Okay, So Here’s The Deal

About Okay, So Here’s The Deal

Okay, So Here’s the Deal is a divorce recovery podcast for women who are done playing small after toxic or high-conflict marriages. Hosted by Amazon Best Selling author Marilee Grace, the show dives into healing after divorce, narcissistic relationships, identity shifts, self-love, and rebuilding life with clarity and confidence. We talk growth, grief, joy, boundaries, self-care, and reinvention—without sugarcoating it. If you’re navigating divorce, recovering from a toxic relationship, or ready to rewrite your story and rise unapologetically, this space is for you. We’ll laugh, cry, and grow together. Buckle up, beautiful—it’s time to rise.

Publisher

Marilee Grace

Category

education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

16 Jan 2026

Latest episode

16 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

19 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   16 Oct 2026

   Stop Trying to Change Them: 2 Tools for Dealing With Toxic People

   Have you been exhausting yourself trying to get someone to change, understand you, or treat you the way you deserve? What if protecting your peace starts with changing how you respond? In this episode of Okay, So Here's the Deal, Marilee Grace wraps up the Narcissism 101 series with two important tools for navigating toxic relationships, narcissistic behaviors, and high-conflict personalities: the Grey Rock Method and Radical Acceptance. After eight weeks of learning the terminology, recognizing manipulation tactics, and identifying patterns of behavior, it's time to talk about what you can do next. First, we'll explore the Grey Rock Method, a communication strategy that involves keeping interactions brief, neutral, and uninteresting. When you need to communicate with a difficult or manipulative person, grey rocking may help you reduce unnecessary engagement and protect your emotional energy. Marilee walks you through a relatable example of what grey rocking can sound like, shares Kate's experience using the technique, and explains how she has used it herself when communicating with her children's father and navigating difficult people in the workplace. Next, we'll explore Radical Acceptance, a psychological skill associated with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality as it is—even when that reality is painful—instead of continually fighting against what you wish were true. This can be especially difficult when you're holding on to the hope that a toxic partner will change. Accepting the reality of a relationship can bring grief, guilt, fear, and sadness. It doesn't make the behavior acceptable, make the hurt disappear, or mean you have to stay. But it can help you see the relationship more clearly, recognize patterns, stop blaming yourself for someone else's behavior, and begin considering what choices are available to you.

2. 

   9 Oct 2026

   When Your Ex Turns People Against You: Triangulation, Flying Monkeys & Smear Campaigns

   Have you ever discovered that people were talking about you, taking sides, or believing a version of your story that you never got the chance to tell? If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “How did I suddenly become the bad guy?”—this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal is for you. Welcome to Narcissism 101: Lesson 7, where Marilee Grace breaks down two powerful manipulation tactics: triangulation and smear campaigns, along with the role of “flying monkeys” who may become involved along the way. Triangulation is a divide-and-conquer tactic that brings a third person into a conflict to create division, stir up jealousy, spread gossip, force people to take sides, or help the manipulator maintain control. Then there’s the smear campaign—the deliberate use of rumors, lies, half-truths, and distorted information to damage your reputation and influence how other people see you. And sometimes, other people get pulled into the story to do the manipulator’s dirty work. These people are commonly referred to as flying monkeys.

3. 

   2 Oct 2026

   First They Confuse You. Then They Ignore You. Then They Come Back.

