? Not in the long run. So, we got on a scooter. We were having a great time driving around the island. We were like, “Why didn’t we do this way back when?” Because we were paying taxis and things like that. We got on a scooter, and we were driving around town, having a great time. Unfortunately, most of the scooters were gone by the time we got one, and we asked the hotel, “Could you find us a scooter?” And they said, “Sure.” And so, I think we got kind of one of the last picks of the liter, so to speak, and the breaks were not good basically. If we were going 30 miles an hour, and I squeezed the front and back break as hard as I could, it’d probably take us a good 40-50 feet to stop. Like, pretty bad. So, I was being careful. I was staying back from cars as much as I could, but you know, people drive a little crazy over there. That’s just how it is. So, we’re driving down the street, and all of a sudden we hear screeching brakes and crashing cars, and there’s an accident in front of us. Cars are sliding, and one car tries to basically avoid another car. Here we are on the left, and we’re basically about to get squished between this car and the side rail. Right? And so, my wife is on the back and I’m on the front. I’m sitting there trying to squeeze the break, so that we don’t end up in there, but realizing that we don’t have the time and the breaks aren’t working very well. I decided to take the alternate route, because the side rail actually was going to end in about 15 feet or so. And so, I sped up a little bit, and as the car was pushing over towards us and we could kind start almost touching the car on the side, at the very last second, I heard the foothold, or the foot stand … not the foot stand, but where my wife puts her feet basically. I heard that just barely scrape the side of the rail as we went by, and I thought, “Oh.” We just barely made it, right? As I look up there, there was a couple that were on the ground. They were on a scooter, crashed. They were getting up, so they were okay, but they obviously had burns all over their legs and things like that from some of the scratches and sliding down, things like that. I thought, “Wow. We just barely made it through that.” And so, I kinda maneuvered around. I asked my wife Jenny, I said, “Are you okay? Everything all right?” I hear it in her voice. She’s starting to tear up and she says, “No.” She’s like, “Let’s just go back to the hotel.” I look back, and I look down at her leg and her foot, and there’s blood all over her foot. So, those little footholds you put your foot on, well, it’s an island, we had flip flops on. Her foot was kind of a little bit on the side of that, and so as we went her over, her foot actually hit that side rail. The side of her leg actually scraped … the side rail actually took off a good portion, probably five layers or so, of skin on the side of her calf. And so, we couldn’t tell if, at that time, how deeply it was cut. There was a good amount of blood. Or, if it was broken or what. Long story short, well, shorter. We head back to the hotel. The people at the hotel, the Le Meridien in Koh Samui were amazing. They took care of us and actually brought in a taxi, or actually one of their private cars, took us to the hospital, and Jenny got all taken care of. The hospital in Koh Samui was amazing, like, great care. I think the whole thing, x-rays, everything, the doctor visit, all that stuff, ended up being like $250 dollars U.S., so much cheaper and great care. Much cheaper than the U.S. When all was said and done with that, I mean, Jenny didn’t let it really impact her vacation or anything. She was a super trooper, and just a strong woman. I’m sure she was in a lot of pain, but she still had a good time. We still did a lot of fun things after that. That night, we actually still got on the scooter. We weren’t gonna go very far, and we were gonna take it very easy. We went up and got dinner at this place called Doctor Frogs. Great little, I’d say Thai-talian. They have Thai and Italian food. The chef’s Italian. Long story short, his food was amazing. While we’re having dinner, we hear the screeching of brakes, and then serious crunching of metal. Much worse than the first crash we heard. I knew at that moment that it was a pretty bad accident. I actually walked outside and looked at the accident. I took a little bit of time, because I knew it was gonna be bad and I didn’t want to … with what we’d been through, I wanted to help, but I didn’t want to … There was an ambulance that got there pretty quickly, and they were taking someone off in the ambulance. I saw that their foot was moving, and so they were obviously alive at that point, and that was good. But then, they had someone else that they were doing CPR on, and we’re pretty sure that that person didn’t make it. You know, when you have an experience like that, it creates a very strong core belief. Right? This core belief around the potential for a lot of pain. Right? A lot of our beliefs are around what will bring us pain or pleasure, and that’s why we do or don’t do certain things. So, when you have an experience like this, all the sudden, you have this strong core belief that’s like, “You know what?” Like, we were done at that point. We said, “You know what? No more.” We gave the scooter back. If we were gonna go somewhere, we took a taxi or did whatever at that point, because neither of us wanted to potentially be in that position. Right? The same thing happens in our life when you have a traumatic experience. Right? A lot of people who have gone through very tough times or had very tough experiences in their life, they have these incredibly strong core beliefs that are supported by these experiences, that it’s much harder to change. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible to change. Any belief is possible to change. One of those myths is that the older you get, that you can’t change your beliefs. You’re just stuck that way. That’s been disproven for a long time. We have what scientists refer to as neuroplasticity, and we can actually, as we change our beliefs, the way our connections, our neurons actually fire and connect, actually changes. Over time, those pathways change. So, it literally is true that when you have these strong beliefs, they create these pathways over time, and those pathways are easier to happen, and changing those are harder, but that can still happen. Right? So, what I would suggest, I think, that people get to is, rather than just letting your life go on as all the beliefs that have been imprinted on you, that have been given to you against your will, or not against your will, but without your knowledge in a lot of ways, that you, living with those beliefs, is that you look at where you want your life to be. What you want your life to be like. Don’t look at is as a destination, but just look at it as the experience of life, right? People a lot of times think their happiness is related to a position in life. It’s not. Happiness is a habit of how you think about happiness. If you, in your mind, believe that you need a car and you need a big house and you need all this money to be happy, guess what? You’re not gonna be happy until you get to that point, and then you’re gonna realize, “Wow. None of this stuff actually makes me happy.” ‘Cause it’s not about getting something to make you happy, right? Happiness is a belief we have about ourselves, and it’s something we can create every day. So, look at how you want to live your life every day. If you wanna be in this great state every day, you wanna have a positive impact on people, whatever it is, understand those things, and then start to look at the beliefs that would actually support living that lifestyle, living that way; and start creating those beliefs, understand that the core belief is like a tabletop and that the actual legs of the table are supporting beliefs, so you want to put supporting beliefs under these core beliefs to create really strong foundational beliefs that will help you get to that point. Right? So what happens is, when you consciously start choosing your beliefs, it empowers you beyond what you can possibly probably imagine at this point, that it opens up all of the possibilities. I have to think of it like, if you’ve seen the movie The Matrix, where once he realizes that … in one of the episodes he says, “You have to realize there is no spoon.” And the spoon bends in his mind, because he’s in the Matrix. This isn’t reality, right? Well, our mind, our belief structure, our senses are the same exact thing. You have these mental constructs in your mind, but they’re just mental constructs and you can change those things. It’s about changing your core beliefs and changing the supporting beliefs that are underneath that. Now, that takes time and practice, but the better you get, the more flexibility you get there. The more practice you get changing your beliefs, it becomes easier to kind of be flexible in your mindset and change beliefs according to what will actually be beneficial to you and to the people around you in the world. Right? I want to end, like I do with every episode, with a micro-action. And so, I want you to write in your note tool. If you, in listening to previous episodes, you already have this; if this is a new episode to you, it’s best to start at the beginning, and kinda start here. One of the things that I ask you to do is do a micro-action in each episode. In one of the first episodes, I have you use a note tool. In that note tool, it’s just a daily reminder that pops up. And so, you can do something like Google Keep or any kind of of notepad that has a reminder option. And so, in a notepad like that, or if you just have paper, write it on paper. I want you to write down two lines. One is Beneficial Core Beliefs, and the other is Limiting Core Beliefs. So, over time what I want you to do is, as things come to mind … I mean, you can spend some time doing it right now if you want. Just right, the micro-action is really there to just give you something super simple that you can do and take action. So for now, I just want you to write down Beneficial Core Belief and Limiting Core Belief. And then as things pop in your mind, you can open up your notepad and say, “You know what? I just said something I realized must be under the surface somewhere for me that I said that was a limiting core belief. I said I am not good at that. Well, let me write down what that is. I am not good at this. Well, what is it that I’m not good at? I’m not good at conflicts, maybe it was. Maybe I’m not good at talking to people in general. Maybe it’s I’m not good at talking to strangers or introducing myself, or I’m not good in public situations or I’m not good at a cocktail party,” whatever it is. Those are like limiting core beliefs that, when you say them, when you say that, you’re reinforcing this core belief that you hold. And so first, you wanna identify that and realized, “Do I wanna continue reinforcing this?” ‘Cause I guarantee you, you could be good at it if you wanted to. So, why not maybe use it that way? Why don’t you say, “You know, right now I necessarily don’t wanna do that.” ‘Cause the language we use is important. I’m gonna be doing a specific episode specifically on the language and words we use and how they either free our mind, or they limit us in a lot of ways. Over time, as you’re writing those down, you’ll see, “Hey. I have these other core beliefs that are maybe more beneficial.” One of the ones that I’m most thankful for, that my mother impressed upon me, is that she always told me, she said … and I apologize. I said I’d talk more about from a parent’s standpoint, like instilling core beliefs. And so, I’ll talk about that a little bit. But one of the things my mother always told me was, she always said, “You can do anything you want, if you put your mind and your heart into it.” And I heard that from her many times throughout my life. I believe that whole heartedly. I feel like that’s one of the most beneficial beliefs I have because … again, brand new to podcasting. I’m a newb. You can probably tell to some extent. But as a whole, I always figured, yeah, I can pretty much learn anything. If it’s important to me and I wanna really get into it, I can do it, I can learn it. Right? A lot of people don’t have that belief. So, it’s trying to do something new that’s outside of their comfort zone’s extremely hard. So, if you wanna instill a core belief in someone, instill that core belief that they can do anything that they put their heart and mind into if they’re willing to work hard enough. Right? If they’re willing to work hard enough, and they’re gonna put their mind and heart into it, they can achieve that. I think as a parent, it’s critical that we instill these core beliefs in our children, and that we make our love for them unconditional, not based on grades, not based on performance in any one thing, that we let them know that they have our love unconditionally for everything, and that we instill strong core beliefs in them. I wanted to touch on that a little bit. I can go into more at another point. I guess for now, start writing those down as you go through. Feel free to share with me if you have any limiting core beliefs that pop up. I say in the next couple episodes, I’ll do one specifically on how to analyze your core beliefs in more depth, and then how to kinda address and change those beliefs going forward. Again, thank you for your time and being on this path with me, and make it a wonderful day.

