Podcast thumbnail for Hey Gay Boy

by James Wallis

5.0(8 reviews)
16 episodes
Updated Daily
Accepts GuestsHas Sponsors

Podcast Overview

<p>Hey gay boy.</p><br><p>This is a podcast about the things nobody warned us about. The quiet shame, the overthinking, the patterns we carried into adulthood without ever being given a name for them.</p><br><p>Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychology of growing up gay. Short, honest, and stripped back. Because some things are better said out loud. Part story, part reflection on what it really means to come out, grow up, and figure yourself out in a world that didn't always make space for you.</p><br><p>This podcast is for the gay man who has done the coming out bit but still feels like he's carrying something he can't quite name. The one who looks fine on the outside but knows there's a version of himself he never really got to meet. The one who grew up performing, pleasing, shrinking and is only now starting to unpick why.</p><br><p>If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're exactly who this is for.</p><br><p>Hey Gay Boy started as a series of short form videos. Honest, spoken word reflections on the nuances of growing up gay. The response was something I wasn't prepared for. Thousands of people telling me they'd never had a name for what they were feeling. That someone had finally said it out loud.</p><br><p>The Substack followed. Then came the realisation that some of these conversations needed more than a caption or an article. They needed audio. They needed to feel like a voice note from someone who gets it.</p><p>So here we are.</p><br><p>Each episode draws on psychology, personal experience, and the kind of quiet observations that don't make it into mainstream conversations about LGBT life. We talk about minority stress, shame, self worth, attachment, the inner child, and all the invisible ways growing up gay shapes who we become, long after we've come out.</p><br><p>No guests (yet). No panel discussions. Just honest, considered reflections designed to be listened to on a commute, a walk, or one of those evenings when you just need to feel a little less alone in it.</p><br><p>Thank you so much for being here,</p><br><p>James x</p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>

Language

🇺🇲

Publishing Since

3/18/2026

1 verified contact email on file for Hey Gay Boy

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Recent Episodes

Episode thumbnail for it was never about the six-pack

June 24, 2026

it was never about the six-pack

<p>In this episode, I talk about the bodies we build and the validation we chase, and why getting the thing you always wanted so often leaves you feeling like a stranger to yourself.</p><br><p>We've all got a thing. The abs, the jawline, the perfect picture, the number of likes. We call it a glow-up, taking care of ourselves, finally getting it together. But what happens when you get there, when the compliments roll in and the attention lands, and nothing inside you actually shifts?</p><br><p>In this one I dig into why so many of us chase the "ideal" body, and why it's almost never really about the body at all. I talk about the validation loop, the Grindr notifications, the thirst traps, the endless refreshing, and what's really sitting underneath it. </p><br><p>Check out more queer topics in my Substack: <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://jameswallis0.substack.com/</a></p><p>Follow me on <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram</a> &amp; <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">TikTok</a> too for even more content</p><br><p>If you have a spare 2 minutes, I'd love your support for the bCreator nominations too, you can <a href="https://www.bcreator.co.uk/awards/vote/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">vote for me here </a></p><br><p>Lastly, if you'd like to support my work - I am massive fan of coffee and you can <a href="https://tr.ee/ZuIMEMsoLl" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">buy me one here.</a></p><br><p>Thanks for everything.</p><br><p>Big love,</p><br><p>James</p><p><strong>Want to go deeper? </strong></p><p>The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">jameswallis0.substack.com</a></p><p>Come and say hello on Instagram <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@james_wallis</a> and TikTok <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@jameswallis_</a></p><p>If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at <a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.</a></p><p>Everything else is at <a href="https://linktr.ee/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">linktr.ee/jameswallis</a></p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>

