Just a Thought

About Just a Thought

Brief passages from the writing of host Tom Gentry. For more content like this, visit tgentry.substack.com to subscribe to his newsletter, The Manifest. Tom is an internationally certified alcohol and drug counselor (ICADC). He provides recovery coaching for individuals, family coaching for people with loved ones who suffer from substance use disorders, and transitional coaching for people amid significant life changes. He has spent more than 25 years working with people and families affected by addiction and related issues. Learn more about Tom and his work by visiting tomgentry.com. tgentry.substack.com (https://tgentry.substack.com/s/just-a-thought?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Tom Gentry

Category

education · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

30 Mar 2023

Latest episode

8 Jun 2023

Latest episodes

11 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   8 Jun 2023

   Stop Apologizing for Tearing Up

   This episode features a passage from Tom Gentry. Read more like this on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) For the most part, we're losing the argument that men should embrace their emotions. It doesn't matter how many football players go on television and tell us it's okay to talk about our feelings if we never bother to challenge the belief that to have feelings is to be weak. To be emotional does not mean to be a mess, or to be weak. We don't have to choose whether to be strong or to feel. We can do both. It's a false choice. No matter what we believe, no matter what we're taught, shedding tears, or, for that matter, having emotions in general, does not make you weak. In fact, when you're living in a culture where you're raised with that message, where the societal standard is to act as though you are not emotional, to refuse to adhere to that norm is an act of bravery. So, Just a Thought. Rather than asking yourself, should I feel or should I not, ask yourself, would I rather be an impostor, or would I rather be real? Do I want to be an emotional cripple, or do I want to be myself? Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

2. 

   30 May 2023

   We Can Be Strong & Emotional at the Same Time

   This episode features a passage from The Road to Hell is Paved with Suppressed Emotions (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men), by Tom Gentry (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions). It was published February 24, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) There's nothing courageous about pretending not to hurt, and swallowing your tears. We act as if a man only has two choices. He can either be a basket case, or he can be someone who never feels at all. It's just not true. There's a way of being in which a man is strong, and expresses sadness. It's not one or the other. I do it. My son does it. I know plenty of men who do it. We're given a false choice. We're taught we have to choose whether to be emotional or to be strong. We don't. In fact, we can't. Emotions are not really a choice. Either we choose to feel them, or sooner or later they have their way with us. Because we pretend that men don't or shouldn't have emotions, there's no opening to teach men how to have emotions. So, Just a Thought. Ask yourself. Do I fall into this trap of black and white thinking when it comes to emotions? And if you do. Try to be more objective about it. Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) We acknowledge that Just a Thought and its related content are produced on what was the land of the Myaamia people, to whom we offer our respect. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

3. 

   23 May 2023

   Will I be an Imposter, or Will I be Real?

   This episode features a passage from The Road to Hell is Paved with Suppressed Emotions (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men), by Tom Gentry (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions). It was published February 24, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) We acknowledge that Just a Thought and its related content are produced on what was the land of the Myaamia people, to whom we offer our respect. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

4. 

   16 May 2023

   She Wants to be Your Partner, Not Your Mother

   This episode features a passage from The Road to Hell is Paved with Suppressed Emotions (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men), by Tom Gentry (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions). It was published February 24, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) When we teach men that we should never cry, once the floodgates inevitably open, it's a mess. So, when a man finally does cry, he looks like a basket case. Then we hear things like “women say they want men to be sensitive, but they really don't.” Men will say, “I tried being vulnerable with my wife once, and she was turned off.” It's not that she doesn't want you to be sensitive, or vulnerable. It's that she wants to be your partner, not your mother. She wants you to be emotionally literate, rather than emotionally crippled. Of course, when a man bottles up his emotions and suddenly explodes in tears in front of his partner, she is repulsed by it. It's not because he's sensitive or vulnerable, it's because he doesn't know how to be sensitive or vulnerable without being a basket case. She sees this behavior as weakness, because that's what it is. He is weak, because he's never been taught that he can embody strength and show emotion at the same time. Emotional intelligence, emotional literacy, whatever we decide to call it, it's a strength, and we need it. But, there's no room for it in the status quo that would have you believe feelings are feminine. Our false, dysfunctional, patriarchal beliefs around emotions and masculinity yield a society full of men who have numbed themselves from their feelings. Disconnected from ourselves and disconnected from others, we are all, more or less, emotionally crippled. That's what we get for pretending not to feel. When we pretend that men don't, or shouldn't, have emotions, how can we teach men how to have emotions? So, Just a Thought. Ask yourself. What do I need to do to grow emotionally? And, how do I become more connected to myself? Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/dispelling-the-myth-that-for-men). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

5. 