   Have you ever had a conversation that started with one simple question… and somehow ended with you defending yourself for things you didn't even know you were accused of? Or maybe they stopped talking to you completely, leaving you wondering what you did wrong. And just when you finally started pulling yourself back together… suddenly they're back. An apology. A gift. A declaration of love. A made-up emergency. Or a casual little, “I saw something that reminded me of you.” Welcome to Narcissism 101, Lesson 6 of Okay, So Here's the Deal. This week, Marilee Grace breaks down three more terms that can help you understand the behaviors you may have experienced in a high-conflict personality relationship: word salad, the silent treatment, and hoovering. These three tactics may look completely different on the surface, but they can all create the same result: confusion, self-doubt, insecurity, and a loss of emotional control. First, there's word salad—the exhausting cycle of circular conversations, topic shifting, blame shifting, irrelevant accusations, and so many words that you eventually give up simply because you're mentally exhausted. Marilee introduces the acronym DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender—and walks you through an example so you can recognize what word salad can actually sound like in real life. Then comes the silent treatment. Not every quiet moment is abusive. But when silence is deliberately used as punishment, control, or a way to make you chase after someone and apologize for something you didn't do, it becomes another tool in the cycle. And then there's hoovering. Just when you have started creating distance, they may suddenly reappear with affection, apologies, promises to change, gifts, dramatic declarations, a crisis, or a seemingly innocent message designed to see whether you'll respond.

4. 

   26 Sept 2026

   Micromanipulation and Projection: The Hidden Tactics That Keep You Off Balance

   When you've spent weeks, months, or years being told that your feelings are wrong, your reactions are the problem, or someone else's behavior is somehow your fault, trusting yourself again can feel very strange. Start small. Notice the pattern. Notice how you feel. Trust your gut. Set the boundary. And don't take the bait. Remember our Narcissism 101 mantra: We don't diagnose.We educate ourselves.We identify patterns.We learn what happened.And then we learn what to do next. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to have your feelings respected. And you don't have to keep explaining yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding you. Buckle up, gorgeous. We're learning the language so we can recognize the patterns—and learn how to stop participating in them. You are not meant to do this alone. Together, we continue to rise.

5. 

   18 Sept 2026

   Gaslighting and Breadcrumbing Explained: Recognizing Toxic Relationship Patterns

   Gaslighting? Breadcrumbing? In a high-conflict relationship, breadcrumbs aren't something you crunch on your chicken strips—and gaslights aren't an old-fashioned way to light a room! So what are they? Welcome back to Narcissism 101, Lesson 4 of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, where Marilee Grace breaks down two terms you may have heard all over social media but may not fully understand: gaslighting and breadcrumbing. This series isn't about diagnosing your ex or throwing around labels. It's about giving you language for the behaviors you experienced so they become less confusing—and so you can learn what happened and what to do next. In this episode, Marilee explains how gaslighting can cause you to question your own memory, perception, judgment, and even your sanity. She shares a powerful real-life example of a woman who was so certain she remembered an important family event that she began wondering if she had actually imagined it—until she found the program and tickets that proved she was right. It wasn't her. She wasn't going crazy. Marilee also explains breadcrumbing: the pattern of giving someone just enough attention, affection, and hope to keep them emotionally invested, followed by criticism, distance, or rejection. That push-pull cycle can create confusion, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and a powerful craving for the next bit of attention. In this episode, you'll learn: What gaslighting actually means How gaslighting causes you to doubt your memory and perception The common tactics used in gaslighting, including denial, trivializing, and blame shifting Why documenting facts can help you reconnect with your own sense of reality What breadcrumbing looks like in a relationship or marriage How the pull-in/push-away pattern creates false hope Why intermittent reinforcement can make the cycle so difficult to break How gaslighting fits into the trauma bond cycle Why breadcrumbing is especially common in modern dating and dating apps Grounding and self-regulation techniques you can use when these patterns trigger a strong emotional response Why practicing your regulation tools now helps you use them when you really need them And remember: Not every behavior is gaslighting. Learning these terms isn't about labeling every difficult person or every disagreement. It's about recognizing patterns accurately so you can understand your own experience. Our Narcissism 101 mantra remains: We don't diagnose.We educate ourselves.We identify patterns.We learn what happened.And then we learn what to do next.

6. 

