Here to help get self-sabotage (and the patriarchy) out of your head and in the bin.
A weekly feminist mindset podcast for women who are done being told to think more positively, try harder, or just be grateful.
Hosted by Anna HeardinLondon, mindset coach, empowerment photographer, founder of SelfCareSchool, each episode is a short, compassionate bitesize real life coaching. We notice the patterns nobody taught you to spot: the self-abandonment loop, the permission deficit, the thinking-acting gap.
I don't think we should magically know how to manage our minds if no one ever teaches us.
The Self-Abandonment Trap: Why do I say yes when I want to say no?
Sick of automatically saying yes when you’re desperate to say no? You’re not alone. This week on Spam Filter For Your Brain, we break down the trap so many of us fall into: the Self-Abandonment Loop.
Why do so many smart, self-aware people agree to stuff that smothers them, even when they know better? The conversation explores what’s really going on beneath the polite surface, including the social and nervous system pressures that make “yes” feel safer — even when it drains you dry. Understand the cost of ignoring your own needs and get practical, gently radical ideas for reclaiming that life-giving gap between request and reply. By episode’s end, you’ll know you’re not broken — and how to begin pressing pause, turning self-abandonment into full-bodied self-trust.
Key Takeaways:
Why Saying Yes Feels Safer (But Isn’t Always Healthier):
The conversation focused on how saying yes often feels like the safer choice in the moment, allowing us to avoid conflict, disappointment, or the fear of being seen as difficult, even though it trades present safety for future discomfort and self-abandonment 00:45.
Understanding the Root of People-Pleasing:
Many of us learned—sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically—that our own needs are negotiable while others’ needs are not. This internalised belief shapes how we respond under pressure 01:28.
Self-Abandonment Adds Up Over Time:
Over time, these accumulate and may leave you feeling disconnected from your true self 02:15.
The Importance of the Pause:
The value of pausing between being asked for something and giving a response. This pause is where your genuine answer lives and where you get a chance to check in with your own needs and boundaries before choosing your yes or no 03:06.
Full transcript:
https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/why-do-i-say-yes-when-i-want-to-say-no (https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/why-do-i-say-yes-when-i-want-to-say-no)
Apply for a Free 5% Better Focus Coaching Call https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8 (https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8)
All My Free Resources:
www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources (www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources)
Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit)
How to Make Time for Yourself: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself)
Podcast Q&A - What would you like me to talk about? https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6 (https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6)
If you'd like to know more, and like to see more incredible humans, please do hop on to social media, www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon (www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon)
And if you would like to learn more about how you can embed this stuff into your life and would like to join something incredible coaching calls and the group work please do have a look at www.selfcareschool.co.uk (www.selfcareschool.co.uk)
If you have any questions about anything I mentioned this week, please do drop me an e-mail.
1 Oct 2026
How do I stop caring what other people think? (How to Stop Letting Every Criticism Stick)
Ever find yourself lying awake replaying comments from your aunt or reinterpreting that abrupt email from your boss? You’re not alone.
This week, we dive into The Spam Filter For Your Brain, exploring why it’s not only impossible to stop caring what people think, but also why that’s not the real problem.
Instead of aiming for indifference, this episode walks you through building discernment: learning whose voices matter, whose don’t, and why kindness in your own self-talk is the only antidote that works.
By the end, you’ll swap the impossible task of not caring at all for the revolutionary one of caring more - about yourself, on your own terms.
Key Takeaways:
You can’t - and shouldn't - completely stop caring what others think.
The conversation focused on how our desire for social acceptance is hardwired as a protective, evolutionary mechanism. Trying to become indifferent to all opinions isn't realistic—or even healthy
Discernment is the real goal, not indifference.
One concept discussed was shifting from trying to ignore everyone’s opinions to carefully choosing which voices actually matter to you.
We unconsciously give equal weight to too many voices.
A key theme that emerged was the tendency to let everything—from a critical relative to a vague text—affect us equally, even if logically we know some matter more than others 00:44.
The harshest judgment often comes from within.
