Unsetting Expectations is a community of authenticity & vulnerability that drives humanity forward by inspiring storytelling. We publish new, moving articles weekly and host Real and Raw conversations every Thursday live on our socials. If you can't make it live, tune in to the conversations here. Real & Raw features & highlights women who have or are overcoming and defying expectations of themselves & society, and expert sessions to discuss practical tips & tricks to dealing with perfectionism, imposter syndrome, anxiety, and many more.
Raw bite 19 - Internalizing over a "?": Franka Grubisic
In these ‘Raw bite’ episodes of my podcast, I’ll be selecting my favorite moments from previous episodes of Real & Raw.
I’ve been thinking back about things that had been a huge problem for me when I worked for different companies over the past couple of years, and I suddenly realized that many of the troubles have resulted from over analyzing my menager's or my colleagues' emails and replies. I immediately started to internalize and feel fear inside of me when I saw a question mark in it, because I thought there was something I hadn't done right.
Crazy, isn't it?
Technology has undoubtedly made our lives easier in many ways, but I’m not so sure I like the effect it has on communication and understanding those written messages. It's especially present in communication between a manager and their employees, and a huge problem is not even hearing something each of them has to say. And I've realized that people had never thought of listening as an important subject by itself.
Now that I'm a business owner and having people working for me, I have realized that listening to what they have to say is one of the most important parts of our communication and of me getting to understand how they feel and what they need so that they can feel more comfortable working and communicating back to me.
Listening to what they have to say may be more than an eye-opening experience for them, as well as for me and the business. It could mean more understanding of their needs, more progress and possibly innovation when they are being heard and valued.
I'm kind of in the midst of a journey of reframing and reparenting myself I also run two social businesses and I have a small team working together. And the roles are different so I need to be able to recognize how my team is feeling that day just based on their messages and their replies. And then I moderate my replies to them based on understanding what they need to hear, or what they might think. Because I know that sometimes they can also feel the same fear from a message that I sent that has a question mark in it.
7 Apr 2022
Raw bite 18 - Having boundaries is not rude: Franka Grubisic
In these ‘Raw bite’ episodes of my podcast, I’ll be selecting my favorite moments from previous episodes of Real & Raw.
Do you feel guilty when you even think of setting boundaries? Well, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone!
One of the main reasons we avoid setting boundaries is that we mistakenly think they’re rude and controlling and that we'll get characterized as being mean and selfish. For many of us the problem is being stuck in a people-pleaser mindset, letting other people tell us what's right for us instead of deciding for ourselves.
We have all these negative beliefs because others have reacted poorly to our boundaries in the past. And this is especially present in dysfunctional families where people may feel guilty or unjustified in asking for what they want or need and never getting their needs met. Personally, I didn't have boundaries for a lot of reasons and when I met people who had them, I always thought "Oh my God, what a rude person!".
The relationship with my parents, and their parents was really dysfunctional and it was especially hard for me as a child to look at and to grow up in such environment. I didn't have anyone kind of role-modelling that it's okay to stand up for yourself, that it's okay to say no to things and that it's okay to, not to raise your voice but to speak your truth. And by getting raised by a family that acts a certain way, I just thought that I should be quite all the time and let people use me however they want, because those were the behaviors that I saw for such a long time.
When I moved to Zagreb, for University, I figured that people were acting differently here and I quite liked it. It was a transitioned period of me realizing that having boundaries is not rude at all, that's what should be the bare minimum of common courtesy to yourself.
Setting boundaries means, for once, putting ourselves first. And what it really does is, it protects us from being hurt and taken advantage of. In fact, setting clear boundaries creates healthy relationships and clear expectations as long as we learn how to set them properly and don't feel guilty. Therefore, we have to figure out how to find ways to set boundaries that work for us.
Listen to the whole conversation and pick up some of the tips for yourself!
2 Apr 2022
Raw bite 17 - Keep your inner connection: Franka Grubisic
In these ‘Raw bite’ episodes of my podcast, I’ll be selecting my favorite moments from previous episodes of Real & Raw.
So many of us go through life disconnected from our inner self, not paying attention to our core, looking for someone or something to complete us. And it's almost like we're waiting for some kind of outside approval for things we should or shouldn't do, we begin to lose control of what we truly want and feel like doing. We miss out so much on vital information that could be shaping our life choices and daily actions by not trusting ourselves and our inner feeling.
Sometimes you get really caught up on looking so much outwards and comparing ourselves and our businesses with how businesses of other people work so much that we lose that inner connection and trust and you're like "Oh, I'm actually not feeling really aligned with this, I don't feel like I have the energy to launch this now even though I already had that planned." And that can create a lot of resistance and judgement and a lot of those negative emotions.
For the most part of my life I struggled with a poor relationship with myself. I used to have a critical, judgmental inner dialogue. My perfectionist tendencies made me feel like I was never good enough which made me feel completely disconnected from my inner self. Over recent years, so much of this has changed. I have practiced acceptance, forgiveness and unconditional self-love, which made me realize, I'm on my own journey in this life and it's completely fine to take a step back, tune in and be like "it's okay if I don't do this at the moment because it doesn't feel right".
The key is to develop the connection with the source of guidance, the sense of self that lies within you, to discover that you're able to rely on your inner feeling, your inner guidance. And just like anything, it requires dedication and a lot of patience. It's important to let yourself receive any information that comes from within, and give yourself time to process it and understand what is it trying to tell you.
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