Mending Audio

About Mending Audio

More of an audio blog than a podcast, I write about sex and sexual abuse, relationships, and sometimes channeled messaging, dreams, and other psychic things as it comes up. An extension of TikTok and other social media outreach, this is a way I transmute energy into something positive that I hope will help others on a similar path. natlajune.substack.com (https://natlajune.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Nat LaJune

Category

religion & spirituality · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

25 Aug 2024

Latest episode

1 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

29 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   1 Oct 2026

   Manipulative Male Coach

   I had an unexpected guest on Threads this week, a relationship coach! I didn’t immediately recognize him as a coach, but could tell he was very familiar with abusive tactics. I posted, “Being single means I never have to have sex if I don’t want to.” A lot of people responded and it was nice to see mostly healthy people calling out the issue with that phrase. But there were a handful of men activated by it and responding defensively. David was one of them. He starts with the popular “you chose him” deflection. It’s meant to draw the conversation away from what’s actually happening. As quickly as possible, men will shield themselves from the implications of rape. In that one phrase he’s attempting to reverse it onto me as my choice of partner. As long as he stays focused on me, he never has to acknowledge the man in this scenario, and by proxy, himself. “Who you allowed to pressure you” is something he wants to bring attention to. He wants to be sure any pressure his own wife feels is actually her “allowing” him to pressure her. Men like this deflect by placing blame on those who allow the behavior. Distracting from the behavior itself, they can direct your attention elsewhere. It’s a brilliant move. He is never responsible for anything because there is always someone who “let” him or “made” him do it. “He had his wounds. You have yours.” Here he begins to diagnose with a crafty balance, putting me and the abusive husband on the same plane. We are the same, equal. If my husband is abusive, then I am too. It’s important to him that we not be separated. That divide will begin to unravel the curtain he’s trying to hold between him and the truth of the situation. “A healing feminine woman…” Now he describes something he thinks I want and have not yet. I get the sense he’s done this a lot. The words come out effortlessly and I can feel the ease. He’s not frantic like other men are; his words are calculated, habitual. He’s on autopilot, not noticing this is not something that applies to me. He’s treating me like the women in his comments who push back against his content. He describes “her healing masculine man” again, as an ideal, something he thinks I long for. Maybe he’s been watching witchtok. I can tell he hasn’t seen me before because he would know this isn’t something I desire. Although I would always love to see men heal, I have no desire to heal them myself, nor own one. He is not “her healing masculine man”, he is his own healing masculine man. His attractiveness is in owning himself—and his desire for me to own myself. I am mine and he is his. This is where my heart is, and why it’s so elusive to David. I’m a moving target for him. “Stop concerning yourself with…” Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, says the relationship coach. Sweep the abuse under a rug and look at yourself. He might not know this, but looking inward is the most dangerous thing for a victim of abuse to do before she’s healed. Going inward is something she’s always doing, and it’s what’s keeping her bound to abuse. Everything is always her fault, her responsibility to fix. A victim of psychological abuse often lives in a dissociative state. She’s going through the motions to survive one day to the next. Maybe he’s does know this. Maybe. For good measure, he repeats the idea that I am at fault for choosing him, just in case I missed it the first time. This point is important to him. “No one holds another individual accountable…” Now he’s on a bit of a tangent, like a script he has for conversations like this. He has likely said this to several other women, maybe a few before me today. But I have said nothing of wanting retribution, apology, or compensation. He’s arguing with a ghost—imaginary women he’s fighting with online because he can’t have this fight with his wife. He has honed his words, he’s perfecting his script. He’s feigning concern for my healing journey, thinks I’m holding onto the past. He’s projecting a bit too, because he’s not the type to use trauma to help others. He’s the type to sweep it under a rug and think only of himself. I don’t spend time defending my position but I will clarify things for women reading the comments. This response to him is mostly for them. “Policing others actions to warn others…” The hunter sees me as a fellow hunter. But I am a gatherer. I’m not out to hurt men, I’m gathering women to mobilize them on their own behalf. This threatens a hunter because it’s easier to prey on lone women. It’s more difficult to trap woman with community. Women make better targets when we’re not all on the same page. The hunter wants me to stop talking to other women about all this and stay separate. He wants me to focus on my healing so I