Please See Above is the candid, stream-of-consciousness podcast from host Eric Ornelas, a 33-year-old Gay Latino man living in Southern California. Every episode is an unfiltered deep-dive, functioning as a real-time digital diary. Eric drops the filter to share raw reflections on his life, past experiences, current thoughts, and everything in between. It's messy, insightful, sometimes funny, and always real.
Episode 17 — Starting From Experience (Guest Host Alexandra Alvarez)
This week, Please See Above welcomes special guest host Alexandra Alvarez, also known as @TheStudioCityBarbie, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really means to start over.
After losing her brother in 2016, Alexandra moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in film and television while quietly battling dark and self destructive thoughts. When her mother’s cancer resurged, she made the difficult decision to move back home to San Antonio to support her family. Now in Las Vegas, she reflects on rebuilding her life once again.
This is not a story about starting from scratch or wiping the slate clean. It is about starting from experience. About carrying grief, ambition, responsibility, and resilience all at once. A powerful conversation about loss, reinvention, and the courage it takes to begin again differently. It's Eric's favorite Episode to date!
4 Feb 2026
Episode 16 — Half His Age by Jennette McCurdy
This week on Please See Above, Eric reflects on seeing Jennette McCurdy in person during her book tour for Half His Age, and the profound, eye-opening experience of hearing her speak candidly about the writing process behind the novel.
Eric shares his deep appreciation for McCurdy’s commitment to nuance — her rejection of black-and-white narratives, her willingness to sit with discomfort, and her belief that there is something deeply real and truthful living inside those uneasy spaces. He reflects on her perspective on embracing rage as a powerful, often misunderstood emotion, and how hearing her articulate that reshaped the way he understood both the book and its emotional weight.
He also had a genuinely wonderful time, and yes — got a signed copy of the book… so there’s that lol.
28 Jan 2026
Episode 15 — Why Are We Like This?
In this episode, Eric reflects on his past relationship patterns and asks a question he keeps coming back to: why do we, as humans, put ourselves in situations that end up breaking our hearts?Through honest storytelling and uncomfortable self-reflection, he walks through past relationships, repeated cycles, and the in-between moments that shaped how he learned to love — fear of being alone, unmet needs, emotional avoidance, and coping in ways he didn’t yet understand.Rather than approaching these experiences with shame or blame, this episode holds them with compassion and curiosity, ending with reflection on where he is now — more aware, more present, and learning how to love without abandoning himself.
7 Jan 2026
Episode 14 — Emo Ground Zero
This week, Eric shares an unplanned, mostly unedited episode recorded from a place of emotional heaviness.He reflects on what it feels like to love deeply and not always feel seen in return, and the quiet grief that can come with questioning the reciprocity of that love. He’s here and there—naming the weight of emotional imbalance and the discomfort of finding himself in the middle of things that aren’t his to resolve.He also sits with nostalgia, especially around the holidays, and the longing for the family he once had—the necessary illusion of togetherness that once held everything together. He allows himself to sit with the hard reality that his family, as he knew it, is disintegrated.There’s no big takeaway here—just honesty, presence, and allowing the weight of things to exist without rushing to fix them.
17 Dec 2025
Episode 13 — Low Battery, Loud Thoughts
Recorded while sick (and later confirmed COVID), this weeks' episode explores what happens when your body is depleted and your mind goes into overdrive.
Eric reflects on how illness lowers emotional defenses, making old insecurities and trauma feel louder and more convincing. From emotional overwhelm to a disappointing onesie moment, this episode connects the dots between physical exhaustion and mental spirals.
This isn’t regression—it’s depletion. And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is rest.
10 Dec 2025
Episode 12 — There’s No "SA" in "Self Worth"
This week, Eric shares one of the most formative — and painful — experiences of his childhood. He reflects on the loneliness, the confusion, and the trauma he endured, and how childhood sexual abuse shaped his insecurities, his body image, and the way he approached intimacy as he grew into adulthood. With vulnerability and clarity, he talks about the little boy who wanted to be chosen, the moment that humiliated him, and the healing that has allowed him to see himself with new eyes. This episode is about reclaiming identity, honoring your inner child, and learning that while trauma shapes us, it does not define our worth.
Content Warning: this episode discusses childhood sexual abuse.
26 Nov 2025
Episode 10 — The Wicked Review Nobody Asked For
This week, Eric dives into Wicked: For Good—the social and political threads woven through Oz, and why the story was never about Dorothy to begin with. He unpacks Elphaba’s radical self-acceptance, Glinda’s beautifully messy unraveling, and the painfully honest portrayal of toxic family dynamics through Nessa Rose. What follows is a reflection on friendship, identity, breaking cycles, setting boundaries, choosing yourself, and the technicolor growth that happens when your bubble finally pops.