5. 

   14 Jan 2018

   Create Your Best Life with a Compelling Vision

   Summary & Transcription: In today’s episode we answer: Why is creating a compelling vision so important? What challenges will you face when creating your vision statement? Will your vision change? What questions can you ask to help create a compelling vision? Micro-action: What action can you take right now to put you on the right path? Today we’re talking about how to live your best life by creating a compelling vision. One of the most important aspects to living the best life possible is initially defining what does that mean to you because if you don’t understand what that means to you, you’re never going to get there. When you’re creating that vision of the life you want, you need to understand and define very clearly and visualize and have it in your mind, what does this mean? Otherwise, you’re just kind of wandering around aimlessly, trying not to get hurt. Having a compelling vision will let you live a more purposeful life, and it subconsciously guides you towards the life you want to live. In this episode, we’re going to talk about why you should create a vision, some of the challenges you’re going to face in creating a vision, and questions that you should ask yourself along the way. Then now that you have a vision, what should you do with it? Let’s get started by talking about why having a vision is so important. If you’ve listened to some of the previous episodes, you know that I like to use analogies a lot. I want to ask you a question. If you were going to build a home, if you were, let’s say, a home builder, and you wanted to build a home, would you start building a home without a blueprint? Probably not, right? You’d want to have everything really clearly outlined, where things are going to be and all that kind of stuff because otherwise you’re going to build a home and then it may not end up being the home you want. Unfortunately, this is how most people go through life. They have a lot of things on their mind. They have a lot of goals and things, and a lot of times they’re not written down. They’re not documented, and they’re just kind of going through. Then sometimes they get the house they want, and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they end up saying, “You know what? This isn’t really what I was planning on.” Well, where you need to start is by having a vision. You need to understand. When I say a vision, I think a lot of people look at a vision as a destination. To me, while it does provide that foresight of where you’re going, like a destination, to me, it’s also about how do you want to live along the way? What experiences do you want to have? What kind of mindset do you want to have? Who do you want to go along the way with? It’s a lot more than just a destination in mind, and so that’s important to keep in mind. Just like a builder might use a CAD design to get a better view of the vision of what this future home might look like, there’s a lot of different exercises that you can do from vision boards to just visualizing yourself being in this state you want to be, whether it’s just waking up in the morning and just being grateful to be alive and just visualizing that until you get to the point where you can actually experience that. Some of the challenges I want you to be aware of when you’re working towards creating a vision is first, there’s going to be a fear response. If you’ve never created a vision, you’re going to say, “Well, how do I do this? I don’t necessarily know how to do this.” I’m going to help try to guide you a little bit along the way. Of course, you have Google. You can search and do a lot more there as well to kind of pull up different ideas or worksheets and things like that, that you want to do. Our natural reaction will be anytime that you’re thinking of trying or doing or being more, for a lot of people, there’s a little bit of a fear response because it’s different, right? It’s out of their comfort zone. It’s important that you’re aware of that, that you’re going to push your comfort zone a little bit, which is a good thing. You should always be looking to kind of push your comfort zone out a little bit more because if you don’t grow, then you’re going to keep doing and being and living in the life that you are right now. If you are everything you want, then that’s fine. Then just be happy with that and be content. That’s fine, and that’s a good place to be. But if you do want to be more, if you want to help more people, if you want to give more, if you want to have a bigger impact, if you want to have, whether it be more time or friends or a companion or travel, all those things, if there’s other things that you’re striving for, then it’s important that you start kind of pushing that comfort zone out a little bit more. The other things that you’ll run into is your current beliefs kind of in programming just getting in the way as you go through and create your vision. I can guarantee you if you start working towards your vision, you’re going to change it. It’s not going to stay the same over time. I’ve been writing a vision since I was probably in my early 20s, I want to say. It might have been, yeah, around 20 or so. There’s multiple changes over that time. I’ll talk a little bit more later on about some of the things I’ve done and my vision and all that kind of stuff. One other thing I would just say, which is something that’s just a good lesson in life in general, is try not to let perfect get in the way of good enough. I think often this is a challenge for me with this podcast. Because of my limited time and things like that, I don’t have it set up enough to where I’m going to make it polished and perfectly outlined and everything succinct and all that kind of stuff. Based on what I’m doing, I’ve chosen to do it in this manner, and so I have to be okay with that because if I want to spend more time on it, then I’d be taking time away from other things that are high priority for me, my business, my wife, my family, and things like that. But this is a priority for me, and I put two hours a week into doing this, and so with that limited time, this is how I do it. It’s hard for me to sometimes actually publish this because I want to go back and edit everything and make it perfect. When you’re creating your vision, don’t try to make it perfect. Try to start just by creating something that is compelling for you, and then continue to add to it. I’ll talk about more about what to do with it and how to continue kind of utilizing it and modifying it along the way. I want to talk about a few questions that you should think about asking yourself when you’re creating a vision. One of the biggest things, I think, is, what are your core values? That’s something a lot of people don’t necessarily have defined or written down as well, and so this will kind of help you in that process of thinking like maybe narrowing it down to your top maybe five, six, seven. There’s not this set rule amount, but I have like my five top core values that I focus on every day. This allows me to make decisions based on my value set, as opposed to what’s on fire or urgent or someone who is making an ask of me at that point, all those things. I have to focus on my values. It’s really important that your vision and values be aligned. In future episodes, I’ll actually dive more into values specifically. Just so you know, if you are … so there’s a lot of people that are part of a business or that even run a business. A lot of this can be applied to your business’s vision statement as well, so when we’re thinking about some of these things. Actually, one of the things I’ve learned over my life as an entrepreneur and just as a person in general is there’s a lot of business tactics and personal tactics that overlap and benefit each other. A lot of this is kind of wisdom and tips and things that I’ve gotten from both sides that I’ve kind of merged together in my own way. A lot of it’s things that some of it you may already know. Some of it you may not. For business, for a company, to grow and really achieve something and have a positive impact in their industry and their community and the world, they have to have a compelling vision, right? They have to have a vision that people subscribe to, that they get behind, and that they feel good about going after that and helping that group of people achieve that vision. A lot of the things, as we talk through this, just like a company’s vision will change and you need to have values for your company, if you have this company that doesn’t have kind of a core set of values and doesn’t have a vision, it’s just going to kind of grow and then people are going to come in that maybe don’t fit what you were thinking. They just kind of do that. It’s very clear with my own company, Webfor. We have a very clear vision of where we’re going and how we want to help people. We have a very clear set of core values, and we start … when we bring people onto our team, everything starts with our core values. Everything is surrounding that. If someone has a great skill set but they don’t match our core values, then it just isn’t a good fit for us, right? They have to have the core values because that’s the core thing. When you’re thinking about creating your vision and living your life, if it doesn’t fit within your core values, then you can start to say, “Okay, this is not part of my vision or core values. It’s not really getting me to those I love and the things that we want to achieve together or all those things.” It’s not really driving us in that direction. It’s actually taking us in the wrong direction. Core values aren’t something that you have just because it benefits you. They are things you have regardless of the circumstances and the things around you. Think about that. What are your core values? What are really important to you? I think you’ll find if you don’t have these currently defined that you may not be living your life. You’re living your life by your core values. What happens is when you manage your time by your core values more, that’s one of the biggest things about living the life that you want to live, is really having that alignment with