- 15
- Episodes
- 3
- Ratings
- 2020
- First episode
About Piano Teeth
A monthly podcast from Piano Teeth. The voice inside your head. Expect absurd, hilarious and twisted adventures all from the comfort of your own mind. By all means, follow me @the_piano_teeth. And make sure you check me out at www.pianoteeth.co.uk for some extra fun. Go to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth to contribute to the bleach fund.
- Publisher
- Piano Teeth
- Category
- fiction
- Language
- en
- Explicit
- Yes
- First episode
- 27 Jun 2020
- Latest episode
- 7 Sept 2022
Latest episodes
15 episodes in the feed.
7 Sept 2022
14. MOTORWAY PIRATES
Hello gorgeous creeps. I am back from a little hiatus with an audio delight, fresh and ready to be dripped into your ears. In this episode we meet Terry. Who has decided to become a Pirate. A land Pirate. The terror of the motorways. He's got a crew, a car and a cannon. What could possibly go wrong? I also explain my hiatus, try and sell you some disgusting sparkling water and teach you how to make friends. Enjoy you sexy scumbags. Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ Insta: @the_piano_teeth Bleach Fund: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth---- Original artwork by Chris R. Wright @brawlingwithmybiroSound design by Matteo Mussetti @4get2eat
18 Nov 2021
13. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 3
Hello gorgeous creeps. Here is the final part of the Billie Piper trilogy. In this episode, Billie & Keeley make their way to Stonehenge, where they meet Uther Pendragon and the Druid army. After sacrificing Noel Fielding and activating the stones they then face the celebrity horde for a final showdown that will decide the fate of Earth. Enjoy scum. Featuring Billie Piper, Druids, Stonehenge, Noel Fielding, Alistair Campbell, Tokyo, Pop-songs, excessive violence, Sean Bean, Idris Elba, David Beckham, Alan Carr, Sandi Toksvig, Danish folksongs, portals and so much more. Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/Manage/Index Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_piano_teeth/ --- Original artwork by Chris R. Wright: @brawlingwithmybiro Sound design by Matteo Mussetti: @4get2eat Jasper did nothing. As per.
6 Oct 2021
12. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 2
Hello there gorgeous creep1 Here we are, once again, with a brand new audio delight. Ready to fling merrily down your ears and run riot round your mind. Aren't you lucky! In this episode, we hear the second part of the previous episode (duh). So if you haven't listened to Part 1 yet...then obviously do that. Billie Piper and Keeley begin making their way to Stonehenge and some very serious truths are revealed. A horde of celebs are laying in wait for them. And they get some help from a couple of Druids. Featuring Druids, Stonehenge, Doctor Who, Yerma, Stephen Fry, Alan Carr, Jeremy Clarkson, Idris Elba, Sandi Toksvig, David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and so much more. Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/PianoTeeth Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ Insta: @the_piano_teeth Please note, nothing that happens should be taken seriously. Including the very poor impersonations of the celebrities involved. This whole thing is the incoherent rambling of a mad man with a bleach problem. As a result, it shouldn't be listened to by anyone. Including yourself. Enjoy sexy scumbag and be well.
6 Sept 2021
11. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 1
Hello gorgeous creeps. Did you miss me? I have returned to your heads with a marvellous audio delight, featuring none other than former popstar, turned actor, BILLIE PIPER. In this episode Jasper is getting ready for his annual Bunga-Bunga party and we hear an overly emotional advert for a car. Then we're sucked down the plughole and meet a taxi driver called Keeley, who meets her idol Billie Piper, holding a gun and stood by a burning car with dead celebrities at her feet. This begins a balls to the w adventure through the streets of London and beyond. Involving many famous faces and a conspiracy that will change the world forever. Please note this is only PART 1, you'll have to wait for the rest you naughty minx. Featuring Billie Piper, Noel Edmonds, London Taxi's, Bunga-Bunga parties, Cars, Masculinity, Russell Brand, Eddie Redmayne, Motorbikes, Conspiracy theories, Silvio Berlusconi, Dame Judi Dench, Tokyo, Doctor Who. Follow me on the socials: @the_piano_teeth And please donate https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth Website: www.pianoteeth.co.uk Sound Designer: Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) Original artwork: Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright)
30 Jun 2021
10. TREEVENGE
Hello my sexy scumbags! Here's another, brand spanking new audio delight for you to trickle into your ears and allow to run riot round your mind. And what a riot it is! This episode sees a gang of littering youths being chased through the woods by a vengeful forest Goddess. On top of that, Jasper tries to go on strike and I reveal my new crypto-currency. BleachCoin! Follow me on the socials @the_piano_teeth. Send something into the Scribble Gallery : https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ Contribute to the bleach fund: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth The sound was lovingly designed by Matteo Mussetti (@4get2eat) And the original artwork was by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) PLEASE NOTE: Due to the excessively violent and absurd nature of this podcast. It should not be listened to, by anyone.
