Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax

About Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax

Marriaging is created by Jessica Fairfax, a Marriage and Family Therapist on a mission to inspire authentic relationships. Every episode is designed to help provide you with realistic and helpful skills for improving communication, intimacy, and connection in your marriage. We'll work through some of the most common and most challenging issues relationships face. You'll also get to hear interviews with other therapists, who will share their strategies for helping young couples enhance their marriages. Listen each week to learn new practical steps you can take to building a better marriage. Begin your journey to an authentic relationship today at marriagingpodcast.com

Publisher

Jessica Fairfax, LMFT-A

Category

health & fitness · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

15 Sept 2019

Latest episode

4 May 2020

Latest episodes

37 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   4 May 2020

   Finding Adventure and Connection in the Ordinary, with Jason Frishman, PsyD.

   Jason Frishman, PsyD, shares his insights into creating adventure and meaningful connection in the everyday activities of life. We’re often taught the adventure story of the hero’s journey. We think we have to do grand, extraordinary things. It’s important for us to have a new perspective and create adventure in the smaller, daily activities needed to sustain a family. What do men experience in seeking adventure in real life vs. the hero’s journey? The hero’s journey can be harmful to men. It’s often the guiding narrative. Men are led to believe if they aren’t doing a grand gesture, an epic action, they won’t live up to the idea of who they are. Men often aren’t allowed to have the full range of emotional expression. They’re told to get to the end, slay the dragon, succeed. There can be depression and anxiety for men when they are stuck in this limiting narrative. To find ordinary adventure, It’s important to find value and vision in your day. What do you want for your family and yourself? How do you want to be with your family and yourself? What are the things that are most important for you? In finding adventure in your everyday life, you can explore these questions: What would be your practice of coming home every day? How are your actions in how you spend time with your family an expression of your values? What is the relationship between routines and rhythms? Routines, rhythms, and rituals create the other half of the plotline for the hero’s journey. Routines are important every day. But without values, they’re soul-less. Routines are an expression of your vision and your values for your family. What do your vision and aspirational values look like on a regular weekday night? What routines might express those values? Putting meaning onto a routine helps it evolve into a rhythm. Turning routines into rhythms: What are the things you’re hoping to do? Identify your vision and values. Identify the things that get in the way: Imps. Imps: patterns of behavior that are difficult to manage. They get in the way of maintaining rhythms. Look at the problems and identify them as imps. Learn about your imps and identify your vision and values. Using your imps to help you grow: Imps can evolve into something that becomes helpful. They’re protective. They want to keep you safe. Imps (such as depression or anxiety) can get out of control, but they can also have your best interest in mind. How can you change your relationship with this issue and guide it to help you? If you start to feel anxious, figure out what anxiety is helping you pay attention to. How do you create and maintain sustainable rhythms? Develop rhythms into rituals. Rituals involve everybody. What symbolic representation of what you’re doing can help you remember it? Not all rhythms need to be maintained. They can evolve and grow. You are in the middle of your story. You’re constantly creating your story. Action steps to nourish connection and create adventure in your relationship: “All great adventures begin and end around a table.” Have meals together. Spend this time being together. Share stories with each other. Ask each other: What do you remember about when we first met? What do you remember about when we began dating? What was it like? What were some of the most enriching and amazing stories? What did we do together- and what does that say about what we value? Explore these questions: What were we doing when things were going really well, and what does that say about what’s important to us? What gets in the way of doing that more often? Connect with Jason: Dr. Jason S. Frishman has been working for over 20 years to support individuals, groups, families, organizations and businesses. Whether as a psychologist, workshop facilitator, speaker, or narrative consultant, Jason's message rings consistently clear: our lives are adventurous and interconnected. We can author our life's adventure stories! Jason sees the power of transformation that comes from authoring one's own story and the strength of the Adventure-Journey metaphor. His work and play have become an expression of his love, experience and training in the practices of Narrative Therapy, Adventure Therapy and food education, activism and entrepreneurship. You can reach out to Jason here: Email: nourishedconnections@gmail.com Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/NourishedConnections Website: https://drjasonsfrishman.com/welcome Special thanks to: Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast. http://www.leveldme.com/ Connect with me: My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast. Connect with me at marriagingpodcast.com Facebook: @marriagingpodcast Instagram: @marriagingpodcast Twitter: @marriagingpod

2. 

