Jambalaya Grade School is exactly how you remember life at your own school—the school mascot died sort of tragically, and then so did the next mascot, and the next; 4th grade recess devolved into a gang war, fulfilling an ancient prophecy etched into the bottom of the playground slide; the kindergarten classroom caught fire, marking the 8th year-in-a-row—the usual stuff you repressed from your chilhood. We sure get some wacky sponsors, too. Oh, and the Vice Principal plays a parody song each episode! Believe me, you've never listened to a podcast like this.
Torvald Gundamson has made Mr Minotaur his b*tch—someone had to say it. Those trees that Mrs Rodhaus grew have me like :0 None of our kindergarteners better spontaneously combust—or else. New "food" options at the cafeteria! It's the Book Fair OMFG!!! We lost so much money in assests after that hot explosion. Anyone for Bowlsketball? Oh, where has Bart gone? I miss the quiet murmurs from slowly dying staff members of the Mascots' Lounge. The music for this episode was performed by Nothings (https://Nothings.bandcamp.com) from their latest album Will It. You can find it at Nothings.bandcamp.com (https://Nothings.bandcamp.com) Thanks to Weeb Cuisine and Ku Klux Crayons for sponsoring. This month Vice Principal Mr Jonesandmi performed Digimon, a parody of Dig by Incubus. Lyrics: We monsters are digital. Things that walk, some that slink, and those who fly. Most of us have eyes. And some wear a backwards hat in order to look cool and hip and chase the trends of young generations. We all have Digi-evolutions—we were eggs without a mother. So when evil beings piss me off, my human stands there while I do all the work. When fighting something stronger, I Digivolve into a bigger monster—a better mon than me. Hum the theme song, spin around and then annouce I'm transforming—saying my own name. Oh! We all have uniqueness, so don't compare us to some stupid Pokemon. We've heard that for eons. those comments always take digs at us, and leave us super bothered. So when anime weebs laugh at us, I'll blow them up into millions of pieces. As I turn into a stronger Digimon of murder and dismembering and child endangerment. Sing the theme son. Turn around and turn into another Digimon ending in mon. With a flame thrower, this Digimon is now Deadmon. Oh! Help me turn into another—no, it's not like Pokemon evolving. We're separate entities—different theme songs. Remind me how we're the same as each other? Your eyesight is clearly gone. Yes, we're both monsters, when everything's said and done. But Pokemon are clearly an affront to God.
Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.
18 Aug 2026
26| Treat Your Body Like a Temple (of Doom)
We're halfway through the school year, and the Human Resources Human has really pushed my buttons. Today, I am shedding some light on the tragedy involving the Magnifying Glass Club. The chemistry lab explosion goes to show that 'science' and 'getting to second base' SHOULD REMAIN MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. Say, people listen to this show live, right? Today we go back into Jambalaya history and learn about a mascot who lives in legend and a gerbil who carried the basketball team to many victories. Let's all take the plunge to learn about our new lunch lads and ladies! Substitute teacher Mr Chungus will be gone for a while; I know I'm not taking care of his cats in his absence. Thank you to Harlot's Web and Rice Krispie Threats for sponsoring—not Budweiser :( The music for this episode was performed by Nothings. Find more excellently produced tunes at Nothings.bandcamp.com (https://Nothings.bandcamp.com)
This month Vice Principal Mr Jonesandmi performed Arms Down at My Waist, a parody of Eyes Without a Face by Billy Idol. Lyrics: You're in the ER, hit by a fast car. It dragged you really far. Your open eyes now see the only one here is me. You feel very lonely. You extend your arms; it's setting off alarms. I just clench my palms. (Bras le long du corps) With my arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) With arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) Arms down at my waist. You won't feel my embrace with arms down at my waist. Grandma wants a hug; she needs a cheek to tug and plant a kiss on my mug. Reluctant embrace—I feel so out of place—I threw up on her face. (Bras le long du corps) With my arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) With arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) Arms down at my waist. Your chest can't get a taste with my arms down at my waist. When there's something tragic, you lose your grip, falling off your bicycle and bite a lip. Get a scar, suffer lost wages—ooo—blood in your stool. Holding out your arms real wide while my two arms at by my side. Sporting a frown—wooo. Lost all savings on a bad investing tip, something running down your leg when you let one rip. You want a hug, but I don't care, so shoot a glare; life ain't fair; I'll only hug you on a dare. My torso is chaste, these biceps go to waste; this chest is an empty space. Another's body heat—a foreign concept to me—I hear it can't be beat. (Bras entrelacés) With my arms around your waist. (Bras entrelacés) Your arms around my waist. (Bras entrelacés) My arms below your waist. I feel your soft embrace. We're intertwined like lace. I have no more complaints with your arms around my waist.
Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.
30 Jul 2026
25| Mason Sprunk Ran With Scissors
That Jambalaya Hors D'oeuvres versus the Marzipan Almond Slivers game really crumbled apart, didn't it? If you're still crying over the spilt milk, wait until you hear who drowned in it. It was an honor hosting the President of 'Merica—I'm so happy that all those secret service agents stuck around. Hold your horses for this gripping story: ASB elections were held, and I'm still grasping the fact that Raymond Fiddlehorn clenched victory. The Claw Machine of Confiscated Contraband is a big hit with staff and amphibian aficionados alike. Plus: the upcoming Spelling Bee, an update on the color of the cafeteria milk, and a school club full of blow hards. Food Court and Pabst Brown Ribbon Beer sponsored this episode, as well as Budweiser. The music for this episode was performed by Seaisforcarlo. You can listen to all of his hypnotic tracks at seaisforcarlo.bandcamp.com (https://seaisforcarlo.bandcamp.com)
This month's parody song is Kart of Mario. Lyrics: Koopa Troopa Beach, I'm catching some waves. Go kart racing along the sea. Scuttling pincers snapping toward me. The locals sure are crabby. When he sees me cruising, turtle shells he's loosing. That Italian plumber acts so vile. But it's when he comes towing red shells with him, he sends me to the junkyard pile. They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. And from these mushrooms he's been eatin', goes so fast that Peach thinks he's cheatin'. And the Kart of Mario, the Kart of Mario's undefeated. DK's Jungle Parkway, I let it rip. I'm pelted from coconut trees. Speed on ice past the sexy penguin girls sliding on their bellies. How is it I'm losing when I'm always boosting? Mario simply flies right past. Followed closely through Wario Stadium—did that Yoshi just lick me in the ? They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. Endless turtle shells he is yeetin'. I don't find thrown bananas appealing. And the Kart of Mario, the Kart of Mario is still beeping. Mama mia! Banshee Boardwalk has got me tumblin' down. Boosting on Rainbow Road. Yoshi Valley. Kalimari Desert. Eatin' Choco Mountain à la mode. How can I not use it? How could I refuse it? A blue shell covered in sharp spikes. Watch it lock on to that first place jackass. Too bad I'm hit by lightning strikes. Mother fu-fu-fu-fu-fu- They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. Give me star power, I am pleadin'. As his brother I'm really mistreated. But the Kart of Mario, now the Kart of Mario is defeated.
Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.
Reach and audience
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Spotify
5.0 / 5
4 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 15 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
17
Social presence
0
YouTube
0
Engagement
32
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