can move forward (and away from the content that activated him today). He repeats the imaginary goal of attracting a “healthy masculine man”—it’s what he thinks women want. “The wounds you’re carrying…” Years ago when I started TikTok, I had men in my comments try this with me. It’s manipulation dressed up as care. Even as foggy headed as I was back then, I felt the slime of it. Intuitively I understood what they were doing and I rebuked it. I didn’t know why it felt wrong in the moment, but it was and I knew it. What I’ve learned about men since has helped me see it more clearly. When a man is being genuine with me, he’s not pushing advice onto me because he knows I’ve got it. He’s not trying to change my mind about anything, he’s inquiring about my mind. He doesn’t tell me what I should do, he asks me what I’d like to do. A man who values a woman is not trying to lead her, he’s supporting her in leading herself. ‘ A manipulative man feigns concern to shift the conversation away from his discomfort. You can learn a lot about a man from what he doesn’t want to talk about. “I’m healed. I’m good.” I decided to call attention to the gaslighting to see what he’d do with it. I intentionally tell him I’m healed because I know he’ll push back on that. It’s important to his narrative that I be wounded, so I offer him a worm. It’s true we’re always healing—my brand is Always Mending. But it’s also true that we plateau healing a lot of things along the way. We will still have little triggers come up and heal those, but the big stuff eventually gets taken care of. That’s what I call healed. It’s only for you to know, and for no one else to tell you when you have healed. “No one is healed.” He takes a bite. Introducing childhood trauma, he wants to direct me even farther away from marriage. This is not a surprise. The idea of “past trauma” is juicy to abusive men. They love the idea that something else happened to you before. It absolves them of any responsibility for current trauma. Since nearly every woman has been traumatized by a man, every man has the tool of “past trauma” available to him. On some level he understands he is the one traumatizing someone. But if he can point to some bogeyman from your past, he never has to look at himself. “Gaslighting is…” Mansplaining is expected. But he is gaslighting here. If I’m being charitable, I can say he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. Maybe he really does perceive a wound in me. Still, it’s not wounding behind my social media post. I believe he is in fact trying to make me believe an untruth about myself. It’s very important to him that I believe I’m acting from a wounded place because it discredits anything I say. Only healed people are valid. But no one is healed. He contradicts himself. So let’s go back to the original conversation and put his comment into context. “Being single means I never have to have sex if I don’t want to.” This is the message he objected so heavily to and what he felt so compelled to push back onto me. Why? The obvious implication in this post is that if I am not single, I am not free to refrain from sex when I don’t want to. This is how relationships are. Relationships sometimes involve unwanted sex. Rape is par for the course. Women generally understand they will have to give in to sex they don’t want if they’re in a relationship. That’s what people in relationships do for each other. Men like David benefit from this, and it’s threatening to call it rape. This defensiveness is what drives their responses to me. David has simply had more practice with it than most men. A lot of men pushed back on that post, it wasn’t just David. But there were a few men who got it. There was a gamer named Oscar and a physicist named Peter who both said it should be the case in a relationship as well. Marcus expressed full agreement. He gets s**t for not always wanting sex the way men are expected to. This is what makes that expectation harmful to men too. Many men feel socially obligated to sex because society says they’re not a “real man” if they decline it. Aseem, a stand-up comedian asked if we’re in the Middle Ages. And Scott called for a matriarchy. The world is changing. Women and men are waking up to these things. Men like David are going to end up left behind if they keep trying to push the old world on us. I didn’t try to teach David anything or try to convince him of my position. The way he spoke to me is the same way abusive men have spoken to me for years. This is how they operate. There is no getting through to them. The only thing we can do with them is gray rocking (https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock). If you’re not familiar, this is essentially ignoring a manipulative person. It’s easy enough with an internet stranger, but with a partner it’s more difficult. The idea is to not feed them anything. Don’t answer questions or ask any of them. Don’t engage unless it’s absolutely necessary for parenting or survival. And when you must engage, keep it to the bare minimum. If someone is trying to manipulate your thinking, never let them know what you’re thinking. Move quietly, calmly, and stay grounded in what you know is true. You have a right to decline sex anytime for any reason—even if you’re in a relationship. Any message telling you otherwise is coercive. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe (https://natlajune.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

2. 

