Writer, Advocate, and Playboy Model | Adriana Bellezza (Alysse Gaudenzi). Unhinged Culture — trauma, sexuality, religion and survival. Haute Mess: I just want to be unapologetically me. That includes the times when I am truly a "Haute Mess” and I like to keep my messes couture. I don’t usually censor my thoughts or feelings. Why would I start now? I will allow this Podcast to go where it does. No matter how strange it gets. I am raw, emotional and often "messy".. but always authentic.
Join me in exploring topics such as: parenting, porn, church, strip clubs, sexuality, mental health and more.
Keep in mind as you go on this journey…. You’re taking a ride on the crazy bus, and I saved you a seat right next to me.
xoxo Adriana
Hot Topic | Blue Eyed Brother F*cker | Sydney Sweeney Genes & American Eagle Jeans
The latest Hot Topic is Sydney Sweeney and American Eagle.
Religion & God: I am AGNOSTIC. The foundation of religion is belief. The definition of Faith is strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. I "believe" we are not 2 dimensional and our emotions come from our prefrontal cortex and our morality from what we commonly refer to as our soul or spirit. I do not base my life on a GUESS. I bring up topics to spart conversation around critical thinking of morality, religion and science. Its beyond disturbing for you to push your guess on someone else.
The Science: We are a species and its the .1% DNA genetic variant that dictates the color of our eyes, skin and hair through pigmentation through melanin. The same genetic variant combined with our personal life and how and where we lived, dictates who we are as individuals. Sexual orientation, how we process, food we like, how we f*ck - all based on science and what we ultimately enjoy and love. If you think sexuality is solely based on choice, you're wrong so lets just skip that. If you are able to have have babies, what color their eyes are, if you get placenta previa, have a miscarriage, etc ITS is all based on science and genetics! If God breathed life into us, he purposely created us to be different. The bible also states that life begins at first breath. It is against God Humanity and Science to tell people how to live and it goes against our primal instinct to feel safe and happy.
Most people can barely handle their own life, sexuality and problems. How arrogant and delusional is it for others to tell people who to love, what to like, how to look or who to f*ck. Get your sh*t together. Quit being a selfish asshole.
Your character is a choice you get to make.
PS Levi's are better Jeans then American Eagle in case anyone wants my opinion.
xoxo adriana
Enter the mind of the mentally ill and learn about: Eating Disorders, Self Harm, Genetic Factors & Genomes, Triggers, Blacking Out, Psychosis and learning to cope.
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27 Aug 2024
Haute Mess | Season 2: Trailer
Follow me through a nervous breakdown and learning about CPTSD. Coming this season, I document re-entering society, applying coping skills and learning to love again while trying to avoid making a huge mess.
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24 Aug 2024
Haute Topic | You Can’t Pray Away Mental Illness • part deuces
Haute Topics | Abortion, Religion, Political Parties, Who’s Running this Shit Show
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24 Aug 2024
Haute Topic | You Can't Pray Away Mental Illness • part one
Haute Topics | Sexual Morality, Shame, Dudes in Dresses
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23 Aug 2024
Episode 5 Part 1 | Boobs, Bunnies and Bullies
Boobs, Bunnies and Bullies
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23 Aug 2024
Introduction | Haute Topic I Feel Dead People
For people that hate reading, I am making blogs posts / episode descriptions in audio.
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23 Aug 2024
Haute Mess | Episode 4: How You Treat Me is Not a "Me" thing, it's a "You" thing
Once I began to research my diagnosis of Complex PTSD (CPTSD) I learned what an emotional memory was. I also learned what love wasn't. I had associated caring and loving someone with criticism. I learned how to be hard on myself and allow treatment that was hurtful in my life. I also had no idea that leaving it untreated could be so life threatening.
See prologue
Disclaimer: I am a mental health and suicide awareness advocate. I document my journey through my mental illness and self discovery. I remain as authentic and raw as I am expressing how I feel. If you listen you could learn something.