   27 Apr 2020

   Desire Differences with Jessica Cline, MSW, LCSW

   Jessica Cline, a Clinical Sexologist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, discusses sexual desire differences in relationships. Many couples experiences desire differences and need help navigating their sexual life. What couples experience with sexual desire differences People often set the standards for their relationship in the limerence phase. That isn’t sustainable. Sexual desire can change over time. You may get into the pattern of initiator and gatekeeper. Sex education programs we’re taught in school are based more in fear and prevention. We aren’t always taught about sex, healthy sexuality, and how to communicate about sex. Sometimes we think men typically have a higher desire, but women can also have a higher desire. We may feel shame and rejection. It’s hard to open up to your partner, or even talk with your doctor about sexual desire issues. What are the different roles each partner may take on? Initiator- Initiation can be difficult if you’re feeling rejected and looking for rejection. Gatekeeper- When someone gets caught in the position of receiving or denying initiation, they become a gatekeeper. There can often be a lot of anxiety for the gatekeeper. Both of these roles can experience hurt. The roles of gatekeeper and initiator are also flexible and can change over time. What defines sexless relationship? A sexless relationship: your relationship does not have to be completely devoid of sex to be considered a sexless relationship. Even having sex just once a month could be considered sexless, because it may not be enough to fit the needs of the relationship. What are some early signals couples can recognize to know it’s important to get help and talk through desire differences before hurt builds? Ask yourself: Are you comfortable talking about these sexual things with your partner? Have you talked with them? Are you feeling resentful? Do you have feelings of rejection? What does sex mean to you and what need does it fulfill? Are your needs being met? It’s not about what’s normal, or what should be happening. It’s about how you both feel in the relationship. You can’t know what you want to share with your partner until you know what you really want and need. There are different parts of intimacy. Are the other areas of intimacy, besides sexual connection, fulfilled for you? When someone rejects sex, it might be that other intimacy needs aren’t being met. What steps can couples take to work through desire differences together? (And remember, these steps can be done in working with a sex therapist who is skilled in helping you and your partner navigate these issues) Communicate- discuss what’s happening, what’s not happening, your thoughts and feelings about sex and what your hopes are. Explore and communicate your needs. Take sex off the table. You can create space to talk about it, without the pressure or expectation of it. Have a conversation about what you each like, how you each like initiation to happen. Journaling about touch, anxiety, sexual contact, can also help with a sex therapist. Over time, build in more intimacy and explore more of what you’re interested in. Build in a plan for how you can communicate and notice if things begin to get off track (relapse prevention). It’s ok, and even encouraged, to schedule sex. Create space in your schedule to make it happen. Remember to take the pressure off. You don’t have to do everything. It’s important to have a safe space to discuss desire and eroticism. There may be things that you don’t actually act out in the bedroom, though. Connect with your desires, and then determine what you bring into the sexual relationship and what you don’t. What about medical and mental health-related factors and sexual desire differences? There may be a pain issue, a disability, a change in your body, or a mental health issue, that affects desire. Discuss different ways to make sure needs are met. Sex isn’t just penetration. Sometimes there are anxieties that also impact the body. A sex therapist can also collaborate with medical professionals, such as a pelvic floor specialist, or other doctors. Don’t try to work through sexual issues and desire differences on your own. Therapy can be short-term. You won’t need it forever. There are sometimes small issues that require just a few small changes. What else can couples do to maintain growth in their intimacy? Love languages: Know your partner’s love language so you can turn toward each other Set up date nights to create a space for communication about your needs. Resources: Gary Chapman’s Book: The 5 Love Languages John Gottman’s Book: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love AASECT, a credentialing board for sex therapy providers, has a provider directory here: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory Psychology Today is another directory of therapists: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us Connect with Jessica Jessica Cline is a board-certified sexologist and sex therapist. She works with couples and individuals with sexual dysfunction but specializes in working with desire differences. Jessica has been a featured expert on Bravo, Insider, Cosmopolitan, Bustle, Romper, and Elite Daily. Jessica provides services in person and online in several states. Feel free to check out her websites at www.jesscline.com (http://www.jesscline.com/) and www.clinecounseling.com (http://www.clinecounseling.com/) or reach out to her at jessica@clinecounseling.com Special thanks to: Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast. http://www.leveldme.com/ Connect with me: My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast. Connect with me at marriagingpodcast.com Facebook: @marriagingpodcast Instagram: @marriagingpodcast Twitter: @marriagingpod

3. 

