Two friends, zero focus.
Welcome to Off-Brand & Off-Topic, the podcast where two best friends have no idea how to have a normal conversation.
By trade, one of us is a meticulous photographer obsessed with lighting and composition. The other is a chaotic hairdresser who spends her days dealing with wild client gossip and color crises.
Together, we try to host a normal podcast. Key word: try.
Peak Panic, The Zombie Debate Returns, and Having to Actively Not Unalive People
HAPPY HALLOWEEN BESTIES!!!
It’s our spooky Halloween special for episode eight, and Allison takes the hosting throne with high hopes for a dark, deeply psychological round of a homemade Would You Rather game. Naturally, it immediately devolves into absolute nonsense.
Before we can even look at the questions, we drown in heavy small talk covering the absolute war zone of busy photography and hair salon seasons, plus a passionate rant about rising gas prices being completely unhinged.
Once the game finally kicks off, it miraculously resurrects the Great Zombie Argument from episode two, before taking a terrifying dark turn when Charly casually mentions the daily struggle of "having to actively not kill people." Toss in some completely skewed scoring and aggressive rounding errors, and Charly somehow claws her way to a narrow victory.
Topics derailed include: peak season burnout, apocalyptic gas prices, undead strategy round two, intrusive thoughts, and a Halloween special that forgot to be scary.
15 Oct 2026
Walmart Family Trivia, Celebrity Impressions, and Why We Have to Be Best Friends in the Multiverse
Charly brings it on with a high-stakes, deeply questionable game from Walmart called How Well Do You Know Your Family, immediately putting the friendship on trial as we grill each other with trivia. But before we even open that box, Allison derails the timeline with a brand-new, all-consuming crochet obsession she woke up with one morning "just because." We dive into a passionate rant against the absolute scam that is female fashion - from shoe sizing to fake pockets.
As the trivia questions get worse, we spiral into an existential crisis over the multiverse, seriously debating whether we could actually be friends in every alternate dimension.
We wrap it up in what will arguably be Charly's favourite thing to ever come out of the podcast: Allison abandoning all dignity to perform a series of unhinged impressions to score a bunch of bonus points.
1 Oct 2026
Blair Witch Field Research, The Karate Kid Musical, and Why Action Heroines Need to Break Bones
Fresh off her historic back-to-back victory, Allison takes the hosting reins for movie week, and the cinematic deep-dive instantly goes completely off the rails. Before we can even look at a script, Charly casually announces her bulletproof survival plan to move into the woods, live with the Blair Witch, and "see what she can learn."
From there, we tear into overhyped movie flops, compare our favorite book-to-screen adaptations, and spiral hard into the psychological trap of ADHD compulsory media consumption. We also lose our minds over the accidental discovery of The Karate Kid musical and get deeply hung up on a cinematic injustice: why women on screen can't just be absolute smoke-shows and brutally beat people up. Plus, Allison attempts a dramatic live recreation of the ending of Lisa Frankenstein.
Topics derailed include: woodland ghost roommates, hyperfixation media loops, Broadway martial arts, cinematic double standards, and dramatic goth teen monologues.
17 Sept 2026
Shark-Eating Goldfish, Raccoon Permits, and Why We're Seeing Doubles
It's pet week on the podcast, and we're diving deep into the absolute zoo of our past and present animal companions - featuring everything from dogs and hedgehogs to raccoons and sharks.
Allison firmly insists she is a licensed professional backed by a legitimate "permit" for handling trash pandas (which is definitely NOT just a handwritten note on the spot.)
Meanwhile, Charly takes a bold stand on childhood memories, fiercely convinced that her childhood goldfish ate a shark. Naturally we phone in the expert - her mom - to settle the score.
To make matters worse, this weeks points are assigned by a random number generator, and through an unfortunate mathematical fluke, Allison accidentally clinches another victory; marking the first-ever back-to-back win in the history of the show.
Topics derailed include: self-issued wildlife permits, aquatic shark crime scenes, how you should NOT handle a dolphin, and the unfortunate math of random numbers.
3 Sept 2026
Music Mayhem, The Dolly Parton Hall of Fame, and Girl Guide Road
Music was supposed to be the main event for today with Charly hosting a lineup covering instruments we play, our go to karaoke belt, unforgettable concerts and genres that just give us the ick. But let's be honest; that plan never stood a chance.
Charly tries to keep it together, but Allison completely incinerates the topic in less than ten minutes, dragging the ship into the archives of high school drama class monologues and an accidental homage to a wonderful Miss Dolly Parton (forever our BFF).
Meanwhile Charly tries out a stealthy new point system which goes off the rails and turns a simple game into a wildly inflated, multi-thousand-point fever dream.
Topics derailed include: why Dolly Parton is a saint, how Cherry Pie was not the song, instruments our kids shouldn't play but do, and teenage stage fright.
20 Aug 2026
Preamble Panic, Bougie or Budget, and Why We Know We're Broke
Tables are flipped and the script is thoroughly shredded for episode three, with Allison taking over hosting duties! The original game plan was to play a fun game called Bougie or Budget, where Charly has to guess whether random, unhinged items cost a fortune or next to nothing.
The catch? We spend a glorious, completely unrepentant 20 minutes drowning in absolute small-talk chaos before we even look at the game. Once the segment finally kicks off, it's a ruthless battle of financial guesswork, sensory overload, and rule-bending. Tune in to see if Charly can tell high-end luxury apart from total trash, or if the pre-show rambling completely torpedoes the scoreboard.
Topics derailed include: existential small talk, luxury mystery items, and why 20 minutes of preamble is a legally binding ADHD contract.
6 Aug 2026
Pixelated Preferences, Dewey Decimal Detours, and Why Zombies Will End Our Friendship
Charly takes the steering wheel to host a deep dive into the absolute holy grail of gaming: our all-time favourite video games that we could play until our controllers melt. But staying on track? Absolutely not happening.
The timeline shatters immediately when Allison takes a sharp tangent into the sacred, hushed halls of childhood library memories. From there, the chaos escalates into a fierce, multi-minute debate over the logistics, physics, and sheer bureaucratic nightmares of a zombie apocalypse. Tune in to see how pixels turn into survival strategy, who's actually keeping score, and how Allison clinches a chaotic victory.
Topics derailed include: endless replay value, Dewey Decimal flashbacks, and why we will never agree on what friends should do in a zombie apocalypse.
Follow us on Instagram!
Charly @hair_bycharly
Allison @black_bat_design
23 Jul 2026
Core Memories, Curbside Chaos, and Why We're Talking About Chile Peppers
Welcome to the very first episode of the chaos! In our inaugural experiment, Allison attempts to anchor the show with a deep dive into childhood memories and formative moments. Unfortunately, Charly is an absolute menace with the distraction cannon today, successfully dragging the conversation into bizarre territory within the first four minutes.
While Allison falls wildly behind on the scoreboard due to sheer sensory overload and vivid flashbacks, she drops some incredible, colourful stories about growing up. Tune in to see who manages to wrangle the brain static—and who completely loses the plot.
Topics derailed include (briefly): childhood nostalgia, rogue chile peppers, and whatever Shein object Charly just stared at.
Follow us on Instagram!
Charly @hair_bycharly
Allison @black_bat_design
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