The faint smell of tar. Cement bricks glance off your shoulders. Gamma rays encircle your frontbody. You are a dancing snake: your charmer, Judge Judy's mystical doppleganger. She’s come out with a new hypnosis, enticing you to swallow the landfill. She strikes a major multiphonic chord and you pass out. The next day you tell your coworkers, ‘oh, this weekend?, I was mostly watching TV'.
23 Aug 2025
05 Schmownership City
We rehash the oldest trick in the oldest book. Nothing new under the sun, especially not on my plate, which is haunted by the ghost of fries past. Merriam Webster's son (NOT a nepo baby) inherited the Dictionary business and changed what “fries” meant. He might be ignoring his true calling (sitting on the street pathetically), but we're going with it.
featuring Nathan Greenberg & John Desmond of You Want Milk
22 Aug 2025
04 Practice Recording
What is really going on and how do we even know that when we figure it all out we’ll have it all figured out? Ghosts of the past are with us, but they are so young, they do not engender any ulterior suspicions. Still, the stillness of their eyes could betray allegiance to a darker cause. The whims of a technological megacorporation? A puppeteering zookeeper pulling gorilla-strings? I’m not at liberty to know. Even writing this could put me in danger, if I’m even writing it?
19 Aug 2025
03 Grocery Star
Everything changes when you hit it big. While my peers slapped bags of wine in frat houses, I slapped bags of frozen spinach onto conveyor belts, dreaming the very same dream. Back then, that's what I thought "belting" was. People tell me I don't have to do this anymore, I could get a beach house in Malibu, but what can I say - You can take the boy out of the produce aisle, but he still romaine the same.
Featuring Dina Genkina
16 Aug 2025
02 Dear Grandson
Slices of life dissected in frog class by a third grader with two left hands, become our lineages, among other entries in a list of the least important things.
10 Aug 2025
01 Mark Grundy's Spuds
The psychology and ethics of snacks and the hypothetical in-between spaces they betray comes to a shockingly unsensational conclusion. A tale of lukewarm love, trivial loss, and a future that’s not asking whether or not we’re ready for it.
12 Aug 2024
6 - Fish Heaven
do fish go to heaven? we don't know. this is the first episode we ever made
12 Aug 2024
5 - Plant Game Show
a game show with a plant, featuring Joanna Schubert
12 Aug 2024
4 - Attention
Attention featuring Dylan Israelian and Lila Feldman of Rhymes With Orange, and Sasha Kuznetsov on guitar
11 Aug 2024
3 - Milk
Milk
11 Aug 2024
2 - Storm Pirate
Storms & Pirates featuring Locus Chen
11 Aug 2024
1 - Space Jocks
Jocks in space
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
1 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
7 ratings
Contact Hello If Anything
Guest appearances
Does not typically book guests
Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.
Host of Hello If Anything?
Claim your podcast to manage its listing and keep your show details accurate.
Pod Engine is an independent podcast discovery and analytics service and is not affiliated with or endorsed by this podcast. Artwork and show content belong to their owners. Full legal notice.
Explore this show Podcast research with Pod Engine
