A pithy fast-moving dialog that excavates and releases the essential you. Most people think they have a personality when in fact it is a personality disorder. The podcast is a mix of coaching and dialog that distinguishes out what you have and what has you. Knowing when you are operating out of your essence, as opposed to dysfunctional behaviors, opens doors that previously have been closed.
What You Resist Persists: The Hidden Torque of Suffering, Survival, and Freedom
What if the thing keeping you stuck isn't the situation itself—but your resistance to it? We spend enormous amounts of energy trying to escape what we don't want, hold onto what we're afraid to lose, and force circumstances to become something other than what they are. But resistance has a strange effect: the harder we push against something, the more force it can seem to exert back on us.
In this episode of If I Were Your Coach, we explore the relationship between resistance, persistence, suffering, and survival—and the "torque" created when we fight relentlessly against reality. Suffering can take opposite forms: I need to get rid of this or I desperately need to keep this. Either way, our attachment to a particular outcome can become the very mechanism that keeps us trapped.
The alternative isn't resignation, complacency, or pretending that difficult circumstances don't matter. It's allowance: developing the capacity to see what is happening without immediately needing to control it, escape it, or cling to it. When we stop organizing our lives entirely around what we fear losing, something unexpected becomes available—choice.
How much of your energy is being consumed by resisting what already is? And what might change if you stopped fighting long enough to discover that you could survive the outcome you're most afraid of? Listen to If I Were Your Coach and explore more conversations, coaching insights, and consulting services at If I Were Your Coach.
If you need help and want a conversation you can find us at:
Connect at www.ifiwereyourcoach.com; www.breckcostin.com (http://www.breckcostin.com)
Read our book at www.coreconfusions.com
11 Sept 2026
The ability to lose is the ability to be free
Our attachments to what WAS bypasses what IS evolving every moment. To love, create, inspire, and capture what is possible in life is often held hostage by the attachments that have leverage over us. We use strategies, tactics, and manipulations to desperately hold on to realities that are no longer true.
Shame often at the heart of the hurt and fears we are seeking to minimize, translates as 'this this should not be happening'. We attempt to gain control and grip what we know, no matter how mediocre it is, dedicating us to problems we never had in the first place.
How do we communicate a truth that opens our lives? Having the ability and freedom to lose. To be true to was IS and the transient nature of the present moment. Recognizing the shame is the great connector of the human condition.
And the more we raid the inarticulate to kiss the broken face of loss, we will find love.
If you need help and want a conversation you can find us at:
Connect at www.ifiwereyourcoach.com; www.breckcostin.com (http://www.breckcostin.com) ; www.bryanmitisek.com (http://www.bryanmitisek.com)
Read our book at www.coreconfusions.com
29 Aug 2026
Core Constructs the "if this than that" logic that concludes our experience before we discover it
As part of being human we seek to make the unknown known. To avoid loss, to avoid threat, to have a sense of control. Through constructs, assumptions, and Boolean logic we all lead with our conclusions. "If this, than that." And the longer we are alive, the more we value and limit ourselves with these anchors.
These core constructs have the intelligence of beginning with a solution and ending with a problem. And it is the if this-than-that logic we use to navigate the world that keeps us from a healthy relationship with the unknown. A relationship where we are open to exploring and discovering all that life has to offer.
In this episode we talk about these core constructs, what they look like, so you can shed this emotional straight jacket and have more possibility for growth and presence to what is true.
If you need help and want a conversation you can find us at:
Connect at www.ifiwereyourcoach.com; www.breckcostin.com (http://www.breckcostin.com) ; www.bryanmitisek.com (http://www.bryanmitisek.com)
Read our book at www.coreconfusions.com
21 Aug 2026
Why we hurt the people we love when we feel hurt ourselves - recognizing the shame underneath our reactions can transform conflict into intimacy
Why do we know exactly what to say to hurt the people we love most? In this episode we explore the shame hiding beneath our arguments—the moment hurt turns into blame, criticism and the need to win. Through candid stories about marriage, family and emotional triggers, the conversation asks what becomes possible when we stop trying to make someone else feel our pain and finally reveal what we're actually feeling.
When you are stuck in the past, your reactions are attempting to replicate the exact feeling you are having at that moment. And you want to be right about it.
"I can't believe it." Something you say when you are reliving the past to confirm your biggest fears. Finding perspective and a way back to present time is what releases you to be free in your next move. This conversation will give you perspective to help you relinquish the past and move to the freedom of "I believe it."
If you need help and want a conversation you can find us at:
Connect at www.ifiwereyourcoach.com; www.breckcostin.com (http://www.breckcostin.com) ; www.bryanmitisek.com (http://www.bryanmitisek.com)
Read our book at www.coreconfusions.com
19 Jun 2025
You are either this or that - with Melora Hardin
Actress Melora Hardin discusses with Breck Costin how understanding core defaults and survival responses helps individuals navigate towards an extraordinary life in this interview.
16 Jun 2025
Core communications - The dysfunction of what you say
Breck Costin and Bryan Mitisek explore how underlying communication patterns can create dysfunction, urging listeners to identify and address their core communication to foster positive change.
13 Jun 2025
Parenting – finding freedom in chaos
Fathers Breck Costin and Bryan Mitisek discuss the chaotic journey of parenting, revealing how children expose unresolved parental issues and highlighting the messy ride of love and loss.
4 Apr 2025
Core Connections – When the best and worst parts connect in relationships
“Love is an interruption in where you thought you were going and what you thought you knew.” - Breck
A continuation of the core series, Core Connections is how our behaviors interact in relationships. When the best parts of one another connect it is magic, when the worst parts of each other connect it can be a blood bath. Noticing when the relationship is stuck by our vulnerabilities is key in healing and restoring connection. Understanding this will move you to the next level in your relationship. Maintaining privilege in relationships, not rights.
