Listen to Love

About Listen to Love

I’ve found that truly connecting with the ground beneath my feet gives me a deeper, richer understanding of the issues I write about. I’m fascinated by people’s stories, and what drives us to keep going despite obstacles and challenges. Music has always been my guide in this journey, a tool for both creative expression and a powerful lens through which to view our shared reality. I invite you to follow along as I explore the ways we can support each other in these ever-changing times, and reconnect with songs and stories in this real world we all share. katievelvet.substack.com (https://katievelvet.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Katie Velvet

Category

society & culture · true crime

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

22 Aug 2024

Latest episode

15 Oct 2025

Latest episodes

28 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   15 Oct 2025

   A Sincere Apology

   I dreamed about a soldier who is far away, at war. He loves his family more than words can say. He can’t tuck his children in bed at night, or bake them cakes on their birthdays, or be inside that waking house right now, to put the kettle on and light the fire. That’s how I feel while trapped inside this nightmare, until breaking a sentence, created by my selfish actions, and one word. I believe in the power of sharing stories, and I believe that great change is possible as a result. I have caused great pain and loss, to those that I care most about, as a result of greedy, foolish actions. I am very, very sorry. I did things that I’m not proud of, and once I realized how dangerous it was, it felt too late to turn back. I understand the power of my destructive actions now, and the external factors at play. I wish that I could go back in time, and change the mistakes that I’ve made. I am consciously maintaining my mental health and sobriety. There was also something very real and dangerous going on beneath the surface. Once I’d broken my commitment to be completely honest, that’s when everything went wrong. Rather than tell my partner the truth about what had happened, I lied. I’ll never forget the sound that Kale made when I told him I was leaving. The timing was a total shock to him. I’m so very sorry that I caused my partner and our children, so much pain. I am deeply grateful that he was able to stand up and be a full-time parent, while also working, and maintaining a safe household while I was completely distracted. My humble and sincere gratitude extends to everyone who’s helped support our family throughout this time of challenge. Thank you all for being there for our kids. I failed in my honesty as a partner, and this digression turned into a larger series of incremental inconsistencies. I am deeply sorry, and wish I could reverse them. I have so much regret in how I took such simple gifts for granted. If I had one year left on Earth, there is nothing that I’d rather do than support my partner, and our children. For so much of the time we lived together, I so failed to appreciate how seemingly mundane processes of sharing space have tremendous potential for connection with the people we are destined to work through challenges with. I’m remembering a dance step that me and Kale would keep repeating. His steadfast loyalty, combined with my impulsiveness and fast momentum kept me from making rash decisions. While a couple, I would wait as patiently as possible for his timing to line up. This dynamic used to frustrate me. I now appreciate how profoundly lonely and empty it feels, to feel so separated from my family. If there is any way that he would even consider giving me a second chance, I would desperately appreciate these qualities that I used to take for granted. I believe this very lesson was one of the many that I was meant to learn from. I pray for the possibility of earning back his trust. He is the only other person out there who can directly understand each particular frequency of love that each of our unique children brings up. What a rare connection that is to share with someone else. He’s the only other person who can also directly experience and understand how much it hurts to be away from them. I thought I was doing the right thing by exiting my role completely as a partner and a mother. After the magnitude of what I’d done sank in, I genuinely felt as if my presence was potentially dangerous to my loved ones. I made a choice to remove myself from the situation, and seek advice from my parents. For the first time, in all of this, I feel as if that was a good decision. So why does the fallout feel so terrible, and like I’ve quit, deserted, or made an irreversible mistake? In my history, it’s been meaningful to my loved ones to not attract attention, and I have a deep respect (and new appreciation) for this. I went to the opposite extreme while acting out as Katie Velvet. It felt like when a teenager goes to college after never eating candy, and goes wild from the sugar high. What I learned from tasting it, is that I far prefer an honest, low-profile lifestyle. It’s my theory that