Reframing Life and Love by Tom and Vicki: a podcast offering hope after childhood sexual abuse

About Reframing Life and Love by Tom and Vicki: a podcast offering hope after childhood sexual abuse

Welcome to "Reframing Life and Love," a transformative podcast where Tom Dau shares his journey of supporting his wife's healing from childhood sexual trauma. Designed specifically for men committed to understanding and aiding their partners, our show provides a safe space to discuss the unique challenges that arise and the skills needed to foster a fulfilling relationship. In each episode, you’ll hear from Tom, offering valuable insights from his perspective. He shares practical blueprints and tools to help men not just survive, but thrive in their relationships. With topics ranging from understanding repressed memories to building trust to enhancing intimacy, this podcast aims to empower you to lay the foundation for a lasting, loving partnership. And Vicki chimes in as well to provide even more insight and perspective. Join us as we cover: - The impact of childhood sexual abuse on adult relationships - Effective strategies for men to help their partners overcome past trauma - Personal stories of resilience and hope - Essential skills to create and maintain a meaningful connection Subscribe now to "Reframing Life and Love" and ensure you never miss an episode filled with hope, healing, and practical advice. Plus, visit our website for an exclusive offer: “3 Things every man must know if your partner was sexually abused. ” Together, let’s reframe your life and love! **Trigger Warning:** This podcast discusses sensitive topics related to childhood sexual abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is advised. Disclaimer: The reflections in this podcast are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional, medical or psychological assistance and are not meant to be a substitute for in-person counseling or treatment for suicidal ideation, or severe psychiatric problems. No assumption of responsibility is made, or given, and the party participating agrees not to hold Tom Dau, Vicki Dau or TeamDau Wellness responsible or liable in any form or fashion, for such actions taken of their own accord. **Keywords:** childhood sexual abuse, past trauma, husbands and wives, overcoming past trauma, sexually abused as a child, recover from being abused as a child, trauma, support for men, support for husbands

Publisher

Tom and Vicki Dau

Category

education · education · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

2 Nov 2024

Latest episode

30 Oct 2025

Latest episodes

18 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   30 Oct 2025

   3 things every husband must know if his wife was sexually abused

   Links talked about in this episode: Our Communication and Connection Workshop (https://teamdau.my.canva.site/updated-communication-and-connection-workshop). Tom's Interactive Digital Guide for Husbands (https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/offers/T58Y5HpZ/checkout) In this conversation: Tom and Vicki Dau discuss the complexities of navigating relationships when one partner has experienced sexual abuse. They share their personal journey of healing and emphasize the importance of communication, understanding triggers, and providing support. The discussion highlights three key pillars for partners: recognizing that the trauma is not their fault, the need for support, and avoiding the urge to fix the situation immediately. They also provide practical strategies for couples to foster a safe and compassionate environment for healing. Takeaways: It's essential to recognize that the trauma is not your fault. Support is crucial for someone healing from trauma. Communication is key in understanding each other's needs. Triggers can arise unexpectedly; awareness is important. Creating a safe space for open dialogue fosters healing. Compassion and patience are vital in the healing process. It's okay to take time to process emotions before discussing them. Practical tools can help improve communication in relationships. Healing takes time, but it does get easier with effort. Both partners must be committed to working on the relationship. Chapters 00:00 Navigating Relationships After Trauma 03:40 Understanding the Three Pillars for Support 05:58 The Importance of Communication and Connection 08:46 Building Trust and Safety in Relationships 11:24 The Role of Patience and Understanding 13:44 Tools for Healing and Growth 16:07 Practical Steps for Partners 18:35 Resources for Continued Support 28:18 Introduction to Reframing Life and Love 28:18 Actionable Insights for Enhancing Relationships Keywords: trauma, relationships, healing, communication, support, sexual abuse, couples therapy, emotional safety, partnership, mental health

2. 