26 May 2021
9. KILL YOUR LANDLORD
When Ayishat & Jolyon get a letter from their landlord, they take matters into their own hands.
19 Aug 2020
8. SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S MAGIC CANS
Hello Gorgeous Creeps! It is I, Piano Teeth. The voice inside your head. Back once again with a barnstorming audio-delight that will completely and utterly blow your socks off. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to take a short break after this one. You'll hear why but I need to lay low for a little while. But don't worry, I have grown fond of trickling into your ears and I know how much I mean to you. I will be back my sexy scumbags. I will be back. In this episode, I discuss therapy with Jasper the Toad then try and tell the story of Sir David Attenborough's Magic Cans. However, my frequency is hacked by 1 Radio DJ, Dave Chris, who begins trying to take over your brain. I have no choice but to embark on an incredibly dangerous journey, through the radio waves, encountering other Radio DJ's along the way. But Dave Chris has pop sensation Larry Piles in the studio and he's growing stronger and stronger. Will I be able to save your mind in time? Listen and find out. Featuring Sir David Attenborough, Crypto-zoology, Gorilla-Hawks, Gerard Depardieu, The Shipping Forecast, Therapy, Theseus, Breakfast Bing Bong, Mental Health, Celebrities, Graham Norton and so much more. Don't forget to leave a review. And give me a follow @the_piano_teeth If you like what you hear then why not contribute to the bleach fund https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth And please check out the website https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ you'll find all sorts there. Including a gallery of scribblings created by the listeners and inspired by my dulcet tones. Why not send me one yourself? A tidal wave of thanks must be sent to Matteo Mussetti (@4get2eat) for his loving sound design and making all this possible. And to Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) for doing mine and Jasper's portrait. Even if it was through blackmail. And I suppose thanks must be sent your way, for putting me in your ears and letting me meander around your mind. Until next time. Be Well! This audio delight is bought to you by Dickie's Meat Drop. Where your meat matters.
14 Aug 2020
7. I AM KING ARTHUR
Hello gorgeous creeps! Here we are once again with a brand new audio delight for you to trickle into your ears. My apologies for the delay in this one. After a big night on the bleach Jasper the Toad swallowed the microphone. Had to wait a couple of days for it to make its way out. And you can't rush these things. In this marvelous episode, we take a departure from the usual and rather than me just telling you a tale, we end up in the midst of three voices, all talking to each other. One of them believes that he's the direct descendent of King Arthur. But who are the other two? And how do you know if you're a King? And what the hell is going on? You'll have to stick this wonderful audio experiment in your ears and find out. Many thanks to Lucy Mangan (@looseymango) for the direction on this one. Without her Jasper would've been all over the place. Her Kit-Kat is in the post. Thanks as ever to Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) for his artwork. And Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) for his sound design. If you like what you hear then please leave a review and share me with your friends. I won't talk about you, I promise. If you want to contribute to the bleach-fund then head on over to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can drop some coins in my purse. And please do go and have a look at the scribblings https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/scribblings sent in by the sexy scumbags that put me in their ears. Why not do one yourself? I love looking at them. Until next time my sexy scumbags. And be well.
