- 17
- Episodes
- 1
- Ratings
- 2022
- First episode
About Not For You
Welcome to Not For You, the podcast that is not for you. Hosts Kristen Carroll and Kato Murray will take you on a weekly adventure through News You Can't Use, The Pete Davidson Update, and other segments such as How Quickly Can We Get Sued, This Podcast Is Not Sponsored By, and more!
- Publisher
- Not For You
- Category
- comedy
- Language
- en
- Explicit
- No
- First episode
- 18 Mar 2022
- Latest episode
- 31 Mar 2023
Latest episodes
17 episodes in the feed.
31 Mar 2023
The (Mis)adventures of Nighthawk and Dragon
On this week’s special Step Brothers-themed episode of Not For You, Kristen and Kato discuss mammoth meatballs, Gen Z retroactively canceling Friends, plus two newly added segments, Word Association, and our weekly Judy Greer Update (with a bonus John C. Reilly update). The first new segment we’re introducing this week is the Balloon Knot! This week’s BK is the school shooting in Tennessee. Related topics include the stigma of mental illness, serial killers, the identity of the shooter, accountability, gun control, anti-drag legislation, the cyclical nature of hate, visibility, and other light topics to bring to your next family party. Our other new segment this week is the inaugural edition of Ray Carroll Reviews. This week Ray reviews: the new ‘We Love NYC’ logo. This podcast is not sponsored by Soylent Green, BetterHelp, the Honeymooners, Prestige Worldwide, Andrea Bocelli, Corn Pops, and tombstones at your birthday party. Play along with Word Association at home: prestige, commotion, nighthawk, drumstick, bonito, kemosabe.
24 Mar 2023
It's Always Sonny in Television City: Cher-ing is Caring
This week Not For You identifies as The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour while Kristen and Kato discuss North Korean fat shaming, receiving unsolicited Uber Eats, perceiving high school as a safe space, an exciting (and surprisingly progressive) week for the state of New Hampshire, and more! Join us this week in having a brief moment of appreciation for Linda Sinrod, Guinness World Record holder and Virginian badass. Play along at home and let us know what State you would remove from the United States. Also, more from our favorite weekly segment: The Judy Greer Update. Other tangents include oddly accurate definitions of swatting, Miley Cyrus' "Flowers", Youth Pastor Kato, starting a Not For You-themed dispensary, Cocaine Cat, respectful rage-quitting brought to you by former Mayor Frank Hibbard, Cher's new boyfriend, and giving Maine to Canada to make up for Seward's Folly. This podcast is not sponsored by Good Burger, the Town of Leicester, DoorDash, the RØDE PodMic, WKRP and puffpuffpassonthesavings.com Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). Follow us on Facebook (https://facebook.com/notForYou.FB) and Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/notforyoupodcast/). Email us at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Nobody@NotForYouPod.com.) Relevant Links: 12 Movies That Totally Wasted Judy Greer (https://movieweb.com/movies-that-totally-wasted-judy-greer/) Florida Mayor Frank Hibbard (https://nypost.com/2023/03/24/florida-mayor-fank-hibbard-quits-during-city-council-meeting/) The NFU Team Editor: Jorge Moratal Art Director: Melissa Lodi-Carroll Hosts: Kristen Carroll and Kato Murray
17 Mar 2023
Burying the Lede with Count Dracula and Other Things We're Stok(er)ed About