   13 Aug 2025

   How to Love a Trauma Survivor

   Links talked about in this episode: https://Teamdau.com (https://teamdau.com) Summary: In this conversation, Vicki and Tom discuss how to love a trauma survivor from three distinct perspectives: those committed to healing, those who feel victimized, and those who deny the impact of their trauma. They emphasize the importance of respect, communication, and understanding in relationships with trauma survivors, highlighting the need for partners to be aware of triggers and to foster an environment of safety and support. The discussion also touches on the challenges of loving someone who is stuck in a victim mentality and the necessity for both partners to engage in healing for a healthy relationship. Takeaways: Understanding the different perspectives of trauma survivors is crucial. Respecting where a trauma survivor is in their healing journey is essential. Love encompasses more than just actions; it includes respect and understanding. Communication is key; partners should express their feelings and concerns gently. Listening without trying to fix is a vital part of supporting a trauma survivor. Accepting each other as they are is fundamental in a relationship. A partner cannot change someone who is not willing to change. Denial of trauma can hinder healing and relationship growth. It's important to address triggers and create a safe environment. Sacrificing one's happiness for a partner's trauma is not sustainable. Chapters: 00:00 Understanding Trauma Survivors 02:22 Loving a Committed Survivor 14:26 Supporting a Victim Mentality 19:35 Addressing Denial in Trauma Survivors 33:14 Actionable Insights for Enhancing Relationships Keywords: trauma, love, healing, relationships, survivor, victim mentality, communication, support, emotional health, coping strategies

3. 

   23 Jul 2025

   Lessons in Fatherhood: Tom Dau's Story of Adoption, Tattoos, and Personal Growth

   Summary: In this heartfelt talk Tom Dau gave at the 4:30pm Mass for Father's Day, he shares his journey of fatherhood, personal growth, and the importance of relationships. He reflects on his experiences with his adopted family, the significance of tattoos as symbols of love and connection, and the lessons learned from his own father. Tom emphasizes the importance of being a good dad, the impact of personal growth on family dynamics, and the need for fathers to be role models for their children. You can tell from his talk that he has a huge heart and it is that same heart that caused him to write a Digital Guide that supports husbands supporting their wives healing from past trauma. Daily practices and perspectives that allow men to understand and take action to support the women they love. Get your copy HERE (https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/offers/T58Y5HpZ/checkout). Takeaways: Family is a source of strength and support. Tattoos can symbolize important life lessons and relationships. Fatherhood is a journey filled with challenges and rewards. Personal growth is essential for being a better parent. Children learn from their parents' actions and relationships. It's important to show love and respect in family dynamics. Dads should be present and available for their children. Supporting a partner through difficult times strengthens relationships. Working on oneself positively impacts family life. Every father has the opportunity to change their corner of the world. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Family Background 02:27 The Significance of Tattoos and Personal Symbols 04:57 Reflections on Fatherhood and Parenting 07:44Personal Growth and Supporting Loved Ones Keywords Father's Day, family, parenting, personal growth, relationships, tattoos, love, support, fatherhood, community

4. 

   16 Jul 2025

   What to say to a trauma survivor

   Links talked about in the episode: https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/loves-resilience-free-ebook (https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/loves-resilience-free-ebook) Summary: In this conversation, Vicki Dau discusses the sensitive topic of how to communicate with trauma survivors, particularly those who have experienced sexual abuse. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging their pain, listening empathetically, and avoiding common pitfalls in conversation. The discussion also touches on the significance of resilience and personal growth in the aftermath of trauma, as well as the importance of providing support without trying to fix the survivor's experience. Takeaways: Acknowledge the survivor's experience with empathy. It's important to ask if they want to talk more. Listening is crucial; don't try to fix their pain. Avoid saying things like 'that was a long time ago.' Saying 'I don't know what to say' can be appropriate. Avoid pious statements about God and suffering. Survivors often want to be heard, not soothed. Resilience is key to personal growth after trauma. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Trauma Survivors 02:39 Effective Communication with Survivors 05:19 What Not to Say to Trauma Survivors 08:06 Empathy and Listening Skills 10:46 Resilience and Personal Growth Keywords: trauma survivor, communication, empathy, support, listening, emotional support, trauma awareness, mental health, healing, resilience

5. 

   28 May 2025

   Mother's Day Reflections: Empowerment, Boundaries, and Societal Pressures

   Tom and Vicki explore the complexities of Mother's Day, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing emotional safety within family dynamics, ultimately promoting healthier interactions.

6. 

