About Notes from a Small (Cold, Dark, Miserable) Island
Your Yank guide to everything Brit. Mike and Matt are two Americans stuck in London. Expect dodgy accents, transatlantic bantz and copious notes on queueing.
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For our season finale we present a new fixture on the verbal sporting calendar. It's the first annual Pronunciation Bowl! Who says it better - Brits or Yanks? Representing the United States of America, our very own Matt who also, er, devised all the rules. And fighting on behalf of the plucky United Kingdom, our friend Anthony Mannion who joins us from Hastings - a small portion of which will forever be devoted to American freedom and tax evasion. Joining us as special guest judge is Ja...
1 Jul 2026
16: Five Star Fourth
Early July is a particularly poignant time for American expats, as it's when we celebrate kicking British ass by detonating explosives and eating copious amounts of whatever it is that ends up in a hot dog. So how can you recreate fun Fourth of July celebrations away from home? Fortunately your hosts are on hand to get you in the mood by reminiscing about Midwestern suburbs, sugar-filled parades and voluminous air pollution. Matt and Mike also discuss whether the Founding Fathers pulled...
26 Jun 2026
15: Football shirts and soccer jerseys ft. Joey D'Urso
We're currently in the thick of the World Super Cup of Soccerball and wow, has the 2026 tournament been a doozy. This week we're joined by Joey D'Urso - dedicated footie fan, political journalist and author of More Than A Shirt: How Football Shirts Explain Global Politics, Money and Power. Joey is just back from New York and tells us how excited Americans about hydration breaks, ruthless commercial opportunities and penalties for using their hands. Can the USA break through the knockout...
11 Jun 2026
14: Education, Education, Education ft. Emily Gann
Fresh off our half‑term adventures, what better moment to dive into the delightful strangeness that is the British education system. Class might be out for summer back in the homeland, but here in London pupils will still be slogging away for weeks - dreaming of undercooked potatoes on pebbly beaches and EasyJet flights packed tighter than a Year 9 lunch queue headed to destinations with visible sunlight. This week we’re joined by Emily Gann, an American teacher in British schools who ...
26 May 2026
13: Oxford American Dictionary ft. Ben Yagoda
Brits fiercely gatekeep their language, which they haughtily named "English" after some of their people, and Americanization is hated almost as much as the invasive gray squirrel. Or grey squirrel? Anyway, the process doesn't just go one way. The British are coming for your words and soon the internet will have us all talking like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Today your hosts are joined by Ben Yagoda, author of the blog Not One Off Britishisms, which catalogues the ways in which Briti...
6 May 2026
12: Raw Milk Politics
With the local elections coming up we're here to explain the UK's complicated political system, why it doesn't neatly map onto American politics and how to pronounce Plaid Cymru. Plus all the hot and cold takes from the King's comedy tour of Washington. Mike recounts a bank holiday encounter with farmer hawking raw milk out in the shires and Matt runs down his list of top fictional transatlantic couples, not all of which met a tragic end. Which fav of yours didn't make the list? Tell us...
19 Apr 2026
11: Holiday Time ft. Max Geller
What's more British than a proper British holiday resort with proper British people eating proper British food, somewhere far away from Britain? This week the hosts are joined by Matt's neighbour Max Geller, a Bostonian who explains how he found love on the campaign trail and how that eventually led to, uh, package holidays on the Mediterranean. While Matt and Max each spent their recent holibobs with their famalams in one of those Great British foreign resorts, Mike didn't even leave the cou...
26 Mar 2026
10: The Sport(s) Episode
Your hosts tackle the wide world of British sport, from football (soccer) to snooker (pool, but much, much more difficult). Will we ever make a proper footie fan out of Matt. And what's the right way to appreciate "the beautiful game"? Mike argues that all the British sports are basically just different versions of the American games you know and love. Go team! Plus a mercifully brief update on what's going on the world, and why you should think twice before you take your Trader J...
