Join Johanna and Rin on their quest to find the steamiest, funniest, most absurd romance novel out there! Every week we rate and review a different piece of outrageous erotic literature
#14 Quickie: Not Pounded In The Butt By Anything And That’s Okay
Here's one for all our homies who are not getting pounded at all this Valentine's Day! To be fair, we recorded this back in November but y'know, life. We thought this beautiful opus by our fav Dr. Chuck Tingle would be a great one for the ace, aro, and/or single gang while heteronormative concepts of love get shoved down our throats all week.
Content Warnings: innuendo, police encounter, NO sex
9 Jan 2022
#13 Quickie: Tongue Sex God
For episode 13, we have something truly cursed! Enjoy listening to Johanna and Rin struggle to process this twisted tale of lies, (slight) vore and extremely detailed accounts of Mayan culture mixed with terrible porn. We fully blame author, Justin B. James, for any psychic damage you take if you choose to listen.
Content Warnings; mentions of slight vore, casual racism, mild xenophobia, being lost in the jungle, threat of violence, sex (duh)
2 Jan 2022
#12 Barbarian Alien (Part 1)
It's a new year and we are back to the roots baby! Picking up from our very first episode, we tackle part 2 of Ruby Dixon's "Ice Planet Barbarians" series. This time, we follow our mouthy heroine Liz (not Liv even if Rin refuses to believe that) doing basically the exact same shit as her predecessor Georgie. But who can get enough of dubious alien porn, amirite?
Content warnings: mention of rape, dubious consent situations, starvation, weird parasite shit, misogyny (so much misogyny), animal harm, sex (duh)
15 Nov 2021
#11 Quickie: The Sentient Physical Manifestation Of Halloween Eats Me Out
Yes, we know Halloween was two weeks ago. Do we care? No. After that last episode we needed something fun and wholesome and we found it in this chapter of the anthology "Scary Stories To Tingle Your Lesbian Butt" by the one and only Dr. Chuck Tingle.
Content warnings: abusive relationship, excessive Halloween decor, supernatural elements, sex (duh)
30 Oct 2021
#10 Quickie: Dairymaid Café
It's Halloween weekend! Now, this one isn't exactly spooky in the traditional sense but nevertheless not for the faint-hearted. "Dairymaid Café", the first instalment of Ellen Dominick's Hot Little Shop series, features probably the most out-there kink we have discussed so far. And that's coming from the show that's had vegetables, ghost pirates, space raptors, and so much more so buckle in folks!
Content warnings: ASMR, unemployment after college (ooft), financial desperation, mention of human trafficking, mummy issues, excessive Oedipus jokes, body morphing, sex (duh)
23 Oct 2021
#9 Flash Bang (Part 2)
Ok so maybe we didn't return "next week"..but here's the thrilling (read: fucking terrible) conclusion to Meghan March's Flash Bang! Now with even MORE mummy issues, misogyny, and flaming hot rage!
Content warnings: gun violence, bodily harm, threat of rape, kidnapping, daddy issues, mummy issues, emotional manipulation, pregnancy
2 Oct 2021
#8 Flash Bang (Part 1)
We're finally back with a full length episode! But we really wish we weren't! Listen to us trying to make it through more than 5 minutes of Meghan March's "Flash Bang" without breaking into a rant. In fact, we had so much to say about this book that we had to split it into two parts, but worry not, this post-apocalyptic threesome extravaganza will return next week!
Content warnings: sexual assault, regular assault, injury and bodily harm, misogyny, gun violence, child abandonment, kidnapping, mention of death of a spouse, mention of suicide, mention of drug addiction, general violation of bodily autonomy, sex (duh)
25 Sept 2021
#7 Quickie: Scarecrow Gangbang
Remember the unexpected bonus book at the end of Ghost Pirate Group Encounter? Well here it is! Hank Wilder pulled a sneaky on us and included an extra story of the series "Monsters Made Me Gay" and it's....surprisingly wholesome? But yes, the title means exactly what you think it means.
Content warnings: death of a spouse, questioning sexuality, supernatural curses, group sex (duh)
18 Sept 2021
#6 Quickie: The Milkmaid - with Yasmin‘s Corner
Guys, we jinxed it. I know that last week, we told you we only pick the most amazing books but this one...this ain't it chief. We had high hopes, period piece, vampires, nice over art, what could go wrong right? Our pure cinnamon roll of a friend Yaz joins us as we start Kahlua Stark' series "The Erotic Tales Of A Regency Vampire: The Milkmaid", it ended in actual tears.
Content warnings: dubious consent, sexual assault, power imbalance, age difference (he's a vampire), mentions of legal system, mentions of serial killers, voyeurism, bad sex (not duh bc usually at least there's orgasms)
11 Sept 2021
#5 Quickie: Ghost Pirate Group Encounter
Dive into an alternate universe with us that is juuust different enough from our own to avoid a copyright lawsuit. This masterpiece is part of the series "Monsters Made Me Gay" penned by Hank Wilder and well I don't know what to tell you, there's pirates, they're ghosts, there's a group of them. Find out the details for yourself!
Content warnings: internalised homophobia, questioning sexuality, doubting one's sanity, paranormal activity, bad geography, sex (duh)
29 Aug 2021
#4 Bearpaw Ridge Firefighters - Heat
Hunky firemen, cinnamon rolls, bear puns! All this and more can be found in the first instalment of Ophelia Sexton’s book series “Bearpaw Ridge Firefighters”. God really did not want us to record this episode, the technical difficulties were insane, but we powered through to bring you this book which was kind of...good?
Content warnings: bodyshaming, fatshaming, abusive relationships, attempted murder, arson, death of a parent, car accidents, sex (duh)
21 Aug 2021
#3 Quickie: Space Raptor Butt Invasion
We're going extraterrestrial today with the first book of the "Space Raptor Butt Trilogy" by the wonderful Dr. Chuck Tingle. This one got surprisingly kinky, bonus points if you can pinpoint the instance where Rin found herself unexpectedly excited by an alien dinosaur's sex talk.
For anyone wondering, this is the video we're referencing when we talk about raptor jesus and screeching into the microphone, highly recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbEyixxZJDg
Content warnings: homophobia, internalised homophobia, D/s dynamics, rough sex, forced BJ (he likes it though so idk), loneliness, mention of hallucination, mention of dissociaton, mentions of psychosis, scalies, extraterrestrial encounters, sex (duh)
24 Jul 2021
#2 Quickie: Attack of the Raging Horny Vegetable People – with Cal Clark
Our composer Cal joins us and gets a tomatoe-y taste of what exactly he’s lent his name to. In our very first quickie episode, we read out the lovely short story “Attack of the Raging Horny Vegetable People” by Helen Pierce none of us have heard before and revel in abject horror together.
Content warnings: aggressive sex, body morphing, foreskin injury, cheating, sex (duh)
17 Jul 2021
#1 Ice Planet Barbarians
Today, we tackle the TikTok sensation which is basically just Avatar porn: Ice Planet Barbarians Book 1 by Ruby Dixon. We recommend the use of headphones.
Content warnings: sexual assault, forced abortion, dubious consent, death, violence, animal harm, blood, bodily fluids, themes of racism, possible triggers for ED, sex (duh)
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