5 Aug 2020
6. THE MAGIC SHEEP
Hello Gorgeous Creeps. I hope this finds you as well as you possibly can be. We are back with a story bang and this one is an absolute brain cracking banger. In this fantastical audio delight we throw ourselves down the plug hole and end up in the town of Cliffton, which is apparently a lovely place in summer. There we meet Taylor the Tailor who won't let his son, Darren out of his sight. However, due to tragic circumstances, Darren's opportunity arises and after an excitable first visit to the pub he finds himself blundering, naked round a graveyard at the top of a cliff. After being woken by a questionable gravedigger Darren realizes that he's woken up in heaven where he is reunited with his father, whose become an angel. Darren doesn't know what Sheep are you see. Poor lad. Convinced that he is the new messiah Darren heads back to the town of Cliffton (lovely place in Summer) and convinces the people to follow him, up to heaven. Where paradise surely awaits. Are the townsfolk really going to believe a naked man who claims to talk to Sheep? What could possibly go wrong? Are Sheep really liars? And why is Prince Harry breaking down toilet doors? Find out for yourselves and put this in your ears you sexy scumbags. Featuring Viking Mercenaries, Priests, Belinda Carlisle, Heaven, Squirrels playing the piano, Prince Harry, The Wonky Dungeon, Sheep, Angels, Graveyards, Sheep, Whiskey, Tailors, Sheep and so, so much more. Many thanks to Tim Karp for the music in this Eargasm, even if it was through blackmail he did a great job. Check out his wealth of melodic projects here: https://www.timkarp.com/ Don't forget to leave a review. And please share me with your friends, I won't talk about you. I promise. Head over to my website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ where you can pester me, find out a bit more and look at the scribblings sent in to me by the gorgeous creeps who put me in their ears. Why not send me some yourself. If you like what you hear and you can, then please contribute to the bleach-fund: ko-fi.com/pianoteeth every little helps. The artwork was created by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) The sound design was by Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) This is a Piano Teeth production
29 Jul 2020
5. NELSON MANDELA'S HARDCORE MIX-TAPE FT. TOM WAITS MEDITATION
Hello gorgeous creeps. How are your minds? Ready for me to launch in and deliver my weekly eargasm of audio delight? I hope so. We will be taking a departure from the usual as thanks to the disco biscuits provided by my friend Captain WillyFingers, I'm in far too delicate a state for a bleach soaked helter-skelter into a brain cracking story. Instead, I answer some of the questions sent into me by the sexy scumbags that put me in their ears. You, basically. I then put on a vinyl sent to me by Tom Waits where he takes us on a soothing guided meditation. It really is something else. Listen now for; advice on how to become a Dinosaur, an explanation as to why I drink bleach, Nelson Mandela's hardcore mix-tape, vomit, the land of Ombagaluk, Tracey the space Octopus, England Rugby Team, Mongolian confessions, Fife, lackluster advertising, skeleton crews, dogs, X-ray machines and the secret to the universe itself. Don't forget to leave a review. And share me with your friends. I won't talk about you, promise. Follow me on the socials @the_piano_teeth. And check me out at www.pianoteeth.co.uk If you like what you hear and want to contribute to the bleach fund then head on over to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can drop some coins in my purse. This episode was created by Piano Teeth. The sound was designed by Matteo Musetti. (@4get2eat) Artwork made under great duress by Chris R. Wright @chrisrwright Vomit was cleaned up by Jasper the Toad.
22 Jul 2020
4. FOX HUNTERS
Hello my gorgeous creeps! It is I. Piano Teeth. Your bleach sodden, bath dwelling, skinless storyteller. Back with another audio delight for you to put in your ears and run rings round your mind. Forgive me, Jasper the Toad interrupts my introduction to this episode. However, he gets put in his place and I soon bring it back on the premium track that you're used to. In this fantastic episode, we encounter Sir Cecil Gubbington, running for his life through some woods. He's being chased by a gang of murderous Foxes, who've had quite enough of being hunted for sport and so turn on their horse-riding hunters, picking them off one by one. Sir Cecil believes he's the last one left and he must get out of the woods alive and warn the authorities of the new Fox enemy. Featuring Foxes, Stags, Hunters, Forests, Posh people, Queen's, LSD, muddy puddles, Tree perverts, urine and so much more! You'll have to get stuck in and find out what happens. Please enjoy, subscribe, review, and share. If you like what you hear and want to contribute to my bleach fund then head on over to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can put some coin in my purse. If you would like to send me any artwork inspired by the episodes, pester/contact me, send me nudes then head on over to www.pianoteeth.co.uk. Follow me @the_piano_teeth on your socials. This episode was created by Piano Teeth. Artwork created under much duress by Chris R. Wright. The sound was lovingly designed by Matteo Musetti. Jasper the Toad did fuck all as per. Until next time. Be well.
