Just Out of Curiosity with Shelley Dee

About Just Out of Curiosity with Shelley Dee

A podcast that talks about sex and sexuality from the lens of a sex positive brown woman that has a fascination with alternative or non-conventional lifestyles.

Publisher

Just Out of Curiosity

Category

society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

24 May 2022

Latest episode

16 Aug 2022

Latest episodes

15 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   16 Aug 2022

   15 And So... (It's Over)

   And so, my curiosity today leads to this crazy world we live in. I’ve spent a season talking to people where the underlying factor is identity and issues stemming from societal constructs of gender. As Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage” . And that’s essentially what I wanted to do with this podcast. I wanted to create something where I showed up and have conversations in ways that I didn’t think were happening and just let people speak about their lives. Everyone is an expert on their life and lived experience. I don’t want to hear stories about people, I wanted to talk to them so they can say their story. My hope is that someone may listen and realize that they’re not alone and that there are allies out there. Because, what it feels like is, we all want to be seen, we all want to be heard and acknowledged and validated. I'll see you next season! justoutofcuriosity.ca (//justoutofcuriosity.ca)

2. 

   9 Aug 2022

   14 BDSM, Fetish and Kink... oh my! Lady Azelle

   And so, my curiosity today leads to sex. I started this season talking about performative vs pleasurable sex and now I’m curious about how kink, fetish and bdsm factor into the equation. Respect, communication and consent play such an important role, but how can that affect your partnership and sex life, especially when it feels like there are such a traditional gender roles that we get conditioned into? Lady Azelle (https://ladyazelle.com/) is a professional domme based in Toronto. I couldn’t be more excited than to pick her brain about how she sees sex and power dynamics, discuss the shame and stigma surrounding submissive men and working in the sex industry but also how being curious and exploring could add more growth to your partnership. To rent her studios: torontodungeonrental (https://torontodungeonrental.com) justoutofcuriosity.ca (//justoutofcuriosity.ca)

3. 

   2 Aug 2022

   13 Velvet Rage: Dr. Jess Erb

   And so, my curiosity today leads to mental health. There’s a common theme that runs prevalent over these episodes; when people feel they don’t belong or aren’t seen by society, what and how does that feeling manifest in people? How do you try and live your most authentic life being happy, when society (sometimes your own family) aren’t comfortable or don’t want to acknowledge who you are as a person? I think its kinda crazy that “coming out” has to be announced. Straight people don’t have to come out and pronounce themselves as straight to their friends and family. Cis people don’t have to identify their pronouns. We don’t really live in a world where everyone has rights. Specific people have rights. The rest get allowances. This is something we’re still being reminded of to this day. We don’t really live in a free world, and We won’t achieve full equality by just focusing on our own struggles and ignoring the causes that don’t seem to involve us. I’m a very big advocate for therapy because we aren’t perfect people, our parents/family aren’t perfect people, we are all just trying to learn how to live and love in this crazy world. But the one thing I’ve learned more than anything is how trauma manifests from specific instances from our past. It’s kinda crazy how our brain tries to protect us from feeling hurt or thinks it's trying to protect us from feeling hurt. But how does that show up when you feel like you can’t be yourself around everyone? Dr. Jess Erb is a psychotherapist that specializes with trauma and the LGBTQI2S+ community. I wanted to get her thoughts on the effect of being gay in a straight world and about how trauma can present itself. She is the founder of Centred Self (https://centredself.ca/). Or on Instagram: centred_self (https://www.instagram.com/centred_self/) The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (on Amazon (https://www.amazon.ca/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight-ebook/dp/B007XUGCUM/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=)) In The Velvet Rage, psychologist Alan Downs draws on his own struggle with shame and anger, contemporary research, and stories from his patients to passionately describe the stages of a gay man's journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behaviour. justoutofcuriosity.ca (//justoutofcuriosity.ca)

4. 