   28 Apr 2025

   Empowerment in Faith: Tom and Vicki's Exploration of Religion and Spirituality

   Summary: In this conversation, Tom and Vicki explore the intricate relationship between faith, spirituality, and religion, sharing personal experiences that have shaped their beliefs. They discuss the impact of community, the challenges of navigating authority within religious institutions, and the importance of personal empowerment in faith. The couple emphasizes the role of prayer and gratitude in their daily lives, ultimately highlighting the significance of hope and spiritual growth in overcoming life's challenges. Takeaways: Faith is a personal belief in a higher power. Religion serves as the method of practicing faith. Experiences in childhood significantly shape beliefs. Personal conversion experiences can lead to empowerment. Navigating religious communities can be complex and challenging. Authority figures in religion can impact personal beliefs. It's okay to question and take control of one's faith journey. Prayer and gratitude are essential practices in daily life. Finding hope in difficult situations is crucial for spiritual growth. Embracing a higher power can provide comfort and assurance. Chapters 00:00 Exploring Faith, Spirituality, and Religion 02:25 Personal Experiences Shaping Beliefs 04:59 Navigating Religious Communities and Traditions 09:46 Challenges with Authority and Doctrine 14:53 Finding Personal Power in Faith 19:26 The Role of Prayer and Gratitude 24:32 Embracing Hope and Spiritual Growth Keywords: faith, spirituality, religion, personal experiences, beliefs, community, authority, prayer, gratitude, hope

7. 

   8 Apr 2025

   From Trauma to Triumph: The Inspiring Journey of Film Maker and Author Mary Knight

   Links talked about in this episode: Mary's YouTube Channel (https://youtube.com/@maryknight4450?si=dwgUjGkLgcxK6-Lo)Mary's Website (https://www.maryknightproductions.com/index.html)Mary's book on Amazon (https://a.co/d/4S5abZH) Summary: In this conversation, Mary Knight discusses the profound impact of her book and personal experiences on her life and the lives of others. She emphasizes the importance of sharing survivor stories, the healing power of commonality, and the significance of memory recovery. Mary also shares insights into her film projects, the Recovered Memory Project, and various healing modalities she has explored. The discussion highlights the journey of recovery, the importance of support systems, and the possibility of achieving happiness after trauma. Takeaways: Mary's book has changed her life by allowing her to share her story. Survivors often seek commonality to validate their experiences. Talking to survivors who have read her book focuses on healing. Trigger warnings in her book help readers prepare for sensitive content. The Recovered Memory Project aims to document true recovery stories. Mary emphasizes the importance of psychotherapy in healing. Walking and yoga are key components of her healing routine. She feels fortunate to have a happy life now after trauma. Mary's films aim to empower and educate about abuse and recovery. It's crucial for survivors to communicate with their partners about their experiences. Chapters 00:00 The Impact of Sharing Personal Stories 02:14 Commonality and Healing in Survivor Stories 05:44 Empowerment Through Memory Recovery 08:17 The Recovered Memory Project 13:14 Healing Modalities and Personal Growth 16:29 Reflections on Regrets and Pride 17:48 Film Projects and Their Messages 24:03 Promoting Awareness and Support 26:12 Advice for Survivors on Recovery 34:29 The Possibility of Recovery and Happiness #survivor stories, #healing, #empowerment, #memory recovery, #personal growth, #child abuse, #mental health, #psychotherapy, #support, #resilience

8. 

   26 Mar 2025

   You meant WHAT? From Conflict to Connection: Enhancing Communication for Deeper Intimacy

   Links discussed in this episode: https://teamdau.my.canva.site/communication-and-connection-workshop (https://teamdau.my.canva.site/communication-and-connection-workshop) Summary: In this episode, Vicki and Tom discuss the critical role of communication in marriage, sharing a personal story that highlights how misunderstandings can arise from internal narratives. They emphasize the importance of being aware of one's own feelings and perceptions, and how these can affect interactions with a partner. The conversation also introduces their upcoming workshops aimed at enhancing communication skills among couples, providing tools for conflict resolution and deeper intimacy. Takeaways: Communication is vital in any marriage, regardless of duration. Awareness of personal feelings can improve relationship dynamics. Misunderstandings often stem from internal narratives. It's essential to clarify intentions in communication. Taking responsibility for one's actions can prevent blame. Our Workshop can provide valuable tools for couples. Investing time in relationship education is crucial. Conflict resolution skills can enhance intimacy. Technology can complicate communication but also offers solutions. Open dialogue can prevent prolonged misunderstandings. Chapters: 00:00 The Importance of Communication in Marriage 08:06 Misunderstandings and Internal Narratives 11:34 Workshops for Better Communication Keywords: communication, marriage, relationships, misunderstandings, workshops, conflict resolution, intimacy, connection, emotional awareness, couple dynamics

