Holding the Fort Abroad

About Holding the Fort Abroad

The Holding the Fort Podcast is for you if you are a travelling dad or mum, you leave home for work for weeks and months at a time, you are the parent at home holding the fort or an organisation who cares about the wellbeing of your travelling staff. The Holding the Fort Abroad podcast began as a podcast for expats with travelling partners. It has now expanded to all the stakeholders impacted by frequent business travel and time apart for work. It explores how to keep the connection across the miles when one partner/parent works away more frequently, whilst the home-based parent juggles responsibilities at home amid their own pursuits. Through deep, often raw and vulnerable conversations, my guests - experienced professionals, home-based partners, therapists and researchers share their experiences and insights with us.

Publisher

Rhoda Bangerter

Category

kids & family · society & culture · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

20 Apr 2022

Latest episode

12 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

1 of 105 episodes have a transcript.

1. 

   12 Oct 2026

   #103 How to Learn to Be A Long-Distance Couple - with Autumn and Al Ray

   How to keep emotional connection when far apart, how to repair a disagreement when distance or duty interrupts and how to build shared life when not living under the same roof. Al and Autumn Ray share their story and what they learned along the way. Al served 27 years in the U.S. Air Force which meant many seasons apart due to deployments. He completed his career as Professor of Aerospace Studies at the University of Portland. Military life strengthened his ability to process information efficiently and move quickly toward a solution. At home, however, efficiency could bring a conversation to its logistical conclusion before Autumn felt emotionally understood. Al and Autumn believe that couples learn to be together and they have developed a book series for couples that you can find under rickandjane.com (http://rickandjane.com) Key Takeaways from the Conversation 1. Building a Shared Playbook Al and Autumn believe every marriage begins with two people carrying their own “playbooks”—the expectations and habits learned from their families. Lasting connection comes from learning to create new agreements unique to your team. “Nobody knows how to do it—you have to be willing to learn and have an open mind,” says Autumn 07:06. 2. Communication is a Learned Skill It’s not just about talking more—it's about talking better. The Rays emphasize practicing specific communication skills, like active listening and setting aside regular times to connect, even if you’re on opposite sides of the world. Coaching and practical tools can help couples break negative cycles and actually enjoy “do-overs” when communication stumbles 13:00. 3. Intimacy Goes Beyond the Physical Their book, Rick and Jane Learn to Cultivate Intimacy, covers eight kinds of intimacy—including emotional and physical—but not just sex. Something as simple as planning a home project together can build closeness across distance 22:49. Understanding your partner’s needs—and your own—is foundational. 4. Handling the Big Transitions Going from deployments to working side-by-side took as much adjustment as learning to survive apart! The Rays now see those transitions as "a third marriage to the same person," each requiring new skills and accommodations 46:02. 5. Hope and Practical Help Al and Autumn assure listeners that lasting, happy marriages through separation are possible. Don’t let distance define your story: “There’s always a solution to whatever problem you have. Reach out—don’t go through life alone or in despair,” urges Autumn 51:16. Check out their book series at (https://rickandjane.com)rickandjane.com (https://rickandjane.com) for practical, faith-based (but universally useful!) resources on teamwork, communication, resolving conflict, and more. Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com (mailto:rhoda@amulticulturallife.com) Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe (https://rhodabangerter.com/keep-in-touch/) to my newsletter. Buy the book: (https://rhodabangerter.com/book/) Holding the Fort Abroad Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone. OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone. You may be wondering: How can we be a family when we're miles apart? Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise? I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

2. 