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23 Aug 2024
Haute Mess | Episode 3: Rollercoaster
Disclaimer: I discuss my journey through self discovery and all the emotions that are tied to Major Depressive Disorder, Complex PTSD, Abuse and Suicidal Ideations. Everything I discuss is true and accurate based on my experience. I remain candid and raw throughout my efforts to heal I have decided that there was just some issues that were bigger than me. Coming into a relationship with someone who is not just aware of my past abuse and the incidents surrounding my abuse, but convinces me to let my guard when I explained that I wasn't comfortable, should ask themselves if its a good idea to yell at someone with PTSD, while you are juiced out of your mind then try to convince them that a. they deserve the abuse b. that the only reason you are abusive is because of your victim c. Use their past trauma from abuse to blame them should be accountable for the psychological and emotional damage you caused by lying and manipulation the truth to your advantage then running away. Maybe you should look back at your very own behavior and ask yourself who the sick one really was? My mind and body were only doing what is was supposed to do. I cried more and got more nervous. You were lying to everyone. I would rather be a cry baby then a monster.
After battling for my life I decided to take back my dignity by addressing my abuser. At no time should anyone be told their life doesn't matter. I did not sign up to give my everything to a group of individuals and show them nothing but love and kindness during their time of need for them to use me as a dumping group because they chose to not deal with their trauma. There is a reaction to every action if you like it or not.
I am a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend and a human being. My life matters. My kids didn't deserve watch me struggle because you want to act like a heartless meangirl. My kids life was disrupted when I was unable to work to deal with the shit I got handed from your life. That is what I am the most ANGRY about. The people I trust to be close to me should care if I can be there for my kids. I told you this wasn't a joke. It wasn't drama. It was my fucking life and you still didn't have the capacity to even respond. Even though I was in a bad place, not a kind word came from one of you. That is the true tragedy in your family. The proof that an DV Survivor not only couldn't come to you, but was shamed into silence.
Now here we are and that's just the way the world works. I felt that it was brought to everyone attention about my mental state and was treated the way I was with malicious intent to cause harm. I have a responsibility to advocate for all those who have been in the same situation. Using someone's mental illness or medication to shame them is wrong. Using someone's mental illness to lie about what you are doing is wrong. Belittling a person after they share their story is wrong. Not taking responsibility for the extent of damage you intentionally cause someone is wrong. Threatening someone into silence is wrong. If you think that I haven't figured out that I have a voice you are wrong again. There are just somethings worth giving a fuck about and if I have to stand alone. So be it. I would rather stand then ever allow someone to hurt me again and remain silent. I don't mind one bit standing up alone. I found a lot of strength to even stand up for others. The harder you push on me the more I will expose you. If you threaten to sue me, I will counter sue for malicious endangerment of my life. I will go to great extents to prove my life means something. That is a promise. If you have no remorse then I made the right decision to come forward. Maybe others will stand up against men that use steroids and abuse their partners. I no longer want to be anyone's victim.
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22 Aug 2023
Haute Mess Episode 6: Good vs Evil
What do you believe is truly evil? Episode 6 discusses how our integrity and character is put to the test on on daily basis. On this episode I explain the issues surrounding having poor role models. I base alot of my philosophies using the teachings of Frederick Nieche, Aristotle, Socrates and more.
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26 Oct 2022
Haute Topic | I Feel Dead People
See Audio prologue for episode description: I Feel Dead People
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4 Oct 2022
Haute Topic | What do you use your p*nis money for? Too Turnt Tony
"I'm not yelling, I'm italian. "
I respond to people wanting to know who I am talking about when I refer to men on steroids ..... I have no problem with men taking testosterone because of the obvious advantage.... "BONERS." duh
It's only if that higher testosterone turns you into someone I don't want to F*ck. You can have boners minus the roid rage...
For instance, check out clips of one of my most favorite p*nis creators and his Italian Family. He doesn't look like he has any issues in that area and funnier than hell.