9. 

   26 Feb 2025

   Navigating Trauma: Addressing Scars and Embracing Recovery

   Links talked about in episode: RAINN.ORG (https://hotline.rainn.org/online)Damage and Possibilities Guide (https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/forms/2148846598)Work with Tom and/or Vicki (https://team-dau.mykajabi.com/schedule-a-one-on-one) Survival Guide for Husbands (https://teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands) Guide for Wives (https://teamdau.my.canva.site/helping-your-husband-help-you) Summary This conversation focuses on how to support survivors of trauma, particularly in the immediate aftermath of an incident. It emphasizes the uniqueness of each survivor's experience, the importance of addressing trauma, and the various coping strategies that can aid in recovery. The discussion also covers the impact of repressed memories and the necessity of seeking professional help, while encouraging survivors to prioritize their well-being and emotional health. Takeaways: Every circumstance is unique and different. There is no timetable for recovery. Abuse is abuse and it's equal. It's better to do more than less if you can. Stay grounded in the truth. Buried things cause physical ailments. The fear of addressing it is greater than actually addressing it. Be intentional about your sleep patterns. The stories that we create are where the problems lie. You need to be good in you so that you can be good going out. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Support for Survivors 09:49 Navigating Immediate Aftermath of Trauma 19:55 Processing Unaddressed Trauma 29:48 Repressed Memories and Their Impact 36:01 Tools for Healing and Moving Forward Keywords: supporting survivors, trauma recovery, mental health, healing, emotional support, PTSD, coping strategies, trauma-informed care, survivor stories, repressed memories

10. 

    29 Jan 2025

    Brinn Langdale: A Beacon of Hope for Healing from Trauma

    Links talked about in the podcast: BrinnLangdale.com (https://brinnlangdale.com) Summary In this episode of the Reframing Life and Love podcast, hosts Tom and Vicki interview Brinn Langdale, a licensed psychotherapist and holistic coach. Brinn shares her personal journey of healing from trauma, including childhood abuse and the struggles she faced with mental health. The conversation explores the importance of self-work, understanding attachment styles, and the concept of parts work, which involves befriending the inner critic, soothing the inner child, and strengthening the adult self. Brinn emphasizes that healing is a lifelong journey, but it is possible and worth the effort. The episode concludes with encouragement for listeners to embrace their healing journeys and the importance of supportive relationships. Takeaways Healing is possible and living the life you want is within reach. Self-work is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. Understanding attachment styles can improve relationship dynamics. Parts work involves befriending the inner critic and soothing the inner child. The adult self plays a crucial role in managing inner conflicts. Victimhood is a phase, but it’s important to move forward. Healing is a lifelong journey, not a destination. Supportive relationships can motivate healing and growth. Communication is key in relationships, especially during healing. Life will always present challenges, but healing helps you handle them better. Chapters 00:00 Biography of Brynn Langdale 02:21 Introduction to Brynn Langdale 09:57 Turning Points: Leadership Program and Self-Discovery 17:56 Understanding Attachment Styles 26:24 The Role of the Adult Self in Healing 31:33 Understanding Victimhood and Moving Forward 37:14 Shifting Perspectives in Relationships 43:08 Tools for the Healing Journey 47:10 Introduction to Reframing Life and Love 47:14 Actionable Insights for Enhancing Relationships Keywords healing, trauma, relationships, inner child, mental health, psychotherapy, self-work, attachment styles, personal growth, emotional wellness

11. 