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato channel their inner (and outer) Count Dracula and Bram Stoker in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Topics this week include Silicon Valley Bank, the technical definition of boneless chicken wings, toxic gas poisoning in Iran, Masking for Uggos, and more! Make sure you play along with Whose Lineage Is It Anyway at home and let us know if you beat Kristen's high score- plus stay tuned for a follow-up TikTok post from Mr. Two Left Feet himself. Also sound off and let us know some of your own favorite St. Fact-trick's factoids. Other tangents include Plastic Paddies, Frederic Weatherly's 1910 Smash Hit "Danny Boy", imagined love affairs with Walt Whitman, soft kisses from Lily Tomlin, Ponzi Schemes, and the unfortunate existence of leprechauns. This episode is not sponsored by Non-Alcoholic Guinness, Pockets for Women 2023, 23andMe, Bank of America, Buffalo Wild Wings, or the Lyceum Theatre. Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). Follow us on Facebook (//facebook.com/notForYou.FB) and Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/notforyoupodcast/). Email us at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Nobody@NotForYouPod.com.) The NFU Team Editor: Jorge Moratal Art Director: Melissa Lodi-Carroll Hosts: Kristen Carroll and Kato Murray
10 Mar 2023
Celebrating International Women's Day with a Side of Schmoopy, Suzy, and Murder
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato visit from 1980-something in their freshest outfits. Topics this week include Suzy Eddie Izzard, the best summary of the Alex Murdaugh situation available in podcast form outside of a crime podcast, and in honor of International Women's Day - a continued shared love of friend of the pod, Judy Greer. Want to play along with word association at home? This week's words are: soiree, poppycock, battle axe, lemming, gerrymandering. Other tangents include some strong opinions about cryptids, the (mis)pronunciation of conch, the Mur-duck Dynasty, murder as a hobby, why nothing matters, Step Brothers, and more. This episode is not sponsored by Adam Goldberg, Cake or Death, 90s Cult Classic Jawbreaker, jawbreakers, the Southern Carolina Low Country, Chauncey Reginald the 17th, or a tasteful denim jumpsuit. Relevant Links: It’s Time We Give Judy Greer the Respect She Deserves (https://collider.com/judy-greer-career/) I Don't Know What You Know Me From (https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Know-What-You-Confessions/dp/0385537883) The Adventures of Bubba and his chicken (https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=tfNKWJM_Sn4) Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). Email us at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Nobody@NotForYouPod.com.)
3 Mar 2023
Welcome to the Year of the (Cocaine Banana) Bear
On the first episode of Season 2 of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss Norway, hotdoggers and other hotdog puns, A Good Year for Cocaine, love in the time of fry cooks, and other Petey D Updates. Want to play along with word association at home? This week's words are: absquatulate, oxter, xerts, obelus, and finifugal. Other tangents include the existence of tenement housing in the year 2023, the structural integrity of the average Cavendish banana, 1994's the Santa Claus, bulletproof coffee, and sad clowns. This episode is not sponsored by Big Coffee, Funko, SmartWater, or Hinch-Crowley Realty Associates. Stay tuned for next week's episode where we continue to gatekeep, gaslight, and girlboss our beloved podcast audience. Relevant Links: Olive Oil Coffee (https://www.news-herald.com/2023/03/03/olive-oil-in-coffee-new-starbucks-line-a-curiosity-in-italy/) Where in the World is the Wienermobile (https://www.oscarmayer.com/wienermobile) and the Wiener Whistle (https://www.tasteofhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/06-wiener-whistle-yellow-background.jpg?fit=700,700) Cocaine Bear Funko Pop (https://www.funko.com/shop/details/movies-cocaine-bear-with-bag-pop) Cocaine Bananas (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-64785502) (not a Funko Pop) Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). Contribute to Topic Roulette and send us your questions at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com (mailto:Nobody@NotForYouPod.com).