   15 Jun 2026

   Maybe It's Menopause

   Maybe it’s menopause, maybe it’s Maybelline. Maybe she’s seeing someone else. Maybe she just hates sex, she’s asexual. Maybe she’s a lesbian. Maybe she just can’t take accountability. Men have peppered my comments over the years with all kinds of “excuses” for what’s wrong with their wife to avoid looking at themselves. I offer other suggestions, like, maybe you’re not good at sex and she doesn’t enjoy it. Maybe you’re angry with her when she’s not in the mood. Maybe you need to shower and brush your teeth more often. Maybe you’re leaving all the housework to her and she’s just too tired for sex after doing all that alone. They don’t want to hear it. It’s always something in her that’s off. And this is where they’ve gone wrong. Not listening to a sexual partner is the fastest way to turn them off. Attention is sexy I’ve enjoyed a number of casual partners in my life and the only ones I’ve had a problem with were the ones who seemed not to care about my experience and only wanted to get something from me. As soon as I can feel a man not attentive to me and seeking his own pleasure, I’m not interested anymore. This is normal. It’s natural not to want to sleep with someone who has no regard for you. If you still want to continue, knowing your partner doesn’t care about you, that’s not a problem in them, it’s in you. I dated a man once who paid very close attention to me. He watched me when I spoke, with eye contact and reflection. He absorbed what I said and could recall it weeks later. He was able to accurately assess me from what I said and would ask for confirmation of his findings. Sometimes he would catch himself projecting when he was seeing something of himself in me, but he saw it. He noticed he was doing it, and saw the separation between us. This was sexy. This turned me on. Every time we were together it was like coming home, physically as much as emotionally. When there’s a mental and emotion connection, there is a bond there. Sexual desire doesn’t create that bond, it responds to it. Another man I dated was able to pick up on small movements in my body and respond appropriately. If I flinched when he touched me unexpectedly, he would apologize and ask before trying again. He was paying attention to my body because he wanted to be respectful of my physical space. This was hot. I wanted him because he was mindful of me. This is no different with a one night stand. I’ve been with men who were hungry for sex and little care for who with. I could have been anyone, he just wanted sex. This made me not want it. But I’ve been with men who wanted a fun mutual experience. Once on a family vacation to Lake Tahoe when I was younger, I met a man who was so good to me I spent most of my vacation with him, in bed, and river beds. We had a lot of fun for a week or so and I went home having enjoyed a fun time. I didn’t need a relationship, but I did need respect. And this is the point. It’s not your relationship that turns a woman on. She’s not aroused by a ring. She’s not turned by because you called her your wife. She’s turned on by respect. She’s aroused by goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and your sexual discipline. She’s excited to sleep with a man who adores her and wants her to feel safe and cared for, married or not. It’s not menopause, it’s you But this is confusing for women to articulate because society has convinced us all that sex just flows naturally in marriage simply because you’re married. Women have been told that sexual desire happens within them. They don’t know it’s a direct response to their environment. I’m single, no man around to entice me or disgust me, and still, my desire is affected by external factors. I can be in the mood one minute and turned off the next simply because I stubbed my toe and now I’m in pain. But it’s not really a lack of desire for sex. I still love sex and that didn’t change because I hit my toe on the coffee table. It changed because my focus is now on pain instead of desire. When you’re upset with your wife for turning down sex, she can’t feel desire for you because her focus has shifted to consoling you. She feels sorry for you now. Or if you