your true kind of core values. It’s really important as you go through this exercise to get that kind of outlined and have a good understanding of your core values. Now, that doesn’t mean again it has to be perfect. Just start and then continue modifying and improving a little bit along the way. Another question I would ask of myself if I was you is, how do I want people to remember or think of me? This could be family, friends, colleagues. It could be people in your community, in your industry, things like that. I think it’s a good question because it kind of holds you accountable for what person you want to be and what impact you want to have and really understanding, am I doing every day the things that I need to do to kind of live up to these standards that I’m setting for myself? Another question that I think is a really good question is, what would a perfect day be like for you? I went through this exercise a while back. I’ve done it a couple of times and kind of defined it out. It was interesting for me that one of the things about my perfect day was getting up and exercising in the morning and having the time to kind of get up and get going the day like that and maybe having some coffee, maybe reading some things and kind of educating myself and growing a little bit more. I thought about doing jujitsu and yoga or kind of switching those out some days, spending time working with my team and kind of coming up with different ideas and strategies for clients and things like that because that’s something I really enjoy, spending some time with my wife and family. I was going through all those things, and what was interesting to me as I started thinking about this was, why am I not doing that right now? That was one of the really kind of eye-opening questions for me when I was going through that exercise, was I’m making a lot of excuses for why I’m not doing that now, “I don’t have enough time,” or “I don’t do this or that,” whatever it is. But I think in a lot of cases, there’s things that you can do right now that you’re not necessarily doing. For me, I had to change. I talked about those challenges of your beliefs and your programming getting in the way. One of the outdated kind of beliefs or programming that I naturally said about myself was I’m not a morning person. That was getting in my way because I’d get up later and then I’d go straight to work. It wasn’t allowing me to first give to myself and really before I gave to others because the way you start your day can be really important. So I said, “You know what? I am a morning person.” I started going to bed a little earlier. I started getting up earlier and started working out each morning, and it was one of the biggest changes and had the most positive impact for me because I just feel that’s something that gives me a lot of energy. I just feel a sense of bliss when I get up and I feel like I’ve already done a lot. I feel great physically, so all of those things. That was one of those things. You’re going to run into those things as you go through creating your vision that you may say, “Well, I don’t really have the time to do that,” or you’re going to make an excuse rather than making progress potentially. Just be aware of that as you’re going through different things. Another question that you might ask yourself is, what impact do I want to have? How do I want to impact the people around me? This could be from a philanthropic standpoint. It could be you want to be able to support certain charities, things like that. One of the systems and tools we have at work for recognition, I love that we basically get points for people recognizing each other. It’s called Bonusly. It’s a really cool tool. People kind of recognize each other for main core values and doing exceptional things for clients and stuff like that, and then they get those points and they can use them to buy things, but often you see people giving to charities, so they give the points in the form of money to charities. That’s really cool to be able to kind of help with that part of things. From our company’s standpoint, one of the impact things we want to have is we want to have a really positive impact through our local community, and we specifically kind of target youth in that area. We support the Boys & Girls Club of Southwest Washington. We also focus on the Share homeless shelter here locally in Vancouver, both adopting families there and taking our team to volunteer. Our team gets paid to volunteer two days a year. We take on different projects for causes and things like that sometimes as part of that. Then we’re also part of, recently, a new organization in Clark County, 100 Men Who Care of Clark County, which gives basically, between 100 members, gives $40,000 a year to local charities. That was a big thing for me as far as having an impact. That’s just one portion of it. Your impact could be, “You know what, I want my wife to feel loved and special every day. I want my children to feel loved and to feel that they can do anything.” You want to have that impact on the next generation, whatever it may be. Ask yourself, “How do I want to have that positive impact on the people around me?” Then what is my purpose? This is often a hard question and one that you don’t necessarily have to answer right away. It could come over time. I’ll dive into purpose more later because when I talk about … I had mentioned the VBAR method in a previous episode and kind of dived into a little bit about what that meant. Vision, beliefs, actions, and results is kind of the overall method. There’s more that goes into it. Under vision, it stands for vision, values, and purpose. It is just under vision, is vision, values, and purpose. Those are kind of three main areas of that quadrant when I’m thinking about kind of what I look at for myself, is what’s important. Your purpose in life, one of them is to find your purpose. Then once you find your purpose, it’s to live your purpose and challenge yourself and grow in a way so you can do that. I think my purpose in a lot of ways is to help other people realize that they have unlimited potential in what they can do in understanding how to kind of get out of their comfort zone and overcome kind of some of these obstacles, the mental and physical obstacles that may be in their way, to getting them close to achieving their purpose. I think if everybody is having more of a purposeful life that it will be this positive ripple effect. It will impact local community and then eventually the world as a whole. That’s a good question to ask as you’re going through this. What do you want to be doing? Are there a certain type of work that you want to improve at? Are there skill sets that you want to get better at? Are there vacations that you want to take? Where are you living? Who do you see around you? Do you want to have a significant other? Do you want to have children? Do you want to have grandchildren? Well, that’s not really up to you. As you go through this vision, you really want to kind of define and have this really clear kind of concise vision that you’re going towards. Now, I’ll give you a brief kind of the opposite perspective a little bit. Sometimes you want to be aware as you create this very clear, concise kind of vision, it’s extremely powerful if you do it in the right away, and it will help drive you towards that vision, and so it’s extremely compelling. It is important that you continue taking time and working on it, but if it’s not aligned with your values, that’s what … at one point when I was younger, I thought, “Hey, I’m totally …” I had this vision that was all set up. I went from becoming a salesperson in this company to becoming an assistant sales manager and to then becoming the sales manager. I was making a significant amount of money for my age, I think 21, 22, 23, somewhere in that range. I thought, “Wow, I’m doing all these things,” but not really happy. I was 274 pounds, very overweight. I had recently had a daughter around that time, and so I wasn’t spending as much time with her, things like that, which as I started to realize … I actually ran across a book. In fact, I have it in my bag right here, so I’ll tell you the title. The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management. This is by Hyrum Smith. He’s the CEO of Franklin Quest. This book, I have it in my bag because I was going to give it to somebody because it was one of the most impactful books in my life at that time. It was really understanding the alignment between how you … I know the title sounds kind of dry and the book isn’t a super easy read by any means, but it’s a very valuable book. As you go through and you start realizing that you manage your time by urgencies of things and priorities, but they’re not often aligned with what you value, and if you live your life by that, you’re ultimately going down this path that’s not aligned with your vision, values, and purpose as a whole. It’s really important that you look at that and define that and then make sure there’s alignment between those things because having a compelling vision can be very strong, and it worked well for me when I was younger and kind of driven, but it wasn’t aligned with my values or my purpose in any way. I eventually parted ways there because I was traveling every other week and I was doing all these things, making a lot of money. It was great, but it was more important for me to kind of align with my values and purpose, so I swung to the far other side where I started getting into mixed martial arts again and things like that. That’s when I started training at Team Quest back in the day and started throwing ultimate fighting events and all that kind of fun stuff, which that was very enjoyable, but eventually then I got, as you may have heard in the previous episode, that I eventually got misaligned there as well because financially things were bad and many other areas. There’s this kind of balancing that’s always going on. I think balance is a little bit of a myth as far as having this kind of just stable balance across everything. I think you’re constantly rebalancing as you go, but it’s good that when you have this clear vision and you have values alignment with