   14 Sept 2026

   #102 How to help your child when you are away for work - with Barb Varcl-Smith

   Episode Takeaways: What happens for children when a parent regularly leaves home for work? Could parental absence create experiences that a child experiences as traumatic—and, if so, what can parents do to protect their children and build resilience? Perhaps you are worried about leaving your toddler for an extended period of time. Maybe they cry when you leave, seem distraught, or struggle when you are away. Or perhaps, as an adult, you are beginning to wonder whether the absence of a parent during your own childhood has had an impact on you. In this episode, we explore these questions with Barb Varcl-Smith, a trauma recovery educator, speaker, therapist, and creator of the Ascendance Method. Barb helps people understand the hidden survival patterns that shape our thoughts, behaviours, relationships, and identity—empowering them to move from survival into more authentic living. In this episode, Barb explains: The potential trauma that can happen with parental absence What a parent can do How to build a resilient family life If you are an adult, how to recover from any trauma that may have occurred Contact Barb Varcl-Smith on her website: https://www.your-steps.co.uk/ (https://www.your-steps.co.uk/) Barb is also the host of the podcast Way Out of Childhood Trauma (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/way-out-of-childhood-trauma/id1829788505) and the author of the upcoming book Purposeful Parenting: Applying the Ascendance Method to Family Life (https://www.your-steps.co.uk/purposeful-parenting). Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com (mailto:rhoda@amulticulturallife.com) Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe (https://rhodabangerter.com/keep-in-touch/) to my newsletter. Buy the book: (https://rhodabangerter.com/book/) Holding the Fort Abroad Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone. OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone. You may be wondering: How can we be a family when we're miles apart? Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise? I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

3. 

   17 Aug 2026

   #101 United Front For Couples That Often Live Apart - with Pesa and Whitney Shayo

   Key Takeaways How do cross cultural couples navigate time apart? How does growing up with different family and society expectations impact a couple’s relationship? As Pesa and Whitney Shayo share their cross cultural marriage story and how they learned to understand each other, much of what they share can be extremely valuable for couples who spend time apart. Learn emotional connection This is one of the biggest takeaways of our conversation. Pesa shares that he grew up in an environment that did not emphasise emotional connection. As he was working multiple jobs to provide for his family, he thought he was being a great husband and provider. His wife, meanwhile, needed emotional closeness and it led to her suggesting separation. “It hit me, and that's when I really paused and I started listening because I was able to understand that as much as I'm working and doing the right thing, I'm about to lose my family. And I was able to start listening. And that's when I started this journey of being able to understand that there's another version of life, which is you need to also be there emotionally.” “What you think is right might not be what somebody else thinks is right even if you have the best of intentions.” Also a very important point that Pesa and Whitney highlight. This needs to be the starting point of every interaction and a mindset: what I think is right and what my spouse/partner thinks is right may not be the same If you are in an argument, do something to ‘take it down a notch’ “For the husband listening to this, one of the hings that has really helped me when it comes to repair is being more agreeable. If you feel like you are being attacked, sometimes you can say ‘I see your point, I really see your point, so I'll start working on that right now’. This avoids the back and forth and the escalation of the argument Seek a United Front Whether answering a demand from the in-laes, or taking a parenting decision, “we always look at it from the lens of united front. When we talk about united front, we basically mean that we are not saying we are not arguing, or we are not saying that we don't disagree. We are saying that we will have that private time to have this conversation first.” The United Front Audit focuses on five areas. It reveals where your marriage unity is strong, where it is cracking and what to do next based on your situation. Loyalty alignment Shared Game Plan Boundary Strength Conflict Patterns United Front The Shayos are authors, speakers, and co-founders of Live Your Best Marriage (https://pesashayo.com/about/). Drawing from over 22 years of cross-cultural marriage, they provide faith-rooted resources and a "United Front Blueprint" to help couples navigate cultural differences, in-law pressure, and communication hurdles. Explore the United Front Audit and download tools for couples at Live Your Best Marriage (liveyourbestmarriage.com)

Inside a recent episode

#76 Breaking Stigma of Men's Emotions and How to Build Supportive Habits - with Chris Moyer

Published 21 Jul 2025 · Transcript excerpt

[…] There's many different reasons. The language, I think your average man may not necessarily feel the need for a discussion like this. But the reality is that men and women are emotional beings and part of our overall health is emotional wellness. And so finding a way to bridge that gap is really important and something that I'm quite passionate about. I've been working on in various ways whether my current work or prior work experiences, just trying to bring that touch of emotional awareness. Sometimes it's just starting to name things that men just don't even think about. Yeah. And I suppose that's what we're going to talk about a little bit, right? […]

Who has been a guest on Holding the Fort Abroad

Names identified in recent episode analyses. Showing up to five guests.

• Daniela Draugelis
• Pascale
• Karlijn Jacobs
• Karina Lagarrigue

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

1 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

1 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 22 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

32

Social presence

0

YouTube

0

Engagement

32

Contact Holding the Fort Abroad

Guest appearances

Does not typically book guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.

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