Abandon Script — the podcast where three middle-aged guys, a few drinks deep, sit down and hash out the movie they just watched... whether they remember it all or not!
Expect bold opinions, bad impressions, questionable facts... and a lot of passionate yelling over each other. They’re not film critics. Most of the time they’re barely coherent! But they have alot of feelings and you’re gonna hear about 'em!
So grab a drink, lower your expectations, and join us at the bar — it’s time to Abandon Script!
This episode sees the trio boldly going back to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, where grudges are nursed for decades and shouting “Khaaan!” counts as a strategy!
Our three middle-aged amateurs attempt to navigate space submarines, increasingly dramatic shoulder pads, and Ricardo Montalbán’s gloriously theatrical vengeance without getting lost in the nebula of technobabble.
Is it a masterclass in sci-fi storytelling or just a very intense midlife crisis played out at warp speed?
QUOTES
"It should have been called Space Seedy" - Mark
"Its un-recast-able..." - Gary
"It's always tachyons... " - Greg
21 Aug 2026
Ep2. The Last... Will & Testament of James Gandolfini....?
This episode finds the trio saluting their way through The Last Castle, where Robert Redford and James Gandolfini glare at each other so intensely you’d think eye contact was a military tactic.
Our three middle-aged amateurs attempt to untangle a very serious battle of wills that mostly involves slow clapping, dramatic courtyard pacing, and speeches that sound like they were carved into stone tablets. Is it a stirring tale of honour and rebellion, or just the world’s most intense disagreement about workplace management styles?
Expect questionable impressions and heated debate over whether gravelly monologues should count as cardio.
QUOTES
"A very in depth review of what is, not a lot of music..." - Mark
"Well... it is an action power house!" - Gary
"... I've read the script and it feels like having haemorrhoids." - Greg
24 Jul 2026
Raw Doggin'
This episode sees the trio venture into the Scottish Highlands with Dog Soldiers, the snarling cult favourite that asks the important question: What if a military training exercise turned into a full-moon survival exam? As bullets fly and claws swipe, our three middle-aged amateurs attempt to navigate the film’s mix of siege thriller, creature feature, and laddish barracks banter.
QUOTES
"It's not unwatchable..." - Gary
"Sean Pertwee was 2.4 million, and the 100,000 pounds on the rest of the movie" - Mark
"Don't eat me yet ... Because i'm calculating the cubic footage of this small cottage." - Greg
29 Sept 2025
Ep 4. You Done Hurt My Dick Hand
This episode sees the trio dial up the suspense with Phone Booth, the taut thriller that proves a ringing phone can ruin your day. Our three middle-aged amateurs attempt to stay on the line as they unpack Colin Farrell’s trapped performance, Kiefer Sutherland’s disembodied menace, and the surprisingly tense logistics of standing still for 80 minutes!
QUOTES
“I Can’t think of a Colin that I like…” - Mark
“You can relate to him… He’s just a guy who goes to work every day and does shit…” - Gary
“When you watch it the second time, you blink in different places…” - Greg
29 Sept 2025
Ep 5. Denzel Is Our Secret Sponsor
The trio takes on The Negotiator, where Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey face off in a hostage thriller full of double-crosses, tense phone calls, and enough shouting to rattle office windows. Our three middle-aged amateurs try to piece together the twists without losing track of who’s bluffing whom, while debating whether the movie is a smart chess match or just an excuse for dramatic desk-flipping!
QUOTES
“Denzel and I…” - Gary
“That wasn’t a comedy…?!” - Greg
“It is just Samuel L Jackson putting everybody on trial!” - Mark
29 Sept 2025
Ep 6. Hawking For Game
This episode see the gang crack open the chaotic treasure chest that is Hudson Hawk. With Bruce Willis juggling cat burglars, cappuccinos, and a plot that feels like it was scribbled during a sugar rush, our three middle-aged amateurs do their best to make sense of it all. Is it a misunderstood cult comedy or just a bizarre misfire from the early ’90s? Expect baffled laughter, wild theories about what the filmmakers were thinking, and more digressions than the movie’s own storyline.
QUOTES
“It’s a hodgepodge of insanity and shit…” - Greg
“A bit from column A, a bit from column B put it all together… Incest!” - Mark
“I don’t think you could make a film like this today…” - Gary
29 Sept 2025
Ep 7. Hans Free
Buckle up as the trio boards Air Force One, the Harrison Ford action classic where the President himself throws punches and barks orders like an action hero-in-chief. Our three middle-aged amateurs wrestle with the film’s mix of patriotism, over-the-top villains, and improbably sturdy airplanes. Along the way, they debate whether Ford’s famous “Get off my plane!” line is cinema gold or just, not...
QUOTES
“That’s a lot of straight-to-video sales!” - Mark
“Every time you say something, I expect there to be more…” - Gary
“I’ve seen approximately 9 films… And 7 of them where for this podcast!” - Greg
29 Sept 2025
Ep 8. You Can't Hear Jimi!