your vision and your purpose alignment, it’s extremely powerful, and it also just allows you to live a very happy and fulfilled life. Once you get into some of these questions, you’re going to start thinking about what actions, what belief sets do you need to make these things happen? That gets in more to the whole VBAR method of once you have this kind of compelling vision, then you’ll start looking at, “Okay, what are the beliefs I have now that are kind of limiting me or holding me back from getting there? When I get to this point, what beliefs would I have developed to get to that point?” I believe in myself more that I could achieve anything, that I could learn anything if I put my mind to it. Whatever those beliefs are, you need to look at what those beliefs would be, and then you need to start working on developing those beliefs now. Otherwise, you won’t get to that point. What are the actions that you need to take to get there? You need to kind of … this will go will go in further after you kind of go in the vision, and then this is kind of a cyclical thing where you continue working on each area. As your beliefs rise, all of a sudden you might go, “You know what? I was shooting too low. I totally have this much higher vision I could go for.” Think about the different roles in your life, like as a wife or a husband. What type of friend do you want to be to your wife or husband or your friends, what kind of member of a team, if you’re a member of a team, whether that’s at work or in a sports team? Kind of think about all those things. When I was working back in early 2017, I went through and revamped my personal vision statement because I was at a point where I’d say I felt a little uninspired at that time. I had basically achieved all of the things in my vision, which you should be extremely excited and happy, which I was. At that point, I was very excited and happy, but I was also feeling like I wasn’t as driven because I had everything I wanted. I wasn’t hungry because I had achieved many of my financial goals, my personal goals. I have the wife of my dreams, best friend. Not that we don’t have challenges, but we work through them together. I have two amazing kids and a successful business, and my health goals are pretty good. I’ve still got work to do there. It was one of those things. When you get to that point, it’s like, okay, I need to step back a little bit and I need to raise the bar, raise the VBAR. I went back and I started asking myself, “What am I giving to the world? What kind of impact am I having? How am I giving to other people? I looked at, how can I be a better husband, a better member of the community? As I was going through, I started working on all this thing of becoming more involved in the community. Then I started working on … obviously, I knew since I was about 23 that I wanted to write a book, and I’ve been making notes about this for the last almost 20 years of some of the different things over time that I eventually wanted to write a book, and it’s one of those things that I had to stop making excuses for and just start making progress on. I looked at this podcast format as the way to do that because it holds me accountable to doing this so that I do it each and every week and get kind of my thoughts and ideas and everything out. Then eventually, I’ll have a writer help me finish kind of editing everything and we’ll tighten things up and publish the book. There’s a lot of things I had to look at and say, “You know what, there’s some of the these things that I hadn’t thought of in a while,” so I made it a goal of mine to write a book, to have a more positive impact in the world and to help people more, whether that be the people at my office or the local community, all those things. That’s what I’ve been working on a lot for myself. One of the things I realized that I wasn’t doing, and I think it’s important that you realize this, is when I say give, grow, and be grateful, and that’s my life’s motto, give … I think some people look at that, and they just go, “Oh, well, you’re constantly just giving to others.” Some people already feel like they give so much, and they don’t really get anything in return. It’s important that you first give to yourself. You are the most important person first, okay, because if you’re not in the right mental state, if you’re not in a position to do the things that you can do, you’re not going to be able to give to your spouse. You’re not going to be able to give to your children, to your community, to your team members, all that kind of stuff. It’s really important that you first understand what you need to kind of get you either inspired. Like for me, that morning routine, getting up, focusing on the things that I’m grateful for, working out every morning, of the week at least. Doing those things for me just wakes me up and I just feel great for the day. That to me is one of the things that I give to myself. I give myself that time. I spend some time in the sauna meditating afterwards and just focusing on different things. I spend time reading my vision and my goals and purpose and values every morning, having some coffee, so I’m up early before all these things happen, and yeah, then I start the day. Yeah, that’s a little bit about myself and kind of what I’ve gone through there. I’m happy to answer any other questions on that side as well. Just understand that crafting your personal vision statement will be a process, and it’s not going to be something that you just write down once and you’re done. It will be something, as you look through and think about your goals, you’ll come back and you’ll tweak it a little bit more. It will just be this kind of ongoing cyclical process where as you achieve some of the things in your vision, your beliefs are going to increase, and you’re going to say, “You know what, I’m going to change. I’m going to see where I can have more of an impact, where I can give more. Maybe I can grow more in these areas,” all that kind of good stuff. As you know, if you listened to the previous episodes, which I hope you have, we end each episode by having a micro-action, we meaning myself. I’m a Gemini, I guess. I want you to think about … when I say a micro-action, it’s just a repeat for if you are trying to … as a matter of fact, it’s something very simple. You can do it right away today and it will take very little time, usually less than a minute of your time. Now, over many, many episodes … I’m doing 52 episodes at least or until I kind of get all the content for this book out. You’ll have developed these positive habits by taking all these little micro-actions. Kind of like a drip of water over time, it kind of creates a channel. In this episode … in the previous episode, I asked you to use a note-taking app like Google Keep or something like that, that has the reminder functionality, and to set it each morning to look at what you’re grateful for and read that each morning because if you start the day like that, it’s just an amazing day. It gets you in the right mindset. In this one, I want you to open up your notes app, and then in all caps, I want you to write vision. For now, just write one question. Then over the next days, weeks, you can kind of build on it from there and it will be something that you kind of add to as you go because you’ll have this reminder set each morning to look at that and read it. Then things, when they do inspire you or come to your mind, just throw them in that note app and you can over time continue kind of editing it. But write this one question down. What am I grateful for now that I will be, do, or have in 10 years’ time? What am I grateful for now that I will be, do, or have in 10 years’ time? It might sound a little bit weird, but I wrote it that way purposely because a lot of the times, we naturally gravitate towards things that we’re grateful for or they gravitate towards us. If you’ve heard of the law of attraction, it’s kind of that general consensus, is what you think about is what you become. Where your mind is focused on is where you go, all those kind of things. That’s why this is so important from creating that vision. It values your purpose overall, kind of having that clearly defined. When you’re grateful for something, it naturally attracts those things. If you think about your spouse, for instance, if you’re not grateful for them, it pushes them away. When you’re grateful for them, it pulls them to you. Same with friends, right? When you have friends, if you’re grateful for those friends, you tend to treat them better and do things for them, which naturally strengthens those bonds and you tend to get more friends because you’re a good friend. When you’re thinking about your vision in 10 years’ time and you’re saying, “You know what, in 10 years, in my personal life, I’m going to be here. In my professional life, I’m going to be here. In my health and fitness, I’m going to be here. In my financial, I’m going to be here,” whatever … it could be public speaking. It could be many different things. When you work backwards, almost like reverse engineering it, you say, “You know what, I’m grateful for now my ability to …” Maybe it’s to learn and become a better public speaker because you can. I mean that’s just … I started out as a bad public speaker and became good and then I’m still working on getting to the great point at some point. What am I grateful for now that I will be, do, or have in 10 years’ time? Start just making notes and start working on creating your vision over time. Then each morning, this will pop up, and when you’re reading what you’re grateful for, I want you to focus on … read what you’re grateful for, and you can add some to that as well, and then read your vision each morning. This will help reinforce it and help you continue working it and thinking about kind of what direction you’re going in life and where you want to go. As you continue kind of focusing on that, it’s a natural rule of law. What you focus on is what you find, so the more you focus on it, the more you naturally move in that direction. I want to thank you again for your time, and I’m glad you’re on this path with me. I look forward to chatting with you more.