23 Sept 2022
The Declassified Episode of Not For You (Featuring Eliza Doolittle)
On the newest episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss monkeypox (and all that entails), the unanticipated rivalry between Bayou Billy's Homebrew Soda Pop and Wild Bill's Craft Beverage Co., The 25th Air Guitar World Championships World Final, a certain Trump and the continued adventure that is the definition of "declassified", and $515,000 worth of heroin. Other tangents include copyright infringement, statistically more singing than normal, Sebastian Kohn's experience at New York Pride 2022, New Jersey's main export (choose your own adventure), being Michael Scott, Twins (?), and the aptly named Water/Ice Pokémon. This episode is not sponsored by poor advice given by Jay & The Americans, Legal Seafood, 2009's Couple's Retreat, aubergines, My Fair Lady, the Polish Tourism Organization, and *insert your choice of craft soda*. This Week's Word Association Includes: Bespoke Everywhen Zoonosis Dougong Chitterlings Lickspittle The Certain Trump Headline in Question: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2022/09/22/trump-hannity-declassify-documents/ (https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2022/09/22/trump-hannity-declassify-documents/) Bayou Billy's Homebrew Soda Pop: https://bayoubilly.com/ (https://bayoubilly.com/) Wild Bill's Craft Beverage Co.: https://drinkwildbills.com/ (https://drinkwildbills.com/) We want to give a huge thanks to Dan Bérubé, our audio wizard, for helping us sound so fancy. Don't forget to send us your Topic Roulette topics at Topics@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Topics@NotForYouPod.com) You can also find us on the web at NotForYouPod.com (https://www.notforyoupod.com/)
5 Aug 2022
Life Is Barrel of (Opportunisticly Violent) Monkeys and Other Fun Things You Can Do at a Golf Course
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss Brittney Griner, the shortest day in history, Kansas (the state, not the band), NJ Tax Law, and Metallica’s 1986 masterpiece, “Master of Puppets”. Other tangents include turning your golf club into a cemetery (and turning your cemetery into a tax shell), the still at-large Soviet Russian serial killer Metal Fang, fetal tax benefits, and gangs of monkeys terrorizing Yamaguchi, Japan. This episode is not sponsored by 18 contraband scorpions, Kate Bush’s royalty payments, Ape Escape (the game, not the concept), Fiji Water, or the inevitable heat death of the universe. We want to give a huge thanks to Dan Bérubé for producing this episode of Not For You. Don't forget to send us your Topic Roulette topics at Topics@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Topics@NotForYouPod.com) You can also find us on the web at NotForYouPod.com (https://www.notforyoupod.com/)
15 Jul 2022
Feeling The Morbs with Methuselah, Ross Perot, and Harvey Milk's Ghost
This week NFU's prodigal son returns from his bout with COVID (and tries to keep his coughing to a minimum). Other topics that Kristen and Kato discuss include: (you guessed it) abortion, the literal and terrible idea that is camping, Decision 2024, plus our favorite segments like Word Association, Topic Roulette, and Things That Go Gazump in the night. Want to play along with word association at home? This week's words are: tardigrade, tangelo, morbs, rumpus, and didgeridoo. Guest Appearances from: School Picture Day Brought to you by Cannes and Little Legs (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/pfbid0vQwi7tf6QarbQRcQJKQUmsLP1CxNtBuLqkTAHGMwT5SQuAQWj7nmDf9hd7p5KB8ml) Other tangents include Owen Meany, Kristen's candidacy for President, bear feet and bare feet slippers, Gerald Ford falling down the stairs, Geese: Nature's Terrorists, 969 year old Biblical figures, and Hulu's Pam & Tommy. This episode is not sponsored by Harvey Milk's Ghost, Hair Club For Men, Jive Records, the 10-Person Tent Mahal for Two. Relevant Links: Kristen's Water Fowl Selfie (https://scontent-bos5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/69720949_10215131337617514_7640005190401130496_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=cdbe9c&_nc_ohc=dme8Pzu6awQAX_J8eOL&_nc_ht=scontent-bos5-1.xx&oh=00_AT9FpoISlceSR3-MppJ95V5NQFJ-4Stfmky1BFt94vucOg&oe=62F96AD1) Outfest (https://www.outfest.org/) Open To It (https://www.opentoitseries.com/) Tardigrade (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade) Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/).
