Glitter Joyride Podcast

About Glitter Joyride Podcast

How to be human during late-stage capitalism and obstinately love feeling. pavinimoray.substack.com (https://pavinimoray.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Pavini Moray

Category

health & fitness · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

25 Apr 2024

Latest episode

24 Apr 2026

Latest episodes

48 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   24 Apr 2026

   When you've ghosted the Divine

   This week I was talking with an old friend, I’ll call her Nima, when she said something heartbreaking. She is a pro domme and regards her work as a vocation; she helps her clients reach states of devotional surrender they struggle to access in their daily lives. She was telling me about a session she had, in which her client was on their knees, bowing in front of her, sobbing with gratitude and relief at being held in her love. She used the word “worshipped.” Her client was worshipping. Nima is soulful, deep. Hanging out with her is grounding, and I always feel better after we do. She says the real things and looks beyond the superficial towards deeper realities. So it surprised me when she told me that she feels cut off from her spiritual practice. In the time I’ve known her, she has consistently been in a relationship with the Divine. She said, “I am embodying the Goddess for my clients, and they are getting the benefit of that relationship, of that surrender. Why can’t I feel my own connection with Her?” She told me that without feeling that connection, she feels a bit fake, like she’s pretending for the sake of her paycheck. Ouch. I asked her about her practice. She replied, “I stopped practicing last year.” So my next question is, “What happened around the time you stopped?” “My dad was sick, and I was caring for him, and life was hectic. I just never started back up.” She’s crying by now, and my heart goes out to my sweet friend. “Do you want to start again?” “I feel like I betrayed myself, and I don’t know how.” And there it is; the self-betrayal that gets many of us, including me and Nima, when we fall off our practice. It’s a real relationship between the Divine and us, and we all know what happens when one person ghosts. I could relate deeply to Nima’s tale of woe. When I moved back seven years ago, I was overwhelmed and didn’t call a beloved friend. Then I started to feel guilty about not calling. I became avoidant because I felt guilty, and before you knew it, seven years had passed. The longer it went on, the more impossible it felt to pick up the phone. Eventually, the window closed, and I never did. Shame. Shame about neglect, about abandoning ourselves, our relationship, our practice. It sucks. Starting again alone is hard precisely because the shame is in the way. That’s what and who my new offering is for. I’m holding a practice container this spring: Six Weeks of Showing Up. If you feel far away from your practice and don’t know how to find your way back, if you fell off and the longer it goes the worse it feels: I got you. We’ll figure it out together. Only 6 spots left. We start next Thursday, April 30. Registration closes Tuesday, April 28. Join me and come home to the relationship you love beyond everything. https://pavinimoray.kit.com/products/six-weeks-of-showing-up (https://pavinimoray.kit.com/products/six-weeks-of-showing-up) Get full access to Glitter Joyride at pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe (https://pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

2. 

   23 Apr 2026

   "I Threw His Boots Into the Snow!"

   What does it mean if you feel contempt in your relationship? (I’ll share a new free resource at the end) I recently heard the phrase “Normal Marital Hatred” in my RLT training. When I heard this I thought, “Yep, I know that feeling.” I’ve written elsewhere about my two marriages, but in the story I’m going to tell you, I am 29. I’ve been married for four years. We have a small home we’ve built together. It is a shoes-off house. There are two steps leading up to the front door of the house. My then-husband has a habit of leaving his shoes in the middle of the steps. So that I either have to move them, or step over them. I arrive home first from work. And on this particular day, I’ve had it. My students were a pain in the butt, my lessons didn’t work, and my boss was micro-managing. I just wanted to come home, have a nice dinner, and chill. I’m entering the house, and as usual, his boots are in the way, but in my urgency to enter, I don’t see them. I trip, and fall through the threshold. A swoosh of rage rushes through me. Why can’t he put his f*****g shoes on the f*****g shoe rack that is RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR??? Instead of responding as an adult, I react from my adaptive child. I pick up his boots and throw them into the snow-covered yard, in two different directions. After, I’m standing in my kitchen fuming. What an inconsiderate a*****e. He doesn’t think of anyone else but himself. Selfish. Entitled. What I didn’t know at the time is that I was stewing in my Core Negative Image of my partner. I remember thinking, ‘Ah, this must be marriage then. You just hate your partner, and keep going.’ At the time, it seemed clear that this was just the trajectory of relationships. And truly, the married people I knew all seemed to hate their partners, even if just a little bit. My then-husband came home puzzled and annoyed that I’d thrown his boots in the yard. He didn’t stop leaving them on the steps. I didn’t have the tools to explain what I needed (consideration) and what I was asking for (please put them on the shoe rack.) And so the contempt trajectory continued, until it reached its obvious conclusion: divorce. Fast forward 25 years. My current partner and I were going through a challenging season. When I started to feel contempt, my lips would turn down. I didn’t want to look at him. I felt gross inside. Something in me went “Uh oh. Oh no.” I recognized the feelings. I got quiet, and sought what was beneath that feeling. What I found surprised me: deep yearning for mutual cherishing. I yearned to cherish, and be cherished. There was an ache, like something had gone missing from the place it had always been. Like the empty socket of a tooth that was pulled, that your tongue worries. The goodwill and warm positive regard I had felt for years was just... gone. Where was my love for my partner? I couldn’t feel it. I felt grief, and deep concern. This time, instead of accepting contempt as a normal phase of a relationship, I challenged myself: maybe this was a warning sign. Not something to wait out. A huge problem with contempt and resentment is that you are the one holding them. The poison is in you, slowly eroding the love and care you used to have. And to be honest, they are fairly come by. You don’t start hating your person in a vacuum. There is a backlog of unrepaired wounds. The triggers have gotten grooved. They are too predictable, and you know too well the path the fight will take. But you are the one living with the unmetabolized pain. It’s hurting you and your good life. (I’m imagining standing on a pulpit preaching about the value of love and relationship) But there is a way back from contempt! It starts with deciding you love yourself too much to live with it. Surprised? So now what? Decisions, decisions. * Is the relationship salvageable? * Will you keep on keeping on, misery intact? * Will you leave? And take your own b******t with you, even as you escape theirs? When I felt contempt in my current marriage, I knew exactly where that road led. So I got my ass into therapy with a Relational Life Therapist who could help me clean up what was on my side of the street. (I’m the one who hurls boots, remember?) I have recovered my warm positive regard for my partner. I do not feel contempt anymore. I work regularly to replace my core negative image of my partner with a better version. My marriage now feels like the marriage I want to be in. Feeling contempt was the warning sign that made me take action instead of sitting passively and letting things unfold. Here’s the counterintuitive good news: if you hate them, it means you still care. There is still room to do the work. My Relational Life Therapy teacher, Terry Real, says it’s possible to live a contempt-free life. I believe him, because I’m living it. If any of this landed for you, I made something specifically for you. It’s called The Contempt Audit: A self-assessment for when you’re done pretending you don’t hate your partner a little. Free PDF guide and audio recording, if you’re sitting with feelings you haven’t quite named. https://www.pavinimoray.com/thecontemptaudit.html (https://www.pavinimoray.com/thecontemptaudit.html) Get full access to Glitter Joyride at pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe (https://pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