6. 

   12 Jan 2018

   The (Not So) Secret to Living Your Best Life

   Summary & Transcription In today’s episode, we’re going be talking about: The myth of willpower. We’re also going to go over the concept of the riverbed. Then I’ll give you a brief introduction to what I call the VBAR Method. In future episodes, we’re gonna break this down in more detail, but for right now I just want to give you kind of a high level review. Of course, we’ll end like we will with every episode, with a micro-action that I’ll ask you to take today. So, I’m actually gonna start with the concept of the riverbed. If you listened to the last episode you remember when I talked about how our thoughts, our emotions, our actions are like the water of a river and how our underlying core beliefs and our programming and all these things are the riverbed. And so, the concept … I like to use analogies like this ’cause I think it provides a little more concreteness for people in understanding how important their beliefs are to their everyday life. If you look at where you are currently in your life, it’s because of all of the core beliefs that you have now, that you’ve had throughout your life and that you currently have that have led you to this point. I want you to think of looking down over a landscape and kind of seeing this winding riverbed that’s flowing through the land, and as you’re looking at it start to imagine and think about how our everyday thoughts, our emotions, our actions flow … comes to the path of least resistance, right? So, just like water does, our thoughts, our emotions, our actions tend to follow these patterns that we’ve developed, and that’s where the riverbed comes in because it’s basically these patterns that you’ve created since you were a small child, whether it be things that other people told you about yourself or it be things that you started believing about yourself, about the world, about others. All of these beliefs came to form who you are today. Now, many of these beliefs are so far under the surface we don’t even know that we have these beliefs, but they’ll come out in the language that we use sometimes, and you’ll start to notice them more, that you have these limiting beliefs that you never knew you had. Once you start to really analyze your beliefs you’ll start to see that you do have limiting beliefs. Everyone has limiting beliefs, even some of the best people out there that you think are positive every single day and are super successful. They have limiting beliefs as well. So, it’s okay to have limiting beliefs. It’s okay to be where you’re at in your life at this time. But what I want you to do is understand how these beliefs guide your life. And so, if you want to be living a certain type of life, whether that be just … you want to be just happy, right? You want to live every day happy, or whether you want to have an impact on the people that you come into contact with, or an impact on the world, or whether you want to do better in your work or whether you want to start your own business. Whatever it is, you have the ability to do it. It’s just a matter of looking at … in that topographical map, right? If we’re looking down on it and you say, “Hey. You know what? This is where my river is leading me, and this is where I’ll end up if I continue with the same belief set that I have.” But if you say, “You know what? This is really where I want to be, over here,” you have to look at what are the beliefs that I would need, what are the beliefs that someone who would be successful in reaching that state or reaching that goal — whatever it may be that you’re trying to achieve — what are the beliefs that they would hold, right, because that’s what ultimately is gonna lead you to get to that point. Now, changing habits, changing patterns is not easy at all. It’s definitely … It’s simple. It’s actually really simple, but it’s not easy. That’s why … I’ll come back to this, but I want to talk about the myth of willpower for a second. So, the reason … I say “the myth of willpower” is because … you know, often people look at willpower and think, “Oh, it’s this thing that you just have, and you go out there and do it and you’re good. I can just choose whatever I want in that moment and that’s how you change.” The honest truth is that is a portion of it. But I want you to think about willpower in the form of rowing up a river, right? So, if you’re trying to row upstream, you’re basically working a lot harder than when you’re going downstream, and that’s okay, right? It’s okay to work hard, and sometimes that’s required, that struggle’s required to be able to take a different path. But when you are constantly rowing upstream at some point you will tire, you will endure and you won’t actually use your willpower in that case. So, what you need to do in order to actually successfully change your habits is use a combination of willpower along with understanding … really taking and analyzing the beliefs that you hold and understanding how those beliefs are determining your actions. So, if I’m sitting there and I have a habit of eating too many doughnuts, which I have had in the past, eating too many sweets and sugar just in general, and I look at that and I say, “You know what? I want to have this willpower,” and in that moment what I found was … okay, a lot of times there were things that would come up whether I was upset or stressed about something that I would eat sugary sweets, whatever it may be. If I had a lot going on, I would feel like, “Oh, you deserve this. You’re working hard.” I would make these kind of justifications for doing that. And those times of either stress or frustration or whatever it may be, your willpower is lacking. But over time what I had to do was … The problem is people often try to create this new path without blocking the old channel, and if you think about how water flows down a river, if you were to just start kind of creating a new channel, right … it’s not as developed as the old channel that’s reinforced better, this big, deep kind of channel where water’s going and you start creating this kind of line across the surface on the other side that’s only a few inches deep at that time, starts to get maybe a few feet deep, things like that. Water’s still going to be flowing down that other path. So, what you have to do is you have to use massive focus and you have to create a new channel, but you also have to dam the old channel. You actually have to block that old channel ’cause we tend to replace old habits in a lot of cases. So, if you’re trying to stop an old habit, you can replace it with a positive habit. So, instead of, for instance … if it’s say sweets or whatever habit it may be, you can look at the old channel and say … you can associate a massive amount of discomfort and uncomfortableness, pain with that channel, right? If I continue eating sweets, eating all these things, I’m going to be overweight. I’m going to have health problems, and how’s that going to make me feel? How’s that going to hurt the people in my life, right? How are all these things gonna happen? This isn’t an easy process whatsoever. It is … As you look into your own feelings about whatever habit or behavior you’re trying to change, it can be pretty emotional as you kind of uncover some of these things why you do what you do. But when you look at it … and this is where focus comes in, right? So, I’ll start to talk about the VBAR Method as a whole. And part of the VBAR Method … The “V” in VBAR is vision, and so a lot of your actions also are based on your vision and where your focusing. If I’m looking right in front of me, and I’m only looking at that doughnut sitting in front of me, then at that point the pleasure of eating the sugary sweet is outweighing everything else because I don’t have … a lot of the pain and discomfort doesn’t come at that point, right? It comes later on down the road. So, you have to have a vision, and so you have to be looking out on the horizon. If I look out on horizon, then I’m actually seeing all of the pain associated with the action that I’m taking right now and I can actually see the pleasure with not doing it because now I’ve created this new channel where it’s like, “You know what? I feel so much better.” When I actually eat a lot of sugar, the strange thing is I get drained of energy. It affects me in a weird way, and so I don’t like that. I don’t like being drained of energy, right? But when I’m eating good foods, I feel more fit. I feel more attractive. I am better emotionally and physically with the people in my life, my wife, all those kind of things. So, I can start to associate the things that I want, the things that will bring me joy and pleasure as I’m looking farther down the road. So, that’s why it’s so important to look at where your vision is, right? If you have no vision, right, if you don’t really have a clear vision of where you want your life to go down the road, then you’re always living by the whim of what’s right in front of you. When you’re making choices based on what’s right in front of you in that moment, things that actually will bring you discomfort or bring you joy necessarily in that short term won’t necessarily bring that in the long term, that next day, the next week. There’s a lot of things that could bring you joy in the moment, but down the road not so much. So, I want to give you kind of a brief overview of what I call the VBAR Method. This is really from years and