Bad takes on bad literature.
With Page Burners, unqualified hosts Cameron and Jacob take a dive into the bottom of the barrel of literature, whether it be fiction, non-fiction, journalism, poetry, and even fan-fiction, to help make sense of the mess. Along the way there will be jokes, commentary, and sometimes sincere discussions on how these egregiously bad works of literature might have been saved.
Want to send us a message? Our email is PageBurnersPodcast@gmail.com! Or, follow us on Twitter @PageBurnersPod
It's time for introspection! In a bid to prove how unqualified we really are, we both picked out a handful of pieces of literature that we ourselves wrote in our earlier years. Cameron picked some stories he wrote at the tender age of 7, while Jacob selected some poems from his more emotionally-fraught high school days. Take a dive into the inner machinations of our grade school minds while we remind ourselves that some things are better left buried.
Along the way, we'll learn how to dispose of 35 adopted brothers, how not to use onomatopoeia, and how to ruin your valentines day in spectacular fashion.
3 Apr 2022
Page Burners | Episode 13: Yes Okay Spider Sex ("The Spiderses")
Oh boy, here we going fanfictioning again! This week we're looking at "The Spiderses" by Argembarger, a short satirically bad My Little Pony fanfiction that sets the standard for fanfiction everywhere. Join us for a full read of this touching story of change, heartbreak, and loss that is the literary equivalent of having a stroke!
Along the way, we'll learn about Cameron's fear of God's end-credit stats screen, the dangers of unprotected spider sex, and the best way to insert yourself into your own fanfiction!
Note: This episode contains mild sexual themes and as such is not recommended for kids.
20 Mar 2022
Page Burners | Episode 12 - A Letter from the Master Servant of Lucifer ("The Best of Roosh Volume 2", Part 4)
Alt-Right pickup-artist Roosh V. has a treat in store for us in the form of a letter from the Global Elite detailing a conspiracy against humanity that he definitely, totally, certainly, 100%, maybe, positively didn't write himself and present as real! We are quite literally tearing through to the end of "The Best of Roosh, Volume 2". After all, we have to finish it before the grand robot army of the Global Elite is finished!
Along the way, we'll discuss how the barbarians are here to solve our sterile existence, how feminism is actually the invention of some rich white men who wanted to dunk on Jesus, and how there's no incorrect way to rip it.
Note: Because of the nature of this book and author, this episode contains discussions of misogyny, racism, and rape. As such, this episode is not for kids.
6 Mar 2022
Page Burners | Episode 11 - Stop Rejecting Me, It's Not Hot ("The Best of Roosh Volume 2", part 3)
Congratulations to the man who listens to this podcast, for he is probably not petitioning for rape to be legal. Also, congratulations to women, because they deserve some for putting up with the antics of men like alt-right pickup-artist Roosh V, who's hot takes bring on the murder vibes in his second compilation of blog posts, "The Best of Roosh, Volume 2"!
Along the way, we'll discuss how the sight of female skin is a serious problem, the six stages of involuntary celibacy, and what an "empty penis pipeline" is.
Note: Because of the nature of the book and author, this episode contains some sexually explicit language and serious discussions about rape and misogyny. As such, this episode is not for kids.
20 Feb 2022
Page Burners | Episode 10 - An Epidemic of Thirsty Men ("The Best of Roosh Volume 2", part 2)
As every pick-up artist will tell you, the best way to get laid is definitely to... take away the basic human rights of all women? Join us as Roosh V attempts to roll back a century of society progress in under one hour in a neanderthal's guide to women!
In this episode we'll discuss how apparently the Handmaid's Tale was a suggestion and not a warning, how it is okay to fart during The Notebook, and how World War 3 will be a blessing to the "seduction community".
Disclaimer: This episode discusses potentially sensitive discussions of misogyny and sexual themes. As such this podcast is not recommended for kids.
6 Feb 2022
Page Burners | Episode 9 - The Sociological Term is "Not Awesome" ("The Best of Roosh vol 2", pt1)
Have you ever wanted to pick up women, but also hate women? Then we've (unfortunately) got the handbook for you! We had to bring in a friend to help us make sense of the shockingly crass and horribly misogynistic compilation of the supposed "best" of Roosh Valizadeh, a pick-up artist that we hope we never have to meet.
Along the way, we'll discuss why it's apparently a bad thing for women to have their basic human needs met, how being a sociopath is the fastest path to getting laid, and how to escape from such a person's closet!
Disclaimer: This episode discusses potentially sensitive discussions of misogyny and racism, along with some language. As such this podcast is not recommended for kids.