   26 Jul 2022

   12 The Bar is in Hell: Shemar Ricketts

   And so, my curiosity today leads to dating… again. Let’s flip it and reverse it now, I knew when I was done dating but how do you know what you’re looking for and what you want when you’re navigating the dating pool and the quote unquote sea of lost souls on the apps? What's up with dating from other perspectives? How do you deal with the toxic side of masculinity while dating other men? How does our upbringing and cultural differences play into how we see ourselves and relationships with other people? It’s not easy looking after your own mental health, somewhat manage not negatively affecting other’s mental health but also being on a personal mission of finding someone; whether it's for the next couple of hours, the night or a lifetime. Shemar (https://www.instagram.com/badtiming_/) gets real, honest and personal about dating, coming out and living with his Jamaican family. justoutofcuriosity.ca (//justoutofcuriosity.ca) Show Notes https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/femmephobia-queer-community/ (https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/femmephobia-queer-community/)

5. 

   19 Jul 2022

   11 When are you Done Dating? Shelley's Boyfriend

   And so, my curiosity today leads to dating. I’ll just put it out there, its worse dating now than before. The world is at your fingertips if you chose online dating, but let me tell you, its about a 50% chance you’ll come across someone you’ve seen recently, a year ago, a couple of years ago; no change there. I’ll come across some new profiles and ponder for a bit whether I’ll actually connect or if it will be a waste of time, only to realize I just spent 15 minutes thinking of what dating that person would be like before even swiping right on them. And swiping right doesn’t actually mean anything unless they’ve swiped right on me. I force myself sometimes to message someone. But when they respond, and it's fun and refreshing and you get along so well, that you have to meet. Passing that online portion is about 40% of the hurdle. It feels weird to say this out loud, but I don’t have a whole lot of experience in relationships. And it becomes apparent when I struggle with dealing with feelings and emotions… but when you find someone that you want to break through all those hurdles and then some, how on earth do you navigate that world? When I first started recording episodes and putting this altogether, I was dating, but mostly single. However, something happened and I met someone. t’s been a whirlwind couple of months. So why not bring him on so we can deep dive this relationship of ours…. You can follow Jesse on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/jessewachter/) You can follow Silly Robbie (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtS2FQeP4IUE8GWqVDNEx7A/videos) You can go to justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

6. 

   12 Jul 2022

   10 The Abortion Debate: Kylee Bakowski

   WARNING ALERT *DETAILED DISCUSSION OF MEDICATION ABORTION EXPERIENCE, MAY BE DIFFICULT FOR SOME LISTENERS* And so, my curiosity today leads to a controversial topic that is stemming quite the debate; abortion. Somehow a medical procedure has turned into a debate on ethics and morals and is dividing us. Is there a way for both sides to live harmoniously? What am I missing or not getting when it comes to abortion? Kylee (@kyleebakowski (https://www.instagram.com/kyleebakowski/)) has had quite the journey and is working for a pro-choice organization as an education and training manager. She joins me to share her story and just be real with me about what abortion actually is. Stay tuned for next years #boudoirsforabortion calendar! Show Notes Statistics; Abortion in Canada (https://www.arcc-cdac.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/statistics-abortion-in-canada.pdf) After Tiller Documentary is a 2013 documentary film that follows the only four remaining doctors in the United States who openly perform abortions in the third trimester of pregnancy. In 2015, After Tiller won the News and Documentary Emmy Award for Best Documentary. The title of the film refers to G (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Tiller)eorge Tiller, a doctor who performed abortions and was murdered in 2009. You can find it on Google or Amazon Prime. It is not available on YouTube. To Donate: National Abortion Federation Canada (https://nafcanada.org/) Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada (https://anchor.fm/dashboard/episode/e1l56t4) Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights (https://www.actioncanadashr.org/about) You can follow me: Insta:@ (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/)justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@ (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1)justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

7. 

