Welcome to “Making Yourself Clear”, where we explore the art and science of clarity.
We’ll discuss these things theoretically because it’s fun and interesting — but more importantly, you’ll get practical tools, mindsets, and frameworks to help you think and communicate clearly.
Sexologist Dr. Stephen de Wit discusses reclaiming joy and intimacy in relationships with hosts Chris Iskander and Patrick Neary, exploring the impact of sexual healing on various aspects of life in this interview.
23 Sept 2025
Connection: The Art of Storytelling
Chris Graham, founder of TellPeople.ca, explores the power of storytelling with hosts Chris Iskander and Patrick Neary to foster empathy, build trust, and strengthen relationships, in this interview.
15 Sept 2025
Real Talk About Self Talk
Hosts Chris and Patrick explore the impact of negative self-talk, revealing how to challenge internal lies and create healthy boundaries for a more realistic and compassionate self-perception.
8 Jul 2025
The Power of Questions
Hosts Chris and Patrick explore the power of asking meaningful questions to improve communication skills and build stronger connections in various social situations.
15 Jun 2025
The Hidden Scale Behind All Communication
Hosts Chris Iskander and Patrick Neary discuss the Ladder of Abstraction, which is a concept that shapes conversations, improves clarity, and helps people avoid oversimplification.
9 Jun 2025
Four Rules for Clear Communication
Hosts Chris and Patrick discuss philosopher H.P. Grice’s "Maxims of Conversation," which are four unwritten rules for clear communication, and how they apply to various aspects of life.
30 May 2025
How to Set Boundaries Without Being a Jerk
Hosts Chris and Patrick discuss how to set healthy boundaries with kindness and clarity, providing strategies for saying no and protecting your well-being without feeling guilty in this episode.
24 May 2025
How to Prepare for High-Stakes Conversations
Hosts Chris and Patrick introduce the CPR framework, a three-part method involving context, purpose, and results, to prepare for high-stakes conversations and achieve clarity.
26 Apr 2025
Going Deeper — In Conversations and Relationships
In a world of curated highlight reels and shallow small talk, real connection can feel like a lost art. In this episode, Chris and Patrick argue that deep, meaningful connection requires us to be a little messy, a little vulnerable, and a lot more intentional. They explore why we often feel most connected during our least polished moments — and how embracing emotional risk creates space for deeper conversations. Along the way, they share practical tips and mindsets to help you go deeper with the people in your life and start building bonds that actually matter.
What You’ll Learn:
Why vulnerability is essential for true connection
How shallow habits (like quick replies) are silently blocking intimacy
Practical ways to deepen your everyday conversations
How better listening and better questions can transform your relationships
Building deeper relationships starts with asking better questions. Here are five conversation starters designed to move beyond the surface and open the door to real connection.
1. "What’s something you’re excited about that most people wouldn’t expect?"
This helps reveal hidden passions and sparks surprising conversations.
2. "When was a time you felt truly seen by someone?"
A powerful way to invite emotional vulnerability and personal storytelling.
3. "What’s something that’s been on your mind lately, even if it feels small?"
Shows care for the little (but meaningful) thoughts we often keep hidden.
4. "What does feeling 'at home' mean to you?"
Gets at people's sense of belonging, safety, and authenticity.
5. "What’s something you wish people would ask you about more often?"
A direct, generous way to offer someone the chance to share what matters most to them.
Remember: Use these questions not as checklists, but as invitations. Go slow. Stay curious. Listen deeply.
Connection isn't found by staying safe — it's built by going deeper.
12 Apr 2025
How to Give Feedback (Without Making it Weird)
🎙️ Episode Summary
In this episode of Making Yourself Clear, Chris and Patrick take on one of the most misunderstood and misused tools in communication: feedback. They begin by rejecting the outdated “compliment sandwich” and offer a fresh, practical perspective on what actually makes feedback land—and what makes it awkward or counterproductive.
With trademark humor and clarity, they explore why feedback often feels risky, how to avoid triggering defensiveness, and how to shift your mindset from critique to collaboration. Whether you’re a leader, teammate, or just someone who wants to get better at tough conversations, this episode offers the mindset and methods you need to give feedback that actually helps.