    29 Dec 2024

    Swimming Upstream: The Courage to Choose Your Wellness Journey

    Links talked about in this episode: https://teamdau.com (https://teamdau.com) Summary: Vicki and Tom have chosen lots of alternative ways of healing on Vicki's journey and thought you might be interested in hearing what they have personally done over the course of their marriage. In this conversation, Tom and Vicki express their frustrations with conventional medicine, particularly with doctors who focus solely on prescribing drugs without considering holistic approaches. They advocate for chiropractors, naturopaths, and functional medicine doctors who take a more comprehensive view of health, emphasizing the importance of diet, energy levels, and overall well-being. Takeaways: Frustration with conventional medicine is not uncommon. Not all doctors take a holistic approach. Chiropractors and naturopaths are preferred by some. Holistic practitioners consider diet and lifestyle. Support for the body to heal itself is crucial. Energy levels are an important health indicator. A comprehensive view of health is essential. Personal health journeys are unique and ongoing. Chapters: 00:00 Swimming Upstream: A Holistic Approach to Wellness 07:32 Navigating Vaccines: Personal Experiences and Choices 15:08 The Role of Doctors: A Critical Perspective 21:47 Finding the Right Products: Research and Recommendations 26:51 Empowerment Through Knowledge: Making Informed Choices 29:20 Introduction to Reframing Life and Love 29:24 Actionable Insights for Enhancing Relationships Keywords: health, holistic medicine, frustration with doctors, functional medicine, naturopathy, chiropractic care

12. 

    10 Dec 2024

    The Great Dinner Debate: Working through Miscommunication

    Tom and Vicki, survivors of childhood sexual abuse, share their humorous take on navigating miscommunication in relationships, highlighting the importance of clear communication and mutual understanding.

13. 

    26 Nov 2024

    Festive Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace Against Past Abusers This Holiday

    Vicki Dau and Tom discuss the importance of self-love and acceptance, encouraging individuals to prioritize their feelings and recognize their worth for enhanced emotional well-being.

14. 

    21 Nov 2024

    Breaking the Silence: The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Abuse

    Tom and Vicki share their personal journey of recovery from childhood sexual abuse, emphasizing the importance of communication, choice, and community support in healing and finding hope.

15. 

    21 Nov 2024

    From Shadows to Light: Navigating the Aftermath of Sexual Abuse

    Vicki Dau shares actionable insights on breaking the cycle of silence, reclaiming self-trust, and healing from guilt and shame to restore intimacy and build a supportive community for survivors of abuse.

16. 

    21 Nov 2024

    Love Unbroken: Navigating the Aftermath of Sexual Abuse Together

    Tom Dau and Vicki discuss how investing quality time in relationships leads to deeper connections, healing, and growth through consistent presence and open communication.

17. 

    21 Nov 2024

    Unveiling Shadows: A Story of Survival and Healing

    Vicki Dau shares her deeply personal story of emotional vulnerability and survival, highlighting the transformative power of communication, empathy, and open dialogue in healing from childhood trauma.

18. 

    2 Nov 2024

    Trailer for Reframing Life and Love

    Welcome to "Reframing Life and Love," a transformative podcast where husband and wife duo Tom and Vicki explore the journey of healing and connection after childhood sexual trauma. Designed specifically for committed couples, our show provides a safe space to discuss the unique challenges that arise and the skills needed to foster a fulfilling relationship. In each episode, you’ll hear from both Tom and Vicki, offering valuable insights from their distinct perspectives. Together, they share practical blueprints and tools to help couples not just survive, but thrive in their relationship. With topics ranging from repressed memories to building trust to enhancing intimacy, this podcast aims to empower you to lay the foundation for a lasting, loving partnership. Join us as we cover: The impact of childhood sexual abuse on adult relationships Effective strategies for overcoming past trauma Personal stories of resilience and hope Essential skills to create and maintain a meaningful connection Subscribe now to "Reframing Life and Love" and ensure you never miss an episode filled with hope, healing, and practical advice. Plus, visit our website for an exclusive offer: “3 Things Every Committed Couple Must Know to Create a Relationship They Love.” Together, let’s reframe your life and love!

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

YouTube views

1,079,644

Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025

Podcast Authority Score: 28 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

19

Social presence

0

YouTube

93

Engagement

0