Podcast superstars and best friends Arden Myrin (Will You Accept This Rose?) and Bryan Safi (Attitudes!) are on a mission to KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF, GIRL with this hybrid improv comedy and chat show! Every week they talk hot pop culture gossip, world travel tips (like what the best city dump in the country is) and the cruel world of amateur tennis. Then as sexy singles, they take YOUR real dating stories and improvise them with a fabulous special CELEBRITY guest, ending in a reveal of how it actually went down. How close will they come to your real life dating story? And of course, they finish it with peanut butter cake recipes. Do you feel famous yet? Who are you wearing? NO AUTOGRAPHSPLEASE!
Hello, No Autographs Listeners! We want to share a new show you might enjoy, CrimeLess.
About the show: What’s the best way to rob a bank? How do you fake your own death? Can you deploy a swarm of bees to get rid of the cops? And if so, how (theoretically) would one do that? All of these questions and more are answered on CRIMELESS, a weekly talk show that breaks down crazy crimes and answers the questions that you’re too embarrassed, or too afraid, to ask, lest it land you on an FBI watchlist.
Each week, comedian Rory Scovel and his co-host, the veteran journalist and true crime podcaster Josh Dean, break down a brazen heist, outlandish scam, crypto caper, monkey gang war, or otherwise outrageous crime. The story will catapult the hosts into an exploration of the minutia of the crime, the wild characters who committed it, and how the hosts could do it better. While the show will be funny, first and foremost, listeners will also learn something — at least enough to seem interesting for 10 minutes at a party. It’s How Stuff Works, if How Stuff Works got drunk and robbed a Papaya King, to pay for the Bored Ape NFTs it bought to cover its gambling losses. Or You’re Wrong About, but mostly focused on things that Florida Man did after smoking too much kratom. (Or do you snort kratom? We definitely need to do an episode unpacking WTF kratom is.)
Listen here (https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-crimeless-hillbilly-heist-299097289/) and subscribe to CrimeLess on the iHeartRadio App or wherever you get your podcasts!
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7 Jul 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Arden and Bryan's Redemption Tour!" w/ Lauren Lapkus
The love of Arden and Bryan's friendship life, as well as their arch baking nemesis (aka "The Root of All Evil"), Lauren Lapkus returns for the finale episode of NAPS season one! The Hero's Journey began with a disparaged peanut butter mug cake! Will the fame seeking twins win over (not neglected child) Lauren's heart (AND STOMACH!) as they go for a perfected round two PBFit desert? Or will they crash and BURN!? All that plus a date at GOOP KITCHEN! Gladyss the Orc Mother!
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30 Jun 2023TRANSCRIPT
“Moines De Moines Iowa” w/ Lauren Ash
Is your job CLOWN? Are you a ghost that braids horse mane? Then you’ve come to the right place! This week the supremely talented and hilarious Lauren Ash (“Superstore,” “Not Dead Yet”) talks the untrustworthiness of birds, crow funerals and of course, peanut butter powder. Plus a romantic date at Starbucks! One iced Canadian latte to go please!
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23 Jun 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Spit It & Get It!" w/ Sam Pancake
Grab your Porsche backpacks and get into this! This week, the tender gift of the clown is brought to you by the hilarious, dashing, and whip-smart Sam Pancake (“Search Party,” “A Million Little Things.”) We talk how we should have residencies at sex clubs, how many times we can say Kimberly Akimbo, what to do when faced with a donut wall, plus we go on a picnic date! And cake, honeys, cake!
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16 Jun 2023TRANSCRIPT
"The Boxcar Children!" w/ Nicole Byer
Glamorous Comedy SUPERSTAR Nicole Byer (Nailed it! Grand Crew) joins Arden and Bryan to chat ANGRY ELEPHANTS! VIN DIESEL! and TAKING MONEY FROM YOUR SIBLINGS! Are you ready to fall in love with a man named Birdy who stole the Declaration of Independence for the purposes of laminating it? Well LOOK NO FURTHER than THIS MADNESS! Can these two orphan racoons/ aspiring bakers win over the host of Nailed It! with their infamous PBfit Peanut Butter Mug Cake??? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!
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9 Jun 2023TRANSCRIPT
"If You Don't Look Your Worst, How will You Look Your Best?" w/ Charles Rogers
Hi dearest hearts! This week, Arden and Bryan are joined by the cool-hot-hip-fun-funny Charles Rogers (co-creator of "Search Party.") We talk community theatre and its highs and lows (which are also highs), then we go on a date to Chili's (finally!); and, naturally peanut butter cake! What will Charles give it? Search THIS party to find out!
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2 Jun 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Hot Air Balloon Sextacular!" w/ Stephanie Allynne
Stephanie Allynne (The L Word, One Mississippi) joins Arden and Bryan for a non-stop episode of hot dates!! She's so hot she dates HERSELF in the improv portion! This episode has it ALLLLLL HUNNNAY alpha theater kids, runaway helium balloons, open robes!!! If you think YOU got bullied in high school- THINK AGAIN KITTY CATS- because Stephanie has a story for YOU! Call the press! Do your contouring! Sit back and CHILLLLLAX!