17 Jun 2022
The Gazump-ty Dance, Things Chemically Similar to Urine, and Other Rejected Jeopardy Categories
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss urinating in transit elevators for science; drinking your own blood; Woman Crush of the Week, Liz Cheney; the return of Papa Gino's; the rebranding on Monkey Pox by Big Monkey (and WHO), plus, weekly updates from Rebel Wilson and Kenan Thompson. Other tangents include not stealing candy from a baby, M. Night Shyamalan, not getting sued by the late artist former known as *Insert Love Symbol*, gazumping, Burn Update 2022, and Kato's child-sized mouth. This episode is not sponsored by the Tourism Bureau of New Zealand, Phyllis Diller's Supposed Immortality, the MBTA, or Mohegan Sun. Stay tuned for next week's Pride Deep Dive where we're going to talk more about gender, sexuality, and other things that get you banished to the kids' table at Thanksgiving. Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). In celebration of pride month, we're taking whatever questions you might have, so send us an email at Pride@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Pride@NotForYouPod.com.) Have questions, suggestions, or colorful hate mail you'd like to send us? Shoot us an email at Topics@NotForYouPod.com (https://Topics@notforyoupod.com/).
10 Jun 2022
Running Up That Hill (A Dog With Hollywood's Hilary Swank)
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss renowned dog rescuer, Hilary Swank; transgender bishops (not a weird chess move); Kate Bush's Hounds of Love; plus weekly updates about Rebel Wilson and Judy Greer. Want to play along with word association at home? This week's words are: axolotl, spoon, hovercraft, figment, and octothorpe. Guest Appearances from: (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/126047520062759)The lovers, the dreamers, Kato and KC. (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/131571019510409) Other tangents include "Wild Woman" by Natalie Cole, our non-existent e-commerce store, Joanna Lumley, convenient "technical difficulties", soft synth-y music, and not identifying as over 40 (dates be damned). This episode is not sponsored by AbFab, the Lutheran Church, EPCOT, & Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. Stay tuned for our upcoming deep dive on gender-slash-we are sorry in advance, but you get what you paid for. Relevant Links: Learn more about the transgender umbrella (https://nothorses.tumblr.com/post/642177775259795456/image-a-diagram-of-the-trans-gender-umbrella) Kate Bush's Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM) Axolotl (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axolotl) Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). In celebration of pride month, we're taking whatever questions you might have, so send us an email at Pride@NotForYouPod.com. (mailto:Pride@NotForYouPod.com.)
3 Jun 2022
I Came Here to Chew Gum and Kick (Off Pride Month)
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato perform in front of a live studio audience and turn their attention toward some lighter topics including an update on Dorothy's dress, losing your head in the Minnesota River, the Depp/Heard verdict, plus the debut a new segment: Word Association! Guest Appearances from: (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/126047520062759)Kato's Big League Chew Hat and Plaid, on Plaid, on Plaid (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/129475636386614). Other tangents include Target's transgender lifestyle, a shared love of Judy Greer, 21 Jump Street, entrepreneurial drunkenness, and a poor understanding of how babies are made (again). This episode is not sponsored by Catholic University, the Friends of Dorothy, Big League Chew, or Salmonella Peanut Butter. Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/). Want to contribute to a headline or nominate a clickbaiter of the week? Send us an email at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com (http://Nobody@notforyoupod.com/)
20 May 2022
Cruising with Cruz in My Own Private Oklahoma
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss the important societal contribution that is Johns Hopkins' Tastee Tape, suing your children for not giving you children, one-night budget stays at the Moulin Rouge (not a euphemism, oddly enough), Governor Kevin Stitt's moral bankruptcy, their thoughts on Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and more! Guest Appearances from: Kato's knock-off Dear Evan Hansen polo, Kristen's newsboy drip, and introducing: Gus the Gryphon riding Amelia the Elephant. (https://www.facebook.com/NotForYou.FB/posts/126047520062759) Other tangents include some light cannibalism, rourking it, Chris Redd, [REDACTED], a brief reappearance from The Patriot, and France (at least twice). This episode is not sponsored by Lynn, Massachusetts, Thomas Dolby (or Magnus Pyke), SNL, or Airbnb. Find us on the web at Not For You (//www.notforyoupod.com). Want to contribute to a headline or nominate a clickbaiter of the week? Send us an email at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com (http://Nobody@notforyoupod.com/)
13 May 2022
What About Breakfast at Bojangles?