   9 May 2023

   What We Mean When We Say “Be Vulnerable”

   This episode features a passage from Stop Telling Us to Be Vulnerable (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/stop-telling-us-to-be-vulnerable), by Tom Gentry. It was published January 27, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) In her first big TED Talk, in 2010, The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown carefully explained how her research shows, in order to achieve real connection with the people we love, we have to summon the courage to be seen, and, to do so, we must be willing to endure some measure of vulnerability. Since then, we've been saying “be vulnerable.” “You have to be vulnerable.” The men in my world, if I give them that dumbed-down version of her message and say “you have to be vulnerable,” they will look at me like I have three heads. By definition, vulnerability is synonymous with weakness. Words matter. We have to say what we really mean. Language has power. When we suggest to someone that they should be vulnerable, we are challenging them to demonstrate the courage to be real. We are not telling them to be weak. We are asking them to be strong. So, despite what they'll tell you in the manosphere, we don't want men to be less masculine. Want men to be more masculine? Strength is one of the few common traits found in the prototypical man across all cultures; all religions. Almost never do we all agree, but we agree men should be strong. So, Just a Thought. The truth is, when a man becomes grounded in himself, and connected to his heart, when he becomes emotionally literate, he becomes powerful in a way that would not otherwise be possible. Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/stop-telling-us-to-be-vulnerable). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

6. 

   2 May 2023

   How Patriarchy Undermines Masculinity

   This episode features a passage from How Patriarchy Undermines Masculinity (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/how-patriarchy-undermines-masculinity), by Tom Gentry. It was published January 20, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) It sounds counterintuitive - the idea that patriarchy undermines masculinity. But, it's true. Because, all of us as human beings, as we live day by day, invariably know, deep in our hearts, whether a thing is right or wrong, true or false. The unearned privilege that comes with patriarchy is corrosive. It's already done far more damage to men and masculinity than feminist ideas ever will. When power is given to a man whether he deserves it or not, it emasculates him. It deprives him of the opportunity to prove himself. It breeds insecurity. He walks through life fearing he's an impostor. Then the insecure man feels the need to compensate by bullying someone, pounding his chest, bedding as many women as he can, slapping his wife around, insulting strangers on the Internet. When a man is given an advantage that he hasn't earned or doesn't deserve, he knows it. She's the better candidate, but he gets the job because he's a man. Both people are cheated in this scenario. She is deprived of the opportunity she earned. He is deprived of the opportunity to face the reality that he isn't good enough. That might motivate him to be better. Giving him something he didn't earn makes for a man who feels confused and inadequate. Emasculated. So, to all of you who say masculinity is being destroyed by wokeism, or liberalism, or feminism, that manhood is under attack. B******t. You can go on saying they want to destroy life as we know it, and they hate marriage, and they hate men. Just a thought. Maybe we need a better, more masculine version of manhood. That version of manhood, where men are more empowered, where men have the ability to really, truly prove themselves, it can only exist when men no longer have a head start in every race. And, when we stop associating emotions with gender. Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/how-patriarchy-undermines-masculinity). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

7. 

   25 Apr 2023

   When I Avoid My Emotions I’m Avoiding Myself

   This episode on avoiding emotions features a passage from When We're at Odds with Our Emotions (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/when-were-at-odds-with-our-emotions), by Tom Gentry. It was published February 3, 2023, on Substack. Visit tomgentry.net (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp). © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

8. 