were particularly angry, she may feel afraid. Regardless, she is no longer responding with desire but with caution because you’ve reacted badly to her. When you shame your wife for not having enough sex she can’t focus on sex because she’s focused on shame. When you call her frigid, she can’t think about sex because she’s thinking about her husband insulting her. If you accuse her of cheating, she can’t think about sex because she’s wondering how it the world you got that idea. When you blame it on menopause she can’t be interested in sex because now she’s worried about her health, and she’s wondering why you’re not. You’re not worried about her—you’re worried about sex. This is yet another turn off to her. Authentic care is a turn on Remember, care and attention is what turns her on. But here’s the thing… it has to be authentic. Another mistake men make is running through a list of tasks like “make eye contact when she speaks” only to be thinking about rebuttals (or the game) the whole time. A man will do the dishes once or twice but not make a plan to take charge of labor around the home in general to make his wife more relaxed and open sexually. He’ll see a therapist but not do the work to really change on a deep level for himself first. This is the hard part. There’s no checklist. There are no hoops you can jump through to “get” sex from someone. You have to be the kind of person they desire sexually. You need to embody the aspects of a desirable partner. Relationships change all the time. People change and grow. The purpose of a relationship is to grow together. If your partner is changing and growing and you’re not, you’ll need to catch up. You’ll get left behind if you don’t. If you think it shouldn’t change, you’re not healthy enough for a relationship and it’s probably a good idea to end it. If you’re growing apart, there’s no shame in going in separate directions. But if you want to fight for your relationship, be the person who has that relationship. Find out what that relationship needs and become the person who would enjoy that. Or, go after what it is you really want. If you want a relationship with plentiful sex and no growth or emotional connection, let your wife go and find someone else who shares your interest in a lifetime of casual sex. If you can’t keep up, go find someone who’s going nowhere and stay behind with her. You may find me harsh in this, but authenticity requires being true to yourself—and it means being honest with yourself about who you are. What are your real desires, what are your limitations? Do you have what it takes to be in a relationship with this woman anymore or are you not that man? Are you just tired of being married? Be real about that. Talk about it. Give her honesty if nothing else. But if you really do love her, not as a possession, but as a human, consider taking a step back to assess yourself. Talk to a professional if you can. Learn about yourself and what you want with and without her. Who are you outside of your marriage. How do you wish she saw you? You have to show up for yourself, take care of your own needs. And if you’re a wife in this scenario, you do the same. Look into what drives you, what makes you happy, what turns you on. Or used to. Who are you and what do you want for your life? What did you once want that you’ve lost sight of? Can you go after it now? And if you did, would he be a part of that life? Don’t wait on him to change, but be open to the possibility he can. Consider separation and celibacy while you work on yourself. Both of you. If celibacy scares you, that’s something to talk about right there. Why? How did you land in a space of dependence on physical intimacy and what can you do to have a healthier connection with your body? I’m not here to change your mind but to make you aware of it. So many of our decisions are automatic. It’s programming. We all have to awaken to this programming in order to change. I’m just a bell that rings to wake you up. The rest is up to you. Do you want more or are you content to stay where you’re at? Rise and shine. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe (https://natlajune.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

