Recovering Us

About Recovering Us

"Recovering Us" offers hope and support to couples who struggle to have a healthy and happy relationship but who want to repair and remain together. Recovering Us is for all couples experiencing problems in communication, intimacy and resolving conflict, especially those affected by betrayal, addictions, abuse and trauma.

Publisher

Sandra and Dan

Category

education · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

15 Sept 2025

Latest episode

1 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

15 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   1 Oct 2026

   Creating a Conscious Coupleship

   In this episode of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan share what they learned at a Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) convention about creating a conscious coupleship—an intentional approach to building safety, connection, communication, intimacy, and resilience in a relationship. Drawing from their own experience as a recovering couple, they explore the difference between reacting on autopilot and consciously choosing how to care for the relationship itself. They share practical tools and everyday practices that have helped them move from conflict, reactivity, and disconnection toward greater safety, understanding, and connection. Sandra and Dan begin by exploring the idea that a coupleship is its own entity—something separate from either individual that needs to be intentionally nurtured and cared for. Just as a business or pet requires attention and investment, a coupleship can suffer when it is neglected. They then discuss what it means to become more conscious and intentional in a relationship. Rather than automatically defending a position, reacting to triggers, withdrawing, attacking, or trying to control an outcome, couples can learn to pause, become self-aware, and consider what will actually serve the coupleship.

2. 

   1 Oct 2026

   From Hidden Addiction to Honest Connection: Joanna & Matthew's Journey of Recovery

   In this episode of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan welcome Joanna and Matthew, a couple who have been married for 17 years and have spent more than a decade navigating recovery together. Their story begins with a whirlwind courtship and a marriage that looked promising but quickly revealed areas where neither had the tools to navigate conflict, emotions, and intimacy. Over time, Matthew's hidden addiction to pornography and sex became a central source of disconnection in their relationship. When Joanna finally asked Matthew directly if he was struggling with addiction, he chose honesty after more than 30 years of secrecy. That moment became the beginning of a long recovery journey—one that required individual healing, couples work, grief, transparency, community, and learning how to reconnect. Their story also highlights an important distinction: individual recovery and couples recovery are connected, but they are not the same thing.

3. 

   1 Oct 2026

   What Is Couples Recovery? Inside Recovering Couples Anonymous

   What exactly is a couples recovery program? What happens at a couples recovery meeting? And what should you expect if you're considering attending one for the first time? In this episode of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan take listeners inside their experience with Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) and explain what couples recovery actually looks like. They share how finding the program became a pivotal part of their own relationship recovery after years of hurt, dysfunction, and uncertainty about whether their relationship could survive. The episode is designed to demystify the process for couples who may have heard of 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon but aren't familiar with a recovery program specifically designed for couples. Sandra and Dan explain who couples recovery is for, how to find a meeting, what different types of meetings are available, and what actually happens once you join one. They also share what it was like attending their very first meeting — including why simply listening was enough when Sandra wasn't yet ready to speak. The couple discusses the different formats available, including telephone, online, in-person, and hybrid meetings, as well as the fact that some meetings are specifically intended for particular groups of couples. They explain that couples generally attend together, particularly when first joining a meeting, but that participants can choose how much they share and aren't required to speak immediately. A major focus of the episode is why these meetings feel safe. Sandra and Dan explain concepts such as anonymity, confidentiality, no crosstalk, speaking from personal experience, and avoiding "taking your partner's inventory." Rather than telling another couple what they should do, members share their own experience, strength, and hope. They also talk about one of the biggest shifts they've experienced through the program: moving away from focusing on what's wrong with their partner and instead asking, "What's my role in this?" This change helped them take greater responsibility for their own behavior and approach relationship problems as someth

4. 

   1 Oct 2026

   Creating a Safe Relationship: What Recovery Has Changed for Us

   In this Season 2 finale of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan reflect on their journey through couples recovery and the ways recovery has fundamentally changed their relationship. Looking back over more than a decade in recovery, they explore what it means to make your relationship a safe space—a place where both partners can have feelings, make mistakes, express their needs, and navigate conflict respectfully. Sandra and Dan share how the principles and tools they learned through Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) helped them move away from trying to "win" conflicts and toward seeing themselves as allies on the same team. They also talk honestly about the ongoing realities of recovery: addiction and compulsive behavior don't simply disappear, slips and triggers can still happen, and neither partner is expected to be perfect. Instead, recovery means learning to recognize what happened, take responsibility, communicate honestly, and return to the work. Most importantly, they reflect on the "new normal" they have created together—a relationship with greater trust, direct communication, compassion, emotional safety, and, perhaps most importantly, more room for fun and connection.