19 Nov 2025
Episode 09 - Ending Friendships
This week, Eric opens up about the emotional reality of ending two friendships that once felt meaningful. Through honesty and humor, he shares how mixed signals, emotional distance, poor communication, and one-sided effort slowly drained connections he cared deeply about.Eric reflects on the difference between people who want closeness and people who are actually ready for it, how his ADHD “all-in” heart often gives more than it gets, and what it means to finally choose peace, clarity, and reciprocity over confusion and half-energy friendships.This episode explores growing up, outgrowing people, and learning to protect your emotional space — even when you still care about the people you’re walking away from.
5 Nov 2025
Episode 07 - A Love Letter to Ugly Betty
This week, Eric has a full-circle moment that feels straight out of a telenovela. His heartfelt comment about the show Ugly Betty gets read aloud by cast members Mark Indelicato and Ana Ortiz on their rewatch podcast — and naturally, excitement and reflection follow.What starts as pure fangirl moment turns into something deeper: a love letter to the show that helped shape his sense of self. Eric unpacks how Ugly Betty taught him to lead with kindness, embrace imperfection, and wear his metaphorical poncho with pride — even when the world says otherwise.
29 Oct 2025
Episode 06 - I Feel Like What I’m Feeling Is a Feeling That I Feel
This week Eric checks in with himself after a whirlwind weekend selling art at a local bar. The vibes were good—until they weren’t. When his boyfriend gets upset, Eric’s old people-pleasing reflex kicks in full force, leading to a spiral of overthinking that even ADHD can’t keep up with. From misreading texts to questioning himself, he unpacks the emotional chaos, names the catastrophizing, and learns to sit with it instead of fix it. A raw and reflective episode about slowing down, taking notes, and remembering that sometimes self-awareness is the reset.
22 Oct 2025
Episode 05 – Olympic People-Pleaser
Eric gets honest about validation and where it began: a father dynamic that trained him to earn love by over-giving. He connects that early script to his adult relationships, noticing how chasing approval from unavailable people keeps the pick-me reflex alive. Clear, uncomfortable, and human, he names the people-pleasing mentality, retires the audition, and chooses relationships that don’t demand more than he has to give.
15 Oct 2025
Episode 04 – I’m So Sick of It—Your Attention Deficit (with Alexandra Alvarez)
In this episode, Eric sits down with Alexandra Alvarez—@TheStudioCityBarbie (IG) / @StudioCityBarbie (TikTok)—for the show’s longest episode yet. They talk candidly about ADHD: laundry that never gets done, medication choices, and navigating relationships with brains wired for intensity. It’s blunt, unfiltered, and deeply human—no easy answers, just lived experience and what kinda-sorta helps. Alexandra closes with what she admires about the podcast and what’s next for Studio City Barbie. 💅
8 Oct 2025
Episode 03 - Attraction: Not Found
This week, Eric sits with uncomfortable truths (no cushion, just honesty). He talks openly about having feelings—and sexual attraction—for a close friend, while acknowledging the attraction isn’t reciprocated—a crush course with no extra credit. He also looks at the realities of an open relationship—open hearts, open tabs—noticing his partner receives more attention and how that stirs old core beliefs about feeling ugly, unattractive, and unwanted. No blame, no villain edits—just the facts and what they kick up. Ultimately, he stays transparent and respectful: he names the want, accepts the “no” , and keeps the friendship intact. Boundaries hold, compassion leads, and his relationship with his partner remains steady and strong—no cliffhanger.
1 Oct 2025
Episode 02 - Family DIEnamics
This week, Eric’s learning a hard truth: normal doesn’t always mean okay.
He gets vulnerable (and kinda really fucking hates it) while talking about the quiet toxicity he inherited from his family—those subtle patterns that sneak into adulthood as people-pleasing, emotional catering, and defensiveness disguised as “I just want to be understood!”
Ultimately, this is a messy, honest episode about recognizing when you're holding the trauma bomb.
The good news? You can throw it at a passing car 💅 (Kidding. Mostly.)
1 Oct 2025
Episode 01 - I Finished Therapy
After two rollercoaster years, Eric is graduating from the therapist's couch. In this raw and surprisingly funny episode, he kicks things off with a private, tearful—and very real—snippet recorded just moments after his final appointment.
He shares the initial, slightly vague goals he had walking into therapy versus the massive, game-changing lessons he's actually walking out with. Eric dives into the daily hustle of learning how to manage the urge to "spiral" (mostly successfully!), the work of finally telling his past trauma to take a seat, and the triumph of turning down the volume on those crippling dark thoughts.
Ultimately, this is a celebration of finally realizing that Fact and Feeling are different (who knew?), that nobody is perfect (not even you!), and that you're totally allowed to just be.
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