3. 

   7 Dec 2025

   How to Help Victims of Abuse

   Shortly after my ex-husband moved out, texted me from ALDI. I had locked his keys in his truck and needed me to help. By the time I got there he had called a friend who was coming to help. But for 10 minutes he sat in my car in the rain reminding me why I had asked him to leave. Once his friend got there, I went into the store to do my own shopping, since I was there. I figured I should get some… what was it called? Oh god, it’s so easy, why can’t I remember? It’s the red stuff the kids put on their food because I’m a terrible cook and everything tastes bland. They tease me about it. Come on, I know what it is. It’s a staple. I’ll look in the sauces, I know it’s a sauce of some kind. I wandered around the store in a fog, unable to remember anything from my list. My list was still on the fridge because I forgot about it when I saw my husband’s text. The red stuff? Who knows. Wait. I know what the bottle looks like! It has to be here. I finally found it next to the mustard. Ketchup. This is the energy I found myself in again last night. I wandered the grocery store looking for stuff to make enchiladas. I had a sudden craving for them earlier when coming home from a day out with the kids. They’re 18 now, so I dropped them off and told them I was going to the store. Aldi is about a mile from my house, so not a lot can happen between my house and the store. But half a mile from the store, there was a woman sitting in the grass in a small field next to the storage place. Dozens of cars drove by her. I turned around and doubled back to see if she needed help. A gold jeep had stopped and someone was talking to her. I was at the stop sign waiting for my turn to turn when they pulled away. She had turned them away. Her hair was a mess, and from the opposite corner of the street I could see her face was swollen. She had no coat and I knew she was in serious trouble. My car told me it was 45 degrees out. She would be very cold soon if she wasn’t already freezing. It looked like she hadn’t been there long, but it wouldn’t take long in this weather. I turned and pulled up into the grass and parked. Walking cautiously to her, I sat down in the grass with her and offered, “I don’t want to bother you, but do you need anything? It’s cold out here.” I treated her like she knew what she was doing and in total control of the situation. I noticed her right ear, speckled with blood wanting to surface (I looked this up later, it’s called Petechiae). Someone had hit her, hard. I acted as if she was waiting for a friend to pick her up. Her car had broken down somewhere and this was a meeting spot. She told me she was fine, in that voice that says of course she’s not okay but she wants me to go away. “OK, good, I just wanted to make sure.” She noticed a police car at the stop sign and panicked. She grabbed my hands and begged me not to say anything to him. She made me swear not to tip him off. I nodded with the best smile I could find, “Of course, we’re just friends having a chat in the grass, not weird at all.” A slight wink to put her at ease and I turned to the officer. He got out of the car and came over to ask if she was okay. I stayed quiet other than to tell him, “My butt’s cold, but that’s all.” I kicked myself for that one later. He was compassionate, and understanding. If she didn’t want the help, he wasn’t going to force it. He mentioned a passerby had called them. He said he was only doing his job, but should she change her mind and decide she wanted help, he would come right back. When he left, I got up and went back to my car. I grabbed a blanket from the backseat I had put there for winter, for the kids, and for emergencies. Then swiping the box of tissues from the front, I went back to her. I wrapped the blanket around her and set the tissues in front of her. I sat down again, “Here, take this, it’s so cold out here and you can use this while you wait for whoever left you here.” I acknowledged the reality of her situation hoping it would bring her out of her shell to tell me more. It was getting colder, and I was beginning to see her situation unfolding. I took a deep breath and made myself comfortable. Whatever cold I felt was nothing next to what she was up against if she didn’t get out of here before dark. I asked her name. She told me, saying, “I’m an attorney. I know what to do.” “Of course you do, wow, I never got so far in life, a lawyer… that’s impressive! You must be so smart and disciplined.” She looked up and into my eyes, stunned. It was like no one had said anything kind to her in decades. She burst into tears. I touched her knee softly, asking if it was okay that I do it. She cried harder and asked for a hug. “Oh gosh of course, that I can do.” I held her tight until she was ready to let go. She smelled like she had just come from the salon. I noticed her nails recently done, in different colors, but missing a couple on each hand. She had fought back. Her toes too, each painted a different color and scuffed badly. She had no shoes. I asked her about this. “He has my car. He has my phone, and my shoes. They’re Uggs, you know, they’re like boots.” I asked her what kind of car, cautious of the fact that whoever had done this to her could be back. I kept a peripheral eye on the road, visible for about 15-20 seconds in each direction. I mentally assured myself I could get back to my car before he was a threat to me, if I had to. For now I was focused on her. She asked me to call her phone. He would have it. He would come back for her if I called. I tried. He didn’t pick it up. She asked me to send a text. I asked her every step of the way to tell me what