because the temptation was always so mysterious and great to learn “what’s behind the curtain” and wondering what if feels like to have freedom to explore the spotlight, that it got the better of me enough to break my moral code. Once I’d tasted all the sugar, I realized that I not only prefer, but require raisins. After opening the candy wrapper, the damage has been done. I’m seeking some way to re-seal it, though. For all the pain I’ve caused, I’m grateful for the lessons. And many chances to keep practicing patience, measurement, humility, and grace. I am truly, deeply, humbly sorry for my careless actions that both endangered, hurt, and let down those who count on me and look to me for partnership and guidance; especially our children who I’ve put into harm’s way. This is the opposite of what I stand for. It took me longer to even realize the magnitude and fallout of my selfish, careless actions than I wish it had. I did something like this in first or second grade. I’d seen this prank on TV where someone pulled a chair out from behind another person, and I misinterpreted the humor in a way where I either didn’t understand it was intentionally hurtful, or was curious to experience the fallout in real life. I repeated this mean prank on a classmate, and felt similarly to the way I feel these days after inflicting so much pain by careless actions on the ones I love the most. mortified, deeply regretful, and also extremely confused at how I could possibly do such a thing. It’s beyond disappointing. I had blocked this childhood memory, but I remember avoiding the apology. I’m taking a different approach this time. It doesn’t feel any better or worse in this moment, but I want to grow and learn from my mistakes, not just repeat them. I’m hoping that over time, it will get easier, as I continue to keep living in an honest way and turning down the similar temptations that led our family down this painful and destructive path. I am consciously maintaining my mental health and sobriety. I realize that understanding what truly happened may take time. I can only imagine how my selfish actions have contributed to deep confusion in your heart. I was so consumed with the attention that I didn’t even realize what I’d gotten into was so dangerous. As I navigate the challenges of rebuilding, I look back on lessons that I’ve learned. One morning this past Spring, I found myself at the farm of a local champion named Charlie, near his homestead. My car ran out of gas, mirroring my mindset; stuck in a loop of ‘good guys vs. bad guys’ mentality. I started walking to the nearby farms with a sense of gravity and trepidation. Getting stranded out in ‘Trump-land,’ with no phone seemed like a terrible idea. I walked timidly to Charlie’s, around his monster truck, and heard Rhianna singing softly for the tractors, sleeping sweetly in his barn. My political prejudice was soon replaced with gratitude. Charlie’s offer of human kindness changed the way I feel about opposing territory now. He shared love for his grand-kids, selfless service in the war, tenacious courage in a rugged fight through illness, and stories of how hard his children work to make ends meet in these trying times. This man is not his vehicle, or ballot, or stance on immigration. He was keen to find connection, just as I was, and we got there naturally. Our chat led to concern over the state of the world and current events. I asked, “What’s wrong? Why is it hurting? What can we do to try and fix this mess?” His answer shifted my perspective that day. Charlie’s honest words and wisdom resonated: “People just don’t talk anymore. We get all in our heads and our devices, and we make up stories that it’s one against another. Without an understanding of the man behind the mask, the story you build up in your head gets dangerously evil, and you fight with that dark spirit, forgetting that the person on the other side is just as scared and human as you are.” I remembered how much growth events from this past year have brought me. Of all the times when a mysterious presence carried me in ways I may never fully understand. I had an idea to try and fix this, the way I got us into it, through writing. I’m posting the following letter publicly, in the spirit of our wedding. It was a super-human community event; a phenomenon. Hundreds of friends, family, and community members carried us through, it felt like, on your shoulders, 20 years ago, to celebrate, and make possible: our triumphant wedding day. A tropical storm disrupted outdoor plans hours before the event. It was a race against time, with so many moving parts, and all the elements, to get our party started, and man oh man, did that ever work…! It felt just like a barn-raising for the magnificent effort that our crew of nearly five-hundred transformed into a powerful artillery of victorious and devoted love warriors, to celebrate our love. It worked! Those of you who were there, remember. We had a total blast. Our wedding day was was something special, one in a million, a true force of nature, really. And a shining example of what’s possible when true love is the