years … since I was about 23 years old … Gosh, that’s been a long time, almost 19 years. I had been slowly kind of writing different concepts and learning and all these things. I think this is a collection of what works for me, and when I’m looking at what I’m trying to achieve whatever it may be, right, when I’m looking at the life I want to live, when I’m looking at how I feel each day and what I’m doing — all those different things … When I’m thinking about all those things, I’m analyzing generally these four kind of areas. So, VBAR … just like it sounds, a V-B-A-R, stands for vision, belief, action and results. So, when I’m looking at whatever it may be, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s my business, whether it’s a health or fitness goal I’m often analyzing where I’m at in these four different areas. What is my vision in this area? Is it very clear? Do I have a clear picture of what I’m going to be, right? When I’m looking at it and saying, “You know what, this is where I’m going to end up. There’s no question about it. This is my vision. This is where I’m going to go,” and then I look at my beliefs and I say, “You know what? Some of these beliefs I have right now don’t necessarily support in a constructive way me reaching this vision, so how can I change those beliefs to help better kind of construct the path that will lead my thoughts, my emotions and my actions in the right direction to ultimately achieving the results I want?” So, if you go from beliefs to the actions that you need to take and you look at, “Okay, here’s the actions that I need to take to get there,” often it’s really clear, right? We often know what we need to do. It’s more of how do we get in the habit of doing it? You’ll hear the excuse a lot from yourself, from others, that they don’t have the time. That’s bull. Bull. Just all around bull. It’s your priorities, right? For most people, the average person spends over an hour on social media. There’s an hour right there. A lot of people spend time watching TV, doing other things. You can get up earlier. There’s all these different things. So, it’s more of what is a priority for you. There’s other things. There’s ways you can organize your life, so all of that is not something that you need to make an excuse. One thing you’ll hear from me often is you can make excuses or you can make progress, but you can’t make both. All right? So, when you look at that and you go, “You know what? I have this clear vision of where I’m gonna be,” and you start looking at aligning your beliefs with that based on what actions that you need to take to get there. A lot of times there’s gonna be discomfort in getting to this point, right, because when you’re looking at the water of a river it’s often following the path of least resistance. So, in that, your thoughts, emotions and actions are that water, and so you need to take that willpower, right, in combination with understanding the supporting beliefs that is guiding that and you need to use that just like … Ultimately, your path was originally created over multiple actions that you took along with beliefs, things that kind of were either put onto you, into you, things that you absorbed and ultimately kind of created this path. But over time, just like dripping water over a long period of time will create a channel, you with your actions will also start doing the same thing. What you have to do is change your beliefs and use some serious focus just like a … there’s a … What’s it called? A high pressure, basically, water jet can cut through like 12 inches of steel, and it’s basically taking water under a super high pressure with a little bit of, I think, sediment in there. I don’t … I’m not an expert on this for sure. But it actually can cut through steel, 12-inch thick steel. And so, you need to think about how can you put all of this focus and pressure in creating this new channel and associating the discomfort with taking the old channel, right? Part of that is looking long term and understanding how that’s going to affect you in the long term. And then, as you go through actions and you look at results, an important part of the results, one of the most important parts of this is how do you define everything, right, ’cause two people could have the same experience and come out saying two totally different things. I can go up and say, “Hey, it’s my first time really doing public speaking,” and I go out and I speak in front of we’ll say 50 people. I can go up there and say, “You know what?” Afterwards I can say, “I felt like I could have done a lot better had I prepared more, had I done other things, but overall I’m happy I did it. It was a great experience for me, and I want to get better at it. I’m okay that I didn’t necessarily do as well as I wanted to do because it was my first time. That’s fine. I’m gonna get better and I’m gonna learn from this and do better next time.” And then another person could have that same experience and say, “You know what? That was the worst experience of my life. The whole crowd was staring at me, and I said some things that were awkward and it was just so uncomfortable and I’m never gonna do that again,” right? So, how you define and assess your results and how you look at that and say, ” You know what? I’m gonna assign meaning to how this happened.” If I’m working it and trying something … and say you’re a salesperson, and you’re going out there and you’re getting all these “no’s”, that result of a “no” you could say, “Oh, you know what? This means I’m not good at this,” or it could mean, “You know what? I just haven’t got enough ‘no’s’ yet.” It all depends on how you assess and kind of define the results that you’re getting, kind of the overall meaning that you assigned to that, and then how you change to look at, “Okay. Well, how do I get better to get me closer in line to where I need to be?” ‘Cause no one, no one in the world ever started out being great at something, right? No one came out of the womb walking. It’s just not something that happens, okay? We all start out being bad at something. And then, over time of being bad at something, we get good at it, and then eventually you can become great at it. But putting the pressure on yourself to be great at something right out the gates or not allowing yourself the vulnerability to be bad at something, not … Basically, it’s more of a … I don’t want to necessarily use the term “weakness”, but people think of vulnerability as weakness, and I honestly think of the lack of vulnerability as a weakness because if you don’t allow yourself to actually expose yourself and get out there to being vulnerable, then you’ll never get to that point of embracing that … being comfortable with being uncomfortable, that drive where it’s like, “You know what? I got to constantly get in positions where I’m a little more uncomfortable, a little more uncomfortable each day,” ’cause what it means is that you’re growing and you’re learning, right? So, this was just a brief kind of introduction. I’m gonna go into a lot more detail in the next episodes, but I wanted to kind of give you a high level overview. If you have questions, comments, anything like that, throw it please in the comments or shoot me an email through the site — kevingetch.com. You’re gonna help by asking some of these questions because I think it’s going to help refine some of the methodologies, some of the ideas that I have because, like I said, this is new for me as well. I’m going through this with you. I’m trying to create this … write this book through kind of an audio method. But today I want to finish with a micro-action, as always. And today I want you to think about one thing that you’re uncomfortable with, and again this is a micro-action. This isn’t something massive. Go if you want to take that action. That’s totally up to you. But even something as simple as telling someone you care about them can be hard, right, ’cause it’s vulnerable. Your spouse, your friend — just letting them know you care about them, that could be your micro-action. It could be that, “You know what? I’m uncomfortable getting up early.” It could be that, “I’m uncomfortable putting my neck out there and telling my boss that I want to learn a new skill, and I want to do this.” It could be that there’s that person that you haven’t talked to that you want to just say hi to. It could be just saying hi and smiling at someone. Whatever it is, just start with that small action of becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable. It all starts with that first drop, that little drip of a micro-action. So, go out there, think about what it is that you want to do, a small action like I said. It could be so simple as just saying hi to a stranger and smiling at them and do it. Thanks again for listening to the Give, Grow & Be Grateful Podcast. If you received value from today’s episode, please share it and comment. Also, make sure to subscribe so that you’re updated when new episodes come out. Remember, every day you have a choice how you live. It’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. Work on growing each day and getting out of your comfort zone, and then as you grow more you’ll be able to give more and have an abundant life and develop the habits of happiness by starting every single day with a focus on the things that you’re grateful for. I’m glad that you’re on this path with me, and make sure to choose to have a wonderful day.