15 Jul 2020
3. STEVE, THE ACCIDENTAL HERO
Hello Gorgeous Creeps! I hope you are well. If this is the first time you've clicked on my face then allow me to introduce myself. My name is Piano Teeth and I am the voice inside your head. I have no skin and so sit in the bath drinking bleach all day, with a toad called Jasper. After a bottle or two my brain cracks and I am plunged into a story. Which I would now like to share with you. In this wonderfully funny, surprising episode, we are introduced to Steve, who doesn't look like a hero at all. After Steve starts hearing a voice that seems to narrate his every action he is suddenly thrown into a reluctant adventure. He is forced to fight an evil perverted Warlord, confront his parent's death, train to be a warrior, realise his friend is a wizard, and ride around on a chain-smoking horse. However, Steve begins to question where this mysterious voice is coming from and begins to realise that not all is as it seems. Sometimes the bravest thing is to not be a hero at all. Join Steve on his reluctant journey. Featuring; Polar Bears, Goblins, a giant Sea-Gull, a dick-shaped axe, horses, Wizards, Quests, Destiny, Swords, Cups of Tea, evil storytellers and unlikely friendships. If you like what you hear and want to contribute to my bleach fund then go to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can drop some coins in my purse. As ever; LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, SHARE. Created by Piano Teeth Sound design by Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) Artwork by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) Feel free to follow me on your socials @the_piano_teeth. And if you would like to send in any pictures/ drawings/ nudes/ poems or other forms of creativity inspired by my dulcet tones in your ears then head on over to https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ Contact me about anything at pianoteethis@gmail.com. I can't wait to trickle around your mind. Be Well. Piano Teeth
8 Jul 2020
2. CIRCUS FREAKS
Hello gorgeous creeps. My name is Piano Teeth. The bleach sodden, skinless storyteller, and the voice inside your head. Thank you for having me. Roll-up! Roll-up! In this week's marvelous eargasm we journey to Hector's Circus and meet its eponymous, machiavellian, black-clad, Ringmaster. Hector always puts on a good show and tonight's entertainment involves a viscous boxing match between two men dressed as a Mummy & Baby. The crowd loves it. You will love it. So sit back, grab the bleach, put me in your mind and join me on this fantastical tale. Featuring murderous clowns, a zebra, boxing, bearded ladies, conjoined twins, a chimpanzee, nunchucks, and of course love. Enjoy. Like. Subscribe. Share. Scum. If you like what you hear and want to contribute to my bleach fund then head on over to https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/bleach-fund and you can put some coins in my purse. Follow me on Twitter/ Instagram: @the_piano_teeth And if you wish to pester me, share artwork inspired by the episode or send Jasper and me some nudes. Then you can get in touch via e-mail pianoteethis@gmail.com. Created by Piano Teeth Sound Design by Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) Artwork by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) Internet by Sir Tim Berners-Lee Bleach Martini's by Jasper
1 Jul 2020
1. THE ORANGUTANGO
Hello sexy scumbags. My name is Piano Teeth and I'm the voice inside your head. Thank you for letting me into your mind. In this first episode, I introduce myself and Jasper the Toad, and then the bleach kicks in and we launch headlong down the plughole into a fantastic tale. It involves a dancing Orangutang called Gus and his friend Maria Ave-Tia, who hatch a murderous plot to enter the National Ballroom Competition. Featuring Jean-Claude Winklepicker, ecstasy, a bucket of sand, the large face of Jackson McJackson and so much more. So sit back, relax, grab the bleach and let me trickle through your ears. Enjoy. Created by Piano Teeth. Many thanks to Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) aka Princess Delight for the sound design, mixing and editing of this episode. The artwork was made under duress by Chris R. Wright. If you like what you hear and want to add to my bleach fund then head on over to https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/bleach-fund and you can put some coins in my purse. Or simply follow this link here: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth# By all means follow me @the_piano_teeth (Twitter/Instagram) and check me out at www.pianoteeth.co.uk.
27 Jun 2020
Piano Teeth Teaser Trailer
Hello, my name is Piano Teeth and I'm the voice inside your head. Here's a teaser trailer to wet your whistles for my upcoming audio delight. I can't wait to trickle into your ears. Enjoy. Sound design by Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) Artwork by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright)
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- Apple Podcasts (US)
- 5.0 / 5
- 3 ratings
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