she wanted me to say. I knew it was important for her to make as many decisions as possible. I couldn’t do this for her. I offered her the phone to try again herself. Someone answered, but insisted she had the wrong number. She began to get angry (she needed to be angry), “This is my phone! I’ve had this number for 15 years, it’s my number, I should know it!” She recited her phone number while reading it on the screen, gasping at the one wrong digit. She quickly ended the call, embarrassed. I did my best to comfort her as she tapped in the correct number. But again, no answer, no response to text. Defeated, she wiped her eyes and I decided I needed to take a break myself and regroup. I’m taking a break writing this because comments are pouring in on TikTok and instagram right now. So many other women are telling similar stories. I need to rest my heart and come back to this. For those who’ve had this kind of nervous system upset, there are emotional flashbacks here. It’s PTSD. Sitting there with her, talking about it afterward, it all brings back what happened to me and I need a break. And because I have done so much work to heal, I knew I needed to take a break from her too. I wasn’t going to be able to help her any more if I didn’t take care of myself. So I told her I was going to go do my grocery shopping and come back to check on her. “If he comes back before I do, keep the blanket. You have my number now, you can give it back to me tomorrow.” Still treating this like a friend who’s cold and nothing more, I got up and went to the store. The same thing happened again that happened five years ago with the ketchup. I couldn’t think of what to get. Despite having a shopping list in my phone now, I hadn’t noted anything on it. This trip had been an impulsive one. I wandered around for a few minutes, but recognizing my dissociative state, I decided to head back to the car. I rested in the car for a few minutes, assessing my own mental state, deciding I could handle this. I drove back toward the storage place. When I pulled up, I saw nothing but the box of tissues sitting in the grass. I thought he must have come back for her, but pulled around the corner and parked to make sure. As I made a move to get the box of tissues, I saw the colorful Mexican blanket of mine off to the side behind a small haystack. She was lying down against the mound, wrapped up like she was going to sleep there. My heart broke and I rushed to her side. “Oh, honey, you can’t sleep here, it’s too cold, and it’s getting dark.” She shivered and began crying again, “I just want to go home, I want my bed, I want to go home.” I fought back tears and sat down with her again, as close as possible without infringing on her autonomy. “I’m so tired of being beat. I just want to be at home. I want to go home.” I can’t be sure she said this out loud. In the moment, it felt like a little girl telling me all of this, nothing like the woman I had left a few minutes before. This voice was filled with fear and defeat. I was losing her. I decided to offer her my phone again. She sat up and tried to call and text again, but again with no response. It was at this point she began to shiver harder and in her body for the first time since we met, she was feeling cold. I tried again, “Why don’t you come sit in my car for a minute. We don’t have to go anywhere, I’ll wait with you and you can get warm while you wait.” She finally agreed to this help and came alive in the car. She gushed at how warm it was. I had cranked up the heat and turned on the heated seats I thought had been such a luxury when I picked out the car. In the warmth she began to get clearer in her mind. She told me a little more about what she was up against. I understood why she didn’t want the officer to get involved. I asked her if she would like me to take her home. “I don’t live here, I live in [that other town],” about 20 miles away. How had she ended up in this little field 20 miles from home, beaten and barefoot? She worked not far from where we were, so she knew the area well enough. She agreed to let me take her to someone she knew in her town. Darkness fell just as we left the city and we spend the next 20 minutes talking about life and kids. She’s my age, has a kid the same age as mine. She’s in college hours away. She moved here recently, doesn’t know anyone but this man, and people who know him. I don’t know if she was safe there, but it was all I could do. And it was safer than below freezing temperatures in a field overnight. I was so grateful she finally let me do something for her. I called a TikTok friend who’s been through this too and she let me tell her the whole story on the way home. I’m grateful for her friendship too. I hugged my kids and looked around at my warm safe home, grateful again. I was able to get us out of that toxic situation of ours five years ago. No one called the police or insisted I go to a shelter. They listened to me and let me process what was happening in my own time. I have a safe home because I made it that way. If you ever find yourself in a position to help a woman in this situation, go slow. Take your time, stay quiet, and let her lead. Pay attention to your own triggers and take care of yourself while you listen for her to tell you what she needs. Don’t listen to her words alone, but listen to her body language. Listen to what she’s not saying, and listen to your intuition as your subconscious will tell you what to do next. Trust yourself, and let her trust herself. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe (https://natlajune.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

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