Several points were raised, including the idea that our internal critic is usually an accumulation of past criticisms and insecurities, rather than outside opinions. Learning to control what you make things mean about yourself—and practicing self-kindness - is where your real power lies.
Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-do-i-stop-caring-what-other-people-think-how-to-stop-letting-every-criticism-stick (https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-do-i-stop-caring-what-other-people-think-how-to-stop-letting-every-criticism-stick)
Apply for a Free 5% Better Focus Coaching Call https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8 (https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8)
All My Free Resources:
www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources (www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources)
Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit)
How to Make Time for Yourself: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself)
Podcast Q&A - What would you like me to talk about? https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6 (https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6)
If you'd like to know more, and like to see more incredible humans, please do hop on to social media, www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon (www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon)
And if you would like to learn more about how you can embed this stuff into your life and would like to join something incredible coaching calls and the group work please do have a look at www.selfcareschool.co.uk (www.selfcareschool.co.uk)
If you have any questions about anything I mentioned this week, please do drop me an e-mail.
24 Sept 2026
The Permission Deficit: Why You Feel Guilty Resting (and How to Reclaim Rest)
If you ever feel guilty for taking a break, this one's for you. In this episode of Spam Filter For Your Brain, HeardinLondon dives deep into The Permission Deficit - the sneaky cultural framework that convinces us we have to earn rest.
You'll learn why we link our value to productivity, and how guilt around rest isn’t a personal failing but a direct result of living in a patriarchal, capitalist system that thrives on exhausted people doing what they're told.
HeardinLondon unpacks why “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is still centring service to others, and challenges you to ask who planted the story that rest has to be productive. By the end, you’ll have a practical reframe: rest is your birthright, not a bloody bonus for overwork.
Time to disrupt the grind — one unapologetic nap at a time.
Key Takeaways:
1. The Feeling of Guilt Around Taking Time for Yourself
Commonality of the experience among individuals and friends
Rest framed as a reward to be earned
Impact of self-criticism and destabilizing identities built on busyness (01:54)
Exhaustion as a tool for maintaining status quo and preventing collective action (03:18)
Learning to shrink oneself and remain busy to keep existing power structures intact (03:37)
2. The Cultural Narrative of Productivity and Value
3. Reframing Guilt: Its Origins and Validity
4. The Role of Societal Structures and Power Dynamics
5. Strategies for Disrupting These Patterns
6. Practical Reflection and Actions
7. Encouragement for Listeners
Full transcript:
https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/the-permission-deficit-why-you-feel-guilty-resting-and-how-to-reclaim-rest (https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/the-permission-deficit-why-you-feel-guilty-resting-and-how-to-reclaim-rest)
The 3 Thoughts Keeping you Stuck video series:
https://heardinlondon.myflodesk.com/3lessons (https://heardinlondon.myflodesk.com/3lessons)
Apply for a Free 5% Better Focus Coaching Call https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8 (https://forms.gle/Ajmcv5yw1Gh4dQNF8)
All My Free Resources:
www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources (www.selfcareschool.co.uk/pages/selfcareschool-free-resources)
Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/emotional-resilience-toolkit)
How to Make Time for Yourself: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself (https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/how-to-make-time-for-yourself)
Podcast Q&A - What would you like me to talk about? https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6 (https://forms.gle/w6MxqV5Di4YwGCRL6)
If you'd like to know more, and like to see more incredible humans, please do hop on to social media, www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon (www.instagram.com/HeardinLondon)
And if you would like to learn more about how you can embed this stuff into your life and would like to join something incredible coaching calls and the group work please do have a look at www.selfcareschool.co.uk (www.selfcareschool.co.uk)
If you have any questions about anything I mentioned this week, please do drop me an e-mail.
Reach and audience
Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.
Apple Podcasts (US)
5.0 / 5
6 ratings
Spotify
5.0 / 5
9 ratings
Podcast Authority Score: 63 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
96
Social presence
0
YouTube
0
Engagement
77
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Questions about SelfCareSchool's Spam Filter for Your Brain
Who hosts SelfCareSchool's Spam Filter for Your Brain?
HeardinLondon host the show. Published by Anna HeardinLondon.
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