Enjoy our worst-quality audio yet! Coming to you directly from the world's most echo-y kitchen and from atop the world's creakiest Ikea kitchen chairs in their new Chicago apartment, Finn and Theo are back at it again with the strong coffee and stronger opinions. Talking points: fruit syrups (again), a woman unwittingly punishing her children with 3 lukewarm milks, a funeral for the Very Berry Hibiscus refresher, crossing mountains for coffee, several guest opinions by Feta.
14 Dec 2021
Ep. 8: Me and All My Homies HATE the Funnel Cake Frappuccino
We recorded this episode in May but we had to wait until December to release it so that none of you were tempted to order this disappointing frozen sludge. Enjoy 27+ minutes of Finn and Theo absolutely disparaging the new Starbucks strawberry funnel cake Frappuccino. Other talking points: missing the s'mores Frappuccino, cakepops are a young man's game, and wondering what kind of drink requires you to hide your face from God?
5 Oct 2021
THE LOST EPISODE (Ep. 4): The Great Malort Tasting of 2020
The frequently-alluded-to-but-previously-unheard episode 4 has finally been excavated and processed for human consumption. A blast from the recent past, Finn and Theo of July 2020 discuss new covid measures at the farmers market and taste-test Chicago's infamously nasty liquor of choice.
Music by David Combs
Cover Art by Emily Timmer
21 Jan 2021
Ep. 7: Talk Pistachio to Me!
It's some good old fashioned coffee talk with your favorite queer (ex) baristas! We talk the 2021 pistachio line, reminisce on the 2020 butterscotch latte, and discuss other seasonal items from that flighty temptress, the Starbucks siren. Other talking points: Theo attempts to describe how a tuberculosis test works with half the facts and none of the terminology, "I went to school for eight years to be a zoologist and all I do is blow polar bears and all I got was this stupid t-shirt," and world's saddest six-word Vaseline stories.
1 Jan 2021
Ep. 5: A New Year Special
It’s our first episode of the new year! Recorded NYE and delivered fresh to you from our team of drowsy, cheese-and-champagne-stuffed editors. This week we refer to the household cats as “the dirt worst” and Feta retaliates by utilizing his noisiest toy throughout the recording. We discuss grade school teachers, resolutions, ‘“where did Jesus die?"“, improper mask technique, and starting an Onlyfans. Happy New Year, Petty Thieves!
3 Nov 2020
Ep. 6??? Or Something: Season 2! Another Guide to the Fall Times
Listen. We promised we would get the episode out before election day. We never promised that it wouldn’t sound like we recorded underwater. We lost a lot of content to audio booboos. Don’t worry, it wasn’t any better than what made the final cut. It’s season 2 with your favorite petty thieves and we discuss fall drinks, bird tongues, cat cereal, and gen eds. The MEEP gets added to the shitlist. Music by David “Spoonboy” Combs, cover art by Emily Timmer.
14 Feb 2020
Ep. 3: A Guide to the World's Largest Starbucks
Two episodes in one year??? That’s our new best record!!! The petty thieves are back with their review of the holy land: the newly opened World’s Largest Starbucks Reserve in Chicago, Illinois. PETA makes it onto our shitlist. We dicuss our first actual petty thefts on the air. Theo promotes some local theatre.
Music by David “Spoonboy” Combs, coverart by Emily Timmer
Redbubble promotion link: tiotheo.redbubble.com
23 Jan 2020
Ep. 2: A Guide to Trash Snacks
It's here! The only podcast that can subvert your expectations by having a second episode. Finn makes their radio debut and we tackle trash snacks, Methdonald's, Thanksgiving atrocities, and more. Music by David "Spoonboy" Combs, cover art by Emily Timmer.
9 Nov 2019
Pilot: A Guide to the Fall Times
For this, our inaugural episode, Theo flies solo and tackles tiny pumpkin controversy, Thanksgiving traditions, the flavors of Autumn, and niche gifts to get the folks who have everything in the upcoming holiday season.
Music by Spoonboy
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
3 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
2 ratings
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