23 Jan 2022
Page Burners | Episode 8 - I Do Some Books ("English as She is Spoke")
So you wanna speak like the English do, huh? Well lucky you, we have the perfect poorly-translated phrasebook for you! "English as She is Spoke" by Pedro Carolino is a 19th-Century marvel that is much-beloved for it's attempt to translate a French-Portuguese phrasebook to English by someone who doesn't speak English.
Buckle up as we tick off every Shakespeare fan, give you new pass code ideas for your secret society, and discuss the sexuality of Yoda.
9 Jan 2022
Page Burners | Episode 7 - Non-Sexual Caterpillars ("Sonic High School", part 4)
What do baby speedboats, weaponized ball problems, and edgy tattoos all have in common? Well... they probably are featured in this episode of "Sonic High School", a terrible Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction that probably doesn't get invited to family reunions anymore. In this episode, we'll discuss the dubiously ethnic tradition of "Sex Thanking", how not to dispose of a body, and what the legal limits of boob size are. Also, Cameron improvises a song!
Disclaimer: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don’t (this one especially so). As such, this podcast isn’t for kids.
26 Dec 2021
Page Burners | Episode 6 - I've Heard This Smell Before ("Sonic High School", Pt. 3)
From a world-ending testicular illness to robots crashing a nativity play in the spring, the fanfiction "Sonic High School" by DarkDoomFireMaster continues to be a beautiful mess. In this episode of Page Burners, we'll discuss the edibility of Chao, how to use heavy explosives in your school play, and what Amy's "Special Attack" is.
Disclaimer: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don’t (this one especially so). As such, this podcast isn’t recommended for kids.
12 Dec 2021
Page Burners | Episode 5 - A Salad of Anger, the Devil, and Lava ("Sonic High School", part 2)
The boys are back! We're keeping the momentum going from the gigglefest of last episode and continuing with "Sonic High School", an incredibly bad Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic by DarkDoomFireMaster. Along the way, Rouge will teach us where babies really come from, Shadow teaches us that high schoolers should be model citizens, and Tails teaches us all about how the science of Inestine's(sic) "Body Donation" works!
Disclaimer: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don’t (this one especially). As such, this podcast isn’t recommended for kids.
28 Nov 2021
Page Burners | Episode 4 - Against the Rules of Both Man and God ("Sonic High School" part 1)
In this episode, we try something different in the form of the infamous Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction "Sonic High School" by DarkDoomFireMaster. Strap in, because this one will go off the rails very quickly! Along the way, we'll learn how to pronounce "...", how to survive prom night on a haunted island, and the least wholesome way to utilize an invisibility hat.
Note: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don't (this one especially so). As such, this podcast isn't recommended for kids.
Follow us on Twitter @PageBurnersPod or send us an email at PageBurnersPodcast@gmail.com
14 Nov 2021
Page Burners | Episode 3 - "Prison to Penthouse", pt.3
It's the third episode of Page Burners, and we are certainly burnt out with "Prison to Penthouse" by Jeremy Sigal, an under-cooked self-help book that we really wish we could have sent back to the kitchen. We only got halfway through this book in the last two episodes, but dang it all, we're going to finish this today! This time, we'll learn the secrets to getting a unanimous 5-star rating on Amazon, how to definitely not get a second date, and we finally think of someone other than Gandhi to attribute Jeremy’s fake quotes to!
Note: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don't. As such, this podcast isn't recommended for kids.
31 Oct 2021
Page Burners | Episode 2 - "Prison to Penthouse", pt.2
In this episode of Page Burners, Cameron and Jacob continue with "Prison to Penthouse", AKA "Different Suits Same Stripes" by Jeremy Sigal, a redundant self help book that might've been somewhat decent had the author asked someone to read his rough draft first. Along the way, we'll learn about how your nine-to-five is exactly like prison (except we don't), how to not be yourself (except we don't), and the best way to get... um... "fondled".
Note: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don't. As such, this podcast isn't recommended for kids.
17 Oct 2021
Page Burners | Episode 1 - "Prison to Penthouse", pt. 1
Welcome to the first ever episode of Page Burners! In this episode, Cameron and Jacob take a look at the strangely titled "Different Suits Same Stripes: From Prison to Penthouse: How the Rise to the Top is the Same" by Jeremy Sigal, a self-help book that has little to do with improving your life and more to do with improving the author's ego. Along the way, we'll learn about useless tables of contents, why the author never "had" to stab anyone, and the joys of quoting yourself!
Note: While we typically try to refrain from explicit and sensitive content, the authors of the books we read often don't. As such, this podcast isn't recommended for kids.
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