7. 

   9 Jan 2018

   Expose Yourself: The Story of Cheagle

   Above is a video of the talk I gave at VanTalks. Below is the transcription: The Chicken Eagle (AKA Cheagle) One summer, when I was 12 years old, I was exploring the woods nearby my father’s farm when I stumbled across a nest on the ground with a spotted egg in it almost the size of a tennis ball. Being the curious kid I was, I picked it up, cradled it in my t-shirt and walked it back to the farm. Where it made perfect sense to me to put it in the chicken coup with the other eggs. To my surprise, one of the hens sat on it just like it was her own egg. A couple weeks later the egg hatched. Turns out it was an eagle egg. All of the other chickens gathered around to stare at this awkward Chicken. After a few weeks he started trying to spread his large wings and every time he did the chickens would point and laugh, because he was different. It didn’t take long for the eagle to learn not to spread his wings. By the following summer, the eagle was walking like a chicken, bocking like a chicken and pecking at feed on the ground like a chicken. He had learned how to be a chicken. We ended up nicknaming him Cheagle, short for Chicken Eagle. The story I’m sharing with you is clearly part fable, but it is all based on a true story. So, pay close attention. One day Cheagle saw a shadow fly across the ground and he looked up and saw an Eagle soaring above. Something inside him changed that day. He saw this majestic bird in the sky and he felt deep inside that it was his purpose, his dream to soar through the sky just like her. Cheagle started spreading his wings again, flapping them, pretending to fly. The other chickens would laugh at him and tell him, “Chickens can’t fly”. The Mother Hen said, “Cheagle, don’t listen to them, you can do anything you want if you put your mind and heart into it”. The next day Cheagle got on top of the chicken coup. He ran as fast as he could spread his wings… jumped off the side, started flapping his wings and… landed face first in the dust. The other chickens were laughing so hard, they were rolling on their backs with their little feet in the air. Every day from then on out Cheagle got on top of that chicken coup and tried to fly, and every day he bit it, and every day the chickens would make fun of him. This went on for months and months. Until one day another Eagle soared above…. And Cheagle somehow got up the courage to get on top of the roof of the farmhouse. All of the chickens gathered around genuinely concerned for him and told him, “Cheagle it’s too risky, you’re going to get hurt… just give up”, but he wasn’t about to give up. Cheagle ran as fast as he could, spread his wings and jumped off the side of the house and started to flap his wings. He started plummeting towards the ground… he flapped his wings harder and harder and just before he was about to hit the ground he closed his eyes and flapped his wings one last time. Realizing he hadn’t hit the ground he opened his eyes to see that he was gliding over the chicken coupe. He flapped his wings harder and harder and rose into the sky to join the other eagle. I always enjoyed telling this story to my kids, but one thing I’ve never told them is… I AM CHEAGLE, The Wall When I was younger, I felt awkward at times. I was overweight, and other kids made fun of me. And like many kids do, I started trying to fit in, to be cool, to conform. I started to build the wall we all build. You see, our natural human instinct is to avoid pain. It doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or emotional pain our brain treats it the same. If you’ve ever touched a hot stove, you learn quickly you never want that to happen again. Have you ever been in love? Had your heart broken? If you have, you know it’s a pain much worse than touching a hot stove. We tell ourselves, I’m never going to let that happen again and we build this wall around ourselves. This wall helps shield us, hide our emotions, our shame. It helps us fit in, protects our vulnerable spots. Some of us spend our entire lives behind this wall never exposing our true selves. If you remember just one thing from my talk today I want you to remember this. Everything you desire and everything you fear Is on the other side of this wall That you’ve been building for years ~ Me (I think) You see, the problem is the same thing that are instincts are telling us to do to protect ourselves is preventing us from getting what we desire most in life. And the more we build this wall to avoid what we fear the farther we push away what we desire most. My mother was a truly amazing woman! She really did tell me, you can do anything you want if you put all of your heart and mind into it. You see, my mother helped instill in me the core belief that if I work hard enough and put my mind and heart behind something, no matter what it was I could make it happen. And I chose to believe it. Beliefs Control our path in life That’s when I realized that our beliefs control our path in life. I started working on changing my beliefs, beliefs I carried about myself, about others and about the world. I realized that anyone who gets good at anything has to be bad at it long enough. I changed how I viewed failure, fear and pain. They were no longer these horrible things, but they’re a part of the process that we all need to go through. And boy have I experienced pain. I mean, I’ve fallen on my face more times than I care to remember. If there’s anything I learned after two failed business start-ups, almost losing my home after falling on financially hard times, having my heart broken, after I embarrassed myself on stage in front of 500 people and I lost my mother to cancer a month before my 31st birthday… if there’s any secret in life, it is to just get up and keep moving forward. When I had my heart broken, it was really painful. I wanted to close up and not let anyone in. But instead, I made the decision that I was going to lean into the pain, the fear, because I wanted to find this amazing, beautiful, independent woman that loved me, for me, and all my imperfections. Chickens CAN fly When I met Jennifer (my wife), it was one of the most exhilarating and scary moments of my life. and I’ve jumped out of an airplane at 15K feet, but when I jumped out of that plane and was plummeting through the air I didn’t feel anywhere near as vulnerable as when I was falling, in love with her. But that’s what you have to do, even though you’re scared, even though the “chicken” voices inside your head are saying don’t do it, you’re going to get hurt… YOU JUMP… and you hope with all of your heart that you can fly. Now, after two failed business attempts you’d think I would have learned my lesson… and well actually I did. You see those failures taught me important lessons that prepared me to start our current company, Webfor, and because of the beliefs I had developed and all the failures and pain I had endured I was able to put together one of the best teams in the world of web design and digital marketing and together we’ve been able to build a successful