An untrue crime podcast where we talk about, rate, and goof on all the crime procedurals you’ve watched way too many times.
Using our highly scientific evaluation system (the worst, the best, and the median) we will weave our way through dark back alleys and dirty crime scenes to definitively answer the questions: 1) Which crime procedural is the best? and 2) How many spin offs of popular procedurals are we willing to sift through?
No previous knowledge of the shows are required, trust us, we're watching most of them for the first time! Read about our evaluation system and the episodes we've selected in our blog and follow along with us!
Loosely tangentially related to a thought Stephen King once had... This week we talk about SyFy original Haven, known for putting WWE superstar Edge on the map. I cannot express enough, this show is not Eureka. Join us as we discuss poop-colored aether, cocoon sleep-crime, and cozy seaside Maine towns that are actually Nova Scotian. We looked at the first, second and last episodes to make our opinions on the Nathan vs. Duke conflict clear. Stay out of our way fanfic authors. Content warnings: abusive parents, a lot of orphans, alien nonsense. Theme song by Jake Krutulis.
15 Oct 2023
Numb3rs: Horizontal Sex Magnate
You've been enum3rated! This week we talk about CBS Drama Numb3rs, and no, it never gets any easier to type. Join us as we discuss the troubling monopoly David Krumholtz holds on bedroom activities, and a deep-dive into the psyche of double-- make that triple-- agents.We discuss the best (S3E24 The Janus List), worst (S2E3 Obsession), and most mediocre (S5E15 Guilt Trip) episodes and make harsh judgment on the buffoons and geniuses of numbers.Content warnings for Stalking, murder, acts of terrorism, reference to sexual violence, and beach mansions.Theme song credit to Jake Krutulis.
7 Oct 2023
CSI NY: Ben Stiller's Mummified Corpse
The triumphant return of ProcVen! This week we dive into another Gary Sinise romp, this time in the CSI Universe. Join us as we watch the best (S6E10 Death House), worst (S1E5 A Man a Mile), and median-rated (S7E8 Scared Stiff). Will Gary's charming delivery save this snooze fest, or will New York's dark past consume itself.Content Warnings: Murder, Accidental Fratricide, Drowning, Escape RoomsWe also recognize that crime procedurals exist as a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
17 Jul 2023
Castle: The Reverse Flash's Spy Bullshit
The season finale of Procedural Veneration! = HUGE SPOILERS FOR THE TV SHOW CASTLE IN THIS EPISODE =We tire quickly at spy bullshit forced into a perfectly decent crime show. Hank puts together a scene. The Reverse Flash rears his yellow cowled face.Watch the best (S4 E22 Always), worst (S8 E22 LokSat), and median (S7 E2 Montreal) rated episodes along with us and find out.Content Warnings:
Homicide
Undercover boss
Joss Whedon
We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
30 Jun 2023
Criminal Minds Beyond Borders: Can We Take That Again Gary?
It is official. Our friendship with Gary has ended. We watch Criminal Minds Beyond Borders and answer the questions: 1) Can Gary try that line again? 2) Is it possible for such a star studded cast to have such low chemistry with each other? and 3) Is this show part of a deep-seeded and widespread conspiracy? Watch the best (S2 E7 La Huesuda), worst (S1 E12 Harvested), and kind of median (S1 E2 Harvested) episodes along with us and find out. Content Warnings: Racism, Xenophobia, Mutilation, Torture. We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying policing, civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light. Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
19 Jun 2023
Criminal Minds: Asshole and Its Derivatives
In this episode of Procedural Veneration we do some investigative journalism to try and uncover a far-reaching Criminal Minds Conspiracy. We also answer important questions like; is Criminal Minds just torture porn? Watch the best (S11 E11 Entropy), worst (S11 E8 Awake), and kind of median (S16 E1 Just Getting Started) episodes along with us and find out. Content Warnings: Pretty much anything and everything potentially troublesome. Child murder, sexual assault, torture, mutilation, etc. We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying policing, civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light. Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
2 Jun 2023
The Closer: Gaslight Gatekeep Gitmo
In this episode of Procedural Veneration we coerce some content out of Gitmo Girlboss Brenda Leigh-Johnson. Daphne and Hank go good-cop/bad-cop as we delve into the realm of viagra detectives, sniper vengeance, and box seats at the Dodger's game.<br />Watch the best (S2 E6 To Protect and Serve), worst (S1 E4 Show Yourself), and median (S6E4 Layover) episodes along with us and find out.<br />Content Warnings: Murder, Mutilation, Drugs, J.K. Simmons<br />We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying policing, civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.<br />Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
19 May 2023
Columbo: Commodore Baddie Daddy
In this episode of Procedural Veneration we look at just one more thing with detective John Columbo. Dive with Daphne and Hank into the world of baddy commodores, girlboss murderers, and Samuel Loomis' failing winery.