🧠 What You'll Learn
Why the “compliment sandwich” doesn’t work
What makes feedback effective vs. awkward
How to be clear, kind, and direct—without making it weird
Tips for giving feedback that builds connection
The five-part S-B-I-R-C model for delivering effective feedback:
Situation
Behaviour
Impact
Request (or recommendation)
Check-in / confirmation
👥 Let’s Connect
Website: https://www.makingyourselfclear.com/ (https://www.makingyourselfclear.com/)
RSS Feed: https://media.rss.com/makingyourselfclear/feed.xml (https://media.rss.com/makingyourselfclear/feed.xml)
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/31PIiklfkBV3fwbCt9i20h (https://open.spotify.com/show/31PIiklfkBV3fwbCt9i20h)
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/making-yourself-clear/id1798973268 (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/making-yourself-clear/id1798973268)
iHeartRadio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-making-yourself-clear-269115710/ (https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-making-yourself-clear-269115710/)
5 Apr 2025
Apologies That Don't Suck
In this episode, Chris and Patrick dive deep into the art of genuine apologies. They explore why most apologies fail, the anatomy of a real apology, and how to avoid common pitfalls when apologizing. The hosts emphasize that effective apologies aren't about relieving your own guilt but about acknowledging harm, taking responsibility, and rebuilding trust. They discuss how proper apologies can strengthen relationships through the "rupture-repair cycle" and provide a practical five-step framework for delivering meaningful apologies.
15 Mar 2025
The Five Levels of Listening
In this episode, we explore the five levels of listening and how they impact communication, relationships, and personal growth.
The discussion covers the importance of deep listening, common barriers, and techniques to enhance listening skills.
Listeners will gain insights into how they can become more present and engaged in conversations, fostering deeper connections and understanding.
7 Feb 2025
How to Keep Friends and Influence People
Chris and Patrick explore strategies for discussing heated topics with people you strongly disagree with.
They emphasize the importance of understanding why you want to have such conversations, preparing for emotional triggers, and having a game plan. They recommend being intentional about your mindset — advocating dialogue over debate, perspectives rather than positions, and assuming positive intent. They explore techniques for effective listening, including tapping into genuine curiosity, mirroring, and using the Socratic method to help you understand and potentially influence the other person's viewpoint.
Finally, they stress the value of being gracious and grateful throughout the conversation.
Getting Clear on Why You Want to Have the Conversation
Some motivations, like wanting to mend relationships or broaden perspectives, are positive, while others, like dominating a conversation, are not.
Be honest with yourself about intentions and be aware of when higher intentions are compromised by lower ones.
Being Intentional About Your Mindset
Be intentional about your mindset during the conversation, and choose a context that focuses on dialog rather than debate.
Set a mindset of cooperation over conflict, and consider perspectives and values rather than positions.
Language can influence the tone of the conversation. Shift from a battle metaphor to a cooperative exploration.
Assume positive intent and look for connection over victory.
Managing Emotional Reactions and Responses
Responses are conscious choices; reactions are automatic.
Avoid attacking character or body language that conveys contempt.
Bring genuine curiosity rather than judgment,
Having a Game Plan for the Conversation
Role play the conversation in advance with a neutral third party, like a friend or coach.
Get into a conducive emotional state before starting the conversation.
The "pause and pivot" technique.
Inviting the Other Person to the Conversation
Invite the other person to the conversation and get their consent.
Stating intentions positively.
Making Sure the Other Person Feels Heard and Respected
The importance of listening, not just to respond but to understand and make the other person feel heard.
Mirror back what the other person says to show understanding.
The Socratic method as a way to understand and persuade.
Focusing on Values Rather Than Positions, and Being Gracious
Focus on shared values rather than just positions in the conversation.
Be gracious and grateful to maintain a positive tone.
Focus on shared goals.
Checking in and Recalibrating
Check in periodically to see how you're doing against your stated intentions.
Celebrate wins and recalibrate if the conversation veers off track.
1 Feb 2025
Don't Agree to Disagree. Here's What to Do Instead.
Chris and Patrick discuss the pitfalls of the suggestion "let's agree to disagree" in arguments, highlighting that it often leaves one or more parties feeling unheard and frustrated. They emphasize the need for mutual understanding before reaching such a conclusion.
They argue that "agree to disagree" often signals the end of a conversation without actually resolving anything. They suggest alternatives like like pausing conversations, writing thoughts out, and managing expectations to improve dialogue.
Effective communication requires shared context and empathy, which can be especially challenging when communicating via text or in high-stress situations. The conversation highlights the importance of considering the recipient's perspective, being mindful of how messages might be received or even misunderstood, and using clear, respectful language to avoid misunderstandings.
Podcast Authority Score: 17 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
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YouTube
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