   11 Sept 2026

   You Didn’t Miss the Red Flags… They Weren’t There Yet

   The person you fell in love with may have shown you exactly what you wanted to see. The intensity felt like connection. The attention felt like love. The future planning felt like security. And then things changed. Understanding the pattern isn't about blaming yourself. It’s about educating yourself so you can recognize the pattern if it ever appears again. Remember our Narcissism 101 mantra: We don’t diagnose.We educate ourselves.We identify patterns.We learn what happened.And then we learn what to do next. This episode covers some heavy ground, so give yourself permission to pause. Breathe. Haven. Tap. Get outside. Journal. Do whatever helps you return to a grounded, regulated place. You can do hard things. And you don't have to do them alone. Buckle up, gorgeous. We’re learning what happened so we can learn what to do next. Together, we continue to rise.

7. 

   26 May 2026

   Rediscovering Joy After Divorce: From Glimmers to Your Glow Up Era

   What if you truly believed you would never feel joy again? In this deeply personal episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, Marilee Grace shares the moment she told her own mother that joy was no longer possible in her life—and the powerful journey of what it actually took to rediscover it after divorce. Because here’s the truth:Joy doesn’t just magically return.It has to be rebuilt—intentionally, gently, and over time. In this episode, we explore the difference between happiness and joy, and how even in your darkest seasons, there may still be a small, protected sliver of joy waiting to be nurtured back to life. You’ll learn: Why joy doesn’t automatically return after divorce The difference between happiness (an emotion) and joy (a state of being) What “glimmers” are and how they help regulate your nervous system How small, everyday moments can begin restoring your sense of peace What it means to reconnect with your authentic self How glimmers grow into your inner sparkle—and eventually your glow up This episode is your reminder that healing doesn’t happen all at once. It starts small. Quiet. Almost unnoticeable. But those small moments?They can bring you all the way back to yourself. A worksheet is included to help you begin noticing your own glimmers and rebuilding joy—one moment at a time. Get it here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dkEa8GxJCuEgdNHzBwQv9df45fYKEQUV/view?usp=drive_link Buckle up, gorgeous.Your joy isn’t gone… it’s waiting.

8. 

   15 May 2026

   Dating After Divorce, Dating Apps & The Truth No One Talks About

   Have you ever downloaded a dating app… and immediately felt buyer’s remorse? 😅 In this episode of Here’s the Deal, I’m sharing the very real, very awkward, sometimes hilarious truth about dating after divorce — from my first terrifying experience on the apps to the lessons I learned after interacting with over 200 men online. This episode is honest, funny, uncomfortable at times, and deeply eye-opening for any woman considering dating after leaving a high-conflict, toxic, or narcissistic relationship. We’re talking about: ✨ Why I joined dating apps before I was truly ready ✨ Boundaries, safety, and trusting your gut ✨ Scammers, catfishers, bots, and “everything but sex” first dates 🙃 ✨ What I learned while researching for my book Right Swipe: A Quest for Love ✨ The emotional reality of dating after divorce ✨ Why loneliness and healing matter more than rushing into another relationship ✨ How to recognize red flags in dating profiles and conversations ✨ The “Burn the Haystack” dating method and why it matters This episode is part storytelling, part cautionary tale, part healing conversation — and hopefully a reminder that you are allowed to protect your peace while rediscovering yourself after divorce. 📖 Books Mentioned: • Right Swipe: A Quest for Love by Marilee Grace • Burn the Haystack Dating Method by Jennie Young, PhD 💛 If this episode resonated with you, please like, comment, and subscribe. You are not meant to do this alone. Together, we will continue to rise.

9. 