Episode thumbnail for understanding the validation loop

June 17, 2026

understanding the validation loop

<p>In this episode, I talk about the validation loop - and why no amount of likes, compliments, or achievements will ever fill the hole we've been trying to fill since we were kids.</p><br><p>There's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from spending your whole life being loved for a version of yourself you've carefully constructed. You get the job, the body, maybe even the guy - and still something feels hollow. If you know that feeling, this one's for you.</p><br><p>In this episode, I walk through the three stages of the validation loop - the performance, the achievement, and the collapse - and why so many of us in the gay community end up trapped in it. </p><br><p>Drawing on Jung's idea of the persona, Alan Downs' work in The Velvet Rage, and some hard-won personal reflection, I explore how growing up feeling like something was fundamentally wrong with us taught us to earn our place in every room we walked into. And I talk about what it actually looks like to start breaking the cycle - not through another glow-up or a busier schedule, but by getting honest about the parts of yourself you've been hiding.</p><br><p>Because the hunger was never really for validation. It was always for integration.</p><br><p>Check out more queer topics in my Substack: <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://jameswallis0.substack.com/</a></p><br><p>Follow me on <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram </a>&amp; <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">TikTok</a> too for even more content</p><br><p>Thank you as always x</p><br><p><br></p><br><p><br></p><br><p><br></p><p><strong>Want to go deeper? </strong></p><p>The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">jameswallis0.substack.com</a></p><p>Come and say hello on Instagram <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@james_wallis</a> and TikTok <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@jameswallis_</a></p><p>If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at <a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.</a></p><p>Everything else is at <a href="https://linktr.ee/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">linktr.ee/jameswallis</a></p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>

Episode thumbnail for the drama triangle: the best thing I learnt in therapy?

June 10, 2026

the drama triangle: the best thing I learnt in therapy?

<p>In this episode, I talk about one of the most useful things I've ever learned in therapy — and why I think it changes everything once you see it.</p><br><p>Most of us have been in conflict that just doesn't make sense. The friendship that keeps blowing up. The relationship that runs in circles. The moment you realise you've spent years trying to fix everyone else's problems and somehow ended up feeling like the villain anyway.</p><br><p>I walk through a psychological framework called the Drama Triangle - what it is, the three roles we unconsciously slip into, and why it hits differently when you've grown up gay. Because when shame, people-pleasing, and the need to be liked have been baked into you since childhood, these patterns run deep.</p><br><p>This one is about understanding the scripts we didn't know we were following - and what it looks like to finally start rewriting them.</p><br><p>Check out more queer topics in my Substack: <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://jameswallis0.substack.com/</a></p><br><p>Follow me on <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram</a> &amp; <a href="http://tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">TikTok</a> too for even more content</p><p><strong>Want to go deeper? </strong></p><p>The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at <a href="https://jameswallis0.substack.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">jameswallis0.substack.com</a></p><p>Come and say hello on Instagram <a href="https://instagram.com/james_wallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@james_wallis</a> and TikTok <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswallis_" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@jameswallis_</a></p><p>If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at <a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.</a></p><p>Everything else is at <a href="https://linktr.ee/jameswallis" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">linktr.ee/jameswallis</a></p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>

16 total episodes available

Deep-dive analytics for Hey Gay Boy

Frequently asked questions

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What is Hey Gay Boy?
<p>Hey gay boy.</p><br><p>This is a podcast about the things nobody warned us about. The quiet shame, the overthinking, the patterns we carried into adulthood without ever being given a name for them.</p><br><p>Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychology of growing up gay. Short, honest, and stripped back. Because some things are better said out loud. Part story, part reflection on what it really means to come out, grow up, and figure yourself out in a world that didn't always make space for you.</p><br><p>This podcast is for the gay man who has done the coming out bit but still feels like he's carrying something he can't quite name. The one who looks fine on the outside but knows there's a version of himself he never really got to meet. The one who grew up performing, pleasing, shrinking and is only now starting to unpick why.</p><br><p>If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're exactly who this is for.</p><br><p>Hey Gay Boy started as a series of short form videos. Honest, spoken word reflections on the nuances of growing up gay. The response was something I wasn't prepared for. Thousands of people telling me they'd never had a name for what they were feeling. That someone had finally said it out loud.</p><br><p>The Substack followed. Then came the realisation that some of these conversations needed more than a caption or an article. They needed audio. They needed to feel like a voice note from someone who gets it.</p><p>So here we are.</p><br><p>Each episode draws on psychology, personal experience, and the kind of quiet observations that don't make it into mainstream conversations about LGBT life. We talk about minority stress, shame, self worth, attachment, the inner child, and all the invisible ways growing up gay shapes who we become, long after we've come out.</p><br><p>No guests (yet). No panel discussions. Just honest, considered reflections designed to be listened to on a commute, a walk, or one of those evenings when you just need to feel a little less alone in it.</p><br><p>Thank you so much for being here,</p><br><p>James x</p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>
How often does this podcast release new episodes?

This podcast updates daily.

Where can I listen to this podcast?

This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.

Does this podcast accept guests?

No, this podcast does not typically feature guests.

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