Why is it so awkward to talk about sex and pleasure with the people closest to us? Why is it especially complicated with our parents? Does it have to be? Alana and Judy don’t think so! Judy Oliver, LMHC and Alana Ogilvie, LMFT, CST are a mother/daughter therapist team on a mission to make sex, pleasure, intimacy and relationships easier to navigate. From questions about the mechanics of sex to the dreaded “am I normal?” they are on a mission to help parents and partners have better informed conversations about sex and connection. So, get ready, because it’s about time we had “the talk.”
We're heading into the season of romance and Valentine's Day is right around the corner. For some of us, the day is exciting and fun and holds the promise of a steamy time. But for others, there are unspoken expectations and pressure which can set us up for far less pleasure in our lives than we deserve. Alana and Judy get into why this might be the case and what could be a better way to approach this romantic holiday. **Alana would also like to acknowledge and apologize for confusing St. Valentine with St. Patrick. It was not consciously done. She also hopes you just found it amusing.
21 Jan 2022
The Wheel of Consent
Alana and Judy are back and this time they're talking about.... the WHEEL of consent. Yes, there's a wheel.
In this episode, we're deep-diving into the sexual archetypes we fall into and how we can expand in the ways we exchange with our partner(s). We're talking about serving, taking, allowing, and accepting - without falling off the wheel. Let's have #thetalk.
7 Jan 2022
Consent with a Side of F.R.I.E.S.
Happy New Year, y'all! Today Alana and Judy are coming at you with a talk about consent (but only if you consent to listen). In this episode we'll specifically be covering the acronym FRIES which stands for: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. We hope this knowledge helps you live out a year of enthusiastic pleasure and fun!
1 Oct 2021
Summertime Sadness
Just in time for summer to be over (lol); Alana and Judy break down why this summer may have been difficult for some and the impact it may have had on people's ability to feel sexual. Why did this summer feel particularly hard for many? How can we challenge some of the messages we get about "summertime" and our own expectations about how we're supposed to feel when the sun is out? Particularly in the time of COVID... Well, let's talk about it!
*Alana and Judy would like to share that this episode was recorded before state and federal agencies reinstated mask mandates and more stringent social distancing measures in response to the COVID-19 delta variant. They strongly recommend following current guidelines to keep you, your loved ones, and your community safe.
17 Sept 2021
Desire Debacles Part II: Lower Desire Partners
The second part of our Desire Debacles discussion focuses on the experience and pitfalls of being a lower desire partner. Navigating pressure, anxiety, expectations and "wanting to want" can be daunting. So how do folx who identify as being lower than their partner(s) in desire, address their differences constructively, cultivate more desire for themselves, and stop shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to connecting with their partner? Take a listen and we'll tell you all about it!
3 Sept 2021
Desire Debacles Part I: Higher Desire Partners
In the first part of this two part series, Judy and Alana address the (rather common) issue of mismatched sexual desire and what you can do to identify and address it as the higher desire partner. Dealing with the hurt and resentment that gets built up between partners, and learning how to be a team around the problem can help people with higher desire get out of their usual patterns and start getting more of what they want. But how do we do that exactly? Better tune in, because we're having the talk!
2 Feb 2021
Sex Goals 2021
In this episode, Alana and Judy discuss 2021 sex goals, and why authenticity counts for so much.
P.S - if goals are not your jam, that's OK! There's still a little something relevant in this episode for you.
Citations for this episode:
Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind. ~Brené Brown
https://brenebrown.com/blog/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/ (https://brenebrown.com/blog/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/)
The Gottman Institute
https//www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/
19 Jan 2021
We're Back! F*ck You 2020
In this episode, Judy and Alana discuss the impacts of 2020 on the collective sexual psyche and on relationships to self and others.
Citations for this episode:
Who's Having More Sex During the Pandemic? It Depends on Your Politics. ~Dr. Justin Lehmiller
https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2020/7/20/whos-having-more-sex-during-the-pandemic-it-depends-on-your-politics#commenting (https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2020/7/20/whos-having-more-sex-during-the-pandemic-it-depends-on-your-politics#commenting)
Why is Modern Love So Damn Hard? ~Esther Perel
https://estherperel.com/blog/why-modern-love-is-so-damn-hard (https://estherperel.com/blog/why-modern-love-is-so-damn-hard)
20 Oct 2020
The Kingdom of Virginity
Hint: It's make believe. In this episode Judy and Alana talk about the concept of virginity, where it comes from and why it can be toxic to healthy relationships.
Citations for this Episode:
"Sex Education" on Netflix
The Hymen: A Membrane Widely Misunderstood by Michael Castleman, M.A.
Patriarchy, Pop Culture and The Taboo of Adult Male Virginity by Sarah Sahagian
Averett, P., Moore, A., & Price, L. (2014). Virginity Definitions and Meaning Among the LGBT Community [Abstract]. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, 26(3), 259-278. doi:10.1080/10538720.2014.924802
7 Oct 2020
Building (Sexual) Anticipation
In this episode, Judy and Alana answer a question from a listener, addressing the various difficulties of building anticipation (in and out of a global pandemic).
Citations for this episode:
John and Julie Gottman
https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/ (https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/)
15 Sept 2020
Am I Normal?
In this episode, Judy and Alana discuss what's "normal" in the realm of sex, sexuality, bodies, and bodily functions. Let's be real though, there's no such thing as normal, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality.
Citations for this Episode:
Nagoski, D. A., & Nagoski, P. E. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.
1 Sept 2020
Welcome to Our Podcast! Who are Judy and Alana?
This is the first episode of Let's Have the Talk- a mother/daughter podcast about sex, sexuality and sexual health. In this episode Alana and Judy talk about their respective journeys to becoming sexual health counselors and reminisce about what it was like to get and receive "the talk." As mental health professionals they also discuss ways giving and receiving "the talk" that support the growth and curiosity of both kids and parents alike.
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