17 Mar 2025
Marriage After Equality
What was the real promise of same sex marriage?
The advocates who won the hearts and minds of millions of Americans argued that marriage was a civilizing force—one that same-sex couples needed not as a rejection of tradition, but as an embrace of it. Yet even before the ink was dry on the Supreme Court's ruling, our culture moved in the opposite direction, abandoning monogamy as an expectation, and treating marriage as just one of many possible relationship models.
This six-part series traces the journey from the origins of the marriage equality movement, the role monogamy played in building civilization, why it's important for the LGBT community, and how we can keep the promise of same-sex marriage.
* The journey begins with The Little Bishop Who Changed the World (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/the-little-bishop-who-changed-the), a deeply personal reflection on the day that should have felt like a victory but instead felt like a funeral. As I watched the recently divorced Gene Robinson—the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church—celebrate an achievement that had defined an era, I felt the weight of my own disillusionment. My marriage, once a dream realized, had become a casualty—not only of personal betrayal but of a movement and a church that had fought for our rights but had never reckoned with the obligations that marriage demanded. Same-sex marriage had arrived, but instead of embracing the institution as it was, we treated it as a trophy, a victory for social justice.
* The second article, The Conservative Case: How Conservatives Won the Battle for Marriage Equality but Surrendered the War (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/the-conservative-case-e12), explores how the argument for same-sex marriage was, ironically, a fundamentally conservative one. Advocates assured the public that marriage was about commitment, fidelity, and social stability—values conservatives claimed to champion. And yet, when victory was achieved, conservatives failed to uphold their own argument. Euphemisms like "commitment" were used to obscure the reality that marriage was historically defined by monogamy. By refusing to explicitly defend monogamy, they abandoned the very moral framework they had promised would sustain marriage itself.
* In the next chapter, The Forgotten Vow (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/the-forgotten-vow) looks at how essential monogamy is to defining marriage. We explore the growing movement against exclusivity in relationships, from consensual non-monogamy (CNM) to ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and polyamory. While framed as progressive and liberating, these shifts undermine the very foundation that made marriage meaningful. One by one, we confront and dismantle the arguments against monogamy, showing how its rejection is not merely a lifestyle choice but a cultural shift with profound implications.
* Monogamy: The Social Technology that Built Civilization (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/monogamy-the-social-technology-that) reveals how monogamy has been essential to the values we cherish. Western civilization itself was shaped by monogamy, and as it erodes, we risk losing more than just an ideal of romantic exclusivity; we risk unraveling the social fabric that has sustained democracy, equality, and cooperation across generations.
* The High Cost of Sexual Liberation (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/the-high-cost-of-sexual-liberation) examines the tangible costs of prioritizing unfettered sexual freedom over committed relationships. From rising STD rates to deepening loneliness, the consequences of treating sex as transactional rather than transformative are severe. The culture that once fought for love now risks losing it entirely in the pursuit of pleasure without meaning. A new cultural paradigm is desperately needed—one that restores a sexual ethic centered on monogamy, not as an antiquated relic, but as the fulfillment of the promise of same-sex marriage.
* Finally, Who Will Lead? The Episcopal Church’s Forgotten Mission (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/who-will-lead-the-episcopal-churchs?r=2rbkz) (https://marriageafterequality.substack.com/p/who-will-lead-the-episcopal-churchs?r=2rbkz)brings the discussion full circle. If same-sex marriage was won on the premise of commitment, then it is now the responsibility of those who fought for it to ensure that commitment is upheld. The Episcopal Church, which played a pioneering role in LGBTQ inclusion, is uniquely positioned to lead this cultural renewal. It has the credibility, the reach, and the theological grounding to champion a return to monogamy—not out of dogma, but out of a recognition that love, in its highest form, is about choosing one person, forsaking all others, and building something lasting. It is time to reclaim what was won, not just as a right, but as a responsibility.
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