goal. I most certainly both understand and feel, that most of you have been focused on protecting and supporting Kale, throughout this painful and complicated time. So in contrast to that glorious event, amidst a time of innocence, it might be more difficult to reach inside your hearts to raise another barn for us, two decades later, after all I’ve done. I understand. In such divided times, I believe that greater change truly begins on a local, smaller, and most especially, a family scale. Experiencing such great loss as a result of my destructive actions has given me tremendous appreciation for how sacred family relationships are. I didn’t appreciate all that I had. I would give anything now, for even just the chance, to be around our children and their father in these precious years while they’re still growing up. It is my destiny to be a mother. I am lost without my children, and the patient, loyal man who was my partner in that role. There has never been a truer love, from a mother to her family since before the dawn of time. I am begging you to reach somewhere deep in your heart, and listen, to my story. The amount of pain and remorse that I feel, as a result of my actions, is profound, and sincere. The focus of my recent work is apology. In many forms, but ultimately, my most important lifetime goal is to reach my former partner, and the father of our kids. In the spirit of our wedding, and this idea to try and fix this mess through writing, I’m trying out this prayer for understanding here. Kale’s planned proposal to me was supposed to be in front of 100,000 people. I’m hoping he’s not offended by this public format. I’ve changed his name to respect privacy. It’s more than his support I’m asking for, I feel I’ve lost touch with so many friends and loved ones through the very nature of this extremely complex tragedy. I’m grateful for your time in reaching deep to somewhere in your heart to consider my words, to hear my honest truth. And perhaps, just as an exercise, to shift your perspective just enough to imagine if it’s possible, that some things that you’ve believed might another side? I know this is a pretty major setback, but we’ve been through a lot. If there’s even a possibility that we could work through this, I believe in us. I’m trying this new approach to working through tough issues rather than running. I’m standing up to fight for what I wish I’d done a while ago. Dear Kale, Looking back upon my recent behavior, and mindset, my perspective has been selfish and focused more on reaching some imaginary finish line (and of my own performance in arriving there) than those around me, or who maybe looking to me for their own encouragement, or learning, or support. I want to step up and provide for our family in ways that you have been carrying more than your share for a while now. I appreciate all that you do, and your patience with my own capacity to do this. I am actively focusing this next phase on both helping and learning from my folks. Thinking about the future, while nurturing this homestead here, so the kids have another option of a place to grow into, if and ever they may need or desire. With climate change & such a hot political time, it seems good to have options, and just want you to know that in this time when I can’t be with the kids as much as I wish I could, or contribute much financially, that I’m working very hard with their futures in mind, and this feels like one way that I might be able to provide for our greater family tree. As difficult as these past two years have been, I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t even fathom being possible. I have the capacity now, to work through issues, that would have taken months or years to resolve with the toolkit I was using in the past. I feel that even though our partnership spanned many years in terms of length, that we were truly only just beginning to enter a place of true communication, very shortly before I left. It makes me really sad to think and wonder what it might have been or be like if I could meet you on this level that I operate my daily life from. Some days, working through the kind of dialogue and complex problem solving that I know you always wished that I could rise to the occasion on. It might be way too late, it might be against all your better judgement to even consider rebuilding our relationship, but in the spirit of reunification, I’m reaching out to ask you if you would please consider doing so in a more communicative and intentional way than we did the last time. I’ve hurt you, and our children, and so many others through my careless, selfish actions, doing things that in my right mind, I would never, ever do. I confused fantasy with reality, and it disrupted my core values and my judgement. I can see this now, and I’m so very, very sorry for the pain I’ve caused, while acting out impulsively with lust and greed throughout a series of poor decisions that seemed small at the time, and incrementally, nearly cost us everything. I got in way over my head, did things I’m not proud of, and once I realized how dangerous it was, it felt