   5 Jul 2022

   09 The Shame of Rape: Shelley Dee

   And so, my curiosity today leads to a topic that I’ve wanted to talk about for a while as its something pretty personal to myself (and it must be to others). Sex and what can happen when our clothes come off can be a pretty special thing between people- when done consensually. Unfortunately, there are ugly sides to non-consent and we don’t spend a lot of time talking about it. This will be an interesting episode because this is my episode. I’ve been involved in non-consensual activity and I spent a lot of time with that shame. No matter how much you can appear to be okay, there’s that judgement in the back of your head telling you how you messed up. And that’s the worst part about rape and non-consent, the victim (someone that had something done to them) is the one blamed when someone non-consensually takes advantage of them. It makes me sick that we still live in this world where we talk less about the attacker and more on how the victim is to be blamed. And instead of living in that shame, I’m choosing to talk about it. I’ve brought back Dr. Stephen DeWit, Sexologist to help navigate this episode with me. You can check out Stephen's podcast: https://sexlifeunleashed.com/podcast (https://sexlifeunleashed.com/podcast) Instagram @drdewit (//instagram.com/drdewit) You can follow me: Insta:@ (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/)justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@ (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1)justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

8. 

   28 Jun 2022

   08 Mid-Season Mixdown: Jon de la Cruz

   And so, my curiosity today leads to reflecting back at this first half of this season. I’ll be honest, I had no idea how much work this would be and its been quite the journey. Up to this point, I had recorded all my episodes prior to launching. Through editing myself I cringe at the things I say, wishing I had followed up or talked more about certain things or gotten really annoyed with how bad my audio has been. When I was editing my first episode with Jon all I kept hearing was my mouth making these noises and I was ready to stop editing because I was so embarrassed I allowed myself to record in such a way… I work in TV!! I thank the people that have supported and helped me with this podcast. I also thank you all for joining me on this journey and allowing me to figure out my voice. I appreciate your messages and comments! It means SO much more to me than you’ll ever know. And while my voice is burnt out from this past Pride Weekend in Toronto. I couldn’t think of a better way to reflect on previous episodes and culminate it with talking about Pride and what it means than with my gay bestie, Jon de la Cruz! @jon_delacruz (https://www.instagram.com/jon_delacruz/) You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

9. 

   21 Jun 2022

   07 A Gender Journey: Diana Dotto pt 2

   And so, my curiosity today leads to gender expression and identity... part 2. I couldn’t make this conversation just one episode! There was too much to unpack that I felt it needed some space to digest. I hear lots of talk about trans people and questioning or not understanding things and parts about trans issues. I hear less of people actually talking to trans people to understand what that disconnect is with how we express ourselves. What I really think is there’s a lack of compassion. We’ve gotten so used to living with labels and in binaries that when people try to move outside of that, we spend more time comprehending why they would want to do that and what that could potentially mean for folks that conform, instead of being compassionate about the struggles and even violence that happens to those that don’t. You can find Diana Dotto at Weapon Hex Customs (https://www.instagram.com/weaponhexcustoms/)where she does commissions and does custom action figures and Funko Pops! You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

10. 

    14 Jun 2022

    06 A Gender Journey: Diana Dotto pt 1

    And so, my curiosity today leads to gender expression and identity. I hear lots of talk about trans people and questioning or not understanding things and parts about trans issues. I hear less of people actually talking to trans people to understand what that disconnect is with how we express ourselves. What I really think is there’s a lack of compassion. We’ve gotten so used to living with labels and in binaries that when people try to move outside of that, we spend more time comprehending why they would want to do that and what that could potentially mean for folks that conform, instead of being compassionate about the struggles and even violence that happens to those that don’t. I’m learning more and more that maybe, I need to check myself and how I see the world and understand that not everyone lives my life with my experiences, much like I won’t live through someone else’s experiences to understand them. What I’m trying to do is listen more. If someone wants to answer my questions, then I will ask. Because, as GI Joe taught me, knowing is half the battle. What you do with the other half is up to you. You can find Diana Dotto at Weapon Hex Customs (https://www.instagram.com/weaponhexcustoms/)where she does commissions and does custom action figures and Funko Pops! You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

11. 

