The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 40 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Claim This Podcastby Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst
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Podcast Overview
The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 40 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.
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Publishing Since
6/16/2020
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Recent Episodes
May 26, 2026
Sex and Intimacy Q & A for Partners and Parents
Dr. Rob and Tami address partner and parent questions about navigating betrayal, intimacy, and addiction recovery timelines in this insightful interview.
May 11, 2026
Navigating Sexual Reintegration
<p dir="ltr">Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about how to reintegrate sex, self-pleasure for partners, the pain of a sexless relationship and the role of "hopium". They offer perspective on demanding repair, seeking connection and the power of taking care of yourself no matter what your partner is or isn't doing. </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">TAKEAWAYS:</p> <p dir="ltr">[:30] What can I do to reclaim my sexuality? </p> <p dir="ltr">[11:02] Should I insist on my partner moving out or do an in-house separation? </p> <p dir="ltr">[16:42] When sex addiction isn't the only problem. </p> <p dir="ltr">[19:32] How can I get my intimate needs met? </p> <p dir="ltr">[29:05] Questions you really don't want the answers to.</p> <p dir="ltr">[34:02] How can I build shame resiliency? </p> <p dir="ltr">[39:56] Where do we start with sexual reconnection? </p> <p dir="ltr">[42:51] Moving beyond objectification. </p> <p dir="ltr">[48:03] I feel he broke it, and he needs to fix it. </p> <p dir="ltr">[54:41] The power of community and connection. </p> <p dir="ltr">[58:20] Is masturbation sexual betrayal? </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">RESOURCES:</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seekingintegrity.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Email Tami: <a href= "mailto:Tami@Seekingintegrity.com">Tami@Seekingintegrity.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sexandrelationshiphealing.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.intherooms.com/home/">Intherooms.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Out-Doghouse-Step-Step-Relationship-Saving/dp/0757319211"> Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://prodependence.com/">Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Q97VCYQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">QUOTES</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Your courage and willingness to talk about these issues will get you halfway there." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Do not threaten something that you're not willing to follow through on." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"You have zero control over him. The only thing you can take care of is you." </p> </li> </ul> <p> </p>
April 2, 2026
Hoovering and the Narcissistic Cycles of Abuse
<p dir="ltr">Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist. </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">TAKEAWAYS:</p> <p dir="ltr">[1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords. </p> <p dir="ltr">[3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism. </p> <p dir="ltr">[5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism. </p> <p dir="ltr">[9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist. </p> <p dir="ltr">[13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist. </p> <p dir="ltr">[19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists. </p> <p dir="ltr">[25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist. </p> <p dir="ltr">[31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering. </p> <p dir="ltr">[37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase? </p> <p dir="ltr">[48:37] What happens if you decide to stay? </p> <p dir="ltr">[49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis? </p> <p dir="ltr">[51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics? </p> <p dir="ltr">[53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner? </p> <p dir="ltr">[54:09] Is narcissism treatable? </p> <p dir="ltr">[56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism? </p> <p dir="ltr">[58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing? </p> <p dir="ltr">[1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control? </p> <p dir="ltr">[1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve? </p> <p dir="ltr">[1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition? </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">RESOURCES:</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seekingintegrity.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Email Tami: <a href= "mailto:Tami@Seekingintegrity.com">Tami@Seekingintegrity.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sexandrelationshiphealing.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.intherooms.com/home/">Intherooms.com</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Out-Doghouse-Step-Step-Relationship-Saving/dp/0757319211"> Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://prodependence.com/">Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Q97VCYQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. </p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">QUOTES</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable." </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">"Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them." </p> </li> </ul>
251 total episodes available with 51 transcripts
Recent guests on Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Guests from recent episodes — sign up to see every guest that has ever appeared on this show.
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Dr Jessica Lamar
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Dr Eddie Capparucci
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Scott Brassart
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Dan Drake
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Matthew Raabsmith
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Joanna Raabsmith
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Jon Taylor
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Troy Love
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