1 Mar 2026
9: Wake Up! It's the First of the Month
As the homeland goes to war once again, we pick over the state of the union and find it ... totally great, no problems, all good. Cheap eggs, too. Really though, your hosts Matt and Mike play a quick game of two truths and a lie, and provide an urgent update for those of you with more than one passport. Plus, is half of Royal Mail really stool and urine samples? We investigate. Because let's face it, nobody else is going to. Get in touch: colddarkmiserablepod@gmail.com
13 Feb 2026
8: The Love Boat ft. Derek Miller
Today we're on a journey from Chicago to LA, via Indiana and New York, but as we know, all roads lead to ... Yorkshire. Actor, Windy City native and improv scene veteran Derek Miller tells us about winning money off of Green Day, finding love on the high seas, Tim Burton's strangely normal affect and how he ended up being the only American in the village. Derek shares his thoughts on the UK comedy scene and how he landed a gig playing himself on current affairs television. Plus in...
7 Feb 2026
7: Cruise out of Control
Was our good friend Tom Cruise forced from London by a smash-and-grab robbery, the relentless rain, or anti-Scientology villagers? Matt and Mike take on an impossible mission: decoding the sourcing in a story that has enthralled the tabloid press. In other news, we find that a Proud Boy punk plans to tour the UK later this month. Plus practical updates: on Indefinite Leave to Remain, which banks actually accept American customers, and what are the British equivalents of Venmo, Craigslist and ...
2 Feb 2026
6: Tipsy not lairy ft. Erich von Gehren
Erich von Gehren survived the Beirut port explosion and after his dramatic brush with death decided to ... buy a pub in Hanwell. He joins us this week to fill us in on all the details of a long, exciting career in the restaurant industry, and a much less exciting 1,000-page visa application. The Duke of York, which Erich and his wife Lisa are refurbishing, is at 161 Uxbridge Road W7. It will be open the week after Easter, because to open on Easter weekend would be way too stressfu...
22 Jan 2026
5: Bowling with Harry ft. Sacha Szwarc
BAFTA-nominated film and TV editor Sacha Szwarc joins us in the studio to recall his first encounter with Matt, back when bowling in London was a bit of a thing. Even Prince Harry was into it! Sacha's credits include Sherwood, Time, The Long Shadow, The Last Post, Des and most recently The Hack starring David Tennant - and before all that he was slinging pancakes and shooting films in a Parisian cafe devoted to American diner food. We have some sage advice for yankee newbies hoping to steal o...
8 Jan 2026
4: Strangers in a Panto Land
The holidays are over and your hosts are picking over the leftovers. Matt continues to make the case that pantomime is not really good for anybody involved, while somehow Mike managed to swerve the Boxing Day show. We have reports and regrets from New Year's and wildly inaccurate predictions for 2026. All that plus stories of mild family strife and peril, made worse by cross-cultural misunderstandings. Or maybe better? We can't tell? Because this is Britain and maybe it was all ju...
19 Dec 2025
3: There won't be snow in London this Christmas
Mike and Matt are back with a flaming festive cracker. Yes, it's that time of the year again. The time when we ask questions like: What is bread sauce? When do you open your presents? What does cricket mean, and why do England lose it? In a word, it's the season of The Snowman featuring David Bowie (but only in certain editions). And if you've never truly experienced the joy of a British Christmas, don't worry, by the end of this episode you'll be just as befuddled and tipsy as anyone ...
4 Dec 2025
2: Giving thanks for Jay-Zed
Mike and Matt talk holidays, particularly the best and most American holiday, as long as you're not a turkey. How did you spend your Thanksgiving Black Friday, mate? This week also includes two new features: Relevant Recos - cultural tips for transatlantic types - and Visa Stories, the first of which is weirdly funny. Later, a news update about an Ohio senator who wants Americans to pick one nationality and stick with it, no duals allowed. Is this idea as Moreno-ic as it sounds and will ...
19 Nov 2025
1: Newcomers, we are your sherpas
Mike and Matt have found themselves stranded on this strange island after decades of bobbing about on the stormy seas of the North Atlantic. How did they get here from Ohio, via Chicago, Copenhagen, Toronto and Norwich? Our hosts have some tips for their fellow fresh-faced Americans on how to navigate the mean streets of London and the cryptic utterings of the people who live here. Plus a first-hand report from the homeland and finding refuge from the madness in a playground in Angola, Indian...
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Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
2 ratings
Spotify
4.5 / 5
8 ratings
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