   8 May 2026

   Girl Math Won’t Heal You: The Real Truth About Dating After Divorce

   Are you really ready to date after divorce… or are you trying to heal a wound someone else created? In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, Marilee Grace gets brutally honest about dating after a high-conflict divorce, the temptation of dating apps, and why healing has to happen before you start looking for love again. Because here’s the truth nobody wants to hear:Wanting someone to finally treat you the way you begged your ex to treat you… is not the same thing as being ready to date. Through personal stories, coaching techniques, and a powerful “Seven Layers / Smoking Gun” exercise, Marilee helps you uncover the real reason you may want to start dating again—and whether it’s coming from curiosity, loneliness, validation, pain, or true readiness. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “girl math” doesn’t work when it comes to healing after divorce How to use the “Smoking Gun” technique to uncover your true motivations Why healing takes longer than most people want it to What you should focus on during the first 18–24 months after divorce How to rebuild your identity, peace, confidence, and joy before inviting someone new into your life Why learning to be alone is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself The difference between wanting love… and wanting validation This episode is honest, validating, funny in places, and deeply grounding for anyone navigating life after divorce. And if you’ve been tempted to download the apps because your ex moved on quickly?Marilee has thoughts. Buckle up, gorgeous.Healing is not punishment.It’s preparation for the life you truly deserve.

10. 

    2 May 2026

    Why Toxic Relationships Feel Like Tornadoes (And How to Heal After)

    In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, Marilee Grace explores the powerful connection between trauma and high-conflict relationships—and why healing isn’t just emotional… it’s physical, too. Using a vivid tornado analogy, Marilee breaks down what it feels like to live in constant chaos, unpredictability, and emotional storms—and why your body may still be reacting long after the relationship has ended. Because here’s the truth:You didn’t just leave the relationship… your body is still learning that it’s safe. In this episode, you’ll learn: How trauma impacts your nervous system and keeps you stuck in survival mode Why high-conflict relationships create long-term emotional and physical responses How to recognize where trauma is stored in your body A simple but powerful truth to begin your healing: “It was not my fault” How to start rebuilding trust with yourself and your body Why small, consistent changes create real healing over time The importance of grounding techniques while processing trauma Why focusing on your healing matters more than analyzing your ex This episode is both validating and empowering—reminding you that what you experienced was real, and healing is possible. Take your time with this one. Pause when you need to. Breathe when it feels heavy. Buckle up, gorgeous.You’re not just surviving anymore… you’re learning how to heal.

11. 

    18 Apr 2026

    Are You Stuck in Survival Mode? Understanding Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn

    Have you ever felt like your body is constantly on edge—even when everything around you is “fine”? In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, Marilee Grace breaks down what’s really happening inside your body when you’re stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—and why it’s so common after a high-conflict or toxic relationship. Because here’s the truth:Leaving the relationship doesn’t mean your nervous system automatically feels safe. You’ll learn: The difference between the sympathetic (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) and parasympathetic (rest & digest) nervous systems Why your body can stay stuck in survival mode—even after the danger is gone How chronic stress and high-conflict environments impact your physical and mental health The role cortisol plays in anxiety, fatigue, and burnout Why you may feel hypervigilant, exhausted, or unable to relax How to begin retraining your body to feel safe again If you’ve ever felt like you’re “always on edge,” constantly overthinking, or waiting for the other shoe to drop—this episode will help you understand why. And more importantly, it will remind you:You are not broken. Your body learned how to survive. Now, you can teach it how to heal. Be sure to listen to Episode 8 for practical grounding techniques to support your nervous system regulation. Buckle up, gorgeous.It’s time to move from survival mode into your chill and heal era.

12. 

    11 Apr 2026

    Feeling Triggered? Try These Grounding Techniques to Regain Control

    Check out the wonder woman technique here You’re doing the work. You’re building your peace.But what happens when something—or someone—tests it? In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, Marilee Grace shares simple, effective grounding techniques you can use in real-time when anxiety, stress, or high-conflict situations threaten your sense of calm. Because let’s be honest—you can’t always avoid the event, the holiday, or the interaction. But you can learn how to stay anchored within yourself. You’ll learn: What grounding techniques are and why they work How to calm your body when you feel triggered or overwhelmed Simple, subtle techniques you can use anywhere—even in a room full of people Breathwork for immediate emotional regulation How to use your senses to reconnect to safety and stability The power of humming, movement, and self-touch (Havening) How journaling and gratitude can help you reset after a stressful day Whether you’re navigating holidays, co-parenting exchanges, difficult conversations, or unexpected emotional triggers, these tools will help you stay present, grounded, and in control of your response. This episode is your reminder:You don’t have to lose your peace just because the situation gets chaotic. Buckle up, gorgeous.You’re learning how to stay steady—no matter what surrounds you.