5. 

   1 Oct 2026

   How We Learned to Handle Anger Without Hurting Each Other

   In the season two premiere of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan talk openly about one of the biggest challenges in their relationship: anger. After years of intense conflict, unhealthy communication patterns, and being on the verge of divorce, they found tools through couples recovery that helped them move from a relationship that felt like a "hot mess" to one that is now much more peaceful and connected. In this episode, Sandra and Dan explore the ways their childhood experiences shaped how they handled emotions and conflict as adults. They discuss learning to suppress feelings, becoming avoidant or passive-aggressive, reacting with anger, blaming and shaming one another, and struggling to take responsibility for their own roles in relationship problems. If you're struggling with anger, communication, or recurring conflict in your relationship, this episode offers an honest look at how two people learned to approach those challenges differently — and how recovery helped them move toward a healthier, more peaceful coupleship. Key Takeaways: ● Why conflict is inevitable in relationships ● How childhood experiences shape adult conflict patterns ● Suppressing anger vs. expressing it destructively ● Why it's okay to have feelings ● Learning to make mistakes without shame ● What respectful conflict actually looks like ● Taking a timeout when you're too activated to communicate ● Becoming allies instead of competitors ● How to communicate needs without blame ● The difference between a need and a want ● Why self-reflection can reduce anger ● Asking, "What's my role in this?" ● Building safety, honesty, and trust in a relationship For free relationship resources, safety guidelines, and additional tools discussed on the podcast, visit recoveringus.org.

6. 

   1 Oct 2026

   From Struggling to Strong: Chris & Jennifer's Journey of Recovery, Relapse, Forgiveness, and Coupleship

   In this episode of Recovering Us, Sandra and Dan sit down with Chris and Jennifer, a couple who have been married for 34 years and walking the road of recovery together for 32 years. Chris shares his journey of pornography and sex addiction, beginning with exposure to pornography at a young age and eventually recognizing that what he had considered a "bad habit" had become something he could not stop on his own. Jennifer shares her experience as his spouse—the shock and hurt of discovery, the challenges of repeated relapse, and her own journey toward finding her voice, setting boundaries, and developing her own recovery. Their story is not a story of instant transformation. Chris describes eighteen years of sobriety that included periods of recovery, relapse, and starting again before reaching fourteen consecutive years of sobriety. Together, they discovered that individual recovery was only part of the work. They also had to learn how to recover as a couple. The conversation explores shame, surrender, faith, twelve-step recovery, forgiveness, empathy, communication, community, and the difficult—but ultimately healing—conversations that can help couples reconnect.

7. 

   1 Dec 2025

   Navigating Relationship Challenges

   The conversation explores the challenges faced in relationships, particularly during times of stress and uncertainty. It highlights the importance of communication and support systems, such as marriage encounter programs, in navigating these difficulties. The speaker shares personal experiences of addressing fears related to economic security and parenting while in professional training, emphasizing the role of emotional expression in strengthening relationships. Takeaways Bickering can escalate during challenging times. Economic security fears can impact relationships. Marriage encounter programs can provide essential support. Learning to communicate feelings is crucial. 'Love letters' can help express emotions effectively. Sharing experiences can strengthen bonds. Safe environments foster open communication. Addressing fears together can enhance relationships. Professional training adds stress to parenting. Emotional expression is key to relationship health. Sound bites "Bickering was really at the highest" "Marriage encounter as an initial buoy" "Develop what they call love letters"

8. 