Watch the best (S3 E2 Any Old Port in a Storm), worst (S5 E6 Last Salute to the Commodore), and median (S7E3 Make Me a Perfect Murder) rated episodes along with us and find out.
Content Warnings:Murder, Alcoholism, Wine Snobbery
We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light
.Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
5 May 2023
Murder, She Wrote: Just Like Frasier
The fifth episode of Procedural Veneration, where we outline in what ways Angela Lansbury is beloved and how creepy puppets are. We also do some research to answer the question, what are people stealing at libraries? Watch the best (S1 E18 Murder Takes the Bus), worst (S7 E18 Where Have You Gone, Billy Boy?), and median (S2 E19 Christopher Bundy - Died on Sunday) rated episodes along with us and find out.Content Warnings:This one is pretty tame. Creepy Puppets I guess. We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
21 Apr 2023
CSI Miami: Horatio Caine vs. the Punisher
In the fourth episode of Procedural Veneration, we find our way down to Miami Florida, for some titties and crime, as we dive into the moral whirlpools of CSI: Miami. Buckle in, put on your sunglasses, and get ready to overlook some extrajudicial manslaughter.
We watched the best (S6E21 Going Ballistic), worst (S4E22 Open Waters), and median (S10E6 By the Book) rated episodes to deliver to you the most informed decision about where CSI: Miami falls in the world of procedurals.
Content Warnings:
Mentions of breasts, Murder, Death, Disease, Step-patricide, Exsanguination via the foot, Sharks
We also recognize that crime procedurals are often a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light. We do not agree with or condone the fictional actions taken by characters in the shows we review, and frequently mention as such in the episode.
Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
9 Apr 2023
CSI: Snakeplay and Clown Stuff
The third episode of Procedural Veneration, where we got on our rubber gloves and dusted off our swab kits to dive into CSI (Crime Scene Investigation).
We watched the best (S9E1 For Warrick), worst (S9E18 Mascara), and median (S2E11 Organ Grinder). Let's take a look at who is really behind this iconic series.
Content Warnings:
Sexual fetishes, murder, death and violence, domestic abuse
We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.
Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
24 Mar 2023
Law & Order SVU: Better Than Civ V
The second episode of Procedural Veneration, where investigate the Law & Order that lasted longer than the original, Law & Order: SVU. Will we like it better? Will we still be confused by our judicial system? The answers to both are uncertain.
But we watched the best (S7 E3 911), worst (S16 E14 Intimidation Game), and median (S11 E8 Turmoil) rated episodes to find out.
Content Warnings:
3:50 - 5:50: True Crime, Central Park Strangler
5:50 - 1:12:29: Messed Up Sexual Violence, Often Against 'Special Victims' (ya SVU stays true to its namesake)
We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.
Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
11 Mar 2023
Law & Order: Detective Pizza Rat
The first episode of Procedural Veneration, where we finally answer the enigmatic question--Is Law & Order actually a good show? Who knows. We certainly don't. But we watched the best (S6 E23 Aftershock), worst (S21 E5 Free Speech), and median (S20 E3 Great Satan) rated episodes to find out.
Content Warnings:
30:08 - 39:20: Islamophobia, Terrorism
39:50 - 48:34: QANON, Fake Child Pornography, Far Right Politics
48:45-59:45: Death Penalty, Rape, Alcoholism, Car Accident
We also recognize that crime procedurals often are a form of "Copaganda" by portraying civil rights violations and other unlawful actions by representatives of the law in a positive light.
Thank you to Jacob Krutulis for our theme song!
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
4 ratings
Spotify
1.0 / 5
5 ratings
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