13. 

    13 Feb 2026

    Galentine’s Day & the Power of Female Friendship

    What day is it really? Sure, it’s Friday the 13th—but in February, that means Galentine’s Day, a day dedicated to celebrating female friendships and the women who walk beside us through every season of life. In today’s episode, Marilee Grace dives into the origin of Galentine’s Day (yes, it started on Parks and Recreation thanks to Amy Poehler), and why celebrating our gal pals matters more than ever—especially as adults and especially after divorce. We talk about why friendships are easier to make when we’re young, why they require more intentionality as adults, and how marriage, life transitions, and divorce can deeply impact our circle. If your friendships have changed—or if you’re rebuilding community after loss—this episode is a reminder that it’s not too late, and it’s absolutely worth the effort. Plus, a gentle reminder for those who may find Valentine’s Day triggering, and how to create peace and new traditions instead. This episode is a love letter to sisterhood, platonic love, and the women who laugh with us, cry with us, and help us move forward—literally and figuratively.

14. 

    9 Feb 2026

    Boundaries After Divorce: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Protecting Your Peace

    Have you ever felt physically uncomfortable just thinking about being assertive? If you’re a people pleaser, a peacekeeper, or someone whose boundaries have always been… flexible… this episode is for you. In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, we’re talking about boundaries—what they actually are, why so many women struggle to hold them, and how learning to protect yourself is an essential part of healing after divorce. I share how I used to be “boundary fluid,” why keeping the peace at the expense of myself wasn’t worth it, and how setting boundaries transformed the way I show up as a woman, mother, professional, and friend. You’ll learn: What boundaries really are (and what they’re not) Why boundaries are about your behavior—not controlling someone else The 3 C’s of boundaries: Clear, Consistent, and Communicated How to practice boundaries without guilt, over-explaining, or fear What to do when someone tests your boundary If you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable—and start choosing peace, self-respect, and emotional safety—this episode is your reminder. Your boundaries don’t make you mean. They make you whole.

15. 

    31 Jan 2026

    Alone vs. Lonely After Divorce: Why They’re Not the Same (and Why It Matters)

    Did anyone ever say this to you after your divorce? “You’re going to be lonely.” “Do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?” “The grass isn’t always greener.” “What if you don’t find someone else?” In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, we’re unpacking one of the most misunderstood—and weaponized—ideas women face after divorce: being alone vs. being lonely. Alone is a physical state. Lonely is an emotional experience. And the two are not the same thing. I break down why so many women felt lonelier inside their marriage than they ever do after leaving it—and how learning to be alone can actually lead to peace, self-trust, and deeper connection. We’ll also talk honestly about those moments when loneliness does show up, including how I navigated the emotional aftermath of my ex’s remarriage. You’ll learn: The real difference between being alone and being lonely Why solitude after divorce can be healing—not scary How to sit with difficult emotions without judging yourself A simple journaling practice to help you process loneliness when it arises If you’re learning how to find yourself again after divorce—and wondering whether peace is possible—this episode is for you. Buckle up, gorgeous. You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

16. 