   24 Nov 2025

   Navigating Coupleship Dysfunction

   In this episode of the Recovering Us podcast, hosts Sandra and Dan explore the complexities of coupleship dysfunction and the journey towards recovery. They discuss various characteristics of dysfunctional couples, emphasizing the importance of communication, interdependence, and emotional safety. The conversation highlights the significance of asking for needs, exploring intimacy beyond sex, and facing problems together as a couple. They also touch on the importance of playfulness, expressing true feelings, and accepting individual responsibilities in a relationship. The episode concludes with reflections on breaking family patterns of dysfunction and the positive changes that can arise from understanding and addressing these issues. Takeaways The podcast aims to help couples affected by addiction and trauma. Dysfunction is common in coupleships, leading to the need for recovery. Open communication fosters intimacy and empathy in relationships. Interdependence strengthens coupleships, while enmeshment can be harmful. It's important to ask for needs to be met in a relationship. Intimacy can be expressed in many ways beyond sexual connection. Facing problems together is crucial for relationship health. Rediscovering playfulness can enhance joy in relationships. Accepting individual responsibilities reduces blame and conflict. Effective conflict resolution is key to a healthy coupleship. Sound bites "We are a recovering couple." "It's acceptable to ask what we need." "We've forgotten how to play together." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Recovering Us Podcast 01:58 Understanding Dysfunction in Coupleships 03:58 Characteristics of Dysfunctional vs. Functional Couples 09:55 Self-Medication and Emotional Expression 12:57 Interdependence vs. Codependence in Relationships 15:52 The Importance of Asking for Needs 22:51 Intimacy Beyond Sexuality 27:56 Facing Problems Together as a Team 32:53 Rediscovering Playfulness in Relationships 36:04 Expressing True Feelings 37:44 Taking Responsibility in Conflict 40:57 Healthy Conflict Resolution 42:03 Breaking Family Patterns of Dysfunction

9. 

   17 Nov 2025

   The Power of Full Commitment

   The conversation explores the importance of bringing one's full self to relationships, emphasizing personal responsibility and self-regulation. It discusses how shifting from a mindset of shared percentages to full commitment can enhance relationship dynamics. Takeaways We each bring our full 100% to relationships. The notion of bringing 50% can lead to blame. Taking responsibility for our contributions is crucial. Self-regulation is key to healthy interactions. Compassionate treatment of partners enhances relationships. Shifting perspectives can lead to valuable changes. Constructive communication is essential. Personal work is necessary for relationship growth.\ Understanding each other's contributions fosters connection. Full commitment leads to better relationship outcomes. Sound bites "I bring my full 100% to the relationship." "I had the notion that I bring my 50%." "Treat my partner as compassionately as I can." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Recovering Us Podcast 01:03 Shifting Perspectives in Relationships

10. 

    10 Nov 2025

    Building Bridges: The Power of Safe Communication

    In this episode of the Recovering Us Podcast, hosts Sandra and Dan discuss the importance of safe communication in relationships, particularly for couples affected by addiction, dysfunction, and trauma. They share their experiences and tools for creating a safe space for dialogue, emphasizing the need for agreements that outline respectful communication practices. The episode covers identifying dysfunctional communication patterns, developing a communication agreement, and the importance of implementing and using these agreements effectively. The hosts also address challenges that may arise when trying to adhere to these agreements, offering insights on how to navigate difficulties in communication. Takeaways Safe communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Creating agreements helps establish a safe space for dialogue. Informed consent is crucial in communication. Dysfunctional communication patterns can harm relationships. Using 'we' language fosters collaboration in problem-solving. Agreements should be written and signed for accountability. Regularly revisiting agreements can reinforce their effectiveness. Ending conversations with appreciation promotes positivity. It's important to address challenges when agreements aren't working. No one is perfect; it's okay to ask for do-overs. Sound bites "We deserve to have informed consent." "We are allies on the same team." "It only works if we use it." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Recovering Us Podcast 01:00 The Importance of Safe Communication 08:55 Creating Agreements for Healthy Communication 25:58 Implementing and Using Communication Agreements 42:55 Addressing Challenges with Agreements

11. 

    3 Nov 2025

    The Need for Safety in Couples Recovery

    In this episode of Recovering Us, hosts Sandra and Dan discuss the foundational safety guidelines that have significantly impacted their relationship. They explore the importance of creating a safe environment for vulnerability and intimacy, the inevitability of mistakes in relationships, and the necessity of respectful conflict resolution. The conversation emphasizes the significance of recognizing and expressing needs, maintaining self-respect, and the role of anonymity in fostering a healthy coupleship. Through their personal experiences, they illustrate how these guidelines can transform relationships and promote emotional safety. Takeaways Safety guidelines have transformed our relationship. Creating safety is essential for vulnerability and intimacy. It's okay to feel and express emotions in a relationship. Mistakes are inevitable; how we handle them matters. Respectful conflict is crucial for growth as a couple. Recognizing and asking for needs is important. Self-respect helps avoid self-pity and negative feelings. Anonymity fosters a safe space for sharing. Mutual respect is foundational in conflict resolution. The tools from RCA can benefit any couple seeking improvement. Sound Bites "It's okay to have needs and ask for them." "Anonymity is our spiritual foundation." "We learned to have respectful conflict." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Safety Guidelines in Couples Recovery 03:02 Understanding the Safety Guidelines 07:43 The Importance of Vulnerability and Feelings 14:48 Navigating Mistakes and Respectful Conflict 19:02 The Dynamics of Respectful Conflict 28:13 Recognizing Needs and Self-Respect 33:02 The Role of Anonymity in Relationships 38:17 Conclusion and Reflection on the Journey

12. 