3. 

   14 Apr 2026

   Relationship Miracles Happen

   Last summer I wrote about the kitchen table relationship rebuild process (https://open.substack.com/pub/pavinimoray/p/kitchen-table-relationship-rebuild?r=1n6z4e&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true) Ari and I were in. At that time, I thought we were on the upswing. Turns out, we weren’t. Soon after that piece, we had a family crisis that cracked us open, and we were right back where we’d been. That’s the thing about dynamics They can look like they’ve shifted, until a crisis comes along and those old patterns flare right back up. Later, he told me that he had considered consulting an attorney at the time. On my end, in a tragic conversation with a friend, I said, pretty quietly, “Something has to change.” And I meant it with my whole heart. What I needed After that happened, and before I went to India to give my marriage some breathing room, I took time apart to reflect on what I needed. Out of his presence, it became clear: I needed my very beloved partner to do his f*****g work. I needed him to heal trauma. He was pushing for couples therapy, which I was down for, but I knew deeply that he had to work on himself first. It actually was a him problem, rippling out into an us problem. Trauma will do that. I used to call it #traumafail when our wounds got in the way of being able to relate. The code word We had a code word: if things ever got really bad, we could pull it out, and the other person would listen. I told him I thought he needed intensive, possibly in-patient, trauma healing work. He was terribly angry at being called out, even as he said he would do it. That’s the thing about truth: it can land like an accusation even when it’s spoken from love. I held my ground and tried to hold him too, from a distance, knowing I might be wrong, knowing I might lose him either way. But lo and behold, he actually listened. The morning everything changed I’ll never forget the morning he came downstairs and said that he had signed up for a year-long coaching container in Organic Intelligence, developed by Steve Hoskinson, a former lead teacher for Somatic Experiencing. And then he signed up for a week-long in-person trauma intensive in Oklahoma. I left for India, and didn’t see him for over four months, while he did all that. When we reunited in January, I was shocked by the change in my partner. More capacity was the least of it. His presence, openheartedness, and willingness to repair after several years of dissociation and disconnection were astounding. It’s not an overstatement to say I was gobsmacked. We are now in RLT couples therapy together with an extremely competent therapist, and are building on the work he did alone. The irony It’s ironic that after 15 years of working with couples, my own marriage needed such a major overhaul. But it did, and we did. Every day is different. I’m tracking my marriage happiness daily. My goal is for us to average 80% happiness this year. But truly, most days have been 85-90% relational joy. The flow of love, of Eros, of care, trust, and support have all increased exponentially. When we say good morning, I hurl myself into his arms. I adore Ari. All of the irritation, the cranky little judgmental thoughts that had become so much a part of my everyday life have gone silent. Frequently, I am moved to tears by his beauty and his healing. Miracles happen. Why I’m telling you this Alongside this, I’ve been training in Relational Life Therapy and using it with my clients. If we can learn to be truly relational with the person we love most, maybe we can learn to do it everywhere. What surprised me most, after 15 years of sitting with couples, is that it doesn’t have to be loud to be fatal. My first marriage ended in fire. This one almost ended in silence. And in some ways, the silence is harder, because there’s nothing obvious to point at. I wrote more about that here. (https://pavinimoray.kit.com/posts/we-loved-each-other-we-were-still-headed-for-divorce) If any of this is landing for you and your partner, I’d love to talk. A free call is thirty minutes, no commitment, just a conversation about where you are and whether this work might help. Book a free call (https://pavini.as.me/schedule/1775a2db/) Get full access to Glitter Joyride at pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe (https://pavinimoray.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

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Spotify

5.0 / 5

2 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 29 / 100

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Quality

46

Social presence

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YouTube

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Engagement

32

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