Too Turnt Tony
Disclaimer: This show isn't about anyone specific but a compilation of experiences I have had over the course of my life. I use sarcastic dark humor. IF you are triggered by Suicide, Abuse and other Mental Illness Issues please put your mental well being first as this is supposed to be dark comedy and not advise.,
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27 Sept 2022
Haute Topic | Almost Got Dahmered
Disclosure: I do not name actual names in this video and I didn't "see" anyone do steroids. I am only making assumptions based on behavior and have very sarcastic humor. I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD TRY TO FUCK WITH ME BECAUSE I LITTERALLY SAID - DON'T FUCK WITH ME IN THE VERY FIRST EPISODE....AND IF YOU EVER FUCK WITH MY KIDS - only way you get out of the spotlight is a very public apology. #duces
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8 Sept 2022
Haute Mess | Episode 2: Mental Health and Processing Emotions
Disclosure: As a mental health advocate, I took a pledge as part of the #stigmafree campaign to actively work towards removing the stigma surrounding mental health misconceptions by sharing my story.' Please note: My podcast documents my journey through mental illness. Your mental health is my first concern. In some of my episodes or writing I refer to issues that I struggled with, that may be a trigger for some individuals.
I share some of the struggles I have with Complex PTSD symptoms. This is an emotional episode for me. I tried to make it through "tear free". Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions. I am here to help by sharing my story.
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31 Aug 2022
Haute Mess | Episode 1: Welcome To My Mess
'Disclosure: As a mental health advocate, I took a pledge as part of the #stigmafree campaign to actively work towards removing the stigma surrounding mental health misconceptions by sharing my story.' Please note: My podcast documents my journey through mental illness. Your mental health is my first concern. In some of my episodes or writing I refer to issues that I struggled with, that may be a trigger for some individuals.
F@!* Normal: I'm a Haute Mess
I have always been my own worst critic. I hated how my mind worked. Emotions never made sense to me. They were intense and unpredictable. Mine. Everyone around me. I had gone through more than I could handle. I was in the worst depressive episode of my life. It was raining and I was crying on the side of the road. I don't know how long I had been standing in the middle of the street in the dark. All I remember was seriously thinking through, "how fast" a car had to be going when it hit me to just hurt me enough so I would go to the hospital but not actually kill me. That way all the pain I felt inside would be visible to everyone, including myself.
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17 Jul 2022
Haute Mess | The Introduction Trailer
'Disclosure: As a mental health advocate, I took a pledge as part of the #stigmafree campaign to actively work towards removing the stigma surrounding mental health misconceptions by sharing my story.' Please note: My podcast documents my journey through mental illness. Your mental health is my first concern, in some of my episodes or writing I refer to issues that I struggled with, that may be a trigger for some individuals.
Haute Mess: I just want to unapologetically me. That includes the times when I am truly a “Haute Mess” and I like to keep my messes couture. I don’t usually censor my thoughts or feelings. Why would I start now? I will allow this Podcast to go where it does. No matter how strange it gets.
Join me in exploring topics such as: parenting, porn, strip clubs, mental health, sexuality and more.
Keep in mind as you go on this journey…You’re taking a ride on the crazy bus, and I saved you a seat right next to me.
xo Alysse xo
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Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/adrianabellezza/support (https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/adrianabellezza/support)
16 Jul 2022
Haute Mess | Trailer | Mental Health Talks
'Disclosure: As a mental health advocate, I took a pledge as part of the #stigmafree campaign to actively work towards removing the stigma surrounding mental health misconceptions by sharing my story.' Please note: My podcast documents my journey through mental illness. Your mental health is my first concern. In some of my episodes or writing I refer to issues that I struggled with, that may be a trigger for some individuals.
Going through a breakup is hard enough...but what happens when part of it is because you asked for help? Or opened up about your mental health struggles? Or tried standing up for yourself?
No one wants to be vulnerable (my least favorite word on the planet). Opening up about things that are necessary for you to be in a good mental / emotional place shouldn't be so hard. I am sharing my journey with you. Not just for myself but to possibly help others. I can't help anyone to be comfortable in their own body or mind if I'm not!
I'm going to rip the band-aide off and just say all the shit that might make me look crazy.
Why? Because why the FUCK NOT?
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Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
3 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 12 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
11
Social presence
0
YouTube
0
Engagement
32
Contact Haute Mess -
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