    27 Oct 2025

    The Power of Quick Repairs in Relationships

    In this episode of the Recovering Us podcast, hosts Sandra and Dan discuss the concept of quick repairs in relationships, particularly for couples affected by addiction, dysfunction, and trauma. They explore how small, unskillful moments can accumulate and impact relationships, and introduce a tool for making quick repairs to restore connection and understanding. Through personal examples, they illustrate the importance of recognizing mistakes, taking accountability, and appreciating each other to strengthen their emotional bond. The episode emphasizes the significance of communication and the benefits of practicing quick repairs regularly to enhance relationship dynamics. Takeaways Quick repairs are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Unskillful moments can accumulate and affect emotional well-being. Personality traits influence how we interact and make mistakes. It's important to recognize and take accountability for our actions. Quick repairs can help restore connection after misunderstandings. Communication is key in addressing small issues before they escalate. Appreciation plays a vital role in the quick repair process. Practicing quick repairs can enhance emotional intimacy. Mistakes are a natural part of being human and in relationships. Regular practice of quick repairs can improve relationship dynamics. Sound bites "We all do unskillful things." "It's okay to make mistakes." "There's no discussion afterwards." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Recovering Us Podcast 00:58 Understanding Quick Repairs in Relationships 05:57 Personality Traits and Their Impact on Relationships 10:45 Examples of Quick Repairs in Action 18:48 Breaking Down the Quick Repair Process 23:49 The Benefits of Quick Repairs for Couples 26:46 Conclusion and Encouragement for Listeners

13. 

    20 Oct 2025

    Navigating Conflict with the Mirroring Dialogue

    In this episode of 'Recovering Us', hosts Sandra and Dan discuss the mirroring dialogue tool, a technique they use to improve communication and resolve conflicts in their relationship. They share personal anecdotes, particularly around driving, to illustrate how misunderstandings can arise and how the mirroring dialogue helps them navigate these challenges. The conversation emphasizes the importance of listening, understanding each other's perspectives, and maintaining emotional safety in relationships. Takeaways The mirroring dialogue is a tool for improving communication. Conflict often arises from misunderstandings and different perspectives. Using 'I' statements helps to express feelings without blaming. Scheduling conversations about conflicts can lead to better outcomes. Listening actively is crucial for effective communication. Practicing the mirroring dialogue can strengthen relationships. Emotional safety is key in resolving conflicts. It's important to validate each other's feelings during discussions. The goal is to feel connected, not to win arguments. Regular practice of communication techniques leads to improvement. Sound Bites "We have different driving styles." "We are allies on the same team." "I think it would be really helpful." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Evergreen Content 01:40 Understanding the Mirroring Dialogue Tool 05:33 Conflict in Driving: A Case Study 11:16 Implementing the Mirroring Dialogue in Real Situations 17:04 Reflecting on the Mirroring Dialogue Experience 31:32 The Importance of Listening and Communication Techniques

14. 

    10 Oct 2025

    Our Story: How we went from struggling to strong!

    The conversation emphasizes the significance of mutual support in relationships, highlighting that issues faced by one partner should be recognized as collective problems that need to be addressed together. This approach fosters emotional safety and strengthens the bond between partners. Takeaways A problem for one partner is a problem for the relationship. Mutual support is essential for a healthy relationship. Both partners should take each other's concerns seriously. Emotional safety is crucial in addressing relationship issues. Communication is key to resolving conflicts together. Recognizing each other's feelings fosters a stronger bond. Allies in a relationship should work together on problems. Addressing discomfort is a shared responsibility. Healthy relationships require open dialogue about issues. Game-changing moments can redefine relationship dynamics. Sound bites "A problem for our relationship" "We're allies on the same team" "That's a problem for our relationship to deal with" Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Recovering Us Podcast 00:02 The Importance of Empathy in Relationships 00:45 Tools for Effective Communication

15. 

    15 Sept 2025

    Welcome to Recovering Us

    Welcome to Recovering Us

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Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

6 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

2 ratings

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