too late to turn back. I see the power of my destructive actions now, and the external factors at play. If I could go back in time and change the slip I made, I would. You are a caring, patient, loving, and devoted father. I can only imagine all the work that you are doing in his dedication to our kids. I pray it’s not too late to regain peace and understanding. This may come out of the blue in the process of your trauma, but there are things I’m only now beginning to understand, given the nature of it all. I want to come home and be a mother to our children. I’m putting this all out there so you know what my intentions are. I understand that time has passed while I was so selfishly distracted, and you’ve all been growing in ways that may seem new to me. I honor Hiro and her loyal service to our family. I can sense their genuine love and care for all three kids. I initially felt threatened by their presence, but it was out of selfishness, and after spending a little time together, I really would love to get to know them. I don’t want to change anything about their role in the kids’ lives, or your family dynamic, but if there could be a way, that I could be around, especially while the supervision is still mandated, just for a meal or an activity, it would mean the world to me. It feels like the biggest mountain that has ever stood before me, setting off on this journey to repair a broken family, that I caused so much of the initial turmoil with, but as you said one time right before one of our therapy sessions, when he had so much on your plate that making time to improve our communication: “This is the most important meeting of my day”. That’s how I feel about every minute of my life right now, it’s my Northern Star that’s keeping me on track. I didn’t think it was even a glimmer of possibility to explain my truth to you until the concept of “reunification therapy” was introduced, and I thought about the deeper meaning underneath those words, and let myself, for just a minute, imagine what it might be like if we could talk about what really happened, and maybe, you would understand. Everywhere I go, I still feel married. I sleep in your sleeping bag every night, and it’s the closest thing that feels like home. It didn’t happen in a natural way, that day I asked for a divorce. You were right to take me to the hospital, for how absurd a concept it must have sounded like, coming so far out of left field. We’d just had the most fun, and creative summer that I remember having since we got together. It felt like we were making art together, like we always talked about, for the first real time. I am so, incredibly sorry, and still very confused at how a stranger took that joy from us, and used it not just maliciously, but in a predatory way. It is so wrong, what Heizer did, that I can’t even find the words for it. I believed for a while, up until recently, that he couldn’t have been intentionally trying to separate us, because, my heart can’t fathom another human executing such tremendous darkness, given the openhearted love, laughter, and fun we shared within that three-way chat. I really trusted him. I know you did, completely. There is another side to him that I found it difficult to see, at first, but I promise you, it’s dangerous, and isolating us from each other was, and still is, his goal to keep me silent. For him to undermine the trust we shared, exploring something intimate, is an anomaly amongst human behavior. That’s the only way I’m able to make sense of it myself. This level of deception was previously so far beyond the boundaries of my comprehension, that it didn’t seem humanly possible. I maintained a relationship with him for over a year, and still felt that I trusted him. What really happened, now that I can see with clear perspective, is that Heizer designed a plan to separate us. It was driving my imagination wild and there was also something very real and dangerous going on beneath the surface, that was intentionally hidden from you. Something happened with a guy who I thought was Dennis’s friend, at the cafe after my yoga class on 10/5. I was dishonest to you about what happened, and we haven’t been able to discuss it due to the nature of our separation. I believe this was intentional. He looked like Heizer’s picture, I still hadn’t met him in person, he said his name was “Jason”, and took me to this barn. We had a sexual encounter that at the time, felt consensual, in the way in which I participated, in. I had become infatuated with Heizer, but you and I were very much still together, and I felt so incredibly guilty after this experience, that I felt like it would be easier to do follow Jason’s ultimatum and ask for a divorce. He threatened me, and I was so confused, driving away that day. I am not saying this to excuse my behavior, or cry for wolf, or “poor me”, “me too” any of that. The plain and simple truth is that it was a sexual assault, the damage, mostly was a mind-f**k, in this calculated way it was designed to hook me into something that made it seem like it was my fault. I carried the guilt about this secret, so