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26 May 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Hop on, Pop!" with Mike Castle
This week we have a really fancy guest, which you can tell because of his last name alone! The hilarious comedian and actor Mike Castle ("Curb Your Enthusiasm," "Brews Brothers") is here to share delightful stories of lamp-stealing neighbors named Glenn and the shame of being defeated by a teenager at chess tournaments. Then Arden, Bryan and Mike go on a date on a retirement cruise ship! All that plus a peanut butter cake score that left these mouths agape. Hop on, Pop!
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19 May 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Coke Stroke is OUT! Bar Rescue is IN!" w/ Gareth Reynolds
Comedy superstar Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop, Arrested Development) join Arden and Bryan to discuss the glamorous MAGIC of comedy club owners, the chic arrogance of at-home PRINTERS, and how sexy it is to start a car with a SCREWDRIVER HUNNNNAY! All this AND Bryan and Arden have HIGH HOPES for the their glorious PBFit Mug Cake when Gareth actually seems to enjoy his ZEVIA, STEVIA soda? Will one of their guests actually ENJOY their sexy sweet offerings???? Tune in to find out!!
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12 May 2023TRANSCRIPT
"Just Waiting For My Dad To Die" w/ Laci Mosley
The Scam Goddess herself is in the HOUSE! Laci Mosley ("iCarly", "A Black Lady Sketch Show") joins Arden and Bryan for an afternoon of delusional brides! Death Doulas! PB Fit baking (aka Microwaving!) and sexy dates at Beer Gardens! Did they call the press on themselves for being TOO SEXY????? Tune in and find OUT!
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5 May 2023
"Can I Move In With You?" w/ Carl Tart
This week Arden and Bryan welcome the always delightful and always hilarious Carl Tart ("Grand Crew," "Star Trek: Lower Decks"!) They talk one-way streets, mopping, and of course no episode would be complete without - you guessed it - sports talk! They then go on a luxurious date to LegoLand. And we got a new listener-submitted recipe for the peanut butter cake! Will it change anything? Fingers crossed!
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28 Apr 2023
"Boys Can Be Witches Too!" w/ Michael Hitchcock
National Treasure and star of multiple Christopher Guest movies Michael Hitchcock joins Arden and Bryan for a HOUSE PARTY adventure like no other. He's the Cop Zaddy of your dreams! Arden and Bryan cook up a GORGEOUS peanut butter dessert complete with Micheal's PRETZELS... (and NO he did not like it.). Also we learn about Mike's childhood drama teacher in our NAPS of the week!
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21 Apr 2023
"Dinosaurs Aren’t in the Bible!" w/ Jacquis Neal
This week, Arden and Bryan talk to the hilarious and stylish Jacquis Neal (“Grand Crew,” “Physical”) about that orange man’s NAPS energy, plus a lady who shut down a train because a Dorito was stuck in her throat! And then they all go on a date in a cemetery. And what does Jacquis rate this week’s peanut butter cake? We’re hoping for at least a 5.
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14 Apr 2023
"The Lady Always Faces Out!" w/ Paul F. Tompkins
Do we even need an intro for this icon? Paul F. Tompkins (Cher) is on the pod! Paul joins us and nominates king of kings Steven Slater - the JetBlue flight attendant who quit his job via aircraft escape slide - for the biggest NAPS energy of the week. Plus, Arden and Bryan go on a date at a New England water park but that annoying little girl Chloe shows up. And did Paul like this week's peanut butter cake? Listen to find out!
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7 Apr 2023
"The Buffet Is Open!" w/ Lauren Lapkus
Arden and Bryan welcome the one and only Lauren Lapkus aka Princess Hollywood! They reveal who's giving No Autrographs Please energy this week including one lady who sent her entire town holiday cards that said "Go to Hell!" So chic! Plus, Arden and Bryan go on a date at the Cheesecake Factory. And did Lauren like this week's peanut butter cake? Too cool! Too much! Too Hollywood!
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31 Mar 2023
"Epcot Hedda!" w/ Drew Droege
Arden Myrin and Bryan Safi are friends who have it ALL!...LOOKS! PEANUT BUTTER POWDER! A BLUE MICROWAVE!!! On the first ever episode of their new podcast they explain what NO AUTOGRAPHS PLEASE! ENERGY IS...WHO is serving it, and HOW TO GET IT! They are also joined by comedy superstar DREW DROEGE (Bob's Burgers) on a date from HEAVEN at the IKEA CAFE based off of tweeted in real life dates gone wrong! They've got it ALL HUNNNAY!
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23 Mar 2023
Introducing: No Autographs, Please!
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Inside a recent episode
"Arden and Bryan's Redemption Tour!" w/ Lauren Lapkus
Published 7 Jul 2023 · Transcript excerpt
[…] Sure. Just a little bit of an orphan. Yes. Yes. She's taught all the orcas in what they call Orca Alley. Yes. How to dismantle a boat. Yes. Tell me everything. Amazing. She's amazing. And by the way, they see her. She watches them do it. She leads them to the boat. She like stays idle in the water and watches the other orcas do this. So how do you dismantle a boat? So is it a theory sort of that like they're seeing it as an animal in the water that needs to be attacked? Like a threat. Yes. And also they've done it to where – they treat the rudder like a toy. Like they want to, they try to rip off the rudder. […]
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