    7 Jun 2022

    05 Sexuality and Motherhood: Blythe Cronyn

    And so, my curiosity today leads to motherhood. Since I’ve pretty much been perpetually single my whole life and instead focused on embracing my sexuality and feminism, what it means to become pregnant feels a little far out to me. but what happens when one wants to move into parenthood? How do you bring back sex into your partnership after childbirth? What does postpartum mean to someone after they’ve given birth? I’m a woman who is independent, has found her sexuality and loves her body as is. I’ve always wanted children, but would never settle with anyone to have them, but if I did and the thought of finding the future parent of my child became a reality, a part of me is so conflicted because I personally feel like I would have to exchange responsibility for their sexuality…. Or do I? I had the pleasure of sitting down with my friend Blythe; a new mom. Blythe is someone I’d describe as someone who is a beautiful soul inside and out. She too is someone who is sex positive and open about her sexuality. Her views of the world and people have resonated with me so much. When we first met, we would talk about what it's like being a sexual person who wants to be a parent and what that means to her lifestyle. Now that she’s given birth, how does that present itself? You can find Blythe's jewelry line: https://www.elizabethblythe.com/ (https://www.elizabethblythe.com/) @elizabeth_blythe (https://www.instagram.com/blythecronyn/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D) on Instagram You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

12. 

    31 May 2022

    04 Father/Daughter Dynamics: Shelley's Dad

    And so, my curiosity today leads why do I think the way I do? A large part of it is because of my dad. We have this father/daughter dynamic that I haven’t seen elsewhere. He too has a curious mind and approaches things he doesn’t understand with questions instead of judgement. While he was tough on me as a father, and we have butted heads many a times, I don’t think I’d be half the person I am without him always trying to talk things out with me. Now I’m curious how he feels about having me as a daughter and talking about the ways he navigated the world growing up and now, as someone who is a septuagenarian. I think we’ve carved out a relationship that is pretty unique and open. You can follow me: Insta:@ (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/)justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

13. 

    24 May 2022

    03 Performative vs Pleasurable Sex: Dr. Stephen de Wit

    And so, my curiosity today leads to sex. There’s a whole lot of sex in movies and tv. I grew up thinking about all the ways I should make him orgasm but there was little focus on exploring what I needed to make it happen. I don’t think we give our sex life and our sexuality enough attention. It’s full of shame and insecurity. I think the change we need is more sex positivity, experimentation and creating a safe space for open and honest communication. What better way to discuss this with than Dr. Stephen De Wit, Sexologist. Dr. de Wit is a Board Certified Sexologist and holds a Master of Public Health in Human Sexuality and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality. Toronto's Hassle Free Clinic is where Stephen started as a sexual health counsellor and now travels both nationally and internationally speaking about sexual empowerment. You can check out his podcast: https://sexlifeunleashed.com/podcast (https://sexlifeunleashed.com/podcast) Instagram @drdewit (//instagram.com/drdewit) You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (https://www.justoutofcuriosity.ca/)

14. 

    24 May 2022

    02 Girls & Gays: Jon de la Cruz

    And so, my curiosity today leads to girls and gays. We have fabulous relationships! What is it about girls and gays that just works? I’ve been called a fag hag by many a gay but I’ve equally been told its offensive by others. Is it? Why do some people not like this term? Who else could I talk about this other than with my gay bestie: Jonathan de la Cruz! @jon_delacruz (https://www.instagram.com/jon_delacruz/) You can follow me: Insta:@justcuriositypod (https://www.instagram.com/justcuriositypod/) TikTok:@justcuriositypod1 (https://www.tiktok.com/@justcuriositypod1) OR www.justoutofcuriosity.ca (//www.justoutofcuriosity.ca)

15. 

    24 May 2022

    01 And So... (Introduction)

    And so, the curiosity leads to me; Shelley Dee. Why should you care about what I have to say? Who am I? What is sex positivity? Why should you care? Sooo many questions! I’m here to let you know why you should be listening to my curious thoughts and why talking about sex and human sexuality is important; sometimes more important than you think. Especially in today’s climate. I want to provide a safe space for myself to learn and grow (because you’re never done that journey) and hopefully provide that same space for you to grown on this journey with me!

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