    28 Jan 2026

    Trigger Days After Divorce: How to Reclaim Joy and Replace Bad Memories

    In this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, we’re talking about Trigger Days those holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or special events that bring up unexpected emotions after leaving a high-conflict marriage. Many women find that joyful occasions feel tainted because of past trauma. Even when the marriage or relationship is over, memories and triggers can sneak up sometimes when you least expect it. I share my personal experience of being blindsided by emotions on the anniversary of leaving my marriage, and how I turned that moment into a learning and healing opportunity. I also introduce the Trigger Day Toolkit, a step-by-step method to retrain your nervous system. By proactively identifying potential triggers on your calendar and planning positive, intentional experiences—solo, with family, or with friends you can replace painful memories with joyful ones. This episode is about taking back control of your emotional calendar, honoring your feelings, and creating space for happiness—even on the days you’ve dreaded for years. You’re not alone. You can reclaim your joy.

17. 

    23 Jan 2026

    Episode 2 Why You’re Still Reactive After a High-Conflict Relationship & How to Find Peace

    Even after leaving a high-conflict or narcissistic relationship, many women continue to operate in survival mode, reacting to situations as if everyone is out to manipulate them. In this episode, I unpack why reactivity and hyper-sensitivity linger after divorce and share strategies to shift from automatic responses to intentional, peaceful reactions. I also show how to use the 7-step goal-setting method from Episode 1 to retrain your nervous system and create calm, clarity, and emotional control. This episode is perfect for women healing after toxic relationships, looking to reclaim self-trust, and ready to move from survival mode into their You 2.0 self.

18. 

    16 Jan 2026

    Episode 1 - Quitter's Day and Self Trust

    Okay, So Here’s the Deal - Quitter’s Day and Self Trust: Stop Setting Yourself Up to FailIn this episode of Okay, So Here’s the Deal, we’re talking about Quitter’s Day—the second Friday in January, when nearly a quarter of all New Year’s resolutions are abandoned.If you’ve ever set a resolution with the best intentions only to feel defeated weeks later, this episode is for you. We unpack why resolutions often fail, how an all-or-nothing mindset sets us up for disappointment, and why goals and intentions—backed by a real plan—create lasting change.I walk you through my 7-step method for achieving goals, a system I’ve used during divorce, healing, and rebuilding my life to create more peace, clarity, and self-trust. This approach works for any goal—whether you’re focused on self-care, healing after divorce, or becoming your You 2.0 self.You are not a quitter. You’re learning how to succeed—intentionally.Progress over perfection, always. Buckle up, beautiful. It’s time to rise.

19. 

    16 Jan 2026

    Okay, So Here's The Deal - trailer

    You’re not broken.You’re becoming.Welcome to Here’s the Deal — a podcast for women navigating divorce, heartbreak, toxic relationships, motherhood, and the messy, beautiful process of coming back to themselves.I’m Marilee Grace.I’ve lived the breakdown.I’ve loved a narcissist.I’ve lost myself.And I’ve learned — slowly and imperfectly — how to heal.This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out.It’s about becoming — one honest conversation at a time.Here, I share the lessons I learned the hard way, in real time — not as an expert talking at you, but as a friend walking beside you. Not ahead of you.Not above you.Because life doesn’t fall apart neatly.Healing doesn’t happen in straight lines.And transformation is rarely graceful while it’s happening. Weekly podcast episodes Real conversations and lessons learned Honest reflections on divorce, healing, and rebuilding your identity Gentle journaling invitations (never homework) Free writing resources A growing community of women who get it Divorce and starting over Loving a narcissist and untangling emotional manipulation Toxic family and friendship dynamics Motherhood in the middle of heartbreak Learning self-love after years of self-abandonment If you’ve ever felt like a beautiful disaster — strong, emotional, growing, and still healing — you’re in the right place.Writing saved me when my life felt loud, confusing, and overwhelming.Not to be poetic — but to survive.To tell myself the truth.To come home to who I was becoming.In this space, writing is a lifeline.You’ll never be told what to write — only invited. New episodes weekly Many episodes include reflection + journaling prompts Healing through honesty, not perfectionListen on Apple Podcasts and SpotifyWatch on YouTubeYou’re not alone.You belong here. ♡

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Guest appearances

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Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.