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss The Jan. 6 Committee and the NH Supreme Court, as well as introduce two brand new segments for your listening pleasure. Other tangents include The Girl From Plainville (the human and the TV show); a (brief) foray into Eurovision; another surprise appearance from Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.; and unlikely friendships with Elderly Average Human Turtle, Mitch McConnell. This episode is not sponsored by Latvia, AJEATR (thank you for your service), or LEGO. Find us on the web at Not For You. Want to contribute to a headline or nominate a clickbaiter of the week? Send us an email at Nobody@NotForYouPod.com
6 May 2022
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. Cut It Up One Time
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato try to unpack Roe v. Wade, the 14th Amendment, Cui bono?, and how little the American school system actually teaches about the Judicial process. This week's special guests: The spiritual successor to Ebony and Ivory, Gingham and Denim. Other tangents include Kris Kristofferson, Slovenia, and a second appearance of Pam Hupp. This episode is not sponsored by Stephanie Carnes, Kevin the Emu, or Losing Important Pieces of Hollywood History in a Shoebox. Find us on the web at Not For You Want to contribute to Topic Roulette? Send us an email at Topics@NotForYouPod.com. Follow Us On Facebook!
29 Apr 2022
Beyond the Veal with Jōvan Musk
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss Chris Pratt guarding our galaxies, Elon Musk's (potential) Twitter Acquisition, and getting cancelled by PETA. This week's special guests: Kristen's "This Is Fine" shirt and Kato's Warren Lotas "LA" colorway Reapers Dunks (https://static.wixstatic.com/media/6d81a9_db78063e7ad842c1abc89726e3569a1b~mv2.jpg) Other tangents include implementing a prison colony on Mars, The Patriot: Sean Roberts, Amanda Seyfried, Jovan Musk, and shouting theater in a firehouse. Plus, the weekly Pete Davidson update feature jet-setting to Orlando, the upcoming Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, and more from the Trashian Kartel. This episode is not sponsored by Sol Republic, Elizabeth Holmes' voice, or the letter C. Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/) Want to contribute to Topic Roulette? Send us an email at Topics@NotForYouPod.com (mailto:Topics@NotForYouPod.com).
1 Apr 2022
Slaps, Nancy Grace, and Flamingos - Oh My!
On this week's episode of Not For You Kristen and Kato discuss the intricacies and overlap of gender and bureaucracy, how quickly they might get sued by Nancy Grace for slander, the fabulous showmanship that was Jonathan Bennett and Jaymes Vaughan's white wedding, plus the Weekly Pete Davidson Update! Other tangents include Delicore, the gem that is Jennifer Coolidge, the importance of wearing a hat, the mutually assured respect of crazy people, and more! Find us on the web at Not For You (https://www.notforyoupod.com/) Want to contribute to Topic Roulette? Send us an email at Topics@NotForYouPod.com (mailto:Topics@NotForYouPod.com).
18 Mar 2022
Welcome to Not For You
Welcome to the inaugural episode of Not For You, a podcast that is not for you. Hosts Kristen Carroll and Kato Murray take you through The Who, What, and Why, plus News You Can't Use and the weekly Pete Davidson update. Tangents include the Purge, the (narrow) difference between succeeding and seceding, timeshares in Nova Scotia, and the Fleet Center. You can reach us by email at Topics@NotForYouPod.com (emailto:topics@notforyoupod.com) and Nobody@NotForYouPod.com (mailto:nobody@notforyoupod.com). Our website is currently under construction, but you can find us on the web at NotForYouPod.com (//NotForYouPod.com). You might also be able to find us just by screaming into the void - we haven't tried yet, but we are open to all forms of modern communication. Not For You is a Moonshine Tuesday Production and is written, produced, and hosted by Kristen Carroll and Kato Murray Social profiles are TBA, but keep an eye out for updates in future episodes.
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