   18 Apr 2023

   Assuming We Should Be Happy

   This episode features a passage from Resisting Painful Emotions (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions), by Tom Gentry (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions). It was published February 27, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) A lot of us go through life assuming we should be happy all the time. Then, when we're not, we hold ourselves in contempt for it. We avoid experiencing sadness, and we shame ourselves when we do experience it. Our resistance to emotional pain, stress, distress, positions us to be dominated by it. We refuse to experience emotions we consider negative, and in doing so we prevent ourselves from knowing the fullness of the opposite of those. Can we really expect to fully appreciate moments of joy if we devote so much energy to living in denial of sorrow? The very existence of grief depends on the happiness from which it originates. For us to miss someone, we have to first love them. It is the hunger we feel that gives our satisfaction its relevance. We can't have one without the other. Our resistance to emotions makes them that much more painful; that much more difficult. So, we're better off choosing to experience all of them, good and bad. So, Just a Thought. Sometime today, try to tune into what you're feeling. And, if you feel something painful, do your best not to distract yourself from it. Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/resisting-painful-emotions). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

9. 

   11 Apr 2023

   Emotional Disconnection

   This episode features a passage from Emotional Disconnection (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/emotional-disconnection), by Tom Gentry (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/emotional-disconnection). It was published March 10, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) All of us, but especially men, are socialized to abandon ourselves emotionally. It may be more true in some settings; more true in some families than in others, but it's true. We're taught to ignore most, if not all, of our emotions, and it does not serve us. None of us are born pretending not to feel. As children, we’re free to express a full range of emotions. Then something happens. At some point in childhood we get the message that we have to detach from our emotional experience. We betray ourselves in doing so. So, Just a Thought. Ask yourself. Am I resisting my emotions? Am I pretending not to feel? And, is that who I want to be? Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://tgentry.substack.com/p/emotional-disconnection). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

10. 

    4 Apr 2023

    Masculinity & Emotions

    This episode features a passage from All the Talk About Masculinity: We're Sidestepping Emotions (https://www.thepathtoauthenticity.com/blogs/all-the-talk-about-masculinity-were-sidestepping-emotions/), by Tom Gentry (https://www.thepathtoauthenticity.com/blogs/all-the-talk-about-masculinity-were-sidestepping-emotions/). It was published March 24, 2023, on Substack. Subscribe to Tom’s Substack publication: (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) The Manifest (https://bit.ly/3X8vYvh) Until, on a societal level, men make peace with their emotions, we will continue to be plagued by men who are either hyper or hypo-masculine. Be it in bookstores, on podcasts, on social media, or someplace else, everywhere I look, I see people trying to help men. Some of them infuriate me. Some of them inspire me. None of them are talking about emotions. Be it healthy or toxic, they are talking about masculinity. They may refer to emotional intelligence. They may encourage men to talk about their feelings. They may even create spaces where men can do that. They emphasize that we need to be emotionally grounded, emotionally balanced, but no one is talking about how to do it. There is an army out there, both men and women, coaches, therapists, even retired bartenders, who men pay to teach them how to be masculine - to teach them how to be men. I don't see any of them teaching men how to reconcile their relationships with their emotions while living in a patriarchal society that tells men they are not emotional, and that, from boyhood, systematically desensitizes them from their emotions. I've watched way too many boys and men take their own lives or destroy themselves some other way, year after year, decade after decade, all because, as a society, we don't want to deal with emotions. We don't want to talk about our feelings. So, Just a Thought. Maybe take a look at how you respond to your own emotions. And, ask yourself how that affects your relationships with others. -Tom Gentry Visit (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp)tomgentry.net (https://www.thepathtoauthenticity.com/blogs/all-the-talk-about-masculinity-were-sidestepping-emotions/). (http://bit.ly/2ISXlFp) © Copyright 2023, Tom Gentry; Music: Worky Worky by Andy G. Cohen, edited for use. Used with permission from the artist under a Creative Commons license. Cover photo by Sam Barber (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on Unsplash. (https://unsplash.com/@milltownphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

11. 

    30 Mar 2023

    Just a Thought – Podcast Trailer

    In Just a Thought, host Tom Gentry shares passages from his writing. Each episode features a short monologue. Think of it as a rickety soapbox upon which he occasionally stands. You’ll hear commentary on social issues, personal growth, emotional literacy, men’s issues, relationships, and much more. For more content like this, visit tgentry.substack.com (http://tgentry.substack.com) to subscribe […] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tgentry.substack.com/subscribe (https://tgentry.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

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