   20 Apr 2020

   Love Languages with Bridget Boursiquot, MSW, LICSW

   Bridget discusses love languages and how we can all have relational care through understanding the basic work needed to create a healthy foundation. We often speak to our partner in the love language we want to receive instead of understanding how they receive love. 5 Love Languages (Developed by Gary Chapman) Words of Affirmation It’s about the “why”. Speaking to your partner’s strengths, their experience, their needs, is even more affirming than just a simple “thank you” or a compliment. Actions to avoid: Insults and criticism. To someone who feels love in words of affirmation, insults and criticism can hurt on an even deeper level. Acts of Service Take something off your partner’s master to-do list. Focus on ways you can help them make the most of their time. Actions to avoid: Making more work for your partner. If you offer to help with something, but then create more of a mess or a more stressful situation for your partner to deal with later, this can be more hurtful. Gifts It’s more about the meaning behind the gift. This isn’t a superficial or materialistic love language. It’s about the thought behind the gift that can make your partner feel loved. Actions to avoid: Thoughtless gifts, and the missing of birthdays, anniversaries, and other special dates. Quality Time Undivided attention: it’s about putting distractions away and doing a shared activity. Focus on active listening and connection. It doesn’t even have to be a date night out. Find time at home to show up for each other and spend time together. Actions to avoid: Being on your phone or other distractions when it is set aside quality time. If you need to be engaged in other things, communicate this and be sure to still have focused quality time. Physical Touch Physical touch can be reassuring, secure. You can find small ways to connect with small, meaningful touches. It can also be an emotional lifeline in your relationship. It is not just about sex. It can start with holding hands, welcoming each other at the door, hugs. Actions to avoid: Getting into a tit-for-tat mentality and withholding affection or love until your needs are met. Instead, just focus on the small, meaningful moments to begin rebuilding connection. Applying love languages and building connection in your relationship We don’t all fit squarely into one love language. We change over time. Sometimes our love language is strongest where our need is most. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Each of you can explore what makes you feel loved, and share that with each other. Find bids for connection, a way to give attention to each other. Find opportunities to turn in to each other. Trust is important in building foundational work. Trust can be broken in big ways, like infidelity. It can also be broken in smaller ways, like asking for your needs and your partner not showing up in that way. When this happens, trust erodes and resentment builds. Tune into what your partner needs. Pick up on cues and choose to engage and connect when they need you. Gottman’s 4 Horsemen- Predictors of Divorce Criticism: Feels like a pointed finger, attacking. Antidote: Use a gentle start-up. “I feel…” Contempt: Takes criticism to a deeper level, attacks values and character of your partner. Antidote: Build a culture of appreciation with speaking to each other’s love languages. Defensiveness: Choosing not to take accountability or ownership for your role, “It’s not my fault.” Antidote: Take responsibility for your part in a situation. “I’m sorry for my part in how you feel.” Stonewalling: Space for the sake of space, going away without a plan to come back and work through an issue together. Antidote: Take space to self-soothe and calm down, and set a time to come back and talk. If you’re noticing these in your relationship, it doesn’t mean you’ll get divorced. You can use it to build awareness and work through issues together. Remember, it takes time to implement these changes, rebuild trust, and build connection. Give yourself and your relationship some kindness. Resources: Gary Chapman developed the idea of the 5 love languages. You can learn more here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ John Gottman has researched relationships and developed insights into what makes relationships successful and lasting. You can learn more here: https://www.gottman.com/ You can also find more information about the books Bridget mentioned here: https://marriagingpodcast.com/book-recommendations/ Connect with Bridget Bridget is a Licensed and Independent Clinical Social Worker in Massachusetts with over 12 years in the field.  With specialties in relationship issues, life transitions, and anxiety, Bridget has worked with a wide range of clients. Her skills include tailored treatment approaches to work with those who may be experiencing depression, self-esteem concerns, life threatening illness, stress, parenting concerns, trauma and abuse, loss, and infertility and pregnancy. She has coached many individuals and couples through their processes of growth and has helped them to create a better life space for themselves. Her experience has allowed her to work across the United States as well as internationally and with a wide range of ages, backgrounds, diagnoses, socioeconomic classes and the barriers that come with each.  Her counseling style is kind, interactive, and down to earth. At her core, she believes in treating everyone with empathy, kindness, and compassion. Change your worry into hope and fears into strength while cultivating healthy connection and communication. Bridget provides therapy and coaching for individuals and couples who find themselves in a challenging time and are looking for a Bridge to healthyself. Email: Bridget.LICSW@gmail.com (mailto:Bridget.LICSW@gmail.com) Website: www.Bridgetohealthyself.com (http://www.bridgetohealthyself.com/) Psychology today:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/434412 Special thanks to: Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast. http://www.leveldme.com/ Connect with me: My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast. Connect with me at marriagingpodcast.com Facebook: @marriagingpodcast Instagram: @marriagingpodcast Twitter: @marriagingpod

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Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

33 ratings

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