The crew hits the blacktop with White Men Can’t Jump; the early ’90s hoops comedy where trash talk is just as important as scoring points. Our three middle-aged amateurs reminisce about Wesley Snipes’ swagger, Woody Harrelson’s hustle, and the endless stream of wisecracks that make pickup basketball look like a full-contact comedy routine.
QUOTES
“This one is much easier to take than Above The Rim.” - Gary
“Woody Harrelson had played some college ball…” - Mark
“Two of them where in ‘Nam, the other was in a clinic…” - Greg
29 Sept 2025
Ep 9. The Hills Are Alive... With The Sound Of Axel F.
Two thirds of the podcasting trio crank up the synth soundtrack for Beverly Hills Cop, where Eddie Murphy’s fast-talking Axel Foley takes Detroit street smarts to the land of palm trees and polo shirts. Is the film an action classic, a comedy classic, or just a time capsule of ’80s excess. Expect half-remembered quotes, plenty of nostalgia and a missing caster from the usual line-up!
29 Sept 2025
Ep 10. No Clones Where Harmed In The Making Of This Podcast
The trio pulls back the curtain on The Prestige, Nolan’s mind-bending tale of rival magicians, obsession, and secrets that will make you question everything—even your own memory of the plot. Our three middle-aged amateurs try to untangle the twists, debate who’s the better magician, and inevitably get sidetracked by theories about Victorian gadgets and poorly executed card tricks. Expect confused “aha!” moments, dramatic reveals, and plenty of “wait, what just happened?” commentary along the way.
QUOTES
“Christian Bale is hung…” - Greg
“What I started watching was a period drama about illusionist… And what I ended up watching was a surrealists wet dream [with] Hugh Jackman.” - Mark
“It’s too real for me…” - Gary
29 Sept 2025
Ep 11. Scarlet Ripples
The trio dives deep into Crimson Tide, the high-stakes submarine thriller where Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman fight over nuclear codes—and, apparently, who can yell the loudest. Our three middle-aged amateurs try to follow the tense cat-and-mouse of military protocol, debate who’s actually in charge... Expect shouted quotes, over-the-top “tactical” analysis, and more than a few tangents about seasickness and captaincy authority.
QUOTES
“A minor argument over weather they should launch nukes… And he takes a dog on a sub - which seems hygienic…” - Mark
“The way I understand colour… Red is called Red, because it’s quite Red… And we have a different word for the colour Crimson, because it’s not the colour Red…” - Greg
“Pirates of the Submarine…” - Gary
29 Sept 2025
Ep 12. Miami In The 90s
The trio locks and loads for The Specialist, the ’90s action-thriller where Sylvester Stallone and Sharon Stone take revenge, dodge bullets, and deliver questionable one-liners in equal measure. Our three middle-aged amateurs try to follow the plot without tripping over explosive set pieces, debate whether the movie is peak action or peak absurdity, and inevitably get sidetracked by talk of stunt realism, revenge logic, and old-school fashion choices!
QUOTES
“To be fair though, you haven’t seen his serve…” - Greg
“I’ve never made that noise before in my life!” - Gary
“By popular or no demand, we may be back for season two…” - Mark
29 Sept 2025
Ep 3. Death By Stereo
The gang sinks their teeth into Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys, a neon-soaked trip back to the ‘80s where vampires wear leather jackets and the soundtrack slaps almost as hard as the hair gel. With their usual mix of shaky memory and questionable insights, the three middle-aged reviewers debate whether the film is a campy cult classic or just an excuse to watch Kiefer Sutherland glare menacingly. Expect tangents about teenage rebellion, awkward family dynamics, and way too much talk about that shirtless saxophone guy.
QUOTES
“I think one of their heads exploded?” - Greg
“This is the film that made vampires cool…” - Gary
“I like the movie, but…” - Mark
29 Sept 2025
Ep 2. The Drunk Knight
The trio of middle-aged amateur reviewers suit up for Gotham as they tackle Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight. Between Christian Bale’s gravelly growl, Heath Ledger’s legendary Joker, and an endless supply of plot twists, the guys struggle to keep their Bat-facts straight while debating. Expect plenty of over-analysis and a few accidental impressions of Batman’s voice along the way.
QUOTES
“We’re not Top Gear!” - Mark
“No more Baby Cham for you…” - Greg
“When Giles sings, if that doesn’t pull on your heartstrings…” -Gary
29 Sept 2025
Ep 1. We're Too Old For This Sh!t
Three middle-aged movie buffs take a trip back to 1987 as they revisit Lethal Weapon. With more enthusiasm than expertise, they dive into Mel Gibson’s wild-eyed energy, Danny Glover’s weary charm, and the buddy-cop chemistry that redefined the genre. Along the way, expect a mix of half-remembered trivia, dad-joke tangents, and some spirited debate over whether the movie still holds up—or if it’s just nostalgia doing the heavy lifting.
QUOTES
“A helicopter is a very dangerous vehicle…” - Gary
“It’s a good start, it’s not below par…” - Mark
“I wish I’d have known this before and I would have been more prepared” - Greg
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