The core series is a set of portals into self-discovery. It is based on the premise that the way into everything and the way out of everything is communication. And everything is a function of communication and relationship. Your anxiety will distort your communication and your relationships to various aspects of your life. As complex as we are, it is not easy to know when you are navigating or when you are pushing your own head underwater.
3 May 2024
Creating vs. Creating Problems - Introduction to the Core Series
The way into everything and the way out of everything is communication. And everything is a function of communication and relationship. Your anxiety will distort your communication and your relationships to various aspects of your life. As complex as we are, it is not easy to know when you are navigating or when you are pushing your own head underwater.
The Core Series is an evolutionary process that gives you the anatomy of your character, so you know when you are creating verses creating problems. Breck’s amalgamation of sources distilled down over 45 years of work. Core Confusions and Core Connections, two parts of the core series, are a way to be aware of the best and worst parts of ourselves. As 90% of transformation is awareness.
The core series are portals to seeing the best and worst parts of ourselves in the light of day where we can make moves to find more liberation and creativity. Life is about having more understanding and more mobility. And if you are not on an evolutionary path, you might as well take your past, put it in front of you and call it the future.
17 Mar 2024
Essence vs. Behavior in real life: a shared conversation with Jeff Greenberg
Jeff Greenberg has fit an enormous amount of life into life. As the CEO of the Village in Los Angeles, gold records adorn many of the halls of his studio. Huge names have cut legendary albums and recorded some of the most incredible music in recent times.
For someone who had signifcant challenges with sobriety and following through on most anything, his transformation has been and still is tremedous.
Jeff brings illustrates how navigating your behaviours can open up a life never thought possible. Thank you so much for you time and your story Jeff. We love how you bring the work alive with so much color.
www.breckcostin.com (https://www.breckcosting)
10 Mar 2024
Reactive vs. Responsive - Going from no critical thinking to intuition and creativity
When we are triggered, reactive, feeling competitive where we are not competitive, trying to promote ourselves inconsistent with our skill set or our self-expression; we are all equal. And we do one of three things, we get aggressive, we withhold, or we get confused.
We often know when we are in the deep end of the pool when acting out of this reactive state. It is much harder to know when we are in the shallow end of the pool, as this appears a lot more like who we are. But it is the shallow end that will make the most difference.
When we are reactive, we act thoughlessly with no critical thinking, creating chaos rather than resolving issues. When we respond, we slow the game down enough to see what is required and often know when it is best not to go to ourselves.
We don’t have much to say about our head going up our ass, but we have something to say about how fast it comes out.
11 Feb 2024
Loss - You have got to be able to lose
You have got to be able to lose, otherwise you are held hostage. Having the ability to move through loss and the fear of loss is a cornerstone of transformation. Loss of love, money, relationship, sex, career, craft, health, and so many other areas affect our ability to move, create, connect, and communicate effectively. The fear of loss alone is enough to create paralysis.
Listen and connect to the role loss plays in having an extrodinary life.
15 Dec 2023
Anxiety - Functioning Disfunction
Anxiety. Not a theriputic definition, is something you should have control over you fundementally don't. I know I have it, I accept I have it, and I have the possibility to create with it. We will see if we can open up a conversation that has you speak up about your disfunction and have something to say about it. Find a relationship to it, kiss it, and create with it. This can be any disfunction.
Get some release from this functioning disfunction.
1 Dec 2023
Story - Have your story vs. your story having you: Finding the appropriate relationship to the world
In this episode, we introduce the context that your 'story' is driving your life. You come in with a story. Not that this is the truth, however exploring this interpurtation allows for the possibility of a different relationship to your life. Knowing your story and then working with that story, is a creative way to change the course of your life.
21 Nov 2023
Image in real life: a shared conversation with Mollie Birney
Mollie Birney is incredible. She has seen enough, done enough, and tackled enough to be such a contribution to so many people. A coach with sharp intellegence, formitable leadership and a huge heart. She joins us to bring the work to life and presence her path which she shares with so many to transform her life and thiers.
About - Mollie Birney (https://molliebirney.com/about/)
13 Nov 2023
Identities - What Has You and What Do You Have
If noise is the fuel, identities are the affect. Identities are a way you want to be seen or a way you don't want to be seen. Understanding your identies is key. In this episode you will become familiar with all the ways you want to be seen and how it dominates your life. As, all ones upsets come from constructs of identities.
5 Nov 2023
Noise - The Fuel of Your Disfunction
Noise. The internal dialouge and commentary that has taken up residence in various aspects of your life. Despite your desire to keep it around or get rid of it. Noise will always have you and drowned out what you have to contribute.
No noise is the game.
28 Oct 2023
The Conclusions We Live From
Generally, something has to breakdown before we reachout. In this conversation, we will travel around to examine the look and feel of transformation to recognize the path we are on. "If you don't change the course of your life, it will mostly go the way you have already concluded."
You have to do an inventory of your life. You might find there are things you know you struggle in and there are things you don't know hold you back. In life, we don't get decisive moments that often, do you recognize those critical moments to pivot away from repeating the conclusions you live from?
The work we are doing is getting to your essence, the truth of who we are.
27 Oct 2023
The Key to the Kingdom
Where most people start their life from… an introduction to a conversation about absolute freedom.
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
YouTube views
412
Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
4 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
1 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 42 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
34
Social presence
0
YouTube
66
Engagement
60
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Questions about If I were your coach
Who hosts If I were your coach?
Breck Costin host the show. Published by Bryan Mitisek & Breck Costin.
How often do new episodes come out?
The show publishes weekly, based on its RSS feed.
Does If I were your coach take guests?
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