company that has helped 100’s of businesses and 1,000’s of employees. The Riverbed I mentioned before that our beliefs control our path in life. You see our everyday thoughts, actions, and emotions are like the water of a river. The bed of the river is made up of our base survival instincts and core beliefs. Just like water is directed by the channel of the riverbed… your thoughts, emotions, and actions are guided by your survival instincts and core beliefs. There are layers upon layers of core beliefs stacked with supporting beliefs that have formed over years and years. Many of these beliefs are so far under the surface you don’t even know you have them or why you even have them and most you didn’t consciously choose, but nevertheless, they are guiding your path in life. The good news is beliefs are just mental constructs, that with work, can be reinforced or deconstructed. Or you can choose new beliefs, beliefs that actually benefit you. Beliefs that help guide you to the BEST you and to living a fulfilled life. Belief is one of the most powerful forces on our planet and when we become conscious and start to control our beliefs rather than letting them control us, we awaken a part of ourselves… a part of ourselves that this world desperately needs! Part of the Moral of the Story Part of the moral of the story a lot of people miss is how others helped inspire Cheagle to chase his dreams… to dare to fly… to fail… to push through pain, embarrassment… and to get up and try again… I’ve had so many people inspire me throughout my life… my wife, my children, co-workers, clients… but one of the people who had the biggest impact on my life was my mother. She used to tell me…. “The smallest of actions can have a ripple effect, like how dropping a pebble in a pond can create thousands and thousands of ripples that spread across the entire pond.” Each one of us is impacting the world every day… whether we like it or not. The question isn’t can you change the world, but are you making it better? We are all Cheagle I said this story was about me, but The Truth is… We are all cheagle. At one time or another we are all chickens in life, we conform, afraid to be different… afraid to stand out, worried about what others might think of us… but, you should never shrink to fit others views based off their own fears or perceived limitations. Each one of you is special…. And to (live a fulfilled life) you must let down your wall, expose yourself to the pain, failure, embarrassment… you must believe in yourself and have the courage to act in the face of these fears and never give up! Don’t ask yourself… who am I to dare to be great… to be special… Instead, ask yourself… who are you not to be? This WORLD needs you… WE need you… to be your BEST you! I encourage all of you to “Expose Yourself”… in the right way… and let your own light shine so bright, that it lights the path for others and inspires them. Thank you!

8. 

   30 Dec 2017

   Give, Grow & Be Grateful: An Introduction

   Give, Grow & Be Grateful is my life’s motto and I’m in the process of turning it into a book by documenting a large portion of it in podcast format. To get the most out of it, please make sure you start with this introduction episode and go through the episodes in order. Your involvement and input is important to the final product so please get involved (subscribe (https://kevingetch.com/podcast-subscribe/), comment below, and share). In this episode: I introduce you to the Give, Grow & Be Grateful podcast/book/concept so you know what to expect. I share a little bit of my story, who I am, why you should listen and why I’m passionate about helping you live your best life. Then I explain the next steps as well as my commitment to you. At the end of each episode I will give you a micro-action that will overtime help you develop positive pathways that will lead to success, happiness and fulfillment. Episode Notes: The Give, Grow & Be Grateful podcast/concept/book and explain how we’ll progress forward. Instead of writing a book I am speaking it in a podcast format, so you are getting the sneak preview before it’s published. I will be providing insight, strategies and stories that will help you create a vision for the future, reach your goals, master your mind and emotions.. and of course live a happier and more fulfilled life. A little background on myself. About 12 years ago… I was dead broke… and at one of the lowest points in my life. I had started a company called (ESP) Entertainment & Sports Productions and I was throwing Ultimate Fighting type events with Randy Couture and Matt Lindland (where I trained at Team Quest) and while it was a great experience and I had a lot of fun… I was raising an amazing 4 year old girl…it was Dec… and I was not not making enough money to be able to pay my bills let alone the mortgage on the house… or get Christmas presents for my daughter. I felt like a complete failure…as a man, as a father, as a provider… I remember….I broke down crying… But something also changed in me.. I didn’t want to be the person I felt like… so I decided to change. It wasn’t but three months later that I met the woman of my dreams… who I ended up Marrying and having our son… Later on in 2009.. I started Webfor, a creative and digital marketing agency that helps business elevate their brand online. Today we employ 15 people and our team has won multiple awards. I sit on multiple boards, volunteer my time and give generously… so what did I do? That is exactly what I’m going to share with you in the upcoming episodes. Together we can find where you want to be in the future and determine what choices you need to make now to get there. My commitment to you. I will be producing a new episode each week for 52 weeks or until I feel I’ve poured out my soul into this book. You will get 100% raw transparency from me. This is a passion project for me. I’m not doing this for profit. Any future proceeds that come from this will go towards non-profits that support our youth. In fact my company, Webfor is sponsoring the Toast for Teens event hosted by the Boys and Girls Club of SW WA coming up in a few weeks. How can you support the show, help others and help yourself going forward? First, make sure you subscribe. Please share the show on social and if a specific episode or comment resonates with you, please comment and/or share that episode with others. At the end of each episode I will ask you to take what I call a micro-action. This is something small that will not take much time on your part, but overtime all of these micro-actions will act like a snowball rolling down a hill and you will gain momentum towards your goals. A commitment I ask of you is that you take the minute or two to do this small micro action. Today’s micro-action – Subscribe to the show and either listen to the first episode or set a time that you’re going to listen to it. Easy peezy… right! I am excited to be on this path with you and I want to thank you for your time and attention. I promise I will not waste that gift!

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