heavily, that I’m honestly still processing, but I do now realize that this was a premeditated plan to isolate us from each other. I know I’ve brought it up a couple times, at inopportune moments. I’m finding that I keep repeating this very pattern of behavior, in various ways. I end up doing something that I know is very much not right, while being tempted by external energy. It’s something that I’m working on, and I’m aware that it must be a major block or issue or edge that is important for me to identify and confront so that I can finally stop repeating it, because life has been presenting opportunities for me to grow from this, in various ways. There is much room for improvement, but one thing I am able to do that’s different in the past is at least notice when it’s happened, and write about it, and learn from it. It happened all so quickly, I felt confused by the entire situation, and the words he used that lured me, and once the act was over, I felt like what I’d done was so far beyond, had broken such a conscious boundary of trust, that rather than tell you the truth about what had happened, I lied. I can see now that it was my greatest life mistake. Given the state of pain I’d caused you also, in that moment, breaks my heart to imagine you’d put your feelings aside to do the right thing, and seek medical attention. I’m very thankful that you did that, and very sorry for my actions on that day. That incident was the beginning of a nightmare that I feel like I’m still in until we’re able to have an honest conversation about what happened on that day. I’m so sorry if it’s painful. I see and recognize that through this interaction, you were victimized as well. I’m not sure where you’re at in your own healing process, and I completely understand that it may have ended long ago, or had a different pace, especially given that you’ve been full-time parenting throughout this. I’m grateful for your time to first of all, read this, and engage in reunification therapy, that I understand is mostly to help re-establish my relationship between the kids, but I am very much hoping that, if you are willing, could involve some deeper work with help of mediation on ways that you and I can also begin to restore trust. I’m working hard, trying my best to make things right with my parents. I’m continuing to maintain my personal health, and mental health, and my sobriety. This recent time has contained some of the hardest lessons, and overall, I feel content living a fairly simplified existence, in a whole new way that might be boring if it wasn’t such a new experience. It might be way too late, it might be against all your better judgement, to even consider rebuilding our relationship, but I would like to ask you if you would please consider a conscious attempt, with some mediation, in a more communicative and intentional way than we did the last time, this time with a focus on true co-parenting. I miss you Kale, and I’ve never stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you. I’m hoping that when you receive this letter, that these words reach you in a way that you are able to digest them, taking all the time you need to process, with no rush on a reply. I wasn’t able to say a lot of this during the family court process, due to the nature of it all. I feel like every time I see the kids, they’ve grown so much that I am losing them. I’m trying this new approach to my tough issues of addressing them rather than running. With love and honesty, Cady <3 Get full access to Katie Velvet at katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe (https://katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4)

2. 

   28 Jan 2025

   A Mother’s Warning: Mental Health Corruption at WMC

   This video excerpt from Who Kidnapped My Inner Child? documents one woman’s personal battle against the medical establishment. It reveals a disturbing pattern of reproductive coercion and mental health corruption at one of the country’s most trusted institutions. A Mother’s Warning is a raw, real account of courage, perseverance, and the fight for justice in the face of a broken system. This is more than a warning. It’s a call for change. Thank you for listening, please share far and wide. Get full access to The Adventures of Katie Velvet at katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe (https://katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4)

3. 

   27 Jan 2025

   Dear Santa, can you hear me?

   I was never concerned about surveillance until recently, I have nothing to hide. But I never considered the idea that this kind of access to my personal devices could be used in manipulative ways. I wrote Who Kidnapped My Inner Child in attempt to document the patterns of the predatory force that controlled my online presence for more than a year. Thank you very much for listening. Get full access to The Adventures of Katie Velvet at katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe (https://katievelvet.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4)

Podcast Authority Score: 39 / 100

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