raw hearts real healing is a podcast built around unscripted, vulnerable conversations about lived experiences. hosted by hayley, each episode creates space for people to share the stories that have shaped them — through illness, loss, survival, parenthood, recovery and everything that can come with healing. these are real conversations, told by the people who lived them. every story matters, and every voice deserves to be heard.
queen of hearts — episode eight in this episode, i talk about the lead-up to zion’s third surgery — the glenn — and what it was like waiting while his surgery was pushed back after a positive swab. during that time, from my perspective, zion was deteriorating in front of me. he became completely dependent on oxygen, needed more support each day, was sleeping more, and wasn’t eating like he normally would. this was also the point where something shifted in me. watching him become more unwell was when i really stepped into my staunch advocate era, because all i could see was deterioration.
1 Nov 2026
zion's second surgery: after a failed cath lab
queen of hearts — episode seven in this episode, i talk about zion’s second surgery and how quickly what we thought was one problem became something much bigger. after his numbers dropped again at home, we were taken through emergency resus and doctors discovered a blood clot. the plan was to try to retrieve it through the cath lab, but the procedure didn’t go as anticipated. during the observation period afterwards, we were told there had been rapid propagation of the clot and what was meant to be a more straightforward procedure became another emergency open-heart surgery. then one of the medical team told me she had never seen anything like it before. and when a medical professional says that to you, alarms are going off in my mind.
25 Oct 2026
the night before zion's first surgery: the morphine incident
queen of hearts — episode six in this episode, i talk about the lead-up to zion’s first surgery and one of the scariest incidents we experienced while waiting. zion was given morphine through his iv rather than intramuscularly, and afterwards he began having brady episodes. all we could really do was wait and hope the effects wore off, while i watched his heart rate keep dropping. at the same time, he was also having what they were calling tet spells. from my own previous experience of seeing the effects of morphine, what i was watching felt frighteningly familiar — his breathing seemed depressed, and i could see his heart rate going low, low, low.
18 Oct 2026
the day zion's numbers dropped: when home monitoring turns emergency
in this episode, i talk about the first weeks at home after zion’s first discharge and what it was like being part of the home monitoring programme. then one day during his checks, his numbers were low and everything changed very quickly. zion and i had to leave by ambulance for starship, while the community nurse stayed with river and jasmine until my aunt could get there. there wasn’t even time for me to wait with the kids before we left. everything happened so fast, and in that moment, it was seriously so scary.
11 Oct 2026
i wasn't scared of giving birth, i was scared of what came after: zion's birth story
queen of hearts — episode four
in this episode, i talk about the emotional weight of being separated from my children, how that experience connected with old abandonment wounds, and the overwhelming moment of finally being reunited with them.
then we move into zion’s birth. i share the fear i carried going into labour, knowing that giving birth wasn’t the part i was afraid of — it was everything that could happen afterwards.
and somewhere in the middle of all that fear, my waters broke in a moment that felt like the parting of the red sea.
4 Oct 2026
i was too happy to be in labour: being dismissed, separated from my kids and waiting for birth
queen of hearts — episode three in this episode, i talk about the days leading up to birth — early labour signs, being sent back and forth from hospital, and feeling like i had to convince people that i knew my own body.
i also speak about how hard it was being away from my children, the emotional weight of suddenly having space to process everything, and the gratitude i still carry for the people at ronald mcdonald house who supported us through such an uncertain time.
this was the waiting period before everything changed.
27 Sept 2026
i was told my baby might not be compatible with life: tricuspid atresia diagnosis
queen of hearts — episode two
in my fourth pregnancy, everything changed at the 20-week anatomy scan. what started as a routine appointment became the beginning of learning that my baby had a complex heart condition.
in this episode, i talk about being presented with medical termination, holding onto hope, and eventually receiving the diagnosis of tricuspid atresia with vsd and pulmonary stenosis.
this is the beginning of our journey into the single ventricle world
20 Sept 2026
my first three birth stories: from emergency c-section to en caul home birth
queen of hearts — episode one
in this first episode, i’m sharing the story of my first three pregnancies and three very different birth experiences — from an emergency c-section after discovering my baby had iugr, to navigating labour with birthing affirmations, and eventually having an en caul home water birth.
these are the first chapters of the story that